Love at Your Darkest
by Professor Black 04
Summary: In a world where Voldemort lives, the ones left behind must fight for light at every chance they get. But when Voldemort takes Snape's niece, Sarah Black, into his lair, she must find her own way and resist the temptation to get wrapped up in his darkness. Fourth in a series...features Snape, Voldemort, Narcissa, Draco, Neville and Harry
1. Chapter 1

_**Love At Your Darkest:**_

 _Synopsis_ : In a world where Voldemort lives, the ones left behind must fight for light at every chance they get. But when Voldemort takes Snape's niece, Sarah Black, into his lair, she must find her own way and resist the temptation to get wrapped up in his darkness. Fourth in a series...features Snape, Voldemort, Narcissa, Draco, Neville and Harry

 _Previously_ : This is the fourth story in a series. This story is a parallel story to _Finding the Way_ (which is a story where Voldemort loses as in cannon). The first story in the series is _And the Greatest of these is Love_ followed by _Growing Up_ and _Of Darkness and Light._ Checkout those stories first, but a brief history: Snape had a sister, who was sorted into Gryffindor and ended up marrying Sirius Black, which estranged the two siblings. Years later upon his sister's death, he took guardianship of and then adopted his niece, Sarah Black. However, the adoption was a secret and people thought Snape took guardianship of her because he had made the unbreakable vow to his sister to do so. Upon Voldemort's return, he took an interest in the best friend of Harry Potter due to her pure-blood status (as a Black and Prince) and her magical ability, putting Sarah in a precarious position. He threatened her loved ones and Sarah married long time friend and former love Draco Malfoy to try to ease the pressure off of her and put her in the position to spy for Harry. After her marriage, Voldemort's interest turned more sinister as he became determined to take her for himself. This story begins at the last part of the battle at Hogwarts. Fred is dead. Snape is recovering from his wounds. Harry is presumed dead. Sarah made her stand publicly against Voldemort and now she is fighting Bellatrix. Thanks all who found this story. Hope you enjoy!

 _Warning:_ T rating to start, but due to darker themes it is a stronger T.

 _ **Chapter 1**_ _:_ _ **The Curse**_

 _ **About Ten Years Later:**_

"Where is my mama?" Five year old Cordelia put her thumb in her mouth, sucking it, nervously. "I want my mama, Grandad."

Severus scooped Cordie up in his lap and beckoned seven year old Aten to come to him, "Mama is fine. I promise. Has your granddad ever lied to you?"

"Oh no," Cordie shook her head, "Never."

"But we heard all this noise. And Mama told us to go hide. And we did. We hid really well. I made sure," Aten said.

"You did a wonderful job taking care of your sister, Aten," Severus responded. "I'm proud of you."

Aten beamed under Snape's praise, then his face fell. "Where is Father, Grandad?"

Snape paused and then looked them both in the eyes, "Your father has died."

Cordie started to cry, "Why?"

"Your father did bad things and hurt a lot of people," Sev answered honestly.

"But he loved us," Cordie said. "I know he did!"

"He never said that," Aten mumbled.

"But Mama said he did."

Severus squeezed her tightly, "Your mama has a way of spreading light wherever she goes. He made room in his heart for you two because of your mama...I never thought that was possible, but your mama has always been special. But even though he had that room for you, he still did some really awful things to a lot of people- even years before you were born."

"He could be really scary at times," Cordie said, solemnly.

"He tried to make me do some things to the houseelves, but I couldn't and then he smacked me. Mama got so mad and they had this huge fight and then he hit her and then he made her scream really loud. That wasn't very nice, was it, Granddad?"

"No, it wasn't."

"But then Mama made him scream and started a fire in Father's room. I've never seen Mama that mad before. Then, Father got so angry and Mama sent us to stay with Uncle Draco for the afternoon before Father came for us."

"When was that?"

"You were out of town," Aten explained, "And mama didn't know where to send us."

"Mama came and slept with me that night," Cordie said, "And then Father got all mad at her and came looking for her. I was so scared." Cordelia bit her lip, remembering, "But then the next morning, Father came in my room and rocked me in the chair and read me a story. Why would he do that if he was so bad?"

"Because there is a little bit of dark and light in all of us," Severus said.

"What does that mean?" Aten asked, confused.

"That is a question that you will discover the answer to when you are much older."

"What will happen to us now that Father is dead?" Aten asked. "Where will Mama and Cordie and I go?"

Severus held them tighter, "Mama will stay here. You and Cordelia will have to go away from here."

"Away?" Cordelia's eyes grew wide. "I don't want to go away."

"Why?" Aten asked, seriously.

"Well, because your father did bad things to people, those people think that you and Cordie might do bad things to people too," Severus answered.

"I won't!" Cordie exclaimed, "Never!"

"I won't either," Aten replied.

Severus looked sorrowful, "I know, but this is the only way otherwise those people might try to hurt you too. And I can't have anyone hurting you two."

"What will you do?"

"I'll take my wand and make it so you don't remember anything...nothing about your father...nothing about each other."

"Not even Mama?" Aten asked, worried.

"Not even Mama," Severus affirmed. "And you must be so brave and strong."

"Will it hurt?" Cordie asked.

"No, love, I promise."

"I want to see Mama," Aten said.

Severus's eyes teared. "Mama can't come right now. But she has a message for you."

"What is it?" Cordie asked.

Severus began to repeat the words Lily Potter said so many moons ago, "Aten and Cordelia, you are so loved. Mama loves you. Granddad loves you. Be safe. Be strong."

"But how can I be so strong?" Cordie asked, her lip trembling, "I just want my mama."

Severus gripped the child's face in his hands and looked into the depth of her eyes- she looked so much like Sarah, acted so much like Sarah...both of the children did, "I know because no matter if you can remember it or not, you have so much of your mama inside of you. And she is the strongest, bravest person I know," He took a breath and pulled out his wand, "Are you ready?"

Aten took Cordelia's hand. "We are ready, Grandad."

And with a swipe of Severus's wand, their memories erased forever, replaced by a new set of manufactured memories.

* * *

"Is it done?"

"It is done," Severus said.

"And Sarah's memory?"

"After I talk to her, I will erase her memory of the children as well. What about the inner circle?"

"Lupin is working on that now. Hermione is helping."

"Good," Severus nodded. "You will take the children and return, yes?"

"I will," he nodded. "But before I do, I need to know something."

"What is that?"

"Did she love him?"

Severus's face turned pained, "Does it matter?"

"No," he replied quickly, "Either way we go forward with our plan, but I'd still like to know."

Severus thought for a few minutes, "It wasn't love. However, they found...a mutual..." he searched for the words, "understanding. I do believe there was some care on her part. They found...a rhythm of sorts."

"She took his mark."

"He left her no choice, but that is a story she can tell."

"And on his part? Was there some care?"

"I do believe so, but not enough to change him."

He nodded, "Thank you."

"Thank you," Severus paused, "Do be careful with the children. They are more their mother's than they will ever be his, which is we must hide them and erase their memories from all who knew them."

"It was fortunate that their father kept them hidden from the world, save his inner circle."

"He was possessive of them as well was Sarah," Severus looked into his eyes, "And whatever others may think, I have not seen throughout the years any miniscule amount of the inherent evil that he possessed."

He nodded and then left him to go into the room.

He was greeted by two tiny children who both looked remarkably like Sarah. "Hello there."

"Hi!" the little girl bounced up to him, "Is today we get to meet our forever family? I so always wanted a mother and father to love."

"Me too," the little boy nodded, seriously, "I don't want to be an orphan...not for one more minute."

"Well, then you are in luck," the man said, smiling at them, "I'm taking you there now. And you'll love your new mama and daddy."

The little girl held up her arms, "will you carry me?" she asked.

He scooped her up, "Of course."

He held out his hand for the boy.

"What is your name?" he asked him, curiously.

"My name is Harry," the man replied, "Harry Potter."

* * *

 _ **About Ten Years Earlier, Hogwarts:**_

Sarah Black Malfoy saw Bellatrix Lestrange coming for her, with fierceness and determination. She defied her master publicly, tried to make a fool out of him and Bella was out for blood.

Her blood.

"Sarah!" Hermione squealed, seeing Bella's wrath. Ginny ran to her side as well as they reached the Great Hall.

"I can't fight her on my own," she gasped, running. "She's going to kill me!"

"We'll help."

Bellatrix was on a mission, determined, manic almost in her frenzy- her fury to get at her.

One of her spells almost knocked her off balanced. Even with Hermione and Ginny focusing on deflecting, Sarah couldn't cast spells to disable her. She saw Voldemort fighting with her professors, but he had an eye on her. She could feel it. He always had his eye on her.

Bellatrix cast a stunning spell that hit Ginny and then Hermione so it was just the two of them.

"That's better, little one. Let's see what you can do on your own without your friends to help you."

They engaged in battle- casting, deflecting, the rate of their spells was exhausting. She took another breath, trying to keep up with Bellatrix, when a spell hit her hard in her belly, knocking the wind out of her.

It seemed as if the whole battle paused at her scream of her horror. Bellatrix was laughing- the same laughter she had when she killed Sirius. The same laughter she had when she killed Fred.

The cramps in her stomach intensified.

Bellatrix had cursed her unborn child.

Her son. Draco's son.

It was horrific, her worst nightmare to lose Draco's child...her sweet, innocent son who had now become the latest causality of this war...of the darkness...of the mania of this woman.

She could feel her strength draining. Bellatrix continued laughing as Sarah struggled to maintain her control of her wand and stay upright.

And in that split moment, Sarah had a peace. She knew her course. For all her talk earlier, she knew what she had to do...she knew it deep down in her soul.

" _You have to mean it, Sarah. Go on."_

She stood there with one hand on her belly, the other tightly on her wand. And this time instead of hearing Snape's voice guiding her, she heard his voice...Voldemort's voice coaching her, instructing her, becoming her teacher.

" _Wield your power. And it will come like that"_

All those times of him whispering in her ear, teaching her...those times that she pretended to block out his words, they were now coming back full force.

" _You have to mean it Sarah. Go on."_

And she did mean it. She meant it with her whole heart. She was finishing this now- finishing Bellatrix's reign of terror. So many lives destroyed by her hands, it was time for Bellatrix's life to end. Now.

" _Wield your power. And it will come like that"_

And with a fierceness and determination that rivaled the most talented wizards, she pointed her wand at Bellatrix, " _Avada Kedavra"_

"No!" Voldemort yelled and tried to cast a spell to deflect, but he was too late. Never expecting her to try to kill her, Bellatrix was caught off guard and fell to a heap on the floor at her feet, the life gone from her.

Voldemort's scream of rage terrified her, yet she barely had time to process it before she fell onto a onto the floor in pain—not from a curse Voldemort cast, but Bellatrix's curse was still doing its work within her...and the dark magic she performed drained the last bit of energy she had left.

And with the battle still raging around her, her world became dark.

* * *

She woke up a few minutes later, to the chaos of the battle raging all around. The pain in her belly was excruciating. She reached down to put her hand over it and she could feel the sticky warmth seeping through her clothes. She was bleeding...alot. She groaned and shifted, her head turning to watch what was happening.

Voldemort, in a fury, stunned her professors and barked orders at the rest of his death eaters to get the situation under control.

From across the room, as weary as she was, she trembled at his anger. She had never quite seen him that angry before- and never directed at her. Even when he was angry when he found her aiding Harry in Godric's Hallow, he had calmed down quickly and never lost his composure. Snape had told her to never underestimate that side of him, that the side he showed to her was different and she should tread carefully and strategically. He was right.

"Sarah!" Draco's scream was heart-wrenching. She saw him coming for her, but at the last moment, Lucius forcibly gripped him and pulled him away. Away from her...out of the path of Voldemort's wrath.

"What did you do?" Voldemort swept over to her and bent down. His anger was white-hot, dangerous.

"She deserved it...and more," she groaned as her hand reached to support her belly, the pain intensifying with every moment.

He remained silent...the silence disconcerting, more so that whatever he had to say.

He waved his wand over her and she prepared herself for the curse...for the torture...for death...but none came.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lupin try to fend off Nott, enough to try to get himself to her, but she knew he couldn't as Pettigrew joined stepped to help fight him. Ginny and Hermione were both standing still nearby, their mouths open in horror. Lucius had dragged Draco away and she didn't know where he took him. She wanted Draco so badly at this moment...to say goodbye. To say she was sorry for everything that had happened.

Everything was happening so quickly, but when her eyes met her friends she knew what she had to do. Hermione seemed frozen in her spot, but she had to leave...she had to leave now while the death eaters were still distracted...while Voldemort was dealing with her.

With Harry dead and Voldemort about to solidify his control, Hermione's life, because of her muggle born status, was very much in danger. She couldn't lose her other friends as well.

"Hermione!" Sarah gasped loudly. "Remember."

Her eyes showed recognition. They had discussed the worst- all four of them that spring day at Shell Cottage. If Harry died...if Voldemort won, they made a plan for their future. The moment was here...the worst had happened...and more was yet to come.

"Do not speak to the mudblood filth." Voldemort's wand smacked her leg hard, the swat stinging. She struggled to turn away from him, but his hand was suddenly on her hip, keeping her fixed in her position.

She barely saw Mrs. Weasley and Ron approach them, suspecting his wrath was about to explode at her with a vengeance. Narcissa Malfoy came up beside her friends, still leaving a safe distance between her and the Dark Lord. She muttered words to Molly and with one last look, Molly urged her friends away, leaving her completely vulnerable to the Dark Lord. No one was going to intervene. No one would save her.

"Oh Merlin. Just finish it already," she whispered. Fred's death. Harry's death. The baby. It was all too much to bear. "I want it done"

"Oh no. I don't think so." Voldemort shook his head, his hand rocking her hip. Then, in a sudden shift of movement, she felt his arms underneath her and then around her as he lifted her up in his arms.

"I'm bleeding."

"I know," he said, "quite a lot in fact."

"Just put me down," she heaved as she saw the rather sizable puddle he picked her up from. She didn't know how she could survive all that blood loss. "Put me down" her voice was panicked as another wave of pain hit.

"Silence!" he barked at her, "you have lost the right to speak to me."

She twisted in his arms.

"Be still."

She twisted more.

"I will ensure your cooperation by other means if you cannot follow my simple instructions to silence and still yourself."

"My wand."

"Of course." He raised his hand and her wand flew up into his hand. He shifted her to pocket her wand, "We wouldn't want this to get lost in the chaos, not when I have such great plans with this."

He carried her across the Great Hall, the swarms of Order members and Death Eaters separating to let him by. Her head felt so heavy and she struggled to hold it up, it becoming a nearly impossible task. She felt like she was going to faint again when his arm shifted so he put his hand on her head, moving her towards him and pinning her head firmly against him.

"Narcissa," he snapped at her as he swept by."Go get Severus. I assume you know where he is. Tell him I want to see him now...in the infirmary."

"What are you doing with her?" Narcissa asked.

"Trying to undo with Bellatrix did. I need Severus's skill. And yours."

"We should call the mediwitches," Narcissa said, "Send her to Saint Mungos."

"No, she will be dealt with here. Go!" he barked as he carried her past the onlookers.

"My Lord" Yaxley came up beside him, "The body...he is missing."

At that announcement, Sarah struggled to lift her head again, but his hand tightened its pressure against her head, signaling that she should remain still.

"What do you mean?" Voldemort asked.

"Potter's body is missing."

"He's dead. If they want to bury him, that's fine. We are civilized, Yaxley. I'm not going to allow his body to be decimated. Question the onlookers."

"Yes, my Lord." he bowed as the Dark Lord entered the infirmary with her.

She was horrified by the thought. "What did they do to him?"

"That's none of your concern." He eased her onto the nearest bed.

"The baby" she fought the pain.

"Hush," he grunted, "the baby is dead. I'm trying to save you now."

"Let me die."

"No, you shall be saved and then dealt with accordingly...you impulsive, foolish girl" he pulled up her shirt to see her belly, his hands on her bump briefly, before he swiped his wand again over her abdomen, "Don't lose consciousness again...not until after your father arrives."

"Is that a choice?" she fought the urge to scream against the pain—like twisting knives in her stomach.

"Yes" he adjusted her skirt up.

"Oh Merlin, just stop," she groaned at the awareness of what he was doing and where he was looking at next as she felt her knickers slide off of her. "Use a charm. Any charm." she tried so stabilize the panic in her voice, but her words came out as a high pitched squeak, showing her absolute distress at these turn of events.

"I do not take orders from you nor do I take suggestions from you. And since I have just killed your savior and won the war, it is also no longer your choice if or how I choose to help you. Now stay still and let me see what Bellatrix did to you." he told her, pushing her legs apart. She sniffled, but blessedly managed not to start to cry, and as a reward for her control over her emotions, his severity softened just a bit, "Think of something else if you think that will help."

"Like how all my friends are probably dying right now? NO thank you!" she grimaced, "Can't you use a charm?"

"I did use a charm," He told her, "The diagnostic charm rendered results that I am afraid are quiet impossible."

"I don't understand," she gasped, "How can charms be wrong? And what does that mean? "

"It means you should be quiet now and be thankful that I am much smarter than you, much more skilled than you and that I have decided to help you at all."

She grunted. "I can't just block this out."

"If" He looked up at her, severely, "you are truly as adept as you said at the techniques of occlumency, you should be able to clear your mind sufficiently enough to block out what I am doing now. And I suggest you do that now if you continue to refuse to act maturely. Furthermore, I do believe that if you are mature enough to make such a grandiose gesture of defiance then you should be mature enough to handle the consequences of said defiance. Now clear your mind and be quiet. I won't give you the satisfaction of killing you, but I will kill those you love if you do not manage to get yourself under control."

Knowing his words rang true, she forced herself to clear her mind and stop protesting.

He finished checking her over, murmuring incantations to staunch the blood flow.

"There was a lot of blood back there." The pain was intensifying with every given minute and she had to know what was going on.

"It wasn't all blood. Your water broke while you were unconscious for those few minutes," he said, matter-of-factually.

"Is all that blood normal?" she questioned, unable to help herself. He had told her not to talk to him, but since they were alone, away from the others, he was quite tolerant of her speaking as long as she wasn't defying him or begging for him to kill her.

"No."

"Oh Merlin" she clutched at the sheets underneath her, "What did she to do me?"

"I'm not quite sure. I have never heard of her curse before," he said, quietly. He reached for another sheet from a nearby bed, draping it over her exposed legs. It was an act of kindness she didn't expect from him- not now.

"Shouldn't you know?" she asked, panicked. "You know everything!"

"As pleased as that makes me to hear that, my answer remains the same. I don't know."

"What do you think?"

"I think we need to wait for your father."

"Why is that?"

"Because if I tell you what I think is going on, you will end up in hysterics and I will lose my patience. I'm already angry with you as it is."

She sighed, trying not to scream out again. "How angry are you exactly?"

"Are you asking me to quantify my anger?"

"Just between 1 and 10, how angry are you?"

For the first time since she defied him, she saw amusement from him again. "How angry do you think I am?"

She grimaced against the pain, "Seven."

He raised an eyebrow, "Really? Is that what you think?"

"You don't seem as angry with me as I thought you would be."

"I don't?" he mused, "Hum."

"Well, you don't quite...I mean I was sure you were going to curse me or kill me and then you..."

"Twelve," he interrupted her babble.

She squeaked, "But you aren't acting like a twelve."

"Because" he titled her head at her, "I, unlike you, know how to control my emotions."

Her heart pounded, the pain intensified and she squirmed against it.

He reached out to put a finger on her face, tracing her cheekbone, "You, my little one, are in a substantial amount of trouble. But no worries, we'll get your act of rebellion sorted later. I look forward to it. You have proved to be quite a challenge. But the more I break you, the more it will make you mine in the long run. "

"I had to kill her."

"Let's not discuss that now." his tone changed significantly and he dropped his hand.

Another moment of relief from the pain, "Shouldn't you be taking care of things out there?" she opted to change the subject.

"And let you die? I don't think so" he retorted, "The rebellion is under control. I think what Bellatrix did to you has your classmates frightened. The resistance is over, I believe. Really, do you think a few teenagers and a few members of the Order are any match for my Death Eaters?"

She sniffed, "So many of my school mates..." her voice broke.

"Do not cry," he growled at her, "not now."

She shifted as more pain overtook her. "I'm trying, but I did lost two of my best friends."

"Two?" he asked lightly. "Oh yes, you did mention Fred Weasley in your list of people you were fighting for. Your former love..."

Her lip trembled at the thought of poor Fred who in his last act of heroism cast a spell to save her life.

"Do. Not. Cry."

"This is too much."

"Then occlude your mind and clear your emotions. As I mentioned before, it should be quite easy for you. You have apparently had sufficient practice."

The door clanged open.

"My Lord" Severus rasped as Narcissa and he entered the infirmary.

Voldemort paused and turned his head towards him, his eyes lit with fury. "I'm assuming you won't have any objections if I order you to help save _your daughter's_ life?"

"There is an explanation," Severus said.

"And I'm eager to torture that out of you, Severus, but not now."

"No, don't hurt him," Sarah heaved, the pain getting intense again.

"Just hush," Snape snapped. "That is not your concern"

"He is supposed to be dead anyway," Voldemort retorted.

"I saved him." she twisted her body again and Severus took a step towards her, but stopped at the severe look Voldemort was giving him.

"Quite brilliantly I am sure," Voldemort replied from her side. "It worked out in the end, I suppose, without Severus dying."

"That's just great for you," Sarah replied, sarcastically, her temper sparking at the thought of how Voldemort casually decided to kill her father...the person she no doubt loved the most in this world. "And convenient."

"Temper" His hand was instantly on her shoulder, grasping it firmly. "You are in a precarious position here, Sarah. You defied me publicly. You are fortunate I'm showing you mercy now."

"Fortunate?"

"Yes, extremely so."

A spark of fury in his eyes told her to tread carefully, but she was in pain and hurt and they lost. Harry was dead. Her child was dead. She simply did not care about self-preservation at a time like this.

"I don't want your mercy!" she shot back. "I'm not going to be grateful to you for saving me when all you want to do is force me to your bed to carry your blasted evil children."

He shook her, "Be quiet or I promise you, I'll take your disobedience out on your father."

"Do not touch him!"

"And on your husband."

"Stop it!"

"And on your friends" he squeezed her shoulder, "You are in no condition and certainly not in the position to challenge me." he said.

He did have a point. She was lying on the hospital bed, practically exposed to everyone. Her temper abated slightly and Snape sensing that, chose to intervene,

"Sarah," Snape's voice was low, "you need to be quiet now lest you will make an already troubling situation worse for both of us."

"Your father is right. You need to quiet now. You are using all your strength on your hysteria," Voldemort said, his voice low, but commanding her obedience. She became distracted by the pain which was starting to crescendo to unfathomable heights.

"I feel like I should," she gasped, "push."

"No!" Voldemort said, sternly, "Fight against the urge, Sarah." he gripped her forearm. "Fight it now."

"I can't!"

"You are the most determined witch of your age. Use that determination to your advantage now."

"What is it?" Severus stepped over to her, quickly.

"She isn't dilated much and I don't think she will," Voldemort said, "I think that is part of the curse."

"Oh Merlin," Sarah grunted, "that's not good, is it?"

"No, Sarah," Voldemort said, quietly, "it is quite bad."

Severus's face had paled and Sarah almost panicked at the look he was giving her. It was unguarded, raw, and she knew that if it must be horrendously bad if Snape chose not to guard his emotions in Voldemort's presence.

"Dad" She met his eyes.

Her body began to convulse uncontrollably as she twisted against the pain, screaming. She reached out for Sev, but Voldemort moved to hold her down against the bed with both of his hands.

"I want her womb saved." Voldemort held her down, pinning her on the bed as she thrashed. "Put her to sleep and let's work. I'm not sure exactly what Bellatrix did, but there is considerable damage and more done if she pushes."

"No!" she screamed as she fought against him, trying to get to Sev, panicked and knowing he was the only one who could keep her calm and soothe her fear. But still he remained fixed in his spot, his arms crossed. He wasn't going to move towards her without the Dark Lord's permission.

"Maybe Bella could help. If she did this, she should fix it," Snape said, darkly.

"She killed her," Narcissa finally spoke up, quietly.

"Who killed Bellatrix?" Snape turned towards her in shock.

"Sarah did," Voldemort retorted, "are you surprised?"

"Yes," Snape said, slowly. "And no."

"I'm not surprised. Not at all." he fought against her, "now fix this, before I decided to finish what I started and kill you all. We are all adept at healing magic. Between the three of us, we can heal her."

"End it. Dad, please!" she begged, the pain unbearable- it felt worse than the cruciatus and that was saying something for sure. She wanted him so badly at that moment- his comfort, his arms around her to strengthen her, but she saw the exchange of a look that passed between Voldemort and her dad. He had finally given his verdict and they all knew what it meant. He was not to touch her now- not to offer her any comfort...healing, yes, comfort no.

"Sarah," Snape's tone was weary, "I was almost killed once tonight. I would die to save your life gladly, but I'm not going to forfeit my life so you can die. I won't do it."

"Listen to your father." Voldemort leaned down to whisper in her ear, his breath hot against her neck, "And listen to me carefully. Get this into your stubborn, pretty head of yours. If you die, I will kill your him and your husband, along with the mudblood and the blood traitor-everyone you love. I'll kill them in a more horrific way than you can ever imagine, so you fight to live now, do you hear me?" he leaned up, "put her to sleep now, Severus," he ordered, firmly.

Snape murmured and Sarah felt the magic invading her body, putting her into a restless sleep.

* * *

Snape's face was pale and taunt as he picked up the child in one hand and wrapped him in blanket.

"Severus," Voldemort snapped, "Leave him. I need you here. There is more to be done."

It felt wrong to so cavalierly lay aside his grandson without a moment of mourning.

"Sev" Narcissa didn't have to say anymore before he quickly followed orders. He hardened his heart. He was in enough trouble as it was.

"She needs blood replenishers and plenty of them," Snape said.

"I don't think," Narcissa's voice was low, "I'm not sure that will help save what the Dark Lord wants to save."

Voldemort lowered his wand, dropping it to the bed, "Narcissa is right," he said, "but there is another way."

"My Lord," Snape's mouth grew grim. "if you are talking about what I think you are, she'll think her womb is cursed."

"I don't care what she thinks," Voldemort said.

"Everyone else will think that too," Narcissa said, quietly, "that any children borne will be destined to be..."

Voldemort laughed, "Evil?" he rolled his eyes, "That's nonsense."

"Of course it is," Narcissa said, quickly, "but to use dark magic to recreate her reproductive system is risky."

"And it has only been done," Severus cleared his throat, "to restore virginity, not this."

"Then it is a good thing I am the most powerful wizard of all time, Severus," Voldemort said, "and that I studied well all these years about the workings of magic and the human body, because I will succeed in doing this. I will have her as my mistress and she will bear my children" He grunted, "And you would do well to help me figure this out."

"Yes, my Lord." Severus bowed his head.

"Narcissa?"

"Of course, my Lord," she said, smoothly, "Where do we begin?"

 **A/N:** And so it begins...please review...and follow...and make sure to check out the parallel story, _Finding the Way_.


	2. Snape's Fate

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who found this story and read and reviewed! Let me know what you think!

 **Chapter 2: Snape's fate**

Severus paced back and forth in front of Narcissa, who was sitting on the couch in her sitting room, drinking tea, watching his nervous pacing.

"Why hasn't he said anything?" he finally stopped and turned to her. "It's been days"

"To make you do this as you very well know" Narcissa retorted. "He likes these psychological torture games. And he is the expert at it"

"Or maybe he is waiting until she is stronger to invade her mind" Severus twined his fingers together, "and then without her being able to occlude it properly, he'll know everything"

"Everything?" Narcissa placed her teacup on the table next to her and stood up, "You told her _everything_? Why would you do such a thing when we didn't know the outcome of the war?"

"I had little choice" Severus said, "I had to get Potter to sacrifice himself...for what purpose now, I do not know"

"All of the horcurxes are gone...including Nagini" Narcissa said, walking over to Sev and putting a hand on his shoudler, "It was not for nothing"

"And she is unresponsive and Potter is dead and soon he will know everything...my true allegiance"

"He will kill you for certain then" Narcissa said.

"I know" Severus shuddered, grimly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Narcissa insisted.

"I didn't want to worry you, Cissy"

"Well, I am worried" she frowned. "What are we going to do?"

"There is nothing we can do, except wait for the Dark Lord to decide my fate"

"We could wipe that part of her memory" Narcissa suggested.

"How?" Severus asked, looking at her, "He won't let any of us near her and that blasted mediwitch is with her and her room is being guarded"

"Leave it to me" Narcissa said, "If he finds out the whole truth, your life is forefeit. If he finds out the partial truth of your affection and protection towards Sarah, then he will torture, but he will not kill"

Severus was grateful. "You are a good friend to me, Cissy"

Narcissa leaned over and kissed his cheek affectionately, "You would do the same for me"

"Of course I would"

"And it is entirely self serving" she told him with a playful tilt of her head, "I like having you around"

"Is that so?" For the first time, Severus's eyes flickered with emotion other than worry...his look was almost affectionate.

"It is" Narcissa said.

"That's good" Severus retorted, dryly, "Because I like being around"

"Well, now that is clear, I have to go pay a visit to Kreacher"

"Are you going to trust him?"

She nodded, "He's loyal to Potter who is loyal to Sarah...and he is Sarah's houseelf since she inherited the Black estate. He's just the one for this task. I would say Wiggles, but the Dark Lord would be suspicious of your house elf attending to Sarah"

"I agree, that could work" Severus nodded, "Thank you, Narcissa"

"You're welcome, Sev"

* * *

"If you invade her mind now" Mediwitch Gibbon's voice was low, "you will significantly compromise her recovery, my Lord"

"I have waited long enough"

"My Lord, I still would caution you not to do this. Give her a few more days."

"I want her secrets before I punish Severus. Do not question me. I healed her. I expect you to keep her alive. Now leave us"

Gibbon left without another word.

Sarah groaned, her body feeling so heavy as she flitted in and out of consciousness.

Voldemort sat on the bed next to her, his fingers on her temples, applying a firm pressure to them. "Can you hear me, Sarah?"

She grunted in response.

"Good, now don't fight me" he massaged her temples, "the damage you will do if you do will affect your recovery beyond repair"

She moaned.

"I want to know it all, Sarah. Every little detail of these past seven years- not just the facts, but your feelings, your emotions, your thoughts. I want _all_ of you"

He took out his wand and pointed it towards her, " _Legilimens_ "

She felt powerless as he invaded her mind...powerless to protect Snape...powerless to protect Draco...from what she was sure would incite his wrath against them both.

* * *

"Hello Severus" Voldemort entered the library where Narcissa and Severus were talking to each other in low tones.

They both rose. "My Lord" their heads were bowed.

"Narcissa" Voldemort gestured to her, "Come, my dear"

Narcissa glanced at Severus and moved gracefully to the Dark Lord's side, "Yes, my Lord?"

"Will you ensure we are not interrupted?"

"Of course, my Lord" she murmured.

She moved away but he clasped her arm and pulled her back close to his side, "Tell me" he studied her closely, "Did you know of Severus's affection for his niece?"

She didn't falter. "I did, my Lord" her voice was smooth.

"Yes you did" his eyes were on her, "You even took her shopping"

"Severus is hopeless in picking out a teenage girl's wardrobe, my Lord" Narcissa said, somewhat haughtily. "Do you know what he would have dressed the poor girl in? I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy"

"I can only imagine" Voldemort chuckled.

"He needed my expertise and I wanted to help him. You know how fond I am of Severus. After all, he is my child's godfather"

He reached to pat her face, "I do know all of that. Still, you failed to keep information from me and were an accessory to their duplicity"

"I didn't see it like that" Narcissa told him, honestly. "Does it matter that Severus cares about the girl? His care for her and his instruction has built her into the woman she has become. Without him, I doubt you would have even given her a second glance and certainly not picked her to carry your children"

"Hum" Voldemort frowned at her, taking in the truth of her words. He saw in Sarah's memories how crucial Severus was to her becoming the skilled and determined witch that she is today. "We will talk more about this tonight. I have things to discuss alone with Severus"

She didn't provide the hint of a reaction only to say, "When tonight, my Lord?"

"Half past nine. Do not be late"

"And is this meeting for...what, my Lord, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Are you worried I am going to punish you for your role in all of this?"

"Not worried. If you feel like I am deserving of punishment..." Narcissa titled her head up, gracefully, "then you will do as you wish. There is no use worrying myself over something I am powerless to change"

He smiled at her. "After I deal with your wayward friend, I'll be in a certain mood if you can't my meaning. Your sister is dead and I've tried other women, but they are so tiresome"

"And I am not?"

"No, you are special as well. There is something about Black women, Narcissa, that I find quite enticing. So, I will see you tonight. And better not mention this to Lucius. He's become sensitive to sharing you, but I'm sure that is only his pride. After all, as you know, he has been known to stray often" he told her bluntly.

"Of course, my Lord. I won't say anything that might cause discord. You know I can be discreet" She caught Severus's eye only briefly and she saw the slightest glimpse of a flinch at the implication that she would have sex with Voldemort tonight.

And for the first time since Voldemort arrived in the study, her composure left her briefly.

"Narcissa" Voldemort, prompted.

"I'm sorry, my Lord" she pulled herself back, "I will ensure you are not interrupted". She gave another brief glance at Severus before leaving him alone with Voldemort.

"She's charming" Voldemort commented, lightly.

"She is" Severus concurred, his face blank.

"Do you find her charming as well?"

"Quite"

"She likes you, Severus" Voldemort commented, "Quite a bit if she risked so much to keep your secret"

"We have formed a life-long friendship, my Lord. That is no secret"

"Just a friendship?" he asked.

"I'm not sure what you mean" Severus questioned.

"I mean, does it bother you that I am taking Narcissa to my bed tonight?"

"It is not my place to be bothered, my Lord" Severus said, "I am not her husband"

"I saw your flinch, Severus. Always so controlled in your emotions. You flinched at the thought. You had more composure when you were facing your death, than you just did a few moments ago"

"I don't deny it surprised me. You haven't called on Narcissa in quite a few months. Even after Bellatrix's death"

"Soon I won't have to" Voldemort said, bluntly, "I'll have your daughter. I'm assuming the thought of a sexual relationship between Sarah and myself bothers you as well"

"It bothers me to think of my daughter having a sexual relationship with any one, my Lord" Severus answered, smoothly.

Voldemort twirled his wand between his hands, "I was quite shocked by what I saw in Sarah's memories. I did not know, Severus, that you are so... gifted... with children"

"I'd hardly call me gifted with children" Severus said, his voice even, "my record as a professor can attest to that. However, as you know well, Sarah is special"

"The cuddles were especially touching"

"She responds well to that sort of thing and given that she is my niece, I thought it appropriate to demonstrate some affection towards her"

"Indeed" Voldemort titled his head, "I will have to keep that in mind where Sarah is concerned"

Severus remained quiet, not taking his bait.

"You disciplined her when she was going astray" Voldemort began to pace in front of him, "you taught her more than what she learned in school, you comforted her when she was upset, took care of her when she was ill." He stopped pacing abruptly to turn to him, "You were her father in every way"

"I was" Severus said. "I still am"

"And you did everything in your power to protect her...from me... from us...at times"

"Yes"

"Then this question still remains: where exactly, Severus, does your _true_ allegiance lie?"

"With you, my Lord" Severus said, his tone steady. "Always with you"

"Why should I believe you?"

"You saw Sarah's memories. Even she did not know my true allegiance...although she might have hoped one way. There were times that she was fearful of the darkness I follow and where it would lead us. If I was loyal to the Order, I would have told Sarah. The fact that I have not, must lead you to deduce that I have been loyal to you this entire time, my Lord"

"Except when it interferes with Sarah's best interest"

"She is my daughter"

"My other death eaters would sacrifice their well-being of their children for me"

"Would they?" he asked, his tone neutral, "Who have you asked to do that?"

"Lucius"

"And that has been a mistake, my Lord. Draco was forced to grow up all too quickly. He couldn't handle the various pressures this life entails"

"And so you stepped in for him as well. Saved him by killing the old fool yourself"

"He is my godson. You know I care for the boy. He has spent a few weeks with me almost every summer since he was a young boy. It is how he and Sarah formed such a close bond after I took guardianship of her."

"I saw that too" Voldemort said, "she wasn't happy about it at first, was she?"

"She turned around. Sarah likes to see the best in people"

"Honestly, Severus...all this is quite shocking" Voldemort folded his arms, "I thought you stronger than this. This love for Sarah...this love for Draco, it makes you weak. It was the same with the mudblood you _loved_ "

"Perhaps. But it is not like Lily Potter who I can replace with another woman. Sarah is my niece. She is my only living relation, my Lord. She is my heir. I have a vested interest in her survival. She is the lone branch in our family tree now"

"Unless you decide to procreate"

"Doubtful" Severus said.

"You are apparently so good with children"

"Not any child" Severus retorted. " _Sarah_. You know how special she is"

"I do" Voldemort said, slowly, "I can understand you wanting to protect her, but why not come to me and explain the situation?"

"My Lord, she was Potter's best friend. The enemy. And given my precarious position as a spy, this seemed the most prudent course. I didn't think you or my colleagues would be so generous to the one who tried to thwart you so many times. And I could not knowingly bring her harm. She was punished appropriately each time for her role in those times she and Potter thwarted you"

"But was she punished for thwarting me or putting herself in harm's way?"

"She was punished for putting herself in harm's ways and sticking her nose in matters that do not concern her" Severus said. "I cannot force her to chose our way"

"But I can"

"Yes, my Lord. You can" Severus said, quietly.

"And I will"

"As you wish"

"I have to admit your words make sense. Still the duplicity is something I cannot so easily forgive...that is without proper punishment to motivate you to refrain from doing so in the future...and enough to show Sarah that I will not tolerate deception in the future...no matter what the cause of said deception"

"I understand" Severus said, smoothly.

"But after proper punishment, I will forgive you. I can believe you wanted to act only in her best interest, which is something I desire as well. Narcissa was correct in her assessment. If Sarah did not have you behind her, teaching her, perhaps she would not be the woman she is today...a woman I desire to become mine...more than any other. So perhaps after this nasty business of punishment is finished, I should thank you"

Severus swallowed hard. "That will not be necessary" he practically grunted out.

Voldemort chuckled, "It does bother you immensely. Sarah and I." He pointed his wand at him, "Ready yourself"

And Severus knew this would not be easy.

Two torturous hours later, Severus was crumpled up on the floor, his muscles flinching, bones broken, blood splaying from various wounds.

"Just finish what you started and kill me already" Severus grunted. The assault on his mind was also great, but Voldemort still failed to recover Snape's darkest secrets.

"Severus, I have never heard you beg for death" Voldemort leaned down to kneel beside him, "You must be stronger than that" he chided.

"Yes, my Lord" he murmured.

"And I am fond of you, my friend" Voldemort said, reaching to pat his shoulder, "You will make an excellent grandfather to my children. Now, I'm apparating you to your room. I assume your house elf will tend to you until I can part with Narcissa. Your recovery might take a while and when it is over, I want you to stay away from Sarah, until I tell you that you can see her. Do you understand?"

"Please...don't..." Severus gasped, wheezing for air, "hurt her"

"Now, Severus, you know I must" Voldemort said, his hand still on his shoulder, "but I will give you this. It will nearly be this bad. Actually, I will be, all things considered, quite lenient with her even though she killed one of my most trusted followers...a woman I was quite taken with"

"Why?" Severus's intake of breath was sharp.

"I'll let you in on a little secret I uncovered from Sarah's mind" Voldemort leaned closer to him, "that moment she decided to kill Bellatrix, she heard a voice in her head guiding her...propelling her further into action. Do you want to know whose voice that was?"

Snape grunted. "Yours, I presume"

"Yes, mine" Voldemort smiled, "You see there is hope for your daughter after all"

With that announcement, Severus blessedly lost consciousness.

~'

When he came to, Wiggles was attending to him.

"How long have I been out?" he murmured.

"A few hours, Master Sev" Wiggles said, sorrowfully, "I did the best I can, but we need Mistress Malfoy"

"I'm sure she will be here soon" Severus said, trying to keep his voice comforting, knowing how sensitive his house elf was. "Thank you for all your help, Wiggles"

His muscles convulsed and he groaned out in pain.

"Maybe I could get Master Draco?"

"No" Severus gasped. "Not Draco. He shouldn't have to see this"

There was a knock on the door and without waiting for permission, Narcissa swept into his room, in her dressing robe, her wand in her hand.

"Severus, I came as soon as I could" she sat down on the bed next to him, "He was rough on you, wasn't he?" she began running diagnostic charms. "Wiggles did the best she can, but you need more healing spells and potions"

"Does he know you are here?" Severus asked, watching her wave her wand in concentration.

"Hush" Narcissa said as she continued to work.

A grueling half an hour later of spells and potions, Severus felt less like he wanted to die and more like he had been run over by a dozen hyppogriffs.

"I'm putting you to sleep" Narcissa said, "Rest is what you need now"

Narcissa reached for the dreamless sleep potion to give it to him, but Severus reached for her other hand.

"Does he know you are here?"

"Yes" Narcissa said, her voice strained, "I was so worried about you, Sev. The entire time. He told me to come to you afterwards. He wants you alive" She sniffled and tears pooled in her eyes, much to Severus's surprise. She was usually so strong and composed.

"Cissy, don't cry" Severus entreated, his voice hoarse. "I'll be fine"

"I know you will" She leaned over and kissed his cheek, fondly, "I will make sure of it"

Severus shifted and then groaned again in pain. "Did you find out how Sarah is?"

"Sev" Narcissa bit her lip, "I heard talk while you were with the Dark Lord. Mediwitch Gibbon was quite beside herself. But then I confirmed it with the Dark Lord. He readily admits it"

"Admits what?"

"He set back her recovery by aggressively invading her mind"

"How much?" Severus struggled to sit up, but Narcissa held a firm hand on his shoulder, pushing him down.

"She was going in and out of consciousness before, but all the diagnostic tests now indicate..."

"Indicate what exactly?" Severus struggled again to sit up but Narcissa held him fast, able to do so by his weakened state.

"She is now in a coma. Hopefully with potions and spells, they can bring her out of it. They are acting positive, but I'm not sure if that is a ruse to calm the Dark Lord"

"She needs me. She needs her father"

"Severus, darling" Narcissa took his hand, "You need to take this potion and focus on your recovery. Even if you were in the state to help, which you are not, he will not let you near her. Not yet"

"Losing her would be unfathomable" his voice broke, "But I fear I have lost her already"

"I know" Cissy soothed, "Take your medicine and rest. I'll spell it in if I need to"

"That will not be necessary" Severus said, resigned. "I know when I am beat"

He took the potion without another word and fell into a deep sleep.

 **A/N2** : please review


	3. The Awakening

**A/N:** Thank you to all who have taken the time to write a review for the last chapter. I LOVE hearing everyone's thoughts! Keep them coming...

 **Chapter 3: The Awakening:**

"I want to know why she hasn't woken" Volemort swept into her room, with a vengeance. "Explain. Now."

"My Lord" Mediwitch Gibbon's voice was contrite, "It seems like she doesn't wish to wake up. She should be awake, even with all the..." she paused at his withering look, "the setbacks" she murmured, her head bowing, contritely.

"What do you mean she doesn't want to wake?" he questioned, looking over to Sarah.

"She is in a coma, but with the potions we gave her and the spells, the diagnostic tests indicate that she should be able to come out of it. We don't understand why she hasn't yet"

"Then you are telling me, there is no logical explanation for this" Voldemort sat on her bed, reaching for her hands. "She's so cold" he commented. "Why is she chilled?" he turned his head back to look at the mediwitch, severely.

"A natural result of the curse"

"I see" Voldemort rubbed her hands, "You have been checking for clots, yes?"

"Of course, my Lord" Gibbons assured him, "she is receiving the best medical care we have to offer"

"I want her awake" he grunted. "I've been patient but I've had enough. It's time."

"I know, my Lord" Mediwitch Gibbon responded, "Perhaps if she had people she loves by her side, it would provide incentive for her to wake...Malfoy or Snape maybe?"

Voldemort grunted, "Very well. Severus though, not Draco"

She inclined her head, questioning.

"She probably feels guilty over the child" Voldemort scoffed, "I doubt that would provide incentive to face her husband after she so rashly endangered their child"

"Is Snape healed enough?" Gibbons asked.

"Enough to see her" he responded, darkly as he stood again. "I will supervise the visit" He left the mediwitch without another word.

"My Lord" Yaxley was standing outside Sarah's room at Malfoy Manor. "Perhaps you should...ahem..." he cleared his throat, wondering whether to proceed at Voldemort's stormy look.

"Yes?" he snapped at him.

"Maybe you should cut your losses where the girl is concerned"

"Oh no" Voldemort responded as he stopped and turned to him, "She will wake. She will be dealt with for her disobedience...and she will become my mistress. As soon as she is healed. I want her Yaxley and I always get what I want"

"She killed one of us"

"Yes, she did" he responded, "And she will be punished for that"

"I don't understand why you would show mercy to her after she stood up to you...she openly rebelled. She deserves death"

"Forcing her to my bed and to bear my children will undoubtedly in her mind be worse than death, my friend" Voldemort said, "she was begging for me to kill her. I'm not going to. Regardless, this is my decision and not one for you to question"

"Very well, My Lord" he bowed his head.

"Now, go summon Severus and bring him here to me" He turned back around without another word and went back inside Sarah's room, dismissing the mediwitch.

He sat down on her bed and felt her hands again, which were like ice. He flicked his wand and added another blanket to her bed, tucking her hands in the folds.

"Sarah, Sarah, Sarah" he scolded, his voice light as he moved to sit in the chair next to her bed, "If you are choosing not to wake up, then we indeed have a problem. Supposed Gyrffindor indeed" He huffed. "Calculated Slytherin maneuver is more likely"

He frowned as he looked at her face which was thin and drawn. "You are aware that I already know the whole truth and that must be unsettling for you. I don't deny that you will be punished, but it won't be as bad as you think. And I already punished Snape. He is almost recovered and Narcissa assures me he is in good spirits…as much as he can be with you in this bed"

He paused, quiet for a few moments, mulling the situation over. Finally, he spoke, his voice low, "As a gift to you, I will refrain from punishing Draco for his part in your deception. But" he reached over to rub her hair, "you must wake. Or I rescind my offer and will punish Draco as severely as I did Snape…even more so" He paused. "Furthermore, your mudblood friend is in hiding and I have authorized my death eaters to find her, however, I could, perhaps, if you are cooperative, call my Death Eaters off. Don't you see?" he rubbed her head more, "I can be quite generous with you if you would allow me to. You need to stop this foolishness and wake now."

She didn't move.

"Sarah" Voldemort pressed, but still nothing.

"Your father is coming soon. Severus should be able to convince you" He patted her head one more time before settling back down in the chair next to her bed, waiting for Snape to come.

* * *

"My Lord" Snape was ushered into Sarah's room. "Did you summon me?"

Voldemort rose, "I did indeed. I need your assistance"

"Of course, what do you need?"

"First off" Voldemort looked at him, "How are you feeling?"

"Well enough, my Lord"

"I have been consulting with Narcissa about your recovery"

"You are generous, my Lord" Snape said, his voice low. "How can I help you?"

"Your daughter is refusing to wake" Voldemort said, with a shake of his head. "And I am unsure what to do about it"

"Refusing to wake?" Severus repeated, slowly, "What do you mean exactly?"

"The potions and spells should have worked. The diagnostic tests indicate that she should be awake. Yet, here we are" he gestured towards her sleeping form on the bed.

Snape frowned, "May I see her chart?"

"Of course" Voldemort sent it to him with a flick of his wand.

"May I sit?" Severus gestured towards the couch.

Voldemort nodded his consent, knowing his weakened state and Severus sat and began to thoroughly read through Sarah's medical chart.

"Her magical levels are dangerously low" Severus muttered, disapprovingly.

"I have been told that when she wakes, we will be able to restore those" Voldemort said, confidently, "Do you agree?"

"With work and patience" Severus said with a nod. "She is still iron deficient. The potion they have been giving her is not strong enough. I can brew a better one. And she needs more nutrition potions at closer intervals."

He nodded, "I'll tell them. Gibbon thinks she needs some psychological encouragement to wake…the comfort of loved ones...or some sort of rubbish like that. What do you think of that?"

Snape looked over to her, "It don't believe that could hurt"

"Then, go on and talk to her, Severus. Convince her to wake. I have already threatened to punish Draco severely if she did not"

Severus only stiffened for a moment before schooling his features, "I see. That should be proper motivation if she needed…" he frowned, " _psychological encouragement"_

"I thought so" Voldemort nodded, "That and the mudblood"

"The mudblood? Who? Granger?" Snape asked.

"I offered to stop the search for her"

"That is quite generous, my Lord"

"Yes" Voldemort waved his arm at him, "And still nothing. Why is that?"

Severus frown deepened, "I'm not sure. I'm not a healer"

"But you are her father. If the healers say this will help…then you must be the one to convince her to return to us, Severus"

"Me?" Snape was aghast, "I don't perform miracles, my Lord"

"But you have an influence her. I saw that in our memories. She finds comfort with you. She listens to you. I want her to be awake now, Severus, so whatever you have to do to make that happen, do so"

"Very well, my Lord" Severus adjusted the arms of his robes, absently. "I will try to talk to her"

Voldemort gave him a long look, "I'll leave you with her for a few minutes"

"That's not necessary" Severus said, "I do not have secrets from you...not anymore"

"I'm aware" Voldemort said, with a pointed look, "However, I want you feel comfortable...ahem..." he cleared his throat, "...expressing... yourself, if need be"

"Thank you, my Lord"

"Do not disappoint me, Severus" Voldemort said. "Not again"

"I'll do my best not to" he answered, smoothly and Voldemort left him alone with Sarah.

Snape went over to sit on the bed with her. He tenderly reached over to rub her hair, his touch gentle. He did that for a few minutes, thinking over what he should say. Finally he spoke,

"I don't blame you one bit for wanting to escape from all of this, little girl" he began in a low voice.

* * *

 _"Hi Paddy" Sirius reached over to ruffle her hair, "How are you doing?"_

 _Sarah shrugged, "I'm okay, I guess"_

" _What's wrong?" Grace asked, sliding onto the bench next to her. "We can tell something is bothering you"_

" _Something just feels wrong" Sarah continued to stare at the baby in his cradle as she spoke to her parents._

 _"What do you mean, sweetheart?" Grace asked, "Tell us about it"_

 _"Well" she reached out to begin to rock the baby, "I want to be with you and Dad and little Orion here, but everything feels wrong still"_

 _"Wrong, how?" Sirius pressed._

 _"I hear voices...I hear him at times" she shuddered. "And I think something is wrong with Uncle Sev. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like he is in trouble"_

 _"Do you think you can help him if you go back?" Sirius asked, his tone neutral._

 _She shook her head, "Voldemort has won. There is no help for any one of us"_

 _"Sweetheart" Grace exchanged a look with Sirius, "Harry isn't here"_

 _She startled, "What do you mean?"_

 _"I mean...Harry isn't here" Grace repeated. "He's alive"_

 _"But that's impossible. I saw him die!" Sarah exclaimed._

 _"Well, I think part of him died" Sirius said, "but he's alive"_

 _She stilled her rocking of the baby, thinking. "But if I go back, will I even remember this?"_

 _Grace shook her head, "I don't think so, love. But all of this is so hard to explain, isn't it?"_

 _She grimaced and then put her hands over her ears. "Merlin, he is talking to me again! Why can't he just shut it?"_

 _Sirius lightly touched her arm, "What is he saying?"_

 _She began to breathe heavier, "He is trying to bargain with me to come back"_

 _"He must think you are far gone" Grace mused. "I didn't know he bargained with anybody"_

 _"What does he say, Paddy?"_

 _"He'll hurt Draco if I don't come back. If I do, he won't punish him for his role in my deception" she shuddered, "And he'll stop looking for Hermione"_

 _Grace put an arm around Sarah, "He can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. If you want to stay here, you should"_

 _"That's right, Paddy" Sirius said, "but..."_

 _"But what, Dad?" Sarah leaned her head on Grace's shoulder._

 _"If Harry is alive, then one day he could come for you and destroy him once and for all. And then you can have a normal life...all your hopes and dreams...everything we wanted for you"_

 _"But" Sarah shifted, "in the meantime...I have to..." she shuddered again._

 _"I hate to say it" Grace said, "but there is something unique in your relationship with him"_

 _"Unique?"_

 _"Grace, he is evil incarnate" Sirius told her, "To believe otherwise is dangerous"_

 _"Of course, I don't believe otherwise. I'm just saying that Sarah could have an influence"_

 _"Or he could drag her to the dark side"_

 _"Impossible" Grace shook her head. "Not my girl"_

 _"Grace"_

 _"No, I don't believe it" she shook her head, swiftly._

 _"Wait" Sarah held up her hand, "Is this real?"_

 _"What do you mean, love?" Grace asked, softly._

 _"There is no way you would encourage me to go back" she said, softly._

 _"Don't you see? If Harry is alive, then he will return for you one day and you can have the life you want, Sarah. You could be that professor. You could have more children. And in the meantime, you can fight for everyone you love" She grimaced, "It would be a sacrifice though. And you would have to fight the darkness within yourself, but if there is one thing I have learned from my brother is that it is possible. I believe what Lily told you when you used the resurrection stone. Your mission isn't over."_

 _"But just know" Sirius responded, "that whatever choice you make, we'll always be cheering you on, Paddy. If you want to end this now, you can pick up your son and come with us"_

 _"Yes" Grace said, with a nod. "We miss you, love"_

 _"Are my friends in danger?" she asked, softly._

 _"I'm afraid they are, Sarah" Grace answered, gravely._

 _"Uncle Sev?"_

 _"Most likely" Sirius answered. "He will lash out at whoever is closest to you if you die"_

 _"He's been so good to me. I love him so much" she whispered, cuddling into Grace more._

 _"We know" Sirius said._

 _She swallowed hard, "I can hear Uncle Sev talking now. What should I do?"_

 _"Listen to him and then make your decision. You'll feel a pull either way, Paddy. You'll know what to do" Grace told her, her voice tender._

 _She nodded and leaned over to bury her face in her hands, trying to focus in on what Severus was saying._

* * *

Severus continued to stroke her hair, "Coming back to us would mean that you have to become his. And that's the last thing I ever wanted for you. But I am a selfish being, Sarah Grace, and I need you here. Having this world without you is unfathomable for me. You are my light and you keep me from drowning in this darkness."

His voice caught, "I do not believe your story is over. And I believe that in spite of what he wants from you, that you can still have what you want too. Maybe it is the Slytherin in me, but I think we can find a way for you to still have your dreams...It might take cunning and crafting, but I promise you that I will help you with it."

"And then there is the matter of your friends. They are very much in danger, Sarah. I do believe that you can help where you can there. If you earn his favor, you will earn his rewards. And you can use those rewards to intervene on the behalf of those you love. But without you, I'm afraid that the situation is dire...especially for Hermione...and Ron...and the rest of the Weasleys...and Draco. He is willing to bargain with you which says alot about how much he wants you. I don't blame you if you feel afraid to come back to us. What you are facing is scary, no doubt. However, I know that you are strong enough to handle whatever comes. You are the bravest one I know. You won't fall apart because I won't let you. I'll be here to help you face whatever may come...just as I have done for the past seven years"

He paused and then let out a long breath.

"All that being said" he leaned over and kissed her head, "I'm prepared to let you go if that is what you need" his voice cracked as he grew emotional. "But you need to make a choice now. The more you linger, the more his impatience will grow into anger. And the anger will fester into rage. Choose to move on now or choose to come back to us. But whatever choice you make" Severus paused again, letting his guard fully down, the tears beginning to drip his cheeks, "know that I have loved you...and you have been my greatest gift"

He wiped his tears with the back of his hand, sighed and then moved to the chair next to her bed. He leaned down, his elbows on his knees, his face buried in his hands. And then he began to wait...for something to happen...or at least for the Dark Lord to come back in a rage when something did not.

* * *

 _"Mum?" Sarah's voice was hoarse. "Dad?"_

 _"Have you made a decision?" Grace asked._

 _She nodded, "He needs me. And the others need me. I want to be selfish and stay..."_

 _"But you are the least selfish person I know" Sirius said, knowingly. "You have this, kid"_

 _"Are you sure?"_

 _"Absolutely" Grace nodded, with confidence, "Be Strong. Be Brave"_

 _"And will you take care of Orion?"_

 _"He's our grandson" Sirius said, proudly, "Of course we will"_

 _"We will love him for you into you can join us again..." Grace added._

 _"Will I one day?"_

 _"Sure you will" Sirius nodded. "I promise. You'll be back"_

 _"I love you, mum. I love you, dad" She took one last look at both of them, then at her child, before allowing herself to be pulled fully back._

* * *

She struggled to open her eyes and adjust to the light. Her body felt so heavy, so weak. She groaned as she ached in places she didn't even know existed. She managed to turn her head.

"Dad" her voice was a whisper and he didn't move from his spot, his head buried.

She began to cough to try to clear her throat. Taking a breath, she cleared her throat, "Dad" she grunted.

His head shot up, "Sarah" he immediately stood and moved to sit beside her. His look was unguarded for a moment, his emotions running high.

"You don't know whether to be" she coughed again, "grateful or disappointed, do you?"

"Hush" his hand was on her face, "I can never find myself disappointed that you are here with me. I will always be grateful for any time we have. You are special to me, Sarah Grace. Never forget that"

"I know" she whispered.

Snape looked reluctant, "I have to..." he frowned, worried.

"I know" she struggled to lift her hand to move it to rest over his, "Go on and get him"

He patted her hand with his other. "I will return in a moment"

She took a breath. "I'll be here" she retorted, dryly, coughing again.

She waited only for a minute before Voldemort swept him, Snape on his heels.

"Well now" Voldemort looked pleased, "I knew Severus would not disappoint me. Well done, Severus"

He went over to sit on her bed, his wand in his hand.

She stiffened and then her muscles convulsed.

"Easy" Voldemort put a hand on her arm, "I am not going to curse you. Diagnostic charms"

He swiped his wand across her for several minutes before finally putting it back in his pocket. "Now, how do you feel?"

"Horrible" she coughed again.

"Is your throat dry?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Severus" Voldemort turned to him and Severus sent a cup of water over to him. "Thank you. Now, let's sit you up"

"I don't think I can move" she swallowed hard.

"I'm not an idiot, little one" Voldemort chastened as he helped her to sit up, putting pillows behind her. "Here, I'll hold the glass for you. Just a few sips. The healers need to look at you" She took a few sips, her throat still parched. "Better?"

"A little" she struggled to hold her head up.

"Woozy?"

"Completely"

He helped her to lay back down. "It will be a while before you are yourself again. You must prepare yourself"

"Yes"

"I will get the healers and they can figure out where we go from here"

She looked past him at Snape, "Could…maybe…"

"Snape is still not feeling well, Sarah" Voldemort said, sternly, "You need to be a big girl now"

"Of course"

"That being said, when he feels fully recovered himself, he can help you with your recovery"

"Will I be able to see Draco as well?"

Voldemort frowned and stepped back from her, "I can arrange it"

"And does our bargain still stand?"

"Yes, both Draco and your friend are safe" He turned around on his heels and Sarah exchanged a weary look with Severus. "I'll be back" he waved his hand at Severus, signaling him to follow.

And Sarah knew that this journey would be a long one…she was wondering if she should have just remained asleep.

* * *

The healers thoroughly examined her and began to prescribe a regiment for her recovery. Their first task was strengthening her physical state which was quite weakened. A week later and she was still exhausted and slept alot, but could now get out of bed with help. Voldemort was present at random times, never really talking with her, but sitting in the chair beside her, watching her. It was quite disconcerting. Snape appeared again a few days in to her recovery, which was welcome addition to have him by her side.

"I'm so glad you are here" Sarah turned on her side towards him.

"I'm sure you are" Snape retorted, dryly, "though Medwitch Gibbon says you have been quite cooperative"

"Of course, I have" she grumped, "Do you think I would do otherwise with them reporting my every move…my every word...my every breath…even every time I go to the loo…to him!"

"You are being dramatic" Snape smoothed out the covers for her, adjusting them up as she was cold again.

"Tell me it is not true" she grunted.

"Oh, it's true" Snape said with a nod. "Well, maybe not the breathing part…that was you exaggerating"

"Here I thought the loo part was exaggerating" she muttered.

He chuckled at the mortified look she gave him, "It's part of your recovery and he wants to know every part"

"Don't make vomit, but if I do, I suppose you'll have to go report it to him as well"

"Now, Sarah" Snape titled his head, "you are moody"

"I have had to be…perfect…these past few days and I'm tired of it!"

"I see"

"Arg" she shifted suddenly as her legs began to cramp. She twisted to reach her calf muscle.

"Cramp?" Snape asked.

"Yes" she groaned. "I am getting these often"

"Allow me" Snape pulled the covers over, pried her hand away from her leg and then began to massage the muscle, expertly, relieving the pain. "Better?"

"Much. Thank you" she said, relieved. "I'm sorry for the attitude"

"I suppose I'm used to your attitude"

"Yes" Sarah bit her lip.

"What is it?"

"He isn't saying anything when he comes in here. Nothing. Not a word"

"And what do you say?" Severus inquired, sitting back again.

"Nothing. Not a word"

"Really?" Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Yes" she sighed, heavily. "I'm afraid if I say something he is going to decide to start the punishment portion of my recovery"

"He won't" Snape said, "not for a while. You are still weak"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"Okay" she sighed again. "How is Draco?"

"Aching to see you" Severus said.

"When can I see him?"

"Actually, how about today?"

"Today?" Sarah squeaked, "I look hideous. I need a shower. These cleaning spells the mediwitches are using are rubbish"

He paused, considering her request, "Maybe Wiggles can assist you in the bath"

"Please?!" Sarah put her hands together, "I have to look less ghastly and while I know that I will still look so, being clean would make me feel so much better"

"I have to…" Snape paused.

"Yes, go ask" Sarah said resigned to her life where her every move would be dictated by the Dark Lord.

He left and Sarah waited, twisting her hand, dreading what was to come. She didn't have to wait long before Voldemort swept into the room, followed by Snape.

She swallowed hard, wondering if he would actually speak to her now. He sat down on the chair next to her bed and studied her, intently.

Sarah looked up at Snape who discreetly shook his head and Sarah remained quiet.

Finally Voldemort spoke, "Severus says you have a request to ask of me"

"Well, not of you particularly" Sarah said, clearing her throat, "more of permission to do something"

"Go on…"

"May I…" she paused, "please take a bath? I want to wash my hair"

"Tell me" Voldemort put his fingers together, "What prompted this?"

"Snape said that you gave Draco permission to visit me this afternoon and I feel…" she shook slightly, "I look…well…"

"Yes?"

"Hideous"

"I see" Voldemort frowned, "And it doesn't bother you to see…myself or…your father…" he paused, "indisposed?"

"Snape has seen me worse…" Sarah said, quietly, "And you…well, you have too…if truth be told"

"So you are comfortable with me enough not to care?" he raised an eyebrow.

"No!" Sarah's eyes were wide. "Of course not"

"Then, I fail to see how it is different than with Draco visiting…you are absolutely more at ease with him than me…and if I am not mistaken…you have been indisposed quite a few times in front of him"

"But the difference is that I have been too weak to care how I look before and I'm feeling somewhat better now…"

"Is that so?" he raised an eyebrow. "Your mediwitches believe you are still too weak"

"I've been going to the loo"

"With help…and that doesn't take you as long as a shower"

"If it is a bath, I'm practically laying down…" she said, quietly.

"You might get a chill"

"I'm chilled all the time, my Lord" she said.

"Are you?"

"Yes" she paused, "I want to take a bath for myself. I want to feel better and I think a bath would help"

"Do you?" he questioned, lightly.

The heat began to creep up on her face. "Yes"

"Let's shed the pretenses, little one" He reached over to touch her face with his hand. "You are talking me around in circles. It's getting tiresome. Tell me why directly without trying to mince your words because you are afraid I will take it the wrong way"

She fought the urge to squirm. Finally she looked over to him, "I have pride. You want to destroy it and I'm sure you will. But I want Draco to think me pretty. And I know I look and probably even smell pretty awful because cleaning charms that they have been using can only do so much. And yes, Draco has seen me indisposed before, but I'm already nervous about seeing him again because of all that has happened and I'd rather not look so ghastly…and...may I _please_ take a bath?"

"Very well" he gave her a small smile. "Your appearance has changed and I understand that you want your husband to appreciate your many charms. I'm glad you want to please him…that's a good attribute to have"

"How much has it changed?" His words threw her into more of a tailspin. "I know I'll still look frail" she added, unable to stop her blush. "Do I really look _that_ ghastly?"

Snape shot her a warning look.

"Such vanity from you" Voldemort clucked. "I wasn't aware that you had that in you"

"Every woman wants to feel lovely" she said, trying to desperately stop the direction of this conversation.

"No worries, my dear. Your beauty will restore when you put on a little more weight and with the proper nutrition. But you may take a bath if you'd like. Your house elf may help you. Severus can arrange it" he rose, "but let me tell you, if it sets back your recovery, I'll spank you myself"

"I..it w..won't" she stuttered, put further off balanced by his words.

"Good" he turned back around, "And for future reference, when you approach me with a request, which I'm sure you will have to often when you become my mistress, you would do well to approach it from how it would better serve me. _I'd_ appreciate you more after you have taken a bath and my needs are the ones you should be thinking of."

"You told me to tell you the truth" she blurted out.

He stared her down, "And this needs to become your truth, understood?"

"Yes, my Lord" she murmured.

"I'll see you tonight, dear one" he turned back around, his back to her and Sarah took that opportunity to shoot Snape a panicked look behind his back.

"Come Severus" Voldemort snapped and Snape inclined his head at her and mouthed, "Clear your mind" before turning on around and following Voldemort out the door.

Sarah leaned over, pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her head in her knees until Wiggles came for her. She had found the courage to return, but her courage to navigate this life was much harder to come by. And she knew that the real test of strength hadn't even truly begun yet.

 **Up next:** Conversation with Draco...

 **A/N:** Would love to know thoughts. For those reading _Finding the Way,_ I'm working on writing that chapter next. Wanted to get this posted since I finished with it!


	4. A Dark Night

**A/N:** Thank you all so much for your encouraging reviews and thoughts! I'll love reading feedback and continues to help me as we progress through the story...

 **Chapter 4: A Dark Night**

Sarah twisted her hands anxiously as she waited for Draco to arrive. The bath had left her exhausted, but she didn't want to sleep when he was due to come any minute. And she was growing more and more frustrated that even the simplest tasks were too hard for her at the moment.

There was a knock on the door and Draco was ushered in.

"The Dark Lord says I am to get you in a half an hour" Yaxley told him, sternly, "And do not overtire her"

Draco nodded, "Thank you"

The door shut with a click.

Sarah's stomach twisted looking at Draco from across the room. So many emotions filled her-love, care, sorrow, guilt…and a deep ache for him that consumed her.

She coughed, clearing her throat, "I'm sorry I kicked you out of your rooms"

"They are our rooms" Draco said, quietly, crossing the room, "And it's not a problem. I heard you wanted to talk to me"

"I miss you" Sarah said, softly.

"I miss you too" Draco murmured under his breath, "so much"

He sat on the chair next to her bed, but his eyes had traveled to the spot next to her on the bed…his spot.

"Have you been ordered to keep your distance?" she asked, talking in low tones.

"Something like that"

"Hum" Sarah continued to twist her hands, "you look good"

"You look…" his voice trailed off.

"I know I look horrendous" Sarah laughed at him, but the laugh didn't reach her eyes, "you don't have to spare my feelings"

"You look beautiful as usual, Black" Draco said, smoothly. "I just didn't want to say good…because I know you aren't"

She nodded her acceptance.

"How are you feeling?" he inquired, leaning forward and reaching for her hand.

"I'm exhausted" she admitted. "All the time. Even the simplest tasks are difficult. I think taking a bath today nearly did me in…though please don't tell him that. He threatened to spank me if I set back my recovery"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Has he said anything about…" he squeezed her hand, "my…aunt?"

She shook her head. "Not really" she paused, "he did agree not to punish you for…for knowing about Snape and myself"

He nodded, "He told me"

"Good" she responded, "Did he say anything else to you about…us?"

"No, not yet. I think he is still deciding"

"I see" Sarah bit her lip. They fell silent for a few minutes.

"Draco?" she finally said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry" she said, tears pooling in her eyes, her heart heavy.

"For what?" Draco asked.

"I…" she sniffled, "I killed our baby"

Draco rose suddenly and sat beside her on the bed and pulled her into his arms. "It's not your fault" he murmured, rocking her as she cried harder.

"I…I chose to defy him. If I didn't…our son…he would still be alive. What kind of mother am I to do that?" she said, brokenly.

"Shh" Draco hushed her, "it is far more complicated than that"

"No, it's not" Sarah insisted. "Not really"

He pulled away, "Look at me"

Sarah met his eyes and he continued, "Bellatrix was aiming for our baby from the moment we conceived. And she had been aiming for you far before that. Even if you had gone and hid…she still would have done the same thing…eventually"

"Do you believe that?" she asked, her voice hoarse.

Draco nodded, "Mum and Uncle Sev do too. This is not your fault. Bellatrix killed our child, not you"

"Will you forgive me for not going and hiding like you asked me too?"

He twisted the end of her hair in his fingers, "I don't feel like there is anything to forgive. We all had to make our choice that night. And when it came down to it, we all knew that you were going to stick with Potter. You and he had this bond that was unbreakable"

She nodded. "Until it was broken"

"Death was the only thing that was going to break it…and I think the Dark Lord knew that" Draco said. "I'm sorry about our child" he said, "I wanted that baby with you"

"Did you?"

"Of course" Draco nodded, "maybe more like when we were twenty five…but for the longest time, when I pictured myself being a father…and having a family…it's been with you"

Her heart brimmed with love for him. She wouldn't have blamed him if he had railed at her…become bitter about her choices. But all he was giving her was understanding and acceptance.

"I expected you to be angry at me" she whispered.

"Why?"

"Because I'm partly angry at myself" she sighed.

"It's not changing the outcome" Draco said, "even if you hadn't stood up to him…he would have taken you still as his mistress"

"He's going to punish me"

"You won't be able to please him all the time anyway…" Draco said, quietly, "you can't avoid punishment with him"

"He tortured Snape because of me…"

"That is true" Draco admitted, "but Snape is fine"

"He seems fine, but I have been so worried about him" Sarah leaned her head down against his chest, "Watch out for him for me, won't you?"

"Of course I will" Draco said.

"I'm so tired" Sarah murmured. "I hate how tired I am all the time"

"It must be frustrating to be in bed for so long" Draco said, "but considering no one really thought that you were going to pull through…" Draco paused, "I was going to say you were lucky, but" he frowned and scrunched up his face.

"I almost didn't come back" Sarah said, "I only remember bits and pieces from when I was in the coma but I remember him bargaining with me to keep you and Hermione safe…"

"Granger?" Draco asked, surprised, "What about her?"

"He said he would call off his search for her. As long as she stays hidden, she is protected"

"Good" Draco nodded, "I'm grateful that he isn't going to torture me…but Sarah, coming back to this?"

"I had to" she whispered, "I couldn't not when I knew how much in danger all my friends were. And Snape…" her voice trailed off.

"Yeah" Draco shifted and glanced at the ticking clock on their dresser. "I think our time is almost up, actually"

"Before you go…will you kiss me?" she asked. "Just one…that's kind of keeping your distance"

"I should say so considering what I want to do to you" Draco gave her a cheeky grin. "Come here, Mrs. Malfoy" he pulled her towards her and then kissed her gently but fully on the lips. His tongue slipped into her mouth, playing with hers, causing her to groan. He pulled away.

"Such a reaction to a little kiss" he teased, his eyes bright.

"This is the most I have felt since I woke" she admitted a flush rising to her cheeks.

"I have always had that affect on you" Draco said, smugly.

"Yes you have" she poked at him. "Don't be too smug about my reaction or the Dark Lord will get suspicious that we had more than a kiss"

"I wouldn't dare" Draco kissed her again and then pulled away, "Get some rest. Maybe he will let us have another visit soon"

"I hope so" Sarah told him, "I love you, Draco"

"I love you too, Sarah"

And then he left…far too soon, leaving her feeling completely empty…aching for a future that she knew was never going to happen.

* * *

Two days later she was feeling so out of sorts. It was the middle of the night and she couldn't fight this sinking feeling that she had since Draco left her. Voldemort visited afterward and just stared at her for an hour again- neither of them talking. He did the same the following night. It was bloody disconcerting and had only added to her distress and sense of doom. That feeling of despair was weighing so heavy on her now and for the past two days, Snape was also being kept away…for reason unbeknownst to her. She was struggling as it was and then, the nightmare happened. It started with the last battle and morphed into Voldemort brutally killing Snape and Draco for her betrayal. It woke her up in a cold sweat and anxious that it was more than just a dream.

Out of instinct, she waved her hand to turn on the light, the dark shadows of the room, frightening her again, "Lumos"

Nothing happened.

She shook more. She didn't understand what was going on. Maybe she was too weak to cast spells wandlessly. She needed her wand, but Voldemort still had her wand. An idea formed in her head as she used the moonlight to sneak into the closet and open her trunk. In the bottom was her mother's wand. She had thought an extra wand would come in handy living at Malfoy Manor and up until now she had forgotten about it. She had used her mother's wand before and it worked well for her…and always made her feel closer to her mother. She didn't know what possessed her, but she was consumed by an urgent need to make sure she could use her magic.

She gripped her mother's wand. _"Lumos"_

The light flickered and then went out almost immediately. _"Lumos"_ she said again.

Nothing.

She shivered as she felt a heavy weight on her chest, burying her.

 _"Accio dressing gown"_

Her dressing gown in the other room rustled, but nothing.

She stood, her mouth open.

And then the shock turned to horror…and panic. She began to shake uncontrollably as the shadows danced around the room. It was so cold in the rooms at night.

In a frenzy, she moved over to the chair next to her bed, grabbing her dressing gown and in the process, knocked over the things from the nightstand, the glass shattering. This was going from bad to worse. He would know that she was awake now and moving about her room without his permission.

 _"Reparo glass"_ she said, flicking her wand.

"Nothing" she grunted.

 _"Raparo glass"_ she said with more gusto, flicking her wand, trying to concentrate her magic.

The glass glistened and moved slightly, but nothing more.

"Damn it" she struggled. She felt like she was going to sick up.

The door opened.

"What is going on here?" Yaxley demanded, gruffly.

The wand dropped out of her hand and she rushed to the lavatory, slamming the door. She turned on the light and then fell heavily against the door, sliding to the floor as she buried her head in her hands and sobbed.

Her magic was gone. She felt empty without it. Her magic which has been a huge part of her life since she was eleven years old…that she spent years developing and discovering. It was a part of her…down to her very essence of who she was. She was lost without it. How had she gotten here?

Her emotions were raw and exposed, carrying her to dark places.

What did this mean? The Dark Lord would surely give her to someone else now. Pettigrew. Carrow. Avery. Nott. Yaxley. Maybe he would just rotate her between them, allowing them to do horrific things to her.

At least the Dark Lord had control when he wanted to. He was evil no doubt, but he knew how to control his evil…the others lacked control…and they hated her. It was a bad combination.

She shuddered at the thought of being at their mercy.

Yaxley had been shouting at her, but didn't dare open the door. He left…presumably for the Dark Lord.

She didn't have much time.

She wanted to go back to her parents. She needed to go back to her parents…to her baby. To Fred. To Lily and James…they were her family. He was keeping Snape and Draco limited to short visits. Without them, she couldn't do this.

And without her magic, she was doomed.

She rose and leaned over to turn the knobs of the bathtub, turning the water on. It filled quickly.

And then she took off her dressing gown and leaned down on her knees, her stomach against the tub.

A memory flashed in her mind.

Draco and she were in this tub before they made love for the first time. She could picture him there so vividly. How sweet he was with her that night. Her mind moved to the first time they made love…his touch which ignited her…the way he whispered to her throughout it all, gently guiding her…encouraging her to continue when she became shy or awkward. And then the countless times after that first time…their passion was fueled on because they loved each other. They had become adults together as they discovered each other.

She would never make love to a man again. It would just be sex. She would never be loved…treasured…cherished. She would become a whore, not a wife.

The thought depressed her even more.

But at least through it all…through all the dark times previously and the dark times to come, she had her magic…or she thought she did. She didn't even have that anymore. There was no hope of protecting herself once he found out.

This was for the best.

With a deep breath, she put her head down in the water, forcing it down underneath the water.

She wished it to be quick.

She closed her eyes, wondering if this would work, fighting against the urge to pull her head up.

 _Self control_.

It had been hammered into her since she was eleven years old. By Snape.

 _Snape_.

His face was in front of her. His look of anguish when he realized she was dead. In spite of it all, she knew that he still needed her. How could she leave him behind? A moment of indecision…

She pulled her head up at the moment Voldemort broke through the door.

"What do you think you are doing?" his eyes were fiery as she coughed and sputtered.

He reached out for her but she turned away and went to the furthest corner of the lavatory, shrinking down, rubbing her wet head, trying to gasp for breath, shivering in the cold lavatory, under the weight of what she just tried to do.

"Oh, Merlin" she muttered, pulling at her hair, "what am I doing?" her teeth chattered.

Voldemort bent down in front of her and waved his wand at her. With a swift moment, he then grasped the back of her nightgown pulling her up and shoving her face in the toilet as she vomited up water and the contents of her dinner from earlier.

He wrestled her up and pushed her towards her sink. A arm still firmly around her waist, he turned on the faucet and splashed water on her face. Summoning a towel, he roughly wiped her face. Then he gripped her waist, turned her around, and plopped her up to sit on the counter space between the double sinks. She was still breathing heavily and while she knew that he was angry, the fury had left his eyes, left with a calculating control over his emotions.

He took two steps back. "I must say. I'm disappointed. I feel like if you were truly aiming to kill yourself, that you would have done so with more creativity…and more determination."

She kicked her legs against the cabinets, but didn't respond.

"I want an explanation. What brought this on?" when she still didn't respond, he snapped at her, "Sarah. You will answer me"

"You already know the answer" her voice was strained.

"Yaxley said you had a wand. Whose wand?"

"My mother's" her wet hair dripped down her nightgown, causing wet spots to appear. She shivered as she felt even more exposed.

"And who gave you permission to use magic?"

"Magic" Sarah's head popped up. "What magic?" she grunted. She put her fist to her forehead.

"I was under the impression that you thought that there was nothing wrong with being a muggle or a squib"

"Of course there isn't" she snapped, pressing her fist tightly against her pounding head.

"Except when it's you" Voldemort looked amused.

"This isn't funny" she cried. "Did you know?"

"Of course I know" Voldemort folded his arms, "I know when you use the loo and how often. You didn't think I would know this part of your recovery?"

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" she swallowed hard, her throat sore. "Considering it's about _my magic_ , I should know!"

"I didn't expect you to try to use magic like an idiot" Voldemort countered, "You can barely get out of bed on your own. What made you think you were strong enough to use magic?"

"It's not about strength!" Sarah exclaimed. "It's gone! GONE!" she yelled at him.

"Do not yell at me" his voice was low, stern. He stepped towards her, leaning over her spot on the counter, each of his hands on either side of her as he bent to whisper in her ear, "Your lack of control is astoundingly pathetic. How dare you speak to me in such a manner? Do you have no sense of self preservation?"

"Considering I just tried to take my life, I doubt it"

"Fair point" his breath was on her neck. "Tell me what possessed you"

"I'm not sure. I panicked" she admitted, her face flushing, his proximity distressing her. "Without my magic, I'm nothing" she whispered.

"Of course you panicked" His voice was low as he continued to talk to her, his tone almost turning soothing. "it is a part of your identity. Discovering it lost can be a lot for one to handle. Psychologically it can create a strong reaction…that is why I kept it from you. You have already been depressed since waking. And to tell you the truth, I miscalculated. I thought you were smart enough to attempt not to use your magic without my permission"

"Apparently, I'm an idiot" she retorted, "One who can't even successfully kill myself"

He straightened, looking into her eyes, "That's because you don't truly want to" His hands rested on her hips, massaging them. "Now…"

A flicker of fear.

"Do not show me your fear" he chided. "Control." She managed to school her emotions. "Good. Now, your magic isn't gone, Sarah. It can be recovered. We must work at it. Build it up again."

"Are you sure?" her voice caught.

"Quite" his eyes studied her, "What were you thinking?"

"If I am I squib…"

"Which you are not" he countered, sternly, "All you had to do was ask me…not go into hysterics and try to drown yourself."

"But if I was…I knew that you would have no use for me"

"That would be true" he nodded solemnly. "What did you think I would do with you? Kill you?"

She shook her head, swiftly. "I thought that you would give me to Carrow or Wormtail or Avery or Nott or Yaxley…or maybe just rotate me between all of them…letting them…" her fist was back on her head, rubbing it against her forehead, "do things to me…unimaginable things"

He inclined his head, "Is that so?"

"Yes" she took a breath, "that fate would be unbearable…"

"And this fate…is it bearable?"

"Barely" she whispered, "I should have never come back" she dropped her hand.

He squeezed her hips. "Then you would be solely responsible for the torture and deaths of all you love"

"Yes" her face was deathly pale and she shuddered. She looked down to where his hands were resting on her hips and then forced herself to look up at him, "I only tried to use magic because I forgot for a moment about everything…And then when I realized I couldn't wandlessly produce a light, that's when I tried to search for my mum's wand…I had a nightmare…of you torturing and killing Snape and Draco and…the shadows in the room…I was frightened"

"I see"

"I can't function. I'm so tired all the time. And you come in and don't say a word to me. You keep Snape and Draco practically away from me…and…I _have_ to have my magic"

"You do have it" he told her again, "we'll build it back up. But you mustn't try to use it on your own…or you might lose it forever"

"Okay" her voice was hoarse.

"Respect" his voice was low.

"Yes, sir" she automatically corrected.

"Better" he flicked his wand and her hair and nightgown was dry. He summoned her dressing gown which was on the floor and helped her put it on, she still sitting on the counter.

"Now" he looked at her sternly, "if you e _ver_ dare try to take your life again, I will torture Snape until he loses his mind, followed by Draco. It will make what Bellatrix did to the Longbottoms look like child's play, do you understand?"

"Yes sir" she grimaced, "What are you going to do to me?"

He traced a finger along her cheek, "I'm adding it to the list of your transgressions. It's becoming quite long, dearest"

She swallowed hard.

"And" he continued to trace down her face to her neck, then along the neckline to her nightgown, "furthermore, I will have you know that while I expect my death eaters to share their wives from time to time if I so desire it, it is not a reciprocal arrangement. You are mine. And I do not share you with them. The thought of you with them revolts me"'

"Draco?" she fought the urge to squirm or faint or sick up.

"You are his wife, not mine" Voldemort answered, patiently, "for now"

Her eyes became dull and he continued to trace along her neckline. "It seems to me since seeing your husband, a sort of melancholy has overcome you. The mediwitches agree"

"Well, if the mediwitches agree, then it must be so" she retorted.

"What is it? If seeing him bothers you, then you'll know what I must do"

"It does not bother me" she said, softly, "It simply is…" she shrugged, unable to describe what she is feeling.

"Try to express your feelings into words, little one"

"Bittersweet"

"I see" he studied her.

There was a knock on the door, interrupting them.

"My Lord" Severus popped his head in the lavatory.

"Come on in, Severus" Voldemort said, dropping his hand from her neckline.

"Can I get down now?" Sarah shifted on the hard counter.

"No, you _may_ not" Voldemort turned to Snape, "Your daughter tried to drown herself tonight"

Snape startled and the turned to look at Sarah. His expression was perfectly schooled, but she felt his disapproval. "That is the weak way, Sarah" his voice was severe. She wondered if those words were for Voldemort's benefit.

She grimaced and then looked down at her nightgown, rubbing her knee with her hand. "The only weakness was that I didn't succeed"

"Enough" Voldemort reached to put his hand on her arm, squeezing it. "She has promised not to try to do such a thing again. She had a strong reaction to realizing her magic was severely compromised by Bella's curse"

"I see" Snape nodded, "We should have anticipated her trying something, my Lord. Magic is such an integral part of who she is. It was only a matter of time that she attempted a spell on her own"

"I'm worried about her psychological state"

"You think I'm nutters?" Sarah began to laugh.

"Hush" Voldemort smacked the side of her thigh, hard. "I believe we should take a few precautionary measures"

"Which are?" Severus inquired.

"You…you will spend a majority of your time with her…making sure that she is emotionally recovering as well as physically…and Draco will return to these rooms and to her bed. Mind you, not for relations…she is absolutely too weak to be fooling about with Malfoy…and I will punish all severely if they do…"

"Of course" Snape nodded, "Sarah"

She nodded.

"Sarah" Snape pressed.

"Yes, sir, my Lord, sir" she retorted. "No shagging Malfoy. Got it"

Voldemort and Snape both glared at her and she shut her mouth.

"And lastly, I fear I am making her more anxious and stunting her recovery. I will keep my distance…for now. But…" he crooked his finger towards her and she leaned forward, "This is a reprieve. Reckoning day is coming, my dear"

"I understand" she swallowed hard.

"Now" he grabbed her by the waist and picked her up from the counter, placing her on the floor, "I will leave you in the capable hands of your father. She is chilled, Severus. Even with her dressing gown. Make sure she is warm enough before bed"

"Yes, my Lord"

"I may be not visiting, but I will have reports daily though"

"Of course, my Lord" Severus murmured.

"I'm going to get some rest" he turned back and looked at her, "Goodbye for now, Sarah"

"Goodbye my Lord"

Without another word, he turned and left them alone.

Her face flooded with heat as she went and slid down the side of the lavatory wall, curled up, knees against her chest, her head in her knees, hiding herself from Snape.

There was quiet for a few moments then a wrestling of Snape's pants as he moved to sit beside her against the same wall. He did not say anything…did not move to comfort her, but just sat with her for a few minutes.

Finally she lifted her head turning to him, "I'm mortified"

"I know" he said, quietly, "It won't be the last time in this journey that you do something mortifying…or have feelings or thoughts that lead you to those dark places that you feel like you can never get out of…places where you feel that there is no hope left for you at all…and feel that you feel unable to control your feelings…"

"I didn't actually want to" she whispered, "I panicked and at the last minute, I lifted my head"

"Why?"

"I thought about you…and how you would feel if I succeeded"

"I would be devastated" he admitted.

"I know" her throat was dry. "But without my magic, I panicked. I thought he would…"

"Let his death eaters loose on you?" he asked, knowingly.

"Yes"

He reached out to squeeze her hand, "What else were you thinking?"

"I thought" she turned to him again, "do you really wish to know?"

"Yes"

"I'll never know what it feels like to be loved again…loved in the way Draco loves me…and that it will only be sex. That I will be a whore, but not a wife…for the rest of my life"

He nodded. "Yes, that would be depressing"

"It is"

"Did something happen between you and Draco?" he asked.

"We kissed" she sniffled, "And it was the most amazing feeling. It was just a kiss, but to me it felt like…"

"A lifeline?" Snape asked.

"Yes, and then since then, he kept you and Draco away from me and I was spiraling to begin with and then I had a nightmare about you and him being murdered by the Dark Lord and I wanted to turn on the light and realized I can't…and everything just fell apart"

"The good thing" snape began his voice low, "if anything that has come out of this little…lapse of judgement…is that the Dark Lord realizes that isolating you from me and Draco is a poor idea. It gives me hope that he understands that the only way that you will be able to be who he wants to be is if he allows me to lead you through this"

She rubbed her eyes, wiping the tears away, "I'm so sorry, Dad"

"Please don't apologize for that" Snape said, "I understand. I've been there before"

"Have you?"

"Yes" he said, simply. "And neither of us will go there again, understood?"

"Yes, sir"

"Just remember, Sarah Grace" his voice was low, "even when you are at your darkest, I still love you"

She sniffled hard, "I know you do. And I love you even more for it"

"And I fully believe in spite of it all, my sweet child, you have so much still left…"

"But everything I have left will be his…"

"I'm aware" Snape said, dryly, "I think in time…if you behave well, that he will let you have an apprenticeship…whichever one you desire. It will help if you have something besides him to focus on"

"May I have it with you?"

"If you'd wish" Snape nodded.

"But will he really let me?"

"I think in time" Snape said, "he is attracted to your mind as well as your strength and beauty. He'll want you to become the best you can be"

She sighed, "Thank you, Dad"

"You're welcome" he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into him. "This won't be the last time that you feel despair…and most likely it won't be the last time I am called upon to help you work through it. We'll continue to sort through your feelings from tonight…including how you view…" he paused, "relations with him" he let go of her, "but that is definitely too much for tonight. Let's get you warm and asleep"

He pushed himself up and the stood and reached down, gripped her arm and pulled her up.

"I'd be lost without you, Dad"

"I know" Snape nodded, "And moreover, after tonight, he knows that as well. You won't have to go through this alone"

"Won't this be horrible for you, though?" she asked as he put his arm around her, she leaning on him as they walked back to her bed. He gently helped her climb back in it.

"I'm used to doing things I find horrible" Snape said, pulling up the covers, "And if it helps you, then it's worth it to me" He cast a warming charm and then leaned over and kissed her head. "Warmer?"

She nodded, "Yes"

"Goodnight then"

"You'll be here?"

"Of course" Snape gestured towards the couch, "I'll sleep on the couch tonight. Starting tomorrow, Draco can sleep with you and help you if you have a nightmare"

"Good" Sarah said, relieved. "Goodnight, Dad"

"Goodnight, little girl"

She turned on her side almost immediately and fell into an exhausted sleep. But Snape didn't move right away to the sofa. He sat there in the dark, watching her, guarding over her. And when at last he rose, he wiped his eyes with the back of his hands...for try as he might, he couldn't keep the tears from falling.

 **A/N:** While this story is definitely about Voldemort and Sarah, it is also very much still Snape and Sarah's story. Please review!


	5. Reality

**A/N:** Once again, thank you so much to all who continue to read and review. Your thoughts and support really help fuel the writing process. And as always, open to any suggestions of what you all would like to see!

 **Chapter 5:** **Reality**

"Cissy" Snape came into the sitting room where she was reading, sipping a cup of tea.

"Hello Sev" Narcissi looked up from her reading and smiled at him. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

He nodded, sitting down on the seatee next to her and taking the cup of tea from her extended hand.

He shifted, nervously, as he took a small sip of the tea.

"Sev?" She looked at him quizzically, "What is it?"

"I need a favor…a rather big one…a rather awkward one"

"This sounds serious" Narcissa put the mark in her book and then laid it on the side table along with her cup of tea. "What do you need?"

"I need you to talk to Sarah…about…" he frowned, deeply, laying aside his own cup, "You see the thing is" he turned towards Cissy, "She is being plagued by the thought of having sex with him. She tried to kill herself last night"

"Oh no" Narcissa gasped. "Is that why he allowed Draco to move back to their rooms?" she asked.

"Yes"

"And is Sarah alright?"

"She is fine. She is just…distraught…by her lack of magic, coupled with her future" he shifted again, "of her becoming his...his..." Snape looked at his hands and then over at Narcissa, "I can't even say the word"

Narcissa looked at Sev, sympathetically, "I can't imagine how this is for you, Severus. We tried to protect our children from him and Draco is now his death eater and Sarah is…well…" Narcissa winced.

"I think her loss of magic was her breaking point"

"The magic should return"

"She knows that now" He reached out to touch her knee, "If you could just talk to her…tell her what she needs to know…prepare her"

"I see" Narcissa frowned, "I don't know, Sev. She hasn't come to me. And she doesn't like me all that much"

"She thinks _you_ don't like her"

"I don't like her with my son" Narcissa said, titling her head, "It's not her"

"She sees it as the same thing" Sev pointed out, "And it kind of is"

Narcissa titled her head from side to side.

"How would you feel if the Malfoys didn't like your relationship with Lucius when you married?"

"Point taken" Narcissa pursed her lips, "What would you like me to say to her?"

"Whatever you need to tell her"

"Severus" she looked over at him, "I'll talk to her…in general terms…but perhaps, it would be better to…withhold…the more delicate things…until after she has gone to his bed for the first time"

"She has had sex before" Severus said.

"I'm aware" Narcissa said, dryly, "But Draco worships the ground she walks on, Sev. You know that's true. If she wants to be shy or feels uncomfortable with something, he would stop. The Dark Lord would push her forward and sometimes in not so kind ways if she continues to be reluctant. He can be gentle. But he wants her to obey him. And he hates timidity"

"Then tell her that"

"I will" Narcissa said, "Don't worry. I'll figure it out what to say"

"Thank you" Severus ran his hand through his hair, "I never thought…seven years ago…that it would come to this"

"But here we are" Narcissa said, reaching out to squeeze his hand before reaching for her tea cup again.

"But here we are"

* * *

Sarah turned in bed next to Draco. He reached out and touched her hair, tenderly.

"I just feel so much better now that you are here" she whispered to him, them aware of Yaxley outside the door.

"Me too" Draco fiddled with her hair. "Why would you do that?"

"What?" she said under her breath,

"What you tried to do last night"

"He is stifling me" she whispered, "he comes into this room and just stares at me"

"He's just intimidating you" he retorted, "by not saying anything to you, but that strategy backfired on him. He'll talk to you from now on"

She nodded, "And when I tried to cast that spell and couldn't, Draco, my mind went to awful places. I kept thinking of all the people he would give me to for them to take their turns raping and torturing me. I lost my mind for a moment"

"Your magic will return" he told her, rubbing his thumb across her cheek and down her neck.

"I know" she breathed. She reached over and snuggled against him as his arms came around her tightly. He rolled onto his back and she shifted to lay her head on his chest.

"I'm tired" she sighed, contentedly.

"Then go to sleep" Draco said.

"Don't move" she instructed her eyes closing.

"I wouldn't dare" he rubbed the small of her back, his fingers massaging over her nightgown, until her breathing evened.

Snape came back thirty minutes later to them in that same position.

He froze as he entered the room, "Draco" he incline his head and Draco shifted her out of his arms. She turned over and put her arm under her pillow, still asleep.

Draco got out of bed and pulled up the covers over her, making sure she was tucked in.

He pulled Draco into the closet and then cast charms around it making sure they didn't wake Sarah up.

"What?" Draco asked.

"Be careful" Snape warned.

"We were" Draco said, "We didn't even kiss. She wanted a cuddle. It's fine. He said to return to our bed. I did"

"I don't think he meant in the middle of the afternoon"

"He didn't specify when"

"He did warn you about the consequences of you two fooling around"

"We weren't fooling around" Draco said, exasperated. "If there was fooling around there would have been a good snog thrown in there. Trust me, Sarah and I know how to fool around properly" Draco moved to exit the closet but Snape held up his arm to block him.

"You can't go there. There must be no accidents. No mistakes" Severus said, adamantly. "You two must use restraint"

"I understand" Draco said, frustrated, "But she is _my_ wife"

Severus paused and then reached to clasp his shoulder. "I need to talk to you"

"In here?" Draco asked.

"No" Severus shook his head, "Come with me. We'll go back to my room. There is something you need to know…but something I have been forbidden to tell Sarah"

Draco nodded. "Lead the way" he gestured to Snape and they left Sarah's room.

Once in Snape's room, he gestured for him to sit and he sat next to him.

"There is no easy way to tell you this" Snape said, quietly, "but you should know that the Dark Lord allowing you to return to your room with Sarah, doesn't mean that he will allow your marriage to continue. I know you and Sarah have both thought it to be a good sign for the future, but I fear there is no hope of that"

"What do you mean?"

Snape rubbed his head on his trousers. "The curse…the dark magic that was used to repair her reproductive system…it was used in the past to restore a woman's virginity, but because it was originally designed for use on supposedly...wanton...women...the end result of the spell, binds the taker of that virginity to the woman…or" Snape paused, "the opposite way…binds the woman to the man until his death"

"So, do you mean that she's a virgin again?" Draco's mouth dropped.

"Physically, yes"

"Isn't that something she should know? Before she has sex with whomever…"

"He'll tell her in due time" Snape said, with a wave of his hand, "The most important piece of this information is not that per se, more that whoever has sex with her…she can't wantingly stray from that person"

"You have to be joking" Draco exclaimed, "not only is he taking her…but he isn't going to allow her any sort of happiness?" he paused, "I'll just have sex with her. I'll bind her to me" he retorted, adamantly, "After all, she is _my_ wife"

"That's my point. She isn't. If you do that…if you and her engage in relations especially when he has specifically forbid you to, then he'll kill you. He would have to kill you anyway so she can be taken as his mistress"

"Bloody hell" Draco let out his breath, "She is not a possession"

"In this world, that is precisely what she is" Snape said, quietly.

Draco fell silent, knowing that Snape's words rang true. Finally he spoke, "Someone has to tell her this"

"No" Snape held up his hand, "He'll tell her when he wants to. My point is that it would be far to easy for you two to be…carried away…especially with the proximity you now have with her, but you mustn't allow that to happen. You have to be the strong one here."

Draco put his hands over his face, rubbing them over his face, before looking back at Snape, "I understand"

Snape reached out to squeeze his shoulder, "She needs you, Draco. She needs you to love her. But most of all she needs us all to help her comes to terms with what will soon become her reality"

He nodded. "It's really going to be over, isn't it?"

"I'm afraid so" Snape nodded.

"Okay" Draco stood, "I need to get back before she wakes"

"I'll be there in a few minutes to give her potions to her"

"I'll see you then" Draco's shoulders slumped slightly before straightening them, schooling his features and carrying on like he was taught to do.

* * *

"You seem stronger" Draco drew away from the kiss, slightly out of breath.

"I feel stronger" Sarah gazed in his eyes.

It has been two weeks later and Sarah seemed better…emotionally and physically. Draco and Snape returning to her life coupled with the Dark Lord keeping his distance…simply allowed her to breathe easily again. She was still weak, but Snape's potions were starting to work in her favor. She also under Voldemort's orders and Snape's guidance managed to cast a few simple charms, reassuring her that her magical state was simply weakened and it would be recovered in due time…with patience and practice.

"Good morning, by the way" Draco said, rather impishly.

She laughed, the sound spreading throughout the room, "Good morning to you too"

"That laugh" Draco reached back to cup the back of her neck, "I haven't heard that in ages"

"You bring it out of me, Malfoy" Sarah smiled at him. "This is like bliss…before it was like a prison"

"We never did get a proper honeymoon"

She lifted an eyebrow, "I doubt one would characterize _hands off_ restrictions as a proper honeymoon"

"Point well taken" Draco said, gripping her hips and pulling her towards him, "I don't dare touch you improperly"

"I know" She murmured to him, "his spies are everywhere it seems. Part of me feels like intuitively he would just know if we got too physical"

"An occasional snog is the most I think we can get away"

"With sometimes some sneaky hands from you" Sarah laughed again.

"Part of being a good death eater is being discreet, Black"

"Then I dare say you would make him proud, love" she said, wiggling out of his arms to sit up and reach for her dressing robe. "I'm hungry" she declared.

"Well, that's a good sign" Draco said sitting up himself. There was a knock on the door, "Come in" Draco called and Snape came inside.

As Snape came into the room, Sarah was still grinning at Draco…there was something that was markedly changed about her demeanor. There was light-heartedness to her that had been missing before.

He studied the smile on Sarah's face and while his heart was grateful for it, part of him knew that he must draw her back to reality. He had let her have her moments of peace, but now the peace seemed to have morphed into denial. And that was a dangerous place to be. The Dark Lord would come to her. It was only a matter of time.

"Draco, do you think you could leave Sarah and I for a few minutes?" Snape asked.

Draco looked at his godfather's grave expression and he knew that Snape was about to remind Sarah that as much as they wanted to pretend that things were blissful, the reality was much more grim.

"Sure" he climbed out of bed. "I think I'll head down to breakfast and instruct a house elf to bring some up for you"

"You can't go to breakfast without your clothes on" Sarah poked at him, playfully, "your parents would have a fit if you show up in your pajamas"

"I have clothes in the room I had been staying in" Draco said, trying to keep his voice even. "No worries"

"Good" Sarah pulled her legs up and leaned against the headboard, "I'll see you later"

"Later, Sarah" he nodded to Snape and then left the room, clicking the door shut.

Sarah frowned at Snape's serious expression, "Is something wrong?"

Snape moved over to the bed, "Can I sit with you?"

"Sure, you don't have to ask" Sarah said as he sat on the bed next to her. "What is it?"

"You seem…happier" Snape said.

"I feel happier" Sarah said, "almost like I can forget about everything else. Draco being here has been good for me. You being here has been good for me"

"But, Sarah, be that as it may, you can't forget about everything else" Snape said, his voice low, "He is giving you a reprieve. But he is coming for you. And he will take you as his mistress"

"I know all that"

"Do you?"

"Of course I do"

"Because you are acting like you don't"

"I thought the whole point of you and Draco spending so much time with me was to help me feel better. And I do"

"And I'm glad you do. But the way you looked at Draco this morning, Sarah, it bordered on denial. Delusion almost…"

"I love Draco. That's not delusional"

"I know" Snape said, quietly, "but Draco isn't going to be the one that you are forced to become intimate with"

She played absently with the coverlet, picking lint off of it. "These two weeks…I needed it. I needed him"

"I know you did. Which is why he gave you him. He doesn't want you falling apart again. But Sarah, I would be remiss in my duties if I did not prepare you for what comes next"

"I don't want to think about it" she told him. "That's all I did for a while and look where that left me"

"I know" Snape retorted, "but child" he reached over to turn her face towards him, "you must think about it"

She stared at him for a few minutes, his words drawing her back to reality.

"What are you thinking?" Snape asked, his hand still on her face, "Tell me"

"It is special to me" Sarah said, her voice low, "this isn't something that I can do with just any one"

"You aren't going to have to do it with just any one" Snape retorted, pausing, "but you will have to do it with him. There is no way around it"

"I know" she bit her lip.

"You have to comes to terms with this. You will be having sex with him. It is only a matter of time"

"How can you be so cavalier about it?"

"This kills me, Sarah" Snape retorted, heatedly, "I hate this. But I promised you…I promised you that I would prepare you for this life. So here we are" He rose, "Narcissa is going to talk to you about…things. For Merlin's sake, listen to her. I'll talk to you again when you are finished talking things over with her"

"Dad" Sarah's hand shot out to grip his, tugging him back towards her, "You aren't mad, are you?"

"Not at you" Severus assured her. He left her without another word.

* * *

Sarah chewed on her thumb, deep in contemplation. The talk with Narcissa went surprisingly well. Narcissa had put her at ease and it was almost like those days of old when she had taken her shopping. It was not Narcissa her mother in law that visited her, but Narcissa, her dad's best friend. Narcissa had gently, but honestly told her how it was like to be his lover…She spoke in general terms about his attitude towards her, about his attitude towards his lovers and his expectations for them. And then she told her that she could go over specifics later on. She assured her that if she was struggling she wouldn't leave her to just navigate it on her own. And all in all, she had made it not seem quite as dire as it felt. But still…it was all a lot to take in.

Snape came back in the room a few minutes later.

"How are you?" he sat down next to her on the sofa.

"Taking it all in" she responded, honestly, dropping her thumb.

"A lot to process?"

"Yes"

"Need help?" he asked, quietly.

"What does…having sex with him…say about me?" she asked him, finally.

"That's a good question" Severus said, his voice low, "What do you think it says about Narcissa, Sarah?"

"I don't know" she responded. "He forces her into it but she complies well to her role"

"Do you think it makes her less than who she is?"

She thought for a few moments, "No, I don't think it cheapens her. She still has her dignity."

"It will be the same for you" Snape said, quietly. "He is forcing you into this. You aren't selling yourself to him"

She thought for a few more minutes, "Do you think…he'll…hurt me…just because he likes those type of things…?"

He paused, "If he deems you needing of punishment, he will punish. Sometimes severely as you know"

"I know" Sarah retorted.

"But if he wants to do…that…with you…just because…" he shifted awkwardly around this delicate topic, "well" he paused, "He wants to dominate you, but it more subtle ways. I don't think he'll force you…into…that type of relationship…at least, he thinks some of that…those things…that Bella and the others liked…the outright sadism… was vulgar" He paused again, "he might push you further than you are comfortable with aspects…but I don't think…that is I don't really know…" he paused, struggling, "I'm sorry, Sarah. I'm rubbish at navigating this right now"

"Forget it then" she said, "It is awfully awkward. You asked Narcissa to help me. That's enough"

"No, no" Severus waved his hand at her. He paused again, contemplative and then finally turned back to her, "Listen to me, he knows you are fairly innocent. And he…in spite of it all…he does…like you…as much as he can. I can't promise that it will be pleasant for you, but if you are cooperative, it shouldn't be…unnecessarily…rough" He took a breath, "What did Narcissa say?"

"The same thing. He isn't usually rough" she paused, "isn't that odd, considering who he is?"

"He takes great pride in being above it all" Snape told her, wryly. "And great pride in controlling his darker impulses"

"Except when he doesn't"

"Except when he doesn't" Snape nodded.

"Merlin, help me" Sarah said, rubbing her hand over her face and then sighing, holding her hand to her cheek. She tapped her fingers against her cheek, "What am I going to do?"

"You will do what you must do"

"How do you know I won't just fall apart?" she whispered, "Fall to tears the moment he puts his hand on me? Push him away…run to the other room"

"Because you know he doesn't like overt signs of weakness. And you know there is simply no where you can hide from him. So you will rise to the occasion. Because you must"

Her heart twisted, but she knew there was no more to say.

* * *

She had another few quiet days with Draco and Snape, before everything changed once again. Draco had come to her with the grim news that Ginny Weasley had been captured and was now at the mercy of Voldemort and his Death Eaters.

"How did this happen?" Sarah squeaked.

"They found her hiding place"

"He promised not to touch my friends!" she exclaimed, panicked.

"He promised not to touch Hermione. He never said anything about Ginny. She was Potter's girl. Of course, he is interested in her. Plus, she is a pureblood. His death eaters are petitioning for her now"

"Petitioning for marriage?"

"No, I don't think they have marriage in mind" Draco said, his face white.

"Merlin, I have to go" Sarah pushed herself up with her hands from her spot on the couch.

"You absolutely cannot" Draco shook his head, swiftly, "it's a meeting with his innermost circle"

"And Snape is there?" she questioned, quietly. "He let him back into his inner circle"

"The Dark Lord apparently believed Snape's justification that he only acted in your best interest and that he was still loyal to him" Draco took her hands, stopping her, "You know he was punished severely though. Snape hid much of it from you, but it was bad Sarah. It was very bad. And you will be punished too when you heal"

"I know that!" she gripped his hands and looked at him, almost wildly, "You need to listen to me"

"What it it?"

"It's over, Draco"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean there is no hope...no hope for us" she trembled, "for me...but there _is_ hope for you"

"W...wait, just hold on. Calm down and let's talk about this" Draco squeezed her hands back, "You are so cold" he murmured.

"You know I can never stay warm anymore" she sniffled, "Bellatrix...she did something to me, I can feel it"

"The Dark Lord feels it is emotional and you will heal with the proper incentive" Draco said, quietly, "It's why he allowed Snape and I such access to you and stayed away from you himself."

"Before he comes down on me with a vengeance" Sarah said, shivering.

"Come sit back down" Draco urged.

"No, just listen" Sarah squeezed his hands, looking in his eyes, trying to remain calm to get her point across to him, "It's only a matter of time that the Dark Lord pulls us apart...if I had been more contrite...if I had gone to his side during the battle, he would have let us have a relationship too, but he'll never let me have my moments of happiness with you...not anymore...not after I defied him in such a public way"

"You're right" Draco's voice was low, "he's said as much"

"So, I need a favor" she said, quietly.

"What do you need?"

"I need you to marry Ginny Weasley" she said, her voice eerily calm.

"What makes you think the Dark Lord will agree to that?" Draco asked, aghast.

"Because it takes away my happy ending" she said, quietly. "And pulls us completely apart..." she sniffled as a few tears rolled down her face, "he knows how deeply I love you, he knows that this will be devastating to me. He'll agree"

"I still can't believe they caught up with her" Draco shook her head, "Thank Merlin Granger has disappeared"

She shuddered, "She has to stay hidden, Draco. He promised me not to actively find her, but if she reappears, everything would change. And at least Ginny is a pure-blood" She swallowed hard, "I have to go and ask him. I'll ask him if you can marry Ginny"

"You can't just barge in there. That's insanity!" Draco exclaimed.

"I can" she took a few breaths. "And I will. I have no choice"

"What if he tries to kill you?" Draco asked, "or Yaxley or Avery?"

"It will be fine either way" she pulled away from him, "Help me choose a dress and brush my hair"

"Sarah" Draco's eyes filled with tears as his voice broke, "How can you do this?"

She turned as she pulled down a flowing flowered print blue dress that swept the floor. "I promised Harry, Draco. I promised him as he was walking with me to his death…" her voice broke, "And we have been fooling ourselves these few weeks. Snape gave me a talking to a few days ago"

"You did seem different all the sudden" Draco said, his throat dry. "More subdued"

"You and I…it will never happen. And I so want you to be happy"

"She hates me, Sarah. This will not make me happy"

"She does now" Sarah responded, "but once Ginny realizes your big Malfoy heart underneath the prat that you portray yourself as, she'll warm up to you. And you'll like Gin. She has spirit. You like women who stand up to you. You actually are well suited"

"That's not for you to decide" Draco's eyes turned angry.

"Please don't be mad" Sarah pulled off her sweater and unbuttoned her pants, shrugging them off. "And please agree to this"

Draco let out his breath as he watched her pull over the dress. He swept over to her, "I'll zip you" He zipped her up before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her against him. He nuzzled his head in the crook of her neck, before straightening, "Accio hairbrush"

He began to brush through her hair, which had grown long. "Leave your hair down" he said, quietly, "the Dark Lord will like that" After he was finished, he turned her around, reaching out to touch her short sleeves on her dress, "you'll be cold"

She shrugged, "It is technically summer. It's appropriate"

"And revealing" Draco said, eying her chest, "Are you sure?"

She nodded, "It's a gamble, but for Ginny, I need to take it"

He helped her slip on her heels. "The Dark Lord has your wand, you won't be able to defend yourself"

"Draco" she gripped the sides of his face, "My magic is still so weak"

"Do you think you can make it there?" he asked. "You haven't been out of this room for weeks"

"I'll be fine" she said, "Are they in the hall?"

He nodded.

She leaned in for a kiss, "I love you, Draco Malfoy" she looked him in the eyes, "I love you so much that this feels like my very soul is being ripped from me"

"Merlin, Sarah" Draco swore under his breath, "You are beautiful. Especially when you are this fired up"

She kissed him again, "Tonight, no matter what he decides, will you spend it with me?"

"It's too risky" he began to protest, but she hushed him.

"Please" she asked, looking again into his eyes, feeling like she was reaching to his depths of his heart. "I need you. I need to be with you again so I can face this on my own"

He hesitated, "you have to ask him"

She looked at him, quizzically, "you are still my husband"

"Still" Draco insisted, "you have to ask him specifically, since he said no before"

"And if he says yes, will you have any objections?"

"Of course not" he said, leaning for a passionate kiss that left her breathless, aching, and wanting to forget about this plan of hers. Yet after indulging for a few moments, she pulled away and then leaned in to kiss his cheek.

"I'll return in a few minutes"

He nodded, "Be smart about it"

"I will"

She took a breath, tried to still her trembling hands and putting one foot in front of the other, left Draco behind.

 **Up next:** Sarah enters the inner circle once again…uninvited. What will Voldemort do?


	6. Divorce

**A/N:** as always a huge thank you to all who take the time to review! I love reading your thoughts!

 **Chapter 6: Divorce**

Sarah's heart was hammering through her chest and her breathing was labored as she stood at the entrance to the hall. The door was cracked so she could peek in and try to see what was happening. Voldemort was sitting on a chair on a raised platform. There were steps leading up to where he was. He had refashioned the hall in a way that very much reminded her of the days of old when the muggle kings held court.

She scanned the room. Yaxley, Avery, Snape, Malfoy, Nott, Pettigrew, other ones she had no idea who they were...in their formal death eater robes, but no masks.

She strained to hear the conversation. They were petitioning him for Ginny—being Harry's former love, she was a high commodity. Ginny, who was pale faced, sat tied into a chair on the side of the Dark Lord.

"Severus" Voldemort's voice echoed through the chamber, "why aren't you asking for the girl?"

Her intake of breath was sharp, biting her chest.

"She is my student, my Lord" Snape said, his voice steady and controlled.

"That doesn't stop Carrow, eh?" Voldemort laughed. "Or is it more that your interests lie with another lady?"

Snape bowed his head, "Not at the present"

"I don't believe you, friend" Voldemort told him, "but no matter, you'll confide in me when you wish. Now, I have heard what you have all had to say and I am ready to make my decision"

She knew now was her time. She had to go. Before he spoke further and gave her away to Carrow or one of the others…when he made a decision, he wouldn't go back on it.

She took another breath, trying to gather her courage. And with every ounce of strength, she pushed open the heavy doors to the great hall at Malfoy Manor, them clanging open, the noise echoing throughout the hall as she stepped into the room.

There was rapid movement in the room as she felt wands being aimed in her direction. However, in spite of the threat, she kept moving forward, hoping...fervently hoping that Voldemort would intercede for her before she was cursed by the others. She had come unannounced and they would be within their rights to curse her and apologize later.

She focused on take one step at a time. She felt so weak but at the same time, she also was being filled with a strength that she didn't know she was capable of since that fateful day at Hogwarts. That strength was taking over and increasing in magnitude with every step she took. It was an act of courage that moved her deep within her core, reminding her of who she was...and what she was capable of when she put her mind and her Gryffindor courage to the test. However, her Slytherin instincts that she inherited and learned for her father were also employed. She was going to do what it took to survive this world with Voldemort as its leader, but at the same time, find her way to intercede for the good of her friends, even if this meant humbling herself. She knew she shouldn't look at the others or the Dark Lord, so she kept er head down, trying to appear contrite. A blush rose on her cheeks and her dress billowed slightly as she moved.

"My Lord" Yaxley growled, "may I curse her, please?"

"No, allow me" Avery said, a gleam in his eyes, "it would be a pleasure"

"She's mine" Pettigrew declared with glee.

She had entered the den and the snakes were eager for their prey.

"Do you see her with a wand?" Snape's voice rang through the hall, intervening on her behalf, "she's come unarmed, so stop aiming your wand at _my daughter_ unless the Dark Lord commands you to do so"

"Your daughter is a blood traitor" scoffed Nott, his wand still pointed in her direction, "she deserves punishment for defying the Dark Lord"

"And it is the Dark Lord's choice to deal with her as he will, not yours or Yaxley's or Avery's and certainly not Pettigrew's" Snape growled.

"If you had kept a firmer hand with her..." Pettigrew began.

"Trust me, she has had a firm hand" Snape's voice was low, "Touch her without his permission and I will curse you myself. Do not put me to the test"

"My Lord, he is betraying you yet again for this blood traitor" Pettigrew argued.

"I'm doing no such thing- only ensuring the Dark Lord's orders are upheld. _He_ said not to touch her"

"That's convenient" Nott argued.

"How many times have I protected your children for you?" he said.

"Our children were compliant" Nott rebutted.

"Not always" he retorted, his voice heated.

"How dare she come before him without being summoned?" Carrow's voice was low, his wand extended, "She has no respect from him. What will come next from her? This needs to be dealt with and swiftly"

"It is for him to decide how he will deal with this lack of protocol…not you" Snape snapped, his eyes turned to the Dark Lord, waiting.

Still Voldemort didn't say a word and she could feel his eyes on her...watching her...accessing her.

Still, she continued to move forward until she reached the Dark Lord, standing at the bottom of the steps. She knew what she had to do next.

Ignoring the others, she knelt down in front of him, but didn't say a word, her actions speaking for themselves. She had never knelt before him before. Never acknowledged her submission to his authority. He had never forced her hand with it…which was surprising considering he was apt to do so on occasion with others that defied him- Harry for instance. And yet because it was her decision to kneel…to accept his role as her leader without coercion, she knew that he viewed such a gesture as a sweet moment of personal triumph. He had her right where he wanted her. Her instincts told her that he would act now…at least she hoped he would.

Suddenly, Voldemort jumped up, holding his hand up. "Wands down" he snapped. "Severus is right, she is mine to deal with as I please"

She could almost feel Snape's relief from across the room. but she dare not move, keeping herself perfectly still and controlled.

"But my Lord" Yaxley entreated, "there are plenty of young witches for you if that is what you desire. She made a fool out of you..."

"Yaxley" Voldemort's voice was silky as he stepped down the stairs, "I have already told you that I will decide which witch I want to mix my blood with" he bent down to place his hands protectively on her head. "Wands down now" he ordered, authoritatively. "I will not ask again"

They lowered their wands.

"There are other pureblood witches" Nott reasoned.

"Ones that are powerful enough to kill a witch of Bella's caliber?" Voldemort asked. "Or cast a shield spell at a mere eleven years of age? Or become a master of charms, spell work and potions? No, do not speak to me of other witches. She will be sufficiently punished" he rubbed her head while he spoke, "and sufficiently controlled from here on out. Or do you not trust me as your leader the simple task of subduing a witch of such a tender age?"

"Of course, my Lord" Nott answered.

"Yes, my Lord" Yaxley mumbled.

"Now" He helped her to stand, "Silence so I can talk to Mrs. Malfoy and see why she has interfered on our gathering"

The others took a step back as Voldemort turned his attention on Sarah. She tried to steady her breathing so he didn't know how nervous she was or strained she was from the activity.

He picked up on her labored breathing anyway.

"You are too weak to be here" he murmured, frowning in disapproval. "You have taken a great risk coming"

"Without risks, there would be no rewards, my Lord" she said, quietly.

"A very Slytherin answer, my dear" he said. "Why are you here?"

"I…I have something to request of you"

"What makes you think you have any right to ask me anything?" Voldemort's voice was dangerously low.

Her head was still down and he put a finger under her chin and lifted her face so she was forced to look at him.

"I have no right, of course" Sarah murmured, as his long fingers dug into her skin.

"You are lucky you are alive" Voldemort declared, his eyes angry, "especially after your lies and defiance"

She didn't quite know what to say to that. He was right- over his Death Eater's objections, he had spared her life. And set her apart as his.

"I wouldn't say it is lucky" she bit her lip, "I would say after you finish punishing me, it would be quite unlucky of me to still be alive"

"Well done, little one." He chuckled, appreciatively, and the others followed suit appropriately, all except Snape, who crossed his arms, trying his best to appear impassive, "And I'd say you are correct there"

The adrenaline she felt approaching him abated slightly and she felt drained again. She shivered slightly despite her best efforts to control the involuntary reaction to the chill of the room. The weight of her task still consumed her. The color from her face retreated, all those subtle changes not going unnoticed by Voldemort. She swayed and clenched her hands trying to fight the dizziness.

He frowned again, then turned to the others, "Leave us now. Severus, take the girl and guard her. No one is to touch her or you will deal with my wrath"

"My Lord" Yaxley protested, but Voldemort turned his fury on them for a moment, and they quickly complied. Snape releasing Ginny with his wand, then gripped her arm tightly and forcibly pulled her out of the room.

Once the doors slammed behind them, Voldemort put his arm around her waist and pulled her down on the steps. "Sit down before you faint on me"

"I wasn't going to faint in front of all of them" she said, relieved to be sitting down.

"Of course, you wouldn't" he nodded, solemnly. "You know better"

"I do" she looked around the room, "I've seen you have done some alterations to the Great Hall here" she commented, shivering greatly then.

"I want to be seen as a ruler in every way" Voldemort told her, seriously, "one who doesn't tolerate rebellion, but will be also be kind and generous when it is warranted. All this fear, while empowering, is also growing tiresome"

"Then I have a suggestion for you" she said, quietly. "One that will prevent further unrest"

"And what is that?" he asked, his arm still around her waist.

"Ginny Weasley"

He pulled away from her, "I should have suspected the reason why you were here" he frowned at her, "You risked so much for the girl? Potter's girl?" he looked disgusted.

"My Lord" she looked at him, "she isn't just Harry's girl. She's Fred's sister..."

"Your former fiancée. I see now" He interrupted as he twined his fingers around his wand, "So very interesting. Feeling guilty, are we?"

"I didn't kill Fred"

"But his death is still on your shoulders. In that moment when Bella aimed that curse that knocked down the wall, he could have either chosen to save himself or you. He chose you."

"Yes"

"You lived and he died"

"Yes" she said.

"You shared moments with him even after you married Malfoy."

She swallowed hard, remembering, "Yes"

"When you were delirious after Bella's curse, you talked of him"

"I don't remember"

"You cried for him"

"Did I?"

"And for your child"

"I only remember bits and pieces from that time" she told him, honestly.

He traced her face, "Poor little one" his tone was condescending.

She grimaced at his mocking, but forced herself to continue, "It isn't for guilt over Fred's death" she insisted, "It is also because she has been _my_ friend for the past six years and the Weasleys provided me with a family that I never had growing up"

"You have loyalty to the Weasleys"

"I do" she nodded, "which makes the risk of coming to see you seem irrelevant to me, but more than that, my suggestion that I have for you is also in _your_ best interest."

"I have many advisors...alot older, wiser and more calculating and strategic than you" he grunted at her.

"Those advisors are self seeking, my Lord. They want a good shag out of this…a toy to play with… nothing more. I hear men would do…or say… anything for that."

He chuckled, "And you are not self seeking? Come now, Sarah…"

"Perhaps I am" She shrugged, "but I also offer you an outside perspective...the perspective of the people you wish to control"

"You still haven't told me what that perspective is" Voldemort said, "Enough. Just tell me what you want."

She took a breath, willing the words to come out evenly. "I want a divorce."

He stilled, "A divorce?"

"Yes, that's right" she nodded.

"And…" he prompted.

"Let Ginny marry a peer. Still a Death Eater. Still one that would make Harry's stomach turn. But one that the people wouldn't think that she is being abused with and want to rebel even further."

"Let me get this straight" Voldemort twisted the Elder wand in his hands, "You want me to grant you a divorce and give Draco permission to marry Ginny Weasley…"

"Yes, my Lord"

"You would give up Draco for the girl?" he asked, incredulously.

"Yes"

"Even knowing that they would make love...maybe even fall in love...have children" he continued, "and you would have to watch all of it play out"

She couldn't help but grimace, "Yes"

"Why?"

She shrugged, "Draco and I could never work anymore...not considering all that has happened"

"What do _you_ want?" he asked.

"You know what I want. I want Draco. I want to be happy with him" she sniffled, "but the moment I defied you so openly in front of everyone, the minute I risked our child so I could defy you..." she shrugged again. "in that moment, I said goodbye to all my desires…"

"This will break you" Voldemort put a hand on her shoulder, "completely."

"Yes" her lip trembled at the thought. He reached out to touch her bottom lip,

"Control this reaction."

She forced herself to calm. He stared at her for a few minutes, assessing her.

"I grant your wish" he said, quietly, "and as usual your logic is impeccable. I happen to agree with you. Are you glad to hear it?"

"Glad isn't quite the word" She sighed, "I have one more request"

"I can't wait to hear it"

She looked over at him, "Give Draco and I tonight..." her voice was hoarse with the weight of her emotion. "I need tonight with him"

He studied her intently. "Why is that?"

"I don't wish to make you angry"

He waved his hand at her, "Why?"

"I want to remember what it feels like to make love to someone who loves me before I…before we…"

"You are so sweet, still" he reached out to touch her hair.

"Please"

"It's just prolonging the inevitable, little one" he said, quietly. "It's not advisable. Best make a clean break."

"I know, but please"

He paused, studying her. Finally he said, "you may have tonight, but you may not have intercourse. Be creative if you must"

She couldn't keep the heat from flooding her face again, "May I ask why not?"

"For one, I said so" Voldemort said.

"Alright" Sarah said, slowly, "still, I have felt for weeks now that there is something Draco and Snape are not telling me"

"Because I told them not to" Voldemort said, reaching to pull her up with him. "This color dress is beautiful on you. You looked stunning entering the hall. Like a princess" he rubbed her arms, "Sarah?"

"Yes, my Lord?"

"You do remember that my mistress is dead."

"I know" her stomach churned. "How could I forget?"

"We have a lot to discuss" his voice was quiet. " _A lo_ t to discuss" he emphasized.

"Yes, sir, I know"

"After tonight, I don't want you near Draco anymore, do you understand?"

"I do"

"Go on now" he gently pushed her in the direction of the door, "Tomorrow, I'll grant your divorce and arrange a license for Draco and the girl to marry. And since I am in a generous mood, you can break the news to Ginny of her fate…Snape has her in the library. You may go see them now. Then you can spend the rest of the day and night with Draco…uninterrupted."

"Thank you"

He nodded.

She walked towards the door.

"Oh, Sarah?"

She turned back to him.

"I would prepare yourself the best you can. Actions do have consequences"

Her stomach flipped, "I wish you would just go on and get this over with"

"When I feel like it is the right time" Voldemort told her, "and in the meantime, I get to torture you with the anticipation. Do you feel it?"

She shuddered, "I do"

"Good" He gave her a small smile, "Off you go, dear one. I, for one, am eager to hear how Miss Weasley reacts to this"

"Goodbye, my Lord"

"Goodbye, Sarah. I will see you soon"

At that ominous note, she quickly left the hall for the study.

* * *

Sarah knocked on the door of the study and waited for Snape to answer.

"Sarah" his voice registered shock and then pulled her into the room, "What is going on?"

"Draco told me about Ginny…and I had to try" she swallowed hard.

"What did you do?" he demanded, shutting the door behind him.

"I need to talk to Gin" Sarah whispered. "Since it has to do with her more than any of us"

His eyes narrowed but nodded once and stepped aside.

Ginny was sitting on the leather sofa, her hands folded. Her head down.

Sarah walked quickly to her side and knelt down, reaching out to touch her knee, "Ginny"

She looked up, "Oh, Sarah" her chin wobbled. "Sarah, how have you done it?" her voice was strained, her trying not to break down into sobs.

"It's okay" she straightened and then sat next to her and reached out to give her a hug.

Gin released a short sob as she pulled away, "you are so brave"

"You are brave too, Ginny. You kept it together up there while they were talking about you…that's amazing. Harry would be proud of you"

"Of both of us"

She nodded, licking her dry lips, "I figured out a way to keep you safe, but…"

"But I'm not going to like it?" she asked.

She swallowed hard, tears reaching her eyes. Her lips trembled as she reached a shaky hand swipe at her eyes.

"What is it?" her eyes were wide.

"I'm divorcing Draco so you can marry him"

"What?" Ginny squeaked, "Why?"

She sniffled, "He'll keep you safe. The others…they would just…what they would do to you…is unthinkable. I couldn't let that happen"

"But why can't he just let me go?" Ginny cried.

"Because you were Harry's. And even though Harry is dead, he still wants to punish him" she rubbed her hands over her face, "It's either Draco or one of the death eaters"

"But Draco is a death eater"

"But he is also Draco" Sarah said.

"Just because you think he is good, doesn't mean that he will not be just like them…" Gin's eyes were angry.

"I know this is hard to take, but honestly, Draco is your best choice. He won't be violent with you. The others will" Sarah's throat constricted.

"He's still a death eater! Harry's dead! They killed him!"

"I know" her voice cracked.

"I'd rather die than marry one of them" she said adamantly.

"If he gave you to Carrow or one of the others that wouldn't happen until they squeeze every bit of your soul out of you. Torture, rape…maybe years of that…Draco…" she took a shuddering breath, "he'll be gentle. I promise"

"Do you mean I have to have sex with him?" Ginny asked, aghast.

"Yes" she sniffled, "he will want to make sure it is a legitimate marriage and better him…than the others." She paused, "He's sweet." she cleared her throat, "Honestly, he is"

"Merlin, Sarah, do you hear yourself? You sound bonkers"

"I know I do, but I also know I'm right. You have to trust me" she leaned over to bury her head in hands, rubbing them over her face. She looked up again, "I'm sorry, Gin. Truly I am"

Snape cleared his throat. "You should be grateful, Miss Weasley. Sarah's right. Draco won't hurt you"

"How am I supposed to do that with him?"

"I don't know" Sarah glanced at Snape who had stiffened, "Just…close your mind off."

"He'll hate me!" Ginny exclaimed, "He'll hate me because I'm not you"

Sarah winced at the truth of her words, "I'm sorry, Ginny. There was no way he would release you. This is the option that keeps you the safest. You have until tomorrow to get it sorted in your mind" She stood.

"What are you doing?" Ginny asked, panicked. "Where are you going?"

"I'm spending the night with my husband" she said, her voice short, "I probably won't see you…" she walked away and then turned back towards Ginny, "Ginny?"

"Yeah?"

"I promised Harry to keep you safe. This isn't easy for me either"

"I know" Ginny said, forlorn.

"I'll" she took a breath, trying to get a hold of her emotions, "I'll talk to Draco to make sure he is nice to you. I really am sorry. This really is horrible, but it's horrible for all of us"

Ginny began to cry and Sarah turned around to leave her again, but before she got to the door, Snape put his arm out to stop her.

"What did you do?" his voice was low.

"What I had to do" she said, her face crumbling as she began to cry. "I promised Harry to take care of her and even if I didn't…I would have still. She's Fred's sister and she's my friend" Sarah whispered.

"She isn't acting like your friend. She isn't concerned about what this means for you.." Snape said, quietly.

"It's a hard thing to accept that her life is forever changed and not her own. I am learning that too" Sarah whispered, "she'll come around"

Snape reached out to rub his finger on her cheek, wiping the tears that were rolling down, "I know this hurts, little girl"

She nodded, "I have to go back to Draco. I only have so much time. I want to spend as much time as possible with him"

"Go" Snape nodded, "spend the time you need"

Sarah leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek before leaving them alone.

* * *

Draco met her at the door. "Well?"

She leaned forward and he opened his arms as she collapsed against him, sobbing, "He said yes"

Draco winced and then began to stroke her hair, "I hate this, Sarah"

"I hate it more" she breathed heavily, "I love you so much. I don't want to give you up"

"I know" Draco breathed against her cheek, "I don't want to either"

She pulled away and then looked him in the eyes, both of their eyes filled with tears, "He said we could have today and tonight…but no intercourse"

He nodded, "I figured that"

"Why?"

Draco shook his head, "No reason"

"Okay" Sarah said, slowly as Draco took both her hands in his, "so what are we going to do?"

"Lots" Draco tried to smile at her, "a proper goodbye"

She tugged her hands out of his, "I want to change out of this dress"

He nodded and she swept over to their dresser and pulled out a bundle and headed towards the lavatory, "I'll be right back"

"I'll light candles or something" Draco said, "We'll do this up right"

"Good" she shut the door to the lavatory. When she came out a few minutes, she was wearing the piece of lingerie Draco had brought them for their wedding night.

"Oh, Black" Draco's voice was throaty at her gesture.

She held out her hands and he took them. She squeezed them.

"What do you need, Mrs. Malfoy?" his voice was low.

Her face twisted as she tried not to cry. She turned her head for a moment and then back to him, looking him in the eyes, "I need you to love me. Love me over and over again until it is pounded in my head…so I remember in spite of all that will happen…that I'll remember what it is like to be with someone who loves me and exactly what that means"

"I do love you" Draco said and pulled her closer to him, leaning down to kiss her tears away before releasing her hands to hold her face steady in his hands, pulling her towards him and capturing her mouth with his.

She reached to put her hands on his arms, kneading his muscles as they kissed. Her senses awakened, she tasted the salt of his tears on his lips, before he slipped his tongue in her mouth. The kiss turned more heated and when she pulled away she was breathless. Draco didn't give her time to think as he dropped his hands to her hips, massaging her sides, her silky nightgown rubbing against her skin as his lips moved down her neck and across her collarbone.

A hand trailed up her side to reach her shoulder. He twisted his fingers around her strap and yanked it down, exposing one side of her to him so he could continue to kiss her, while his other hand continued to rub her side.

She couldn't help but respond with a sharp intake of breath. He responded with another tug at her other strap, his mouth moving across her to her other side as he nightgown fell to the ground.

"That didn't take long" she said, her laughing at the quick work he made of her nightgown.

"This is how I prefer you" he murmured against her.

She gripped his face pushing him away from her as his intimate kisses ignited her.

"What is it?" he straightened and she rubbed her hands against his face.

"I would prefer you a little less dressed myself"

"That can be arranged" he retorted and she giggled as he lifted her up in his arms to carry her to their bed.

* * *

A while later, they lay side by side, hand in hand, their head on their respective pillows.

"Are you okay?" Draco asked, quietly.

"A little out of breath" she shivered.

"Are you cold?"

"No" she shook her head, "I'm just…you just…and…I just…and wow"

Draco shifted and then moved closer to her, pulling her into his embrace again. "It was wonderful for me too"

"Good" she laid her head on his chest, "I'm tired"

"Rest, it's still early yet. Not quite dinner time"

"Don't leave"

"I don't plan to. Rest. I want a repeat of what just happened later on tonight" Draco said.

"I'd like that too" Sarah said, closing her eyes and relaxing completely against him.

When she woke a house elf was bringing in food. She sat up in bed. "I need clothes" she said, clasping the sheet to her.

"Wear my shirt" Draco tossed her his shirt and Sarah slid it on and then buttoned it.

"What's for dinner?" she asked as Draco carried the tray to their bed.

"Comfort food"

"Fish and Chips" she smiled, "with brown sauce. Perfect"

"And Wiggles snuck in a soda for you as well" Draco added, "It seems Snape thought you could use this. And chocolate cake"

"It's perfect" she smiled. She took a bite of the chips and sip of soda. "The mediwitches and Snape had been monitoring my nutrition so much that this is a nice change"

"I'm glad" Draco smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"You are thinking about it again" Sarah waved a chip at him, "we promised each other we wouldn't"

"just" Draco cut up a piece of his fish and then dipped it in the sauce, "how did Weasley react?"

"Oh, well" Sarah made a face, "she thinks you are evil like the lot of them"

"Great" Draco mumbled.

"She'll come around" Sarah tried to keep her voice reassuring, "just try to be nice to her…especially when you two…" she shifted uncomfortably, "promise me, you will"

"Of course. I'm not like the others"

"I know" she shifted again, "Can we please talk about something else? I hate thinking of you and her together in that way"

Draco's expression was pained but nodded, "Let's"

"Do you think the Dark Lord will let the quidditch matches continue?"

"I don't see why not"

"And what teams are doing well this year?"

He raised an eyebrow, "You want to talk about quidditch, Black?"

"Actually, I do" she said, taking a bite of her fish. "Tell me about it. It's so much better than talking about him…or what we have to do tomorrow. And it is slightly more interesting than the weather"

"You used to love going to our quidditch matches"

She nodded, "It was okay"

"Really?" he asked, surprised.

"I liked cheering you on…and…" her stomach dropped, "well, and Harry..." her voice trailed off as tears formed in her eyes.

"Bulgaria is good this year" Draco said, his voice low.

"Are they really?" She smiled and they talked through dinner and pudding, before they laid the dinner aside and Draco took her in his arms again. They lay with each other for a good while, letting their food settle before they began to kiss and love on each other again.

* * *

She turned over, "Draco?"

He sniffed, "Yeah"

"Are you okay?"

He wiped at his eyes, "Of course. I'm having trouble sleeping"

She reached over to switch on the lamp beside her and then sat up in bed, "What time is it?"

"Around 2 am. I didn't mean to bother you"

"You aren't" she rubbed her eyes and then reach a hand out to touch Draco's arm, lightly, "I want you to know that I'll be fine"

"No you won't" he said, his voice breaking.

"Well…" her voice grew hoarse, "I think in time, I'll learn to…grow indifferent to it all"

Draco remained silent and Sarah continued, "Just promise me something"

He forced himself to look at her, "Anything, Sarah"

"When you remember…us" she swallowed down the lump in her throat, "remember only the good, not all the bad…because in spite of all of this, you and I…we have always been good. I think…from day one, you and I…there was something about you and then us together…it's like we were meant to be. I really couldn't bear if you look back on it as the worst time of your life"

"I will never look at you as being the worst time of my life" Draco said, scooting across the bed and pulling her into his arms, "Don't worry about that. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you"

She breathed against him, "I love you too" she leaned back and rubbed the backside of her hand against his face, tenderly, "no matter what happens, that will always be true."

She leaned forward and began to kiss his tears away, "Don't lose yourself in this life. Please, promise me, you'll try…and that you'll try with Gin"

"Sarah…" his voice cracked.

"Promise me. I can lose you to Gin, but I can't fully lose you to _him_. I don't want that for you. Don't give into His darkness. Find a way not to. Find a way to be happy. Promise me you'll try"

"I'll try"

"Good" she gave him a small smile and then began to rub her hands along his chest.

"More?" he asked, raising his eyebrow.

"One more time" she said. "Let's love each other one more time"

"One more time" Draco nodded as he kissed her shoulder and eased her back on the bed, them making most of their last few hours together.

* * *

"Here, let me help you" Sarah said as Draco fumbled with his tie.

"I could just use a spell…"

"But Snape always says magic isn't an excuse for laziness" She smiled and reached for the ends of his tie. "It's amazing to me the ideas he drilled into us as children, we can't easily shake as adults"

"How did you learn to do this?"

"Snape" She made quick work of it. "He wanted me to learn so I could help Harry and Ron look more presentable for class"

Draco laughed, "Is that so?"

"It is" she giggled and then leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "All done"

Draco reached out and touched her face lightly, "I'm going to miss you"

"I'm going to miss you more" she responded, their eyes meeting. "This is too hard"

Draco nodded once and then turned away as there was a knock on the door. "Come in" he called.

Voldemort entered, "Very good, you two are awake. I have the papers ready for your signature"

Sarah's face paled.

"Sit down, Sarah" Voldemort grunted and then turned to Draco, "Tell me you did not keep her up all night"

"No, my Lord" Draco answered, his voice smooth, "Naturally, we both had difficulty sleeping"

He nodded and then went over to the couch to sit next to Sarah, "You first, dear one" he pointed to the lines. "Here and here"

Sarah reached for the quill. She glanced up a Draco as she gripped the quill. He nodded, slightly, and she took a breath and signed her name.

"And Draco come" Voldemort beckoned to him, "Here and here"

Draco bent over to sign his name.

"Very good" Voldemort stood, "I have the marriage license ready for you and Miss Weasley to sign. You need your dress robes. Your mother has already provided a dress for Miss Weasley to wear. We must do this up so it appears legitimate"

"As in…?"

"There are invited guests" Voldemort said, "already assembled in the hall"

"I'll go get you your robes, Draco" Sarah said, quietly.

She sideswiped Voldemort and went into their closet, pulling out Draco's dress robes. She helped them on him.

"Thanks, Sarah"

"No problem" she forced a smile.

"Now we must go" Voldemort turned to her, "Snape's presence is required as he is Draco's godfather"

"Of course" she nodded.

"I will see you later, little one"

"Yes sir"

"Draco" Voldemort beckoned to him.

He went with him but before he reached the door he turned around for one last look at her.

"Best of luck" she said, forcing another smile.

He nodded and when he went away, Sarah buried her head in her hands, weary. She wanted to break down and sob, but when it came down to it, she realized she couldn't.

* * *

Sarah couldn't help herself. It was almost as if she was drawn to the gathering at the great hall…like she had to see it happen to believe and to be at peace with this new turn of events. She slipped into the gathering.

Ginny and Draco were exchanging vows, Voldemort officiating the ceremony. Lucius was standing up with Draco, looking quite solemn and a little put out. Snape was sitting with Narcissa. The Weasleys obviously were not present, but many ministry officials were there.

"The rings" Voldemort held up his hand and Draco looked stricken.

There was a deafening silence as she could feel the disapproval in the room. The Dark Lord wanted this done up properly and without rings, it just looked sloppy and rushed. Like Draco didn't care enough to take it seriously…

She twisted her own rings that Draco had put on her finger many months ago. As if in a trance she slipped them off her finger and headed to the first row sliding in next to Snape, "Give these to him" She whispered, tucking them in Snape's large hand.

"You aren't supposed to be here" Snape practically growled under his breath.

"Add it to my list of transgressions" Sarah said, wryly.

"Do you like being a martyr, Sarah?"

"Just go rescue Draco for me" she whispered back.

"I have the rings" Snape said, giving them to Draco, "You forgot to get them from me"

Draco looked down at the set that Snape put in his hand. He couldn't hide the brief moment of shock as he became aware of whose rings he was holding. His head turned towards her and his eyes met hers again.

She could feel Voldemort's eyes on her as well.

It was like all time stood still as they both looked at her, but Sarah's eyes were only for Draco.

Finally, Voldemort broke the awkward silence, "Hand those to me, Draco"

Sarah nodded to Draco, trying to look encouragingly, but failing miserable. She was about to lose the tight control she had on her emotions up to this point. And in that moment as Draco broke eye contact with her to slip the rings in Voldemort's hand, she felt the loss of Draco so keenly…her heart nearly splitting in two as she sat there with the knowledge that her marriage was over. Her eyes filled with tears.

"Severus" Voldemort beckoned to him and leaned over to whisper instructions in his ear.

"Yes my Lord" Severus murmured and stepped back to the first row.

"Come, Sarah" he reached for her arm and eased her up, "Let's go away from here"

Without another word she allowed Snape to lead her out of the Great Hall and back to safety of her room.


	7. The Move

**A/N:** A big thank you to all who continue to read and review. :)

 **Chapter 7:** **The move**

"What were you thinking coming there?" Snape demanded when they reached her room. "He expressly forbid you not to"

Sarah shrugged, indifferently.

"Not good enough" Snape glared at her, "Tell me what you were thinking"

She still remained silent, her face hardened.

"Sarah" Snape pressed, his voice firm, "you need to talk about this"

"I don't want to talk about it" She retorted, "Do not push me" she held up her hand at him.

"And you don't push me away" Snape's tone gentled as he switched tactics. "I can help you only if you confide in me. And regardless of what you think, you need to talk through this. Because I gaurentee that he won't be so understanding if you refuse to talk to him about this…and it _will_ be a topic of conversation…that you can be certain of"

She knew he was right. She had expressly ignored the Dark Lord's orders to stay away and that was never good. She sunk down onto the couch. "I just want this nightmare to be over with already"

"You should have never offered to give Draco up" Snape told her.

"It's done now" Sarah ran a weary hand through her hair. "I can't go back and change it"

"But it speeds up his timetable for you, Sarah" Snape told her, crossing his arms. "You need to understand that the choices you make have consequences"

She looked up startled, "What do you mean?"

"I mean…he won't let you stay here…not under the same roof as Draco and his new wife"

"So, I'll go home to Snape Manor"

Snape let out a long breath, "honestly, child, you can't be that naive"

Understanding dawned on her. She had opened herself up for him to take her…

"No way" Sarah stood, fisting her hands, "I'm not going there with him. Not now"

"You don't have a choice. Your baby is gone. Your marriage dissolved. Anything preventing him from taking you is gone."

"I'm still recovering. I'm not ready"

"You were well enough to ask to fool around with Draco last night, Sarah" Snape retorted, his voice quiet. "Did you even think of the implications of your request?"

She swallowed hard, fighting the tears.

"You have to think three steps ahead. That is what will allow you to survive this life"

She swayed, her color retreating.

"You are so pale" Snape said, swiftly moving to her side to grab her arm.

"I'm tired" she mumbled as Snape lead her back to the couch, pushing her down, "I slept horribly last night. Draco was anxious"

"He's worried about you. We all are. I haven't been sleeping well of late either" Snape admitted.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be" Snape said, "It's my job as your father to worry over you"

She nodded, but before she could respond further there was a knock on the door and Voldemort strode in.

Immediately, Snape's hand was on her knee, squeezing it, reminding her to put up her shields, which she did. But her hands shook even with the shields she had up to protect herself.

"Leave us Severus. Sarah and I have some business to attend to."

"My Lord" Severus rose slowly, "she is still considerably weak…she just nearly fainted on me"

He turned to him, "I understand the delicate nature of her recovery. I will not harm her more than necessary"

"Yes, my Lord"

"Ensure we are not interrupted"

"I will, my Lord" Snape bowed.

Severus gave Sarah one last look then left them alone, the door clicking behind them.

"I'm not used to my orders being disregarded so cavalierly" Voldemort said, sternly, "I thought I told you last night was final"

"I..." tears flooded her eyes, "I had to see it for myself"

"Had to?" Voldemort quirked his head at her, "Do you like torturing yourself? I ordered you away for your own good"

"I know…I just…" she paused at his stormy look, "I'm sorry"

"You asked me to release Draco from his obligations to you- for him to marry Weasley"

"Yes" she swallowed hard, "better Draco than Carrow or Avery"

"You have a generous heart..."

"Draco was never truly mine to begin with, my Lord" she dropped her head down to study her hands.

"There are things we must discuss, Sarah" his voice was solemn…foreboding…making Sarah's heartbeat increase significantly.

" _She_ killed my child, my Lord" Sarah tore her eyes up to meet his gaze. "What would you have me do?"

"You killed _my_ mistress"

"You have many women I'm sure who would love to oblige you" she retorted.

"Be that as it may, Bellatrix was perhaps my most loyal follower. She had my mark. I can't have you going unpunished for killing one of my death eaters" his face became hard. "For that and the myriad of lies you inundated me with"

"Kill me then...that seems like appropriate punishment" she looked up at him, "Kill me like you killed Harry. Surely I deserve that"

"Yes you do. But as I said before, I will not. This is the way we are going and nothing that you can say or nothing that you can do, will sway me from this path"

She gave him a weary look, but didn't respond further.

"May I sit?" Voldemort asked, politely, eyeing her couch.

"What I have is yours apparently" she answered.

He sat on the couch. He gripped her knee and nudged her so she was turning towards him. "Now, how are you feeling?" he asked, accessing her.

"Weary" she said.

"You look it. Your magical levels still haven't returned to normal"

"Will they ever?"

"Bellatrix's curse taxed your body" Voldemort said, "I believe they will with proper training to recover them. Severus has been tasked with that. Call it Daddy/daughter bonding time"

"Very well"

"Better that then Carrow, eh?"

"That's generous" Sarah muttered.

"You could at the very least act contrite" he chided.

"I'm having a hard time with that knowing you could curse me at any moment" she said, rising.

"Funny, I thought that would be a strong motivator" he stood, "I'm moving you to my manor"

Her face paled even further and the room swayed. "I...I don't know what to say"

"Your room will be adjacent to mine"

She gripped the chair in front of her, trying to guard her mind, wiping the emotions from her face, "If you wish"

"We are going tonight"

"Tonight?" she looked startled, "Why now?"

"We are dealing with your punishment tonight"

"But why tonight?" Tears flooded her eyes. Tonight Draco and Ginny would consummate their vows, binding them together. Tonight she was losing Draco. Didn't he know it was more than she could bear? "Why must you be so cruel?"

He swept over to her, so his hands were on her face, "I find that you need a distraction from what is happening between Draco and Ginny tonight. I can be giving after all"

"Exceedingly" she answered, dryly.

"Now Sarah" he chided, "you were so contrite yesterday when you asked so nicely…so humbly… for me to grant your request"

"I need to pack, may I have my wand?" she grunted out.

"Absolutely not" he told her, firmly, "Your magic needs to be carefully monitored"

"Fine" she sauntered over to her dresser, "I'll do so the muggle way"

He quickly captured her and held her hands, pinning them to her side, her back still to him, "Do not provoke me" his breath was on her neck.

"I want my wand" she retorted, trying to ignore their uncomfortable proximity.

"I don't trust you yet"

"What do you think I'll do?" she asked, her voice low, her hands still pinned. She tried to shake herself free, but he held her fast.

"I'm not sure" he answered, silkily, "The last time you felt like you had lost something special to you, I found you sticking your head in the bathtub trying to drown yourself. No, I don't have a good handle on your emotional state of late."

"Well, I'm pretty sure I can hide that from you- I've had lots of practice" she retorted, sassily.

He twisted her around forcibly, "No more" he shook her, "your mouth is out of control"

"I don't care about anything anymore. I want my wand"

"You need to learn the art of self control" he retorted, releasing her, "I didn't quite believe Severus when he told me all he had to go through to get you under control because even then you chose them, not me. You stood in front of everyone and you chose them. And for that you will be punished."

She opened her mouth to respond, but he held up his hand, looking at her sternly, "You will take my punishment and you will learn from it. You will live with me at my manor. You will take your meals with me. Your every move will be supervised and approved by me. And when I think the time is right, you will become my lover."

She froze at his words, her anger turning into a thinly veiled panic that the time had actually come, "But…" her voice was hoarse.

"I have given you fair warning. This is not a new development"

"I know that" She put her hand to her head and began to cry. "I just can't do this"

"Sarah" Voldemort's voice was low. "Control yourself"

"This is all too much" she cried out. "Please allow me to go to Snape Manor for a few weeks. I just need a few more weeks to get all this straight in my head"

"No" he shook his head, swiftly, "I have coddled you long enough. It's time you meet your fate head on…and it starts tonight when you will account for your grievances against me"

"I'm not strong enough for this" she croaked, "you know that is true"

"I know you are vulnerable right now, which means you will be amendable to my correction"

"Or I will fall apart worse than I am doing right now and you'll get angry at me" she lowered her head.

"I'm already angry at you" He gripped her arms, "You should have thought about the consequences before you so heedlessly made a very public, very moving stand against me. I refuse to feel sorry for you. Any other witch, I would have given up on long ago"

"And why aren't you giving up on me?" she forced her eyes to look at him.

"For reasons we will discuss tonight. I will send a house elf to help you pack. Be ready. I'm going on ahead and Yaxley will bring you to me"

"Yes sir" she whispered.

"Good" he nodded.

He reached her door before turning around, "I will not break you so fully that you cannot recover. In all things, including this, you must learn to trust my judgment."

She didn't say another word and he left her alone. She buried her head in her hands and laid down on the sofa, not wanting to face this future…her future…with him.

* * *

"I'm moving Sarah to my manor today" Voldemort said to Snape who was waiting outside the door.

"I anticipated that" Snape said, smoothly, "How did she take it?"

"Not well" Voldemort frowned. "She started crying"

"Her emotions are raw of late, my Lord" Severus said.

"I'm aware. She teetered between being recklessly defiant and breaking down into hysterics at the thought" He swiped his hands, "I'm done coddling the girl, Severus. I've given her so many passes of late"

"I know my Lord" Severus frowned. "She has always been…well, spirited"

"I'm aware. And I do believe this arrangement will work, once I teach her how to navigate our world"

"Yes"

"Fetch a houseelf to help her pack her things" Voldemort said. "I want her ready to leave. I'm going ahead to the manor to prepare things. Yaxley can take her when she is ready"

"May I help her pack as well?"

"If you'd like"

"Thank you my Lord"

Voldemort nodded and walked away. When he left, Severus leaned against the wall to the hallway, taking a few deep breaths, before summoning Wiggles, instructing her to come in ten minutes time. He needed a few minutes alone with his adopted daughter.

* * *

"Sarah" Snape poked his head in the door a few moments later. "I thought I could help you pack"

Sarah stared at the ceiling, "he said he was sending a house elf"

"Yes" Snape strode in and firmly shut the door behind him, "Wiggles will be here in a few minutes to help. Where is your trunk?"

"Closet" she mumbled, closing her eyes.

Severus summoned her trunk from the closet. "Which drawers are yours and which are Draco's?"

She remained silent.

"Sarah" Snape pressed.

"I can't" she groaned. "I just want to lay here and everyone to go away"

Snape strode over to her and gripped her arm and tugged her up to a sitting position."Unfortunately, that's not an option. Focus on packing now"

"No" she shook her head.

Snape turned her around and then shook her gently. "Listen to me. You have to get yourself together. You are going with him tonight. It is going to be significantly harder for you if you can't face this with the courage that I know you have deep within you"

She stared at Snape for a few moments, blinking. Snape shook her again, "Sarah Grace Black" he snapped at her, "you must get yourself under control"

She took a breath, Snape's tone pulling her out of her mood.

He saw her demeanor change, "Better" he nodded at her.

"Dad" her voice shook.

"What is it?"

"Do you think…he'll try to…that I'll have to sex with him tonight?" she grimaced, her face pale.

Snape patted his face, "No, you won't be in any shape tonight for him to do that with you" he said, trying to keep his voice gentle.

"Oh Merlin, help me" she took a breath. "How am I going to survive his torture?"

"You'll survive because he wants you to survive. And he knows you are still weak. He'll be careful with you" Snape said, "And you'll survive because I explicitly taught you how to survive this type of situation"

"I know" she held her breath.

"Breathe" Snape pulled her into his arms. "You can do this"

"But to live at his house…with him"

"His house isn't horrible" Snape held her close, "It's just a house"

"But with… _him_ "

"I know" Snape patted her back, "Take it one day at a time. I wish I could be more encouraging, but this will be the hardest thing you will perhaps ever face. But I have no doubt that you will face it with grace, courage and determination. And that is what will continue to attract him to you"

"It's going to be miserable"

"Indeed it will" Snape said, solemnly, pulling away, "but perhaps maybe you can find your light even in the dark places you will face"

"How?" she asked, aghast.

"I think at this point Dumbledore would say something cryptic like 'start with the library'"

"The library?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"It's extensive. I think that even though it is in his house, you'll appreciate it"

"If you say"

"And then there is that potions lab that he created"

"He did?" Sarah asked, softly.

"It's nice" Snape said, "And I think he had a purpose of making sure that was included in the renovations to his manor. Find that light…and hold on to that with all your might"

She took a deep, soothing breath, "I need to pack the things in my lavatory as well. I can show you which drawers are mine for Wiggles to pack. And the clothes in the closet should be obvious which are mine and which are" she took another cleansing breath, "Draco's"

"Very good" Snape nodded, patting her arms again, "Let's get you ready then"

"Let's then"

* * *

She tried to put on a brave face when her things were taken away an hour before she was scheduled to leave. Snape spent that time with her, trying to keep the conversation causal but they were both clearly out of sorts.

And she tried not to pass out when Yaxley came from her. Snape had given her a quick affectionate hug and kiss on the head and placed her in Yaxley's care. She could feel his eyes on her though as she left the room with Yaxley and even though she knew he wasn't showing any emotion, she knew he felt it. And when Yaxley dragged her outside and apparated with her, she earnestly tried not to throw up all over him. Unfortunately the feeling of nausea only increased as she climbed the steps to Voldemort's Manor and he greeted them at the door.

"Thank you, Yaxley"

He glanced at her briefly, his look pointed in the direction of her trembling hands. She stuffed them into the pockets of her thin jacket. Even in summer, there was a damp chill to the air. She was thankful for the pockets to hide her anxious habit. He only frowned but didn't say anything to her, instead telling Yaxley, "Gather Avery and Nott. We have business to discuss here after dinner. Let's say 7. It should only take about an hour"

"Yes my Lord"

Sarah inferred that meant her hour of doom must be around 8 pm after his business was finished. Unless he wanted to discipline her in front of the others in which case it would be earlier. The thought caused her heartbeat to quicken significantly. But as she was contemplating it, she was unaware that Yaxley had left her on the top of the steps and now she was alone with the Dark Lord.

"Come inside, dear one. There is a chill to the air" Voldemort took her elbow and guided her inside the door, shutting the large wooden doors behind them with a flick of his wand. "You look pale" he said, disapprovingly.

"I hate apparition" she swallowed hard."It makes me nauseous"

"I remember. Hands out of your pockets now"

She slid her hands out of her pockets and managed to control their tremble.

"Good" Voldemort studied them for movement, "Very good"

"I'm so glad you are pleased" she retorted, somewhat sarcastically.

He inclined his head at her, "Is this truly how you are going to play this?"

"I'm not sure" Sarah answered honestly, her hand moving to twist her ponytail around, her nausea still present and only increasing under her nerves of being here alone with him.

"Well, dear one, I suggest you figure it out and soon" He reached for her hand, taking it from where it was fiddling with her hair and dropping it to her side, "All these habits." His tone held his disapproval. She knew nervous habits annoyed him.

She fought the urge to chew on her lip, "It's just this initial…" she paused, "change"

"I have no doubt you will control these tendencies when you become more accustomed to your life here. Are you still feeling the effects of apparition?"

She nodded.

He waved his wand at her stomach and her stomach settled.

"Now, let's go upstairs."

He took her by the crook of her elbow up the stairs.

"These are my quarters through here" he pointed to a door along the hallway and walked with her a bit further. "And these, are yours"

He pushed open the door and pulled her through the door. Black wallpaper, black paint, black furnishings, black comforter set- there was a window, but with the black drapes everything was so dark. It was oppressive. She could feel it from the moment she came in- closing in on her…stifling her. And then she knew what it was…the room screamed _Bellatrix_. Her father's killer, her baby's killer…and the woman she killed.

He stepped in front of her. "Your things should be unpacked already"

"I could have done that" she said, trying to ignore how uncomfortable the room made her…knowing Bella was in this room…lived here for a while…maybe even shared this with him from time to time…doing…

Sarah fought the disgust that was welling up in her.

"But why, when there are others to do it for you?"

She swallowed hard, trying to draw back her attention to him. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

He gave her a severe look, but just repeated his question, "But why would you want to, when there are others to do it for you?

"Then what shall I do here...besides..." she shifted, "well, being available to you?"

"Are you worried you will become bored?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Actually..." she frowned, "Yes"

"There is an extensive library" Voldemort replied, "which if I am not mistaken, you'll enjoy spending time in."

"I suppose" she said, still frowning.

"What is it?"

She sighed, "I'm in no position to speak freely here" she told him, honestly.

He sat down on her bed. "Now that is not entirely true. Only two minutes ago you just used quite the snarky tone with me and I don't believe there was any consequence for that lack of respect."

"There are always consequences and I don't want to give you more reason to be angry at me"

"Is that why you are hesitant to answer my question? Because you are awaiting punishment?"

"Well, yes"

"Smart girl" Voldemort look over at where she was still standing in the middle of the room. "But I asked you a question and I am unaccustomed to having my question or my wishes ignored. You should know that by now. If you are worried that I will hold your answer against you, let me assure you that in this instance you have my permission to answer honestly without any further consequences. Now go on"

She took a breath, trying to phrase her feelings strategically, "I need something more to occupy my time. I will go mad without a distraction and I don't think that is truly what you want in your…" she swallowed hard, "lover"

"Oh, well done. Hardly a flinch. Come here"

He patted the bed next to him and she came and sat next to him immediately.

"Hopefully, there will be children soon"

She cringed.

"And there it is. What disgusts you about that, Sarah?" his voice was low, "having sex with me to get them or having them in general?"

She turned to him, "I just lost a child...in a most horrific way"

"Whose fault was that?" he practically growled at her.

"Bellatrix's fault" she snapped, "it was her fault! She killed my child! She nearly killed me. It's all her fault!"

"Why are you pushing me?" he asked, reaching out to brush her hair out of her face. "You seem determined to push me into being sinister when really that is not what I want right now. Why are you being so combative? Do you really think that it is your best interest? Come now, little one, you are much smarter than this"

"I want you to get so angry that you will kill me"

"We've established I'm not doing that, so you need to change your strategy" he traced her face, "so you won't be completely miserable all the time"

"And my strategy should be just to accept this is my fate"

"I told you I would win" Voldemort said, "it shouldn't have been a surprise to you nor the fact that you will be punished for your crimes"

" _My_ crimes?"

"You chose the wrong side, Sarah" he said, matter of factually, "and we will discuss that more tonight"

"I betrayed you. I should be dead now. Why won't you just kill me?"

"Because I want what I want and I want you" he continued to trace her jawline, "now more than ever, which is why I'm stepping up my plans for you."

"I don't have what you want"

"You do" he insisted, "we will discuss this at length tonight. Take a shower"

"Why?"

"You smell like Malfoy"

Her eyes widened at his implication. "That's not true"

"Do not contradict me" He smacked the side of her leg hard, "Did you shower today?"

She paused, "No"

"And didn't you and Malfoy..." he paused, "take advantage of your time together last night in various ways?"

She grunted her response.

"Then it is entirely true. He may have not claimed you entirely, but you still smell of him…and you"

"Well, you shouldn't say so even if it is true!"

"Why not?"

"It's personal"

"Nothing is personal between us now" he told her, his voice stern, " _nothing_ "

He let the weight of his statement sink in, "Now go shower"

She stared at him hard, before asking, "Do you have a specific shampoo or conditioner that you want me to use? Or a soap? What would you like to smell like when I'm crying on the floor withering under your..." she paused, "discipline?"

"Giving up Malfoy brought back your reckless spirit, Sarah" Voldemort said, crossing his arms, "Don't worry, I'm up for the challenge, but you should be warned, the more you push, the worse I push back"

"I grew up with Snape. I'm used to the push back" she said.

"Snape would never actually harm you" Voldemort said, "I have no problem with torturing you for your compliance. And that happens to be an area I'm quite gifted in. The darkest, most powerful wizard of all time…don't you remember?"

"I really, really hate you!" she told him, now crossing her arms.

"I'm aware. And unfortunately for you, I don't care" Voldemort said, quietly, "Now the lavatory is through those doors. There should be shampoo and soap in there already. Towels in the linen closet. I'll choose what you will wear"

She frowned, "Am I going to have no choices here?"

"You will have to earn them" he told her. "I am choosing your clothes from now on"

"Can I at least pick out my knickers?"

"Absolutely not" he inclined his head at her, "That's the most fun part"

"That's revo…"

"If I were you, I would refrain from finishing that statement" he warned her, interrupting her.

"What if you don't like my clothes?"

"Then I'll burn the clothes I don't and buy you new ones that are more fitting to the style in which I want my lovers to wear"

"I like my clothes"

"I don't care if you do or don't. It's not about what you like. It's about what I like"

She struggled to regulate her breathing.

"Now go take a shower. When I give you an order, I expect it to be carried out in a timely manner"

She bit her lip, "Where will you be?"

"So many questions today" he commented, "I'll choose your clothes then I need to talk to the house elves about supper tonight. When you have adjusted to your new home, those are part of the duties I want you to take over"

"Alright" she stood up and made her way towards the door he pointed to.

"Sarah?"

She turned around.

He pointed to another door on the opposite side of the room, "this door leads to my own quarters. It should remain unlocked at all times. I want access to you at all times"

He was going to smother her, she knew it, "I understand"

"Do you?"

She fought to control her reaction, "Yes"

"And you do know if I wanted to, I could go in there with you instead of staying out here?" he told her, "I don't think I am smothering you at all"

She paused and turned back around, wide-eyed, "did you..." her voice trailed off.

"Yes"

"But how?" she swallowed hard, "I had no idea"

"Are you curious?"

She sought his eyes, "Yes. Snape did that once before without me knowing. I want to know how it works"

"I can help you understand the art of legilimancy better" he said, quietly, "I won't give away all my secrets, but I will teach you if you want. Although that knowledge is something you have to earn...through respect and obedience. I don't think you'll be bored here at all. Now go on. I'll leave your clothes on your bed. Take your time in the shower if you'd like. Tonight is going to be taxing for you. I'll send a houseelf to show you to my study when you are finished"

He gestured her away and she left without another word. When she got into the lavatory she clicked the door shut and leaned against it for a few minutes, staring straight ahead, not even bothering to take around her surroundings before Voldemort said loudly, "I should be hearing the shower by now"

She groaned, his words snapping her out of her trance, "Why haven't you picked out my clothes yet?"

She felt the door being pushed open, her being pushed with it.

He turned on the shower for her with a flick of his wand, "you may adjust the temperature to your liking, however one more semi disrespectful remark from you and I will watch you take this shower, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir" She managed to get out quickly.

"And I did" He threw something at her, "The rest are lying on your bed." He turned on his heels, "In the shower, Sarah Grace" he barked over his shoulder as he left the room. She looked down at her hand to reveal a pair of knickers that Draco loved- the black lace ones that they had purchased on their shopping trip when they were first married.

Her heart despairing, she had no choice but to follow orders, taking a long time in the shower, allowing the hot water to cascade over her as she tried to wrap her mind around her destiny.

A/N: Please, please review! Would love thoughts. Up next: we revisit Malfoy Manor to see what happens there with Snape and Draco and then of course there is Sarah's punishment.


	8. Distraction

**Chapter 8: Distraction**

Sarah smoothed down the folds of her lightweight blue skirt and then adjusted the bottom of her lace cream top. Her fingers fiddled with the bow ribbon accent only for a minute before gathering her courage and knocking on the door to Voldemort's study. The house elf had showed her the way, but left her at the end of the hallway. She couldn't say that she blamed her. Her hair was still wet, Voldemort holding her wand hostage. She had wrung it out the best she could but she could feel the wetness of her hair seeping down her back, wetting the lace top she wore.

"Enter"

Sarah pushed the door open to the study. She looked around the room. Wood panneling, a lush carpet in the middle of the floor, a fire roaring in the fireplace, a couch along one wall and a large desk on the opposite wall. A few bookcases, but not an impressive amount…

Voldemort was sitting at his desk, deep in thought, his look contemplative. He was working…

"Is this the library?" She asked, shifting awkwardly in the middle of the floor. She frowned…maybe she should have started with hello. Or maybe she should have remained silent until he said something to her. This was just so bloody impossible to know what to do.

He was silent, still working. She shifted again. "Should I have started with hello or not said anything at all?" she asked, trying to keep the nerves from out of her voice.

"Do not second guess yourself" Voldemort looked up from where he was scribbling on a piece of parchment, "And to answer your question, this is my personal study. I'll show you the library tomorrow if you'd like"

"May I look at your books?"

"No"

"Alright then" Sarah tapped her hands against the side of her skirt.

"You can sit though if you'd like though" he frowned at the sight of her wet hair, still dripping, pushing himself up, his hands planted on his desk, "I don't want the back of my leather sofa wet. Your hair is dripping"

"I'm sorry, I don't have a wand. I didn't think you wanted me to attempt the spell wandlessly"

"Absolutely not" Voldemort swiped his wand at her direction, instantly drying her hair and the back of her shirt. "Better?"

She nodded, "Much, thank you"

"Now sit" he gestured to the sofa.

Sarah went over and sat on the leather couch as he leaned against the front of his desk, casually. "You took a long shower"

"You said I could"

"I'm not criticizing, only commenting" he studied her, his hands twined, "Are you in a more agreeable mood than earlier?"

She paused, unsure of how to respond, "I'm trying to be" she finally said.

"Try harder" he said sternly.

"I will" she fought the urge to squirm under his stern gaze, "May I ask you a question?"

"Certainly, though I may not answer"

"Why can't I look at your books?"

"You can in the library, though I want to know what you are reading, especially if you borrow the books to take to your room" Voldemort said, but then he pointed to his bookshelves, "These books…they are my personal library and to be quite honest with you, many of them are not appropriate for you yet"

"Not appropriate?" she looked up at him, quizzically, "Like sexually?"

He laughed outright at her expression, "No, though some of them are. I more meant the books that deal with dark magic"

"I thought you wanted me to learn that" she asked, frowning.

"I want to teach you myself not have you fiddling around with these books. The spells contained in these books are dangerous. In the ordinary wizard's hand, I shudder to imagine what havoc it would wreak…"

"I see" she nodded, "I won't touch them"

"Much like how Snape demanded you keep your hands off his potions" Voldemort continued, "It's a similar situation"

"I kept my hands off his potions"

"Did you, Sarah?" his eyes were on her, studying her reaction. "Did you always?"

She fought the flush, "Most of the times"

"Uh huh" Voldemort's expression never wavered, "My consequences will be similar to Snape's"

She nodded, "I understand"

"Make sure that you do" he retorted.

She searched to change the subject, "What is this room for?"

"Me" Voldemort said, "I conduct business here with small groups of my death eaters, I study here. I strategize here"

"It's" Sarah looked perturbed. "Cozy"

"You looked disturbed by that"

"Well, _you_ aren't cozy…far from it"

"Now, now, Sarah, what did you expect? Chains in a dungeon? Should that be my private sanctuary?"

"Well, I did see Carrow's special room"

His eyebrows shot up, "When?" he demanded. "When did you see Carrow's special room?"

Sarah shifted then on the leather couch, "Only a glance, my Lord, nothing more"

"Are you sure?" he pressed.

"Snape would have ran to you if Carrow tried to touch me inappropriately or torture me. You must know that is true"

Voldemort nodded, "Yes, I believe that to be true. So my private space is surprising for you…"

"It's just…your name…your very name evokes fear in every wizard in this world. They can't even say your name…that is how powerful the fear you evoke is"

"And there is a reason for that…you would do well to have a little more reverent fear"

"I do fear you, my Lord" she lowered her head, then raised it again, "I just like to keep it close to me"

"I know" he acknowledged.

"Is this where you will…punish me?" Sarah asked, fiddling with her hem again.

"Not tonight" Voldemort said, "But some other nights if you deserve it"

"Where tonight?"

"You are so curious" Voldemort commented, with a hint of amusement. "Are you trying to prepare yourself?"

"Of course"

"Tonight, you and I will conduct our business in my rooms"

Now her eyebrows shot up, "Okay" she said slowly.

"The one place that is even more private and intimate than this" Voldemort looked at her, his eyes staring into hers. He was trying to unsettle her.

She kept his gaze, not backing down.

"You have spunk, little one. You have it in spades. I appreciate that about you. I just need to teach you the fine line between spunk and disrespect"

He went back around his desk, sitting down and picking back up his quill. "I need to prepare for my meeting tonight. The couch is quite comfortable. I'd suggest a nap for you"

"A nap?" she asked, aghast. "Here?"

"You are shattered and here, I can keep an eye on you. Alone in your room, I'm not sure what mischief you can get into. Lay down and put your feet up. There is a blanket on the back there. Rest. I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that tonight you will need your strength"

On that foreboding note, Sarah obeyed his orders and eventually much to her surprise, fell into a restless sleep, exhausted from the previous night.

* * *

"Did you sleep well, little one?" Voldemort asked as he handed her the plate of food. "You seemed to"

"Yes" she placed one piece of beef on her plate, one potato and left the vegetables on the platter. "The couch is comfortable"

"I told you it was" He frowned and the reached back for the platter, "This is not good for your recovery to eat so little"

"I didn't want to waste it" she murmured.

"Why would it be wasted?" Voldemort placed a few more pieces of meat on her plate followed by some potato and a heapful of carrots.

"I'm not so sure of how much I can eat right now"

"I know you like roast"

"I do like roast, of course" Sarah chewed on her lip, "but my stomach feels all wonky already"

"I see" Voldemort reached over to put his hand on her arm, applying a steady pressure, "Are you concerned now that tonight is rapidly approaching?"

"Yes, very much so"

"I can't say I'm unhappy to hear that. You should take this seriously" he patted his arm, "But I must insist you eat. The punishment you will take will require strength and the best way to ensure that for tonight is a good meal"

"But when you curse me, my Lord" Sarah said, slowly, "it usually ends up with me getting sick. It seems counterproductive to eat now"

"Hmm, a fair point" he patted her arm again and then reached for his fork. "Eat what is on your plate and if tonight you feel like at any point, you might vomit, you can tell me if I don't realize it before you do. I'll take care of it before you get sick all over my rug. Fair enough?" he asked, lightly.

"I suppose" she said, swallowing down her nerves.

"Good, now" he swiped his hand and her fork levitated up towards her hand, "Eat"

She caught the fork dangling in front of her and stabbed a piece of meat, putting a small bite in her mouth, chewing it and managing to swallow it.

"Do you like the flavor?" Voldemort asked, lightly.

"Yes, it's good" she said.

"Another bite then…and don't forget about the carrots. They are good for you even if you don't like them"

"Yes, my Lord"

"I don't have to give you a lesson in proper nourishment, do I?"

"No my Lord" she responded quietly, taking a bite of the carrot.

"Good" he said, his looking approving that she was continuing to eat.

They ate in silence for a few minutes before he said, "When our meal is concluded, I want you to take care of any personal needs you might have and retrieve your robes. I want you to wait in my room for me. I did quite a bit of work this afternoon, so my meeting shouldn't take as long as I initially anticipated"

Her face paled every so slightly, but she responded, "Yes, my Lord"

"You can sit in my room wherever you'd like, but I would prefer that you don't touch anything"

"I wouldn't dream of it" Sarah retorted.

"There will be some waiting required of you…and while you wait, I'd like you to think about the last battle. Allow your mind to go back to that night. Analyze the choices you made. Remember the words you spoke, especially what you spoke to me. Think about your confrontation with Bella and the steps that led to her death. I want you to go over every last detail of that night in your mind…every word, every thought. And then we will talk about it…I'm eager to get this dreadful business settled, my dear, there is so much more…pleasurable things…I wish to do with you in my bedroom. Don't you agree?"

She choked on her food and then reached for her water, gulping it down. Her eyes watering, she looked over at him, whose face was impassive, devoid of any emotion, though she thought she detected a faint glimpse of pleasure at how much his words affected her.

"Am I supposed to really agree to that?" she asked as wiped at her eyes, her heart beating fast.

He waved his hand at her, "Finish eating, little one"

And they finished their meal in silence, Sarah managing to choke down the rest of her food, but her stomach churned nervously at the thought of her and Voldemort tonight.

* * *

 _Malfoy Manor: Later that Night_

Draco swept into the room, Ginny sitting cross legged on the bed. "Let's get this over with, Weasley" he grunted.

Ginny crossed her arms, the t-shirt that she was wearing, engulfing her. "No, it's not happening with you tonight, Malfoy. It's never ever happening with you! And I want my wand!"

"For the record, I don't want this either. But it is required tonight. So, you can either be cooperative or…"

"You wouldn't dare force me" Ginny interrupted, haughtily. "I know you…you don't have it in you to tie me up and rape me...and that is what you would have to do for me to agree to sleep with you tonight!"

"No" Draco countered, "I wouldn't do that to you, but others would. Do you want me to" he rolled up his sleeve, "Use this to call the Dark Lord and ask him to give you to someone else? I don't think he would mind. All I have to do is touch my hand here..summon him...tell him how uncooperative you are...insist he allow Carrow to take you...oh look, my hand is moving closer and closer to my mark..."

"Stop it!" Ginny hopped off the bed as his hand hovered over his mark, She reached out and swatted down his hand. "And I want my wand" she retorted, loudly.

"I don't have your wand, Weasley"

"Who has my wand then?"

"I don't know" Draco said, "but you aren't getting it back until I know you won't hex me"

"I'll just hex you wandlessly then" Ginny countered.

"You don't know wandless magic" Draco laughed smugly at her. "Don't pretend like you do"

"Oh yes, that's right, I'm not so talented in your eyes as your precious Sarah. What is it about her, Draco, that makes men lose their heads around her?"

"Do not talk to me about her!" Draco shouted at her, his temper which he was precariously holding on to, exploding at her words, "And don't you dare speak against her, Ginny. Don't you dare! Do you understand me?"

"Sensitive" Ginny muttered.

Draco swept forward in a fury and gripped her arms, shaking her, "Do you know where she is now? Do you even comprehend what is going on with her? She is supposed to be your friend!"

"I have no idea" Ginny retorted, "But I can tell you are going to tell me"

"She is with him tonight, Ginny" Draco said, "he is going to torture her tonight for her role in the last battle…for choosing your precious Potter…for choosing Potter over him. And you should have seen Snape after the Dark Lord was done punishing him. His recovery took weeks. Sarah is going to go through hell tonight and then her hell doesn't end, it keeps going. He is going to take her to his bed and he is going to fuck with her…over and over again until it results in a child. That is her fate. You have seen what he is capable of. She is in his hands…for now until the rest of her life. She is his plaything. His toy. An object to be used over and over again without any choices to speak of…And have you ever thought of this? She is taking _your_ punishment for you…"

"My punishment?" Ginny's face was pale. "What do you mean?"

"Did he touch you? Did he torture you? Did he let the others rape you?" Draco demanded.

"No"

"Well, he should have" Draco said, "but Sarah intervened…for you…because she is a much better friend to you than you are to her"

Ginny backed up and then went to sit back on the bed.

"Yes, this is hell for you" Draco continued, "I know that. This is the worst possible outcome in your head, but what I am telling you is that it could be worse…far worse. And it would have been worse, if Sarah did walk into that room…into his inner circle…risking her life…to plead for yours. And that decision made it possible for you to be spared of some of the worst consequences of being associated with Potter"

Ginny buried her head in her hands, "Just stop"

"Don't want to think about it, do you?" Draco said, "well, it's all I think about it" He turned around to go into the lavatory, "I'm using the loo and when I come out, we will shag and you will be cooperative. I'm not going to feel like the bastard raping you, not when this wasn't my choice to begin with…and believe me, it is just an order for me as well. I have no desire to do this with you at all"

"Malfoy!" Ginny called after him and Draco turned around.

"What?"

"Is she really at his house?"

"I'm not lying to you, Weasley" Draco said, his face hard. "She is there. And she is being punished tonight. That's her home from now on"

"I don't want that for her" Ginny said, her lip trembling slightly.

"I didn't think you actually did" Draco said, turning back around but Ginny stopped him again, "Wait, Draco!"

"What is it now?" he asked with a hint of exasperation.

"I…" her face was pale, "Well, you should know…I haven't…well…" Ginny shifted on the bed.

Draco paused, "You have to be kidding me. You and Dean Thomas were practically shagging in the hallways"

"Well, we never did it completely" Ginny said, quietly, "And Harry and I…we never had time…or opportunity"

Draco stared at her, his hands to his side, "Do you need me…to…I mean…you understand…the basics, right?"

"Of course I do" Ginny snapped, "I'm not an idiot"

"Well, good" Draco frowned, "Just…don't worry about it, Gin" Draco's voice turned softer. "We have to, but I won't be…I won't be like them. I promise"

"Can't we fake it?" Gin asked, a panic creeping up in her voice.

Draco went to sit next to her on the bed, "When Sarah and I waited an extra night, the Dark Lord had our sheets checked and it was this whole bloody mess with legilimancy and the back and forth…and…" he paused, "the politics of waiting aren't really worth it. And if they ever find out that we haven't, you would be open to be given to one of the others…Do you really want to have to do this with Wormtail or Carrow?"

Ginny shook her head, slowly.

"Then…we'll just do this…and…then…" Draco let out his breath, "I don't know. I know you hate me. I don't really like you either. I know you love Potter. And you know I love Sarah, but we are in this together now…so one step at a time"

Ginny grimaced, but didn't say another word as he eased off the bed and headed to the lavatory.

* * *

Snape knocked on the door to Narcissa's sitting room which was adjacent to her bedroom.

"Come in" Narcissa called and Severus pushed the door open. "Oh hi, Sev" she said, putting her book aside. "I thought you went home"

Severus stood in the middle of the room, his look tortured, "Where is Lucius?"

"He is gone for a few days. Left after the wedding. Something about a mission…"

"Cissy" his voice was strained. "Help me"

Narcissa rose gracefully and went over to give him a hug. "I know, Sev. You are torturing yourself with thoughts of him punishing her tonight. I don't blame you"

Severus allowed himself to relax in her embrace and then snaked his arms around her waist, "I wanted so much more for her, Cissy. She is so bright and beautiful and has such a potential. He is going to stomp it all out of her…everything I have tried to instill in her. I want to go there and insist that he punish me again instead"

Cissy pulled away, "Of course you do, but it won't help. He wants to punish her tonight and so he will"

"I'm going over…I'm picturing" Severus put his hand on his head, pounding his fist against it, "everything that he is going to do tonight with her…the whole scene over and over again. He'll start with the cruciatus and then…then..."

"Sev! Stop!" Cissy's eyes were wide. "You can't think about what he is going to do. Push it from your mind"

"It is all I can think of. All I can see. Over and over again" Snape was forlorn."I'm helpless to stop it"

"Merlin, I have never seen you this tortured" there were tears in Cissy's eyes. "Sev, darling…" She approached him again, putting her hands on his shoulders. She hesitated and then kissed his cheek, softly, gently. "Please don't do this to yourself" she pleaded.

Snape stiffened, but his hands moved back to her waist. She kissed him again on the other cheek, "Do you need a distraction tonight, dearest?" she asked, her breath against his cheek.

Snape's hands trembled as he cleared his throat. "Are you offering a distraction?"

Cissy backed up surprised at the tremble. Severus never showed his nerves. "I never have seen you…so…exposed. You never show it"

"Does that bother you?"

Her hand reached up to his face, "Of course not. Sev, I…" she paused, "I really care about you. More than I should. Do you understand what I mean?"

"I think" Severus's hand shook again. "I feel the same, Cissy. I think I always have. But…I never dreamed…I mean you are so…merlin, you are stunning. You are so desired. And I am me"

Cissy put her finger on his lip, "Hush. I hate when you disparage yourself. You being you is wonderful"

"I thank you for that" Severus kissed her finger and she dropped her hand.

"It's true" Narcissa said, "Quite true"

Severus stiffened again, staring into her eyes.

"Don't try to read my mind, Sev" Narcissa chided softly, "You have to trust that my words are true"

He stared at her for a few moments more, torn. Narcissa was offering him a lifeline tonight...a chance out of this hell...that he couldn't get himself out of himself. And in spite of the moment of guilt that coursed through him, he decided that he needed this...he needed her. This is what he wanted for so long. And this is what he needed now.

He forced himself to relax, clearing his throat again, "May I kiss you then?" he asked, formally, but his hands squeezed her hips as he said it.

"Of course" She reached to grip his face and they kissed. And when their lips met for the first time, it was like an explosion of feeling happened…propelling them to action. Snape fumbled with the buttons of her blouse, yanking it off while Narcissa made quick work of his shirt for him. And then reached to unbutton his pants and then proceeded to tease him for a bit.

He grunted and in one swift motion, picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him, "We can stop. We should stop" he said, breathless, between kisses.

"Bedroom, Severus. Now" Narcissa ordered, her breathing labored. " _Now_ "

"Narcissa" Severus wandlessly opened the door and plopped onto her bed with her, "You are vulnerable. We mustn't do this when you are so vulnerable. The timing is all wrong"

"Me, vulnerable?" Narcissa laughed at him, " _You_ are the vulnerable one tonight, Severus. If there is any one taking advantage, it is me"

"We should stop…" Severus pulled away suddenly, Narcissa and him on her bed.

"Sev, why?" Narcissa asked quietly. "I want to have sex with you tonight. You want to have sex with me…" she paused, "you do, don't you?"

"Of course, I do" Severus shifted, "i…" he looked at her, helpless.

"What?" she demanded.

"You are…Narcissa, you are like a veela to me…you are enchanting…and I'm…I'm…I know how I am"

"I'm attracted to you, Severus. You are just going to have to take my word for it. You are attractive in your own dark, snarky way...actually quite seductive"

"Okay, but…" he paused, "Read my mind. I can't express myself for the life of me tonight"

"I don't need to, Sev" Narcissa retorted. "Has it been a while? Is that it?" she asked, sympathetically, "Since that tramp from Hogsmeade that you dated…what was it…six...maybe seven years ago? Right before Grace died?"

"Yes" Snape said, slowly.

"I never liked her, Sev" Cissy said, adamantly, "And that doesn't matter to me. You see what matters to me is not that it is perfect…but who it is with. And I've been forced to do this with…others…and I want it to be…special again. And it being with you…that's as special as it can be. You can fumble around and be awkward, but Sev, darling, it's still going to be wonderful to me…" she paused, "Do you want me to take charge? Is that what it is? I can you know, if that is what you like…me in charge" She inclined her head, her eyes sparkling, teasing, challenging him.

There was a gleam in Sev's eye…a spark…an answer to her challenge. "Oh, no, Narcissa. That is quite unnecessary, let me assure you" he reached around her, unhooking her bra, "As long as you are sure"

"I'm positive" Narcissa retorted, "Now kiss me again"

And when he kissed her again, there was no hesitation…replaced only with a determination…a decisiveness…a deliberate drive…and a desire to be consumed by her.

And when it is over, he securely put his arm around her waist, pulling her against his side, not wanting to let her go.

"Sev" she leaned up.

"No, no" Severus admonished, "lay back down, Cissy. I don't want you to leave"

"Considering it's my room, I'm certainly not leaving" she retorted, haughtily.

"Are you kicking _me_ out?" Severus asked with a trace of a smile.

She settled back down in his arms, "No, I want you to sleep with me tonight. This is more than sex for me. I hope you know that"

"I do. For me too" Severus said, his voice low. "Lucius…we should perhaps talk about that. "

"He won't care" her voice was muffled against his chest. "But, if this is more than a one time, which I sincerely hope it is…"

"It is"

"Then, we need to talk to…" Narcissa's voice trailed off. "Well, you know…"

"I know" Severus said, resigned. "I'll talk to him tomorrow. It will give me a chance to check on Sarah" he winced, "Oh merlin"

"What, Severus?"

"I feel like the worst father"

Cissy leaned up, surprised, "Why one earth?"

"She is going through hell right now and I…I allowed myself not to do the same tonight…I should have been in hell with her…well, my own separate hell…but I should have stayed tortured…for her…not allowed myself to have so much pleasure in this moment with you"

"You can allow yourself moments of pleasure, Severus" Cissy said, quietly, "being a father" she traced his cheek, "Being a father doesn't take that away…and Sarah…she wouldn't want you sitting here tortured. You know that"

"I think this…this was the only thing that could bring me out of that hell tonight" Severus said, "it was a surprise"

"A welcome one?" she asked lightly.

"For certain" Severus's fingers danced along her arm and then he yawned in spite of himself.

"You are shattered, poor thing" Narcissa smiled, biting her lip as she did.

"It has been a while…merlin, quite a while" Severus said, "I don't know how I did it"

"You were distracted parenting" Narcissa said, "and worried about having to explain things to your daughter"

"That's for sure" Severus sunk his head back into the pillow.

"Go to sleep Severus. That's just what you need now"

"It's so early. What time is it? Nine-thirty?"

"That doesn't matter. You haven't slept well in ages. Go to sleep" Narcissa leaned over to kiss his cheek and the moved to pull away to her side of the bed.

"Narcissa…don't leave"

"I was just giving you space"

"Don't need space" Severus mumbled, sleepily. "If you don't mind"

Narcissa moved back over and he opened his arm up again for her and wrapped it around her waist. She put her head on his chest, closing her own eyes. And for the first time in years, Severus slept soundly….until…he was jolted awake by his mark.

"Sev?" Narcissa sat up as Severus's reached for his pants.

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you"

"That's fine. What is going on?"

"I've been summoned"

"Summoned?" Narcissa asked surprised. She reached for her wand, summoning his shirt from the other room as he pulled on his pants, zipping them up and then buttoning them. "Here"

He shrugged on his shirt and began to button it quickly.

"What time is it anyway?" she asked.

"Three thirty"

"Why would he be summoning you now?"

"I have no idea. Something with Sarah, I think. Blast it" Severus fumbled with the buttons.

Narcissa sat up on her knees on the edge of the bed and proceeded to button his shirt for him. "Come back here when you are done, won't you?" she asked.

"Of course" he nodded, "Narcissa" his voice was strained again.

"You can do this" Cissy said, quietly. "Clear your mind. Whatever you face, you can face it"

"Thank you" Severus turned from her and then stopped, retraced his steps and leaned down to give her a kiss…a brief one on the lips, "I'll return here when I am done. I promise"

"Wake me if I fall back asleep"

He nodded his agreement and then left for Voldemort's manor.

A/N: An ideal stopping point…up next: Sarah and Voldemort…and why is Snape called? And what do you all think of Narcissa and Snape? And Draco's fighting words? Would love to know thoughts!


	9. Atonement

**A/N:** Thank you all for your kind reviews. I love to know your thoughts. It really helps motivate me to keep writing. A quick note…I have been made aware of my lack of punctuation is disconcerting (and probably annoying) to some readers (well, at least one reader). I write basically stream of consciousness and tend to flow through the dialogue, punching it out quickly…and I should use proper punctuation…the reviewer wasn't wrong. But I do have two young kids and I am just doing this for fun in my "spare" time, which there isn't much of. I also do it because I enjoy it...and it is a great way to unwind and be creative. I am a writer that tends to focus a lot on characterization…especially trying to make the characters multifaceted and complex. I have never been great at grammatical things and editing these chapters can be really tedious. I don't think it distracts from the work, but on that note, I promise I will be more mindful of my punctuation in dialogue from here on out. As far as editing, previous chapters, probably won't really happen. Now that business has been taken care of, a SUPER, SUPER long chapter for you all…Thanks for continuing to read and review!

 ** _Warning:_** strong t rating...nothing graphic, but he does punish her in this chapter, so (without specifically giving it away), there is abuse...he is Voldemort after all.

 **Chapter 9** : **Atonement**

 _Voldemort's Manor: Earlier that Night_

Sarah paced the length of his room and back again, her robes sweeping behind her. Her hands were trembling something awful, but she felt helpless to still them. The more she waited, the more panicked she became. How could she bear this? She had no idea.

She took a shuddering breath and then another, trying to employ all the techniques Snape had taught her over the years. She managed after great difficulty to clear her mind, voiding herself of her emotion.

Her hands stilled.

She let out her breath in relief, feeling more controlled over her panic. She forced herself to examine his room. It was so different than hers...rich colors of blues and greens and dark woods filled the room. A generously sized bed dominated the middle with a nightstand at its side. Books lined the nightstand along with a box of tissues and a leftover glass of water. A large closet full of clothes stood near the entrance to the lavatory. On the opposite side was a dresser and a desk with a chair. She wondered why he wanted a desk in here when he had a study. It was decidedly masculine; yet again there was that coziness to it that her room lacked. Once again, she was confronted by his humanity. He may be the darkest wizard of all time, ruthless and domineering, but he was still a person. She had a hard time wrapping her head around the different shades of his personality. And part of her was frustrated that she even had to confront this. She was almost eighteen...she should have graduated and been planning her next steps, laughing over some boy drama with her best friends, not wondering if she would survive the next hour with the darkest, most powerful wizard all time...a man three times her age. How did she get here? And how would keep true to herself here with him?

And then there was Draco…the thought of him and Ginny made her ill. She missed him desperately. She had loved him since she was eleven years old. How could she have given it up like she just did? And how would her heart ever recover? So many emotions filled her-despair, anger, frustration...

The thoughts swirling around in her head, she continued with her pacing, absently tugging the ends of her hair as she did.

He entered then, the door creaking open, the sound causing her to jump. She immediately stopped pacing and shut her eyes briefly, trying to gather her courage now that the moment was here. She took another breath in an attempt to quell her nerves, which were threatening to get out of control. She turned towards him, standing in the middle of the room at the foot of his bed.

"I could hear you pacing from down the hall," he chided her, stepping into his room and shutting the door firmly behind him. "I told you earlier that you could sit."

"I can't sit. I'm nervous," she said, chewing on her thumb.

"And rightly so," Voldemort answered, "You would be a fool not to be." He approached her. "Let's stop this now," he tugged her thumb out of her mouth, "Nervous habits are not becoming."

"You just said I would be a fool not to be nervous," she argued.

"I did," he answered, squeezing her thumb, then placed her hand by her side, "however, that does not mean you should show those feelings."

"Is your business taken care of?" she asked, her voice contrite, opting for changing the subject.

"It has."

"Satisfactorily?"

"I believe so."

"Good. Does that mean your company is gone?" she asked, quietly, shifting on her feet.

"Worried we'll be interrupted?" he asked, amused.

"Or that we will have an audience," she said, without thinking. And then she bit her lip again, inwardly berating herself for speaking what she was thinking out loud, for revealing her fear of his inner circle, a fear he could use against her. She knew better, but she was really thrown off balanced by being here with him in his room. It wasn't neutral ground…and he knew it.

"Interesting," he quirked his head, staring pointedly at her lip which she immediately released, "I could have opted to have my death eaters present. I perhaps should have."

Her stomach twisted, not liking that thought at all.

"Do you think you'll need help with this, my Lord?" she asked, raising her own eyebrows, trying to regain her footing with him. There was a bite to her tone and they both knew what she was getting at...it was a swipe at his age. She wasn't going to give in to this easily.

He laughed, "No, dear, I am quite capable of handling you all on my own, thank you for your concern."

She didn't say anything else and he continued,

"Do you have occlumency shields up right now?" he asked, his hands moving up her arms to massage her shoulders gently.

She hesitated; unaware of whether she should admit the truth. "Yes, I do."

"Take them down, please."

Panicked filled her at the thought of surviving without the techniques Snape taught her at her disposal, "B…but…" she grimaced.

"Take them down," Voldemort ordered. "No shields tonight. Just you and me."

"But I have told you everything," she whispered, "and this is all I have to help me."

"And I want them gone too. Take them down _now,_ " his voice compelled her to act. "Better, I want access to your mind tonight."

"Alright," her hands began to shake again from her nerves, which were now frayed.

"Now you are shaking," he chided. "Control yourself."

He tipped up her chin, forcing her gaze upon him, "You can do better than this."

"I can't," she sniffled, fighting the urge to wipe her emotions by pushing up her shields.

"Try harder," he commanded.

"Teach me how," she whispered, fighting to control her nerves and her fear without the techniques Snape taught her. She finally opted for clutching her hands in each other, trying to physically force them still.

He massaged her shoulders, "Do you really wish to know?"

"I'm having trouble," she dropped her hands and she managed to control the tremble.

"I've noticed," he told her, "After your punishment concludes. A good dose of nerves and fear is good for you every now and then."

She swallowed hard, "How painful will this be exactly?" there was a catch in her voice she didn't attempt to hide.

"You have endured worse."

She stilled then, "Have I?"

"Yes, you have," he answered, solemnly.

"But I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?" he asked, questioning.

"Why would you be merciful after what I have done?" she asked, her surprise evident in her tone.

"Because I would have done the same thing in response to a curse," he told her, "Part of me is proud of how far you have come."

Shame flooded her that he was comparing her to him. "I regret it though. You would never regret it."

"I know you do. And _that_ , my dear one, is why you are being punished tonight," he told her.

"I'm being punished because I feel guilty that I killed Bellatrix?" Sarah was horrified, "you are supposed to be punishing me for killing her, not because I have regrets! This is all wrong!"

"I told you when you used Dark magic that I would not tolerate you sulking afterwards."

"This is not what I'm doing," she sniffled.

"That is exactly what you are doing. It isn't about Bellatrix. I think you are glad she is gone."

Sarah's heart lurched, but remained silent.

"And that makes you feel guilty, but I do believe your guilt more stems from using the killing curse…and if my instincts about you are correct, then you are very much sulking because you used dark magic…but we are getting ahead of ourselves…we are going to sort through all of these issues now."

"I don't have issues!" Tears formed in her eyes, them falling down before she could help herself.

"Clearly you do" He shook his head, "Control yourself," his voice was stern. "Now."

"You told me to take my shields down. That's the only way I know to be stoic," she countered. "If you don't like me crying, then let me have my shields up."

He wiped at her eyes, "I like you vulnerable with me."

"I thought shows of weakness disgusted you."

"But I want you weaker than me."

"Lovely," she sniffed again, "So, let me get this straight, you aren't punishing me for killing Bellatrix, but only for feeling sorry for it?"

"Yes, but this is not simply about Bella. It's more than that. What else could it be about?"

She swallowed hard, "The lies," she cleared her throat, choking a bit.

"Yes, little one, all those lies…though that indeed was a remarkable feat…so impressive," his hands moved down her shoulders to her arms, massaging them gently, "It takes a powerful witch to be able to resist me access…and to beat me at legilimancy."

"How did I beat you?" she asked, quietly.

"You showed me what you wanted me to see and you kept your secrets hidden. Sarah, there are only two wizards on this planet that have been able to do that to such a success…you and your father."

She swallowed hard at Snape's mention and he continued, "and you see, all this is such a funny business. I am angry at you for the lies and deceit, but I also find myself thinking about the strength, the cunning, the darkness you have shown…"

"The darkness?" she struggled to take a breath.

"The darkness you possessed in your core when you cast that killing curse. The power that you wielded in that moment…you defeated one of my most powerful, sinister, talented death eaters. Others have tried, believe me…but only you succeeded. So while I am angry at you, I find all those qualities you demonstrated during the last battle…well, to be frank with you, those qualities have only increased my desire for you. I want you even more now."

It felt like he punched her in the stomach…and what was worse is that she knew his words were true. She turned her head away. "I see"

"No, no," he chided, "Look at me." he forced her face back. "I _should_ make an example of you in front of the others, but when it comes down to it, this...I want it to remain personal between us."

"Because?"

"As my lover, you will have to be submissive to me in other ways too. Handling you is my battle and I want the freedom to do so how I believe is best. If I want to be harsh, then I want to be harsh. If I want to be lenient, then I want to be lenient. This is between you and I...and you are my responsibility alone."

She struggled to understand all that he was telling her.

"And when you made the stand against me that night…which by the way, is also a reason you are being punished…you made it personal…between you and me. Didn't you?"

"I don't know," her throat was dry. "It wasn't personal in my mind…that is…I'm not sure," she paused. She had wanted to stand up to him. She had been tired of his manipulation and while she had made a stand against his cause, she also very much made the stand against him.

"Are you confused of your motives?" he asked, quietly.

"I thought…" she paused again, "I don't know what I thought, sir."

"Don't worry, dear one. We will figure it out together," He patted her arms, "Let's get started, shall we?"

She fought the nausea.

"Do you have a hair tie?" he asked as he gathered her hair up into a ponytail. She offered him her wrist and he maneuvered it off her wrist and expertly tied her hair up. "When you were sick, I invaded your mind. They say I set your recovery back, but I wanted all your secrets."

"I remember."

"Even though you were unconscious?" he questioned.

"Yes."

He tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear that he had missed, "I saw a lot, Sarah. So many secrets. I know you joined Harry in his last moments before confronting me."

"You saw me there anyway, my Lord."

"You are a perceptive girl," He chuckled and smoothed down her hair, "Invisibility cloaks. So rare, yet I know how to see through them."

"You let me go though."

"I wanted to figure out what you would do," he said, "I heard what you were thinking when you made a stand against me that day. You were thinking about Snape. His instructions were what you heard in your head."

"Why are we talking about Snape?" she said, her heart hammering. Her stand had outed Snape and he had been punished for his role in protecting her. Snape and she never talked about it, but it was a guilt that lived with her, deep inside her.

"Because," he continued to stroked the side of her head, "It wasn't Snape's instructions you heard when you decided to kill Bellatrix, was it?"

She couldn't control her reaction- the deep feeling of shame, of guilt, of regret. His words hit her right in her core.

"Tell me," his voice was low in her ear, his breath hot upon her cheek. "Whose voice did you hear in that decisive moment?"

She couldn't look at him. It was her deepest darkest secret- one that plagued her at night. And he knew. For all her stand against him, she reverted to what he taught her the moment the crises...the shade of grey... came...and when it did, she chose darkness… _his_ darkness.

"I expect an answer."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," she blurted out, unable to admit it.

"Sarah, Sarah, Sarah," he shook his head with mock sorrow, "you already know that I know." he pulled out his wand, "Take three steps back now." he turned her around so she was in the middle of the room, perpendicular to his bed. "Good, now look at me."

She forced her eyes up to look at him and he continued, "I will get you to admit the truth. You need to admit the truth before we can move on with this life I had planned for you."

She tried not to scream as the curse hit her causing her to fall to the ground as her muscles clenched in pain. She immediately tried to put her shields back up, clearing her mind to try to deal with the pain. It stopped suddenly.

"I told you not to use your shields."

"But I have to!" she exclaimed.

"No, you don't," he countered. "Shields down. Try to stand up on your own now."

She took a breath and used her hands to push herself up to stand on wobbly knees.

"Eyes on me again," he instructed and she looked up from where she was staring at the floor.

"I saw other things," he told her, his voice even, "I confuse you, Sarah Grace."

"No, I know who you are."

"Do you?" he said, "or are you just ashamed that part of you thought for a minute that I did have redeeming qualities?"

"I know the evil that you are," she declared, her voice strangled. "You killed so many, you torture so many."

"Yet, how do I treat you, Sarah?" he asked, lightly.

"Well, considering you are cursing me now..." she snapped, "I don't think it is all that unclear for me at this moment."

The cruciatus hit her again, the second round more intense and long lasting than the first. Her mind wandered to memories of her childhood, memories with Snape. It was excruciating, plain and simple.

"What did you think you could accomplish, Sarah, by standing against me...by rallying the troops?"

"The satisfaction of being in the right," she grunted, screaming out against the pain.

It stopped.

"The satisfaction of being in the right," He mused as he knelt beside her, his wand in his hand. "Tell me. Does it feel satisfying?" he asked, quietly. "Losing your child. Losing Draco. Having Snape cursed on your behalf. Does that feel satisfying to you? Does that feel right to you?"

She groaned, rolling over onto her back. She looked up at the ceiling, focusing on the imperfections of the plaster.

"Who did you hear?" he asked, his voice smooth, unaffected by her pain. "In that moment you decided to kill Bellatrix? Whose voice was propelling you forward?"

"No one," she insisted. "I heard no one." She would rather die than admit that she heard his voice.

"Why must you be so stubborn?" he asked, his hand on her shoulder as she squirmed trying to fight the tension in her muscles. Lying on her back hurt so badly, but she was sure any other position would be equally as uncomfortable.

"Genetics."

"That I believe," he answered, "But it's not as simple as that. It's because you feel that admitting the truth reveals something about yourself. Something you want to remain hidden." He sat down on the floor next to her and moved her onto her side. "Too much strain on your back to lie on it right now," he advised. He scooted her over to place her head on his lap. "You want to remain above it all, but you do know you didn't have to kill Bella. You could have cursed her…rendered her unable to fight back. But you chose to kill her. Why was that?"

"She was aiming to kill me," Sarah sniffled, the tears wet on her face.

"Yes, dear one, she was," Voldemort rubbed her head which was still on his lap. "But I was aiming to kill Potter…and your beloved Potter…he never once tried to kill me…only tried to disarm. Even Dumbledore…he never attempted the killing curse on me in battle. Yet, when the moment came, you were determined to kill Bellatrix. Why Sarah?"

"It's a war…and…" she shifted, her muscles revolting.

"Is that what you were taught to do? Fight to kill?" he asked, lightly, "Potter approve that? How about Dumbledore?"

"Not exactly," she murmured, her chest tightening.

"Then who taught you that? Snape had always made it clear that you had an aversion to using the killing curse. That you felt it was wrong, even in battle…much like your Potter. So what made you decide to kill Bella in battle?"

"It was instinct…"

"Instinct? Hum," Voldemort mused, "Perhaps, but that instinct was fostered by some source…was it Snape?"

"Snape believes that you should do so…"

"Yes, because I taught him that…was it Snape's voice you heard when you made that decision to kill Bellatrix?"

"No," she whispered.

"No, it was not. So whose voice was it?"

Sarah shook, his words crushing her chest, her breathing shortening.

"Whose words did you hear?"

Her chest felt incredibly tight as she struggled to breath, gasping for air.

"Why are you panicking now?" he asked, curiously. "Am I getting too close to the truth?"

"No, of course not."

"Stop lying to me," he patted her head, "Let's take off your robes now. I don't want you to become overheated. Your face is flushed."

"That's the least of my worries," she said as he helped her sit up.

His hands moved lightly over her cheek, before dropping his hand to unclasp her robes for her. He removed her robes, tossing them onto the bed.

Though she was in pain, she shifted her legs so she was sitting more ladylike on the floor, aware of how much he could see.

"I like you wearing skirts, Sarah," He said quietly, smoothing down the end of her skirt, "so much more lady like," He pulled her up again. "Again, then."

Another round of the crutiatus, but if it was even possible, it felt much worse than the last round. He wasn't holding back. Out of desperation she wielded her wandless magic to summon her wand from wherever he had it hidden. He intercepted it quickly.

"That was foolish," he told her as she lay crouched over her head on the floor, "but at the same time it was such a powerful display in the midst of an unforgivable you can have the wherewithal to use wandless magic, especially when your magic has been so compromised. Well done, dear one. Well done, indeed."

She stared at him, blinking several times. And then it was if something inside her broke…more like exploded. And in spite of all Snape's warnings to control her temper, all of her resolutions to be smart about it, she couldn't take it anymore. He was pushing her beyond what she could bear tonight, especially after the events of this morning…and his tone was so condescending.

She snapped. The glass on the table broke, followed by the mirror in his room, shattering everywhere causing her to duck for cover.

"Oh my," Voldemort knelt next to her, "Control your magic. You are going to do irreparable damage to it if you don't stop this foolishness. Your levels are too weak for this especially after you just used wandless magic."

"I don't care! It can be gone forever for all I care!"

The pillow ripped on his bed and feathers flew everywhere.

"Sarah, stop this!" he admonished sternly, his hand was on her head, applying a firm pressure.

"Curse me again," she grunted. "Go on." the papers flew off his desk.

"Control your magic," he gripped her head, "Obey me now."

"I have no control over it," she said, laughing. "I don't know why it is doing this. I can barely use a wand, remember?"

"You are a witch of almost 18 years," Voldemort countered, "you can control it."

"Do you think so?" her eyes were wide, "Well, maybe, it's that I don't want to control it!" she glared at him.

"Are you throwing a tantrum?" he looked at her darkly. "Is this what this is?"

"And what if I am?" she said, "Go ahead, curse me again. I'm waiting. I think one more cruciatus and I should pass out. Then you won't have to deal with my _tantrum._ Won't that be lovely for you?" The curtain ripped, the moonlight flooding in. "Oops, did I do that? So sorry."

"Very well, if this is how you are determined to proceed," Voldemort sighed loudly and lifted her up by the armpits.

"Go ahead and curse me again," she challenged. "Maybe I'll lose my mind with one more cruciatus and become as loony as Bella."

"What did I say about pushing me, little one?" he asked, planting her feet on the ground.

"Just one more cruciatus. Come on. Let me lose my mind."

"No, thank you for the suggestion though," Voldemort said, his voice polite, "I do, however, think you need some correction though."

"Why don't you use Snape's curse?" She suggested, "that seems like one that would shut me up."

"I don't want you to shut up," he said, "I want you to talk. Do you remember what I want to talk about?"

She shrugged, but the act tightened her muscles considerably, causing her to want to scream out in pain, but she bit her lip to prevent it, tasting blood. He pushed her across the room towards his desk.

"You do remember, don't you?"

"I don't want to talk about it," her voice even sounded petulant to her own ears.

"If you insist on acting like a child, we can treat you as such," he told her.

He pushed her down, bent over against the desk in the side of his room.

"I'm not a child."

"I'm aware," he said, dryly, his hand on her back, forcibly pinning her down, "But this always seemed to work for Snape for correcting your course when you got out of control—and your mouth got out of hand. And I'd say this qualifies as out of control…though after three rounds of cruciatus, I don't know how you are finding it in you to throw this tantrum. I will give you points for determination though."

She squirmed, the position she was in absolutely making her muscles excruciatingly strained. "How do you know about Snape?"

"I saw your memories and his, remember? And Snape and I have talked about you at length. Of course, he didn't do this often and you do know I'm not going to be as kind as him about it, either. I'm going to crush this mood you are in…but rest assured, dear one, when I am through you will be conscious to finish our conversation and of full mental capacity. You aren't getting off that easily. You will answer my question."

"No, wait," she grunted, "This is not what you are supposed to be doing. You are supposed to be cursing me until I pass out or lose my mind or till you killed me."

"Sarah, dearest, you are simply not listening to me. And I find that quite troublesome, but no matter. I think you'll listen now. And I think when I am done, you'll regret your actions. I will make sure."

And she didn't doubt him for a minute that would be the case.

* * *

She felt so tired...weak, weary, emotionally drained. Broken, yet still she wouldn't admit what he wanted to hear. And he was right- he wasn't kind about it and the bite of the belt on top of the ache from the cruciatus was too much. He was giving her a thorough trashing that made Snape's discipline look like love taps. The one saving grace was that he kept her knickers on, but the thin, lacey black panties that he had chosen for her offered little protection. And with each blow, she felt her reckless mood abate, pulling her back into reality…leaving her shattered. He kept questioning her, yet she couldn't give him what he wanted.

"Why won't you just tell me?" he asked, frustrated.

"I just can't," she sobbed, shaking violently. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I can't. Really, I don't."

"Very well. Enough of this," he said as he bunched up the belt and threw it across the room, it clanging against the closet door with a thump. "At least it served to quell your reckless temper."

"I really am sorry about your room."

Voldemort let out his breath, "You pushed me further than anyone has pushed me tonight, and lived to tell about it. I hope you are aware of how truly reckless and idiotic your actions were."

She continued to cry over his desk, "I just lost control."

"Then it's a good thing that I have more control over my temper than you, isn't it, little one?"

She continued to shake, her legs like jelly.

"Can you stand up?"

"No," she moaned, burying her head in the hard desk. "Everything hurts."

"I'm sure it does. Here we go," he carefully lifted her up and placed her in bed. _His bed_. He swiped his wand and corrected the damage she did to his room in an instant. He took one of the pillows and placed it under her head.

"Turn onto your stomach," he instructed her, quietly.

"Ahh," she groaned as she couldn't figure out how to make her muscles cooperate with his command. Her body continued to shake involuntary.

"Do you need incentive?"

"I'm still weak from Bellatrix and losing the baby and now after three rounds of cruciatus and you spanking me like a child, I'm having trouble moving."

"I certainly haven't broken your spirit completely," he commented as he placed his hand on her hip and helped her roll over. "And watch your tone."

"What exactly are you doing now?"

"Always so curious," he murmured. "I'm working on making things more comfortable for you."

"Is this over?" she asked, the tears still rolling down her face.

"For now, dear one," He reached for a container on the nightstand opening it up and dabbing his fingers with the contents, "This will sting a bit, but then should take the edge off."

"Do I have welts?" she asked, keenly aware of him pulling off her knickers and placing them on the nightstand beside them.

"Yes."

"How many?"

"Five."

"Will they scar?"

"Do you really think I would let you scar?" Voldemort asked, with mock horror.

"Your attempt at humor is lame."

He smacked her hard right over one of the welts.

"Damn it," she stiffened her body and immediately regretted it, practically convulsing in pain. "Merlin, I would infinitely rather be dead now."

"Why?"

"For one, you are seeing my arse...you...the bloody Dark Lord, evil incarnate."

He laughed harder, "There are few people that amuse me more than you. You are very fortunate I understand your wit," He applied the lotion causing her to shudder, "Easy there. Don't tense your muscles again. It will make it more painful."

"Easier said than done," Sarah muttered.

"It's all about control- over your mind and body. And I'm going to see a lot more of you soon."

"Comforting."

He chuckled. "Ah, you are tensing again. Take a breath," he advised. "Good girl, and what else makes you want to die?"

"My muscles are sore from the cruiatus. I hate the stiff feeling- like I have no way to control them."

"We will work on those next...I can make you more comfortable though you still will be in pain."

"And then I keep shaking…and I can't stop."

"You have been through it tonight," he responded, "take some deep breaths and try to get your emotions under control."

She took a few shuddering breaths and she felt his hand on the small of her back, the weight of it, surprisingly comforting.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, her voice broken.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I destroyed your room…and I…" she sniffed hard, "I stood against you that day."

"I know you did. And you better not do anything like that again or this will seem like child's play. I promise you that."

"Yes, but why…why are you trying to heal me?" her lip trembled. "Stop doing this." She was being confronted by those shades in his personality again.

"I don't wish to stop."

"But why?"

"Sarah," he chided softly.

"I have to know. I have to understand."

"There are some things you couldn't possibly understand."

"Please."

He let out his breath, "Remember what I told you a few months back?" he asked, "I meant it. I may correct you in difficult ways, but I will take care of you afterwards."

"But wouldn't you rather assign a house elf?"

"You are my responsibility now," he said, his voice low, "and I take that seriously with the women in my life."

"Isn't this beneath you though?" she pressed, still trying to process the events of tonight.

"Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"Yes."

"Would you rather me summon one of my death eaters to care for you?" he asked, casually, "I think Nott or Yaxley would be happy to oblige me for added perks afterwards."

It was the evil she knew verses the evil she didn't.

"No, thank you," she managed to get out.

"Very well then. Now hush," he patted her back, "and let me work."

She was silent for a few minutes, allowing him to care for her. "Can you tell me when?" she asked, unable to stop her mind from going to that place when she was lying on his bed...without her knickers none the less.

"When what?"

"When I will replace Bellatrix."

"Am I that repulsive to you?"

He began to rub her back.

Her voice caught, "I'm so scared...and you hate fear."

"I know you are," he continued to rub, "but I will be generous with you. You'll see. This arrangement can be mutually beneficial to both."

"But I still love Draco."

"You are still so sweet and naïve," Voldemort laughed heartedly, "This has nothing to do with that."

"You won and I will never be the same," she murmured, "What are you plans for me exactly?"

"An heir and a spare and a lot of fun along the way," he retorted, still massaging deep into her aching muscles, this time moving to her legs, "And when your magical levels have returned to normal, I'm going to make you the most powerful witch of your generation...maybe of all time."

"Do I have that in me?" she said, taking a breath.

"I believe you do," Voldemort retorted, "Your skill will put even that old fool to shame."

"Who will train me?"

"I will, of course."

"It sounds exhausting."

"Right now I'm sure it does."

"I'm too tired for all that."

"Yes, I know," he told her, "Go to sleep."

"Here?"

"Yes, until you are healed."

"Why not my bed?"

"I want you here," he answered simply. "There are nights I will want you to sleep beside me."

"And then there will be nights you dismiss me like the whore I am," she muttered, unable to stop her snarky remark.

He smacked her, "Don't you dare."

"Curse me again then," she sniffled, "and again and again until I die. That's what I want."

He smacked her again, "That's not what you will get."

"And we will make love when you want and it won't be you raping me," she laughed, bitterly.

He turned her over, "you'll end up begging for it one day."

"I highly doubt that."

"Oh you will," he added, confidently, "it's only a matter of how long it takes."

She didn't say anything else and he gripped her arm and helped her sit up, her wincing almost immediately.

"You can lash out all you want at first…but it won't push me into giving you up. I'm determined that you will soften to me…that you will submit to me. And regardless of what the world may think, I do have patience when it comes to achieving my goals."

She shivered.

"You are chilled," he said, frowning at the goose bumps on her arms.

"Yes."

"The manor is drafty."

"No, it's not overly. It's just…I've been cold...since Bellatrix," she admitted.

He frowned, swiped his wand over her. "Your magical levels are severely drained from your outburst," he scolded.

"They'll never be the same again anyway," she grumped.

"I'm not sure what to do with your moods. If three rounds of the cruciatus and spanking you with a belt doesn't bring you out of it, I'm not sure what will."

"At least I'm not still destroying your room," she said.

"That is true," He cast a warming charm over her. "That should help," he told her. He transfigured her clothes into a cozy nightgown and then pulled back the covers. "Get under the covers."

"Where will you be?"

"Next to you."

"But..."

"You are too weak for me to do anything to you now, Sarah," he grunted, "Get under the covers."

"Can I at least have my knickers back?"

"Is that your worry?" He chuckled and swiped his wand, them going back on. "I can take them off just as easily. They aren't a barrier to me, but if it makes you more settled, than fine. Now obey before I decide to curse you again."

She scrambled under the covers. He sat next to her on the bed again. He poured her a spoonful of a potion. "This will help you sleep."

She nodded, "Thank you."

He helped her to lay back, "I'm going to read beside you for a while. Try to rest."

She wiggled into the bed, trying to get comfortable. "This is hopeless."

"The potions should work in a few moments. Sleeping on your side might be the best option if your back feels strained by lying on your stomach," he suggested, opening his book.

She rolled onto her side away from him. She put her arm underneath the pillow, hugging it.

"Better?"

"A little," she responded, sleepily.

She fell into a restless sleep, the potion working its magic.

* * *

She woke up, drenched in sweat, her muscles convulsing. She grunted and bit her lip to try to keep from screaming. Voldemort shifted beside her and then sat up, the lights turning on with a swipe of his hand.

"Easy," Voldemort reached for his wand, "Just keep calm."

"I can't," Her breathing was labored, "this hurts so badly. What is this?"

"The crutiatus I used on you was adapted...it was more powerful- more concentrated to elicit this response later on."

Her stomach rebelled, "Oh," she tried to swallow down her nausea. "The fun never ends. I'm going to…"

"I know," He quickly murmured an incantation and while the pain was still intense she no longer felt like she would spill her guts all over his bed.

"I'm setting the timer. Ten minutes and I'll heal you."

"I thought you said it was over earlier."

"Hum, I believed the words I said was _for now,_ " he shrugged, "you still haven't given me what I wanted. And that was also before your mouth got the better of you…"

Those ten minutes were excruciating as she tried to keep out from crying in pain, but soon she did anyway. Her cries soon filled the air, but they didn't sway Voldemort to act, his eyes on the timer.

"Let me have the timer," she groaned, "I need to focus on something."

He put it in her line of sight. "By all means."

She still continued to cry out, sometimes them turning to screams, but her eyes never left the timer either.

And when it rang, all she felt was an enormous amount of relief.

"Such a display," he chided as he gave her more potions, spelled her muscles so they relaxed, and then continued to rub her stiff, rebelling muscles gently. She continued to cry through it all.

"Stop crying," he hushed her. "It's growing tiresome. The worst is over."

"Did Bellatrix never cry?"

He laughed, "You are amusing tonight, my dear. Unless you count in the throws of passion, Bellatrix wasn't much of a crier."

She grimaced, "Even when cursed?"

"She liked it, Sarah."

"That's revolting," she gagged a bit, "I need to go back to my room."

"Why is that?"

"I have to use the loo."

"You can use mine," he retorted, easing her up and carrying her to his lavatory. He gave her privacy and after she took care of her needs and washed her hands she sunk to the ground, against the bathtub. She felt so trapped and didn't know how to handle this...handle him. She cried for a little longer before struggling to compose herself.

She took a few breaths before using all her strength, to push herself up and walk out of the lavatory on her own.

"I want to go back to my own room," she said, her lip trembling.

"That's not how this works," he answered, calmly. "You need to accustom yourself to spending time with me before I actually take you in here for more than just sleep."

"Why?" she fisted her hands.

"Because regardless of what you believe, I want more than a whore."

She grunted at that pronouncement, but then continued, "I don't feel good. I want to be alone."

"It's not your choice. All your choices left you when you decided to defy me."

She fought the urge to stomp her foot, "I'm miserable and awake... and you hate me. Why would you want me here?"

"I don't hate you," Voldemort said, quietly, "I like you very much. That's the only reason why you are alive right now. The reason why I did this in private. The reason why you are becoming my mistress. Stop being stubborn, get over this attitude and accept that this is what is happening"

"I'll never accept this," she said, her eyes sparking, "never. I'm not Bellatrix. I will never be her!"

"No, you are not," he said, quietly, "but I want you, even if Bella was still alive, that wouldn't have changed that fact."

"I won't obey you. I won't break. I won't turn evil. I won't!"

"Then it is my duty as your leader to force you into compliance with all those things," he said, "but for now, I'd settle for you just going back to bed."

"No," she sniffled, "I need Snape."

He stilled, "Snape?" he questioned.

"Yes, I need Snape. He always knows what to do and I don't know what to do…and he makes me feel settled… he is the only one that can settle my emotions right now enough to obey. It's the truth and we both know it."

He studied her for a few moments, "Maybe that is a wise idea" he said, slowly, "you do know that a child's behavior is often a reflection on his or her parent. Perhaps Snape should be held accountable for your behavior."

Her eyes widened, "No, he has nothing to do with that!"

"I do want to know his take on the events of tonight…especially on your attitude and behavior," he murmured. "Be careful what you ask for, Sarah Grace. Knowing your father as I do, I think he might employ some more discipline. Actually, I might insist upon it."

"You can't force him to spank me."

"Sarah, I can do whatever I wish. I make the orders around here. But I don't think I will have to do any forcing if you act this way with him," Voldemort said, wryly, "but we shall see."

She knew she was doomed...when Snape learned how reckless she had been, he would surely have alot to say about it.

* * *

"I do apologize for the lateness of the hour," Voldemort said, quietly, "but your daughter needs some parental guidance."

"What has she done?" Snape looked between the two of them, the tension between the two filling the room.

"What have _I_ done?" Sarah asked, aghast.

They ignored her. "Apparently three rounds of the cruciatus curse and a session over my desk wasn't enough to thwart her attitude, prevent her from destroying my things, or answer my very simple questions."

"This is making me sound like I am in the wrong! He cursed me and beat me and I'm the one in the wrong?"

"Be quiet now!" Snape snapped at her and Sarah immediately closed her mouth. "You are in the wrong, because you made your allegiance to others, they lost the war, and he is your leader now. He holds your future in his hands and that position demands your respect."

It was a harshness she hadn't expected. "Dad."

"I told you to be quiet," Snape growled and he turned to the Dark Lord, "What do you mean she destroyed your things?"

"It was quite dramatic her tantrum, Severus," Voldemort retorted, "curtains ripping, mirrors shattering, feathers flying"

Severus turned to Sarah, his mouth open in surprise.

She shrugged.

Severus narrowed his eyes, gave her a pointed glare and then turned back to the Dark Lord, "I'm surprised"

"I have to admit I was surprised to. You'd think after she had been under the cruciatus curse three times that she would have been a little more contrite. Instead, she lost her temper. But regardless, she was thoroughly punished for that…moment of youthful indiscretion"

"How is she standing now after all of that?"

"I have helped her healing along," Voldemort said. "I want my answers, Severus. And I want her poor attitude to cease. Maybe I should invite our friends here and redo my discipline session in front of them...let them take turns with her. Do you think that would work?"

"I'm sure that is not necessary, my Lord," Snape said, smoothly. "Though if she has an attitude with me, I might ask borrow your ruler." it was a warning...a chastisement.

Voldemort smiled. "I told you, dear one."

She wrinkled her nose in response, quite put out by the team effort that was going on at the moment.

"Very well, Severus," Voldemort continued, "I'll give you the chance to see if you can correct her course. I'm quickly losing my patience with her."

"I understand, my Lord," Severus retorted, smoothly, "Sit down, Sarah," Snape said, turning to her.

"Standing feels better," she muttered.

"Black," Snape let out his breath, "It's three-forty in the morning. Do not presume that my affection for you outweighs my annoyance that you have put us in this situation to begin with."

"I can give you more cream later if sitting is that uncomfortable, Sarah," Voldemort offered, with a glint in his eye.

Snape tried his best to ignore the fact that the Dark Lord was very much teasing his daughter...in a not so innocent way.

"On the end of the bed there," Snape said, quietly.

She hesitated.

"I'll sit with you," Snape said, picking up on the stress of being on Voldemort's bed. "Now, Black."

She obeyed and he sat down next to her.

"What possessed you, Black?" he asked, his voice firm.

"I…" she sniffled. "I don't know"

"You aren't a child anymore. That behavior is completely unacceptable, regardless of the situation you find yourself in."

"I know." Her voice cracked, as she swallowed the lump down in her throat, trying not to cry.

"I should turn you over my knee right now. I taught you control over your emotions and impulses better than this. I taught you how to survive far better than this! What did you hope to accomplish?"

"I wanted him to curse me until...I don't know...I became nutters or died." she admitted.

"That was foolish, Sarah. You should have known that was counterproductive. Use. Your. Head."

"Please stop lecturing me."

"I'm not going to stop lecturing you. I'm your father. I have every right to lecture...especially at 3:45 in the morning," Severus snapped at her, "Do you realize how fortunate you were? Do you realize that he is the most powerful, darkest wizard of all time? You know what he is capable of. You aren't this stupid, Sarah."

She glanced at Voldemort, who raised his eyebrows, and then looked back at Snape. "I know!" she said, exasperated.

Severus paused at her tone, studying her carefully. He gave her a few moments and then put a hand on her knee, squeezing it firmly.

"This isn't like you. You are stronger than this. You have shown that. Tell me what's wrong…besides the obvious, of course."

"Everything, everything is wrong," she sniffled, the tears threatening to erupt...explode out of her. "I can't control all these emotions. I don't know how to handle this...I don't know how to handle him."

"That's because you can't handle him," Snape said, exchanging a look with the Dark Lord. "He isn't Draco. He isn't your peer. You are subservient to him. You can choose to continue to rebel- to lash out, to destroy things, to thwart him...but those actions will have consequences...with you being cursed, tortured, raped..."

"You think I should give up," she accused.

"I think you should see the situation for what it is," Snape countered. "And make the best of it."

She shook, "I can't believe you are telling me to just..."

"Why can't you believe that?" Snape interrupted, harshly, "I'm interested in your survival, Sarah Grace. He's offering you the chance to survive."

"By losing myself…"

"Yes," Snape said, darkly, "It's over. Over!" He gripped her shoulders and turned her towards him, "Do you realize what I have seen...what I have done to others not so very much unlike you? Do you realize how Yaxley, Nott, Avery, Wormtail...even Lucius...they are hot for your blood, Sarah...among other things? I can't protect you anymore than I am...but the Dark Lord can. It is in your best interest now to cooperate the best you can...and find a way among all of this, to achieve your goals."

"My goals?" Sarah whispered, "Draco is gone."

"Draco is not the end all," he squeezed her shoulders, "is that why you are acting so reckless tonight...because you know Draco and Ginny had sex tonight?"

She didn't realize the truth until he hit it pretty succinctly. Losing Draco…that feeling of hurt had been with her all day. Even all of this couldn't overshadow her hurt…her anger…her despair. And she had been reckless and impulsive with her words and actions all day long…simply unmotivated to care about her survival when she just wanted to curl up and cry in bed all day long.

The tears fell. "I love him, Dad. Since I was eleven years old. I love him so much that my heart hurts. Nothing else matters right now. My survival doesn't matter right now. I wanted to be his wife and have his children. And now our son is dead and he is married to someone else. He'll have babies with her- the babies _I'm_ supposed to have with him!"

"You asked for the divorce. You should have been prepared for the emotional consequences of your request," Snape said, his voice extremely gentle.

"I did warn her of those, Severus, before I granted her the request," Voldemort interjected.

"I know, he warned me. You warned me," she sniffled, "But I want to a moment to be selfish. Why does she get _my_ happiness?"

"I don't think she is particularly happy at the moment," Snape said, dryly. "Regardless of what you feel at the moment, you have to act with your head, not your heart."

"I can't act with my head right now!" she began to cry, covering her face with her hands. "I just want him back. That's all I know right now."

"She has so much to learn about life, Severus," Voldemort said, from his perch on the end of his desk.

"She's still young, my Lord. Perhaps we should let her have her moment of heartbreak tonight. Otherwise, she will self destruct and push you to doing what you don't want to do. I find in these cases a bit of understanding encourages compliance in the long run."

"Very well," Voldemort rose, "But if we are going to indulge her tonight, I want to be the one to comfort her and I want her to accept my comfort."

Snape looked up, surprised, "As you wish, my Lord," he rose, slowly.

They traded spots as he sat next to Sarah. Her head were buried in her hands, tears streaming through them.

"I... thought... you...said...this...was...tiresome," she sobbed, hiccuping.

He sighed, put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into him. "It is, but go ahead. I sometimes forget myself, but I've been young before too. You've borne a lot today...physically and emotionally. Perhaps, it is time to acknowledge that."

She stiffened in his arms for a moment, but as she did, she remembered Snape's words. The Dark Lord was giving understanding to her in this moment- she needed to take it and accept it. It was better than being cursed. She forced herself to relax.

"I don't want to make your shirt all snotty," she sniffled, burying her head in him, forgetting about who he was and just wanting someone to hold her.

He chuckled and rubbed the side of her head. "I have another one or there are cleaning spells. I'm sure we can work something out."

"She never cared about my shirt," Snape muttered, frowning.

"Different relationship," Voldemort said, looking at him. "I think I can take it from here, Severus."

"Are you sure, my Lord?"

"Entirely," he nodded. "I don't think she will be destroying anything else tonight, will you, Sarah?' he added, sternly.

"Of course not. That was a one time thing."

"Merlin help you, it better be," Voldemort said with a stern pat on her hip.

"My arse can't take it otherwise," she grimaced.

"I doubt it will be the last time I have to employ some of that discipline."

She groaned at that.

Severus coughed a bit, quite uncomfortable by the whole thing.

"Sorry to interrupt your sleep, Severus." Voldemort looked back up at him.

"Yeah, sorry, Dad," she mumbled into his shirt. "My mood is much more stable."

"Very good," Severus paused, "my Lord?"

"Yes?"

"There is a matter I need to discuss with you…a new development of sorts."

Voldemort looked up from where he had been looking at Sarah again, his look scrutinizing, "You look well tonight, Severus."

Snape nodded, "I feel well."

"Tomorrow," Voldemort said, "Breakfast."

"Thank you, my Lord."

He nodded, "Goodnight, Severus."

Snape took one last look at the odd sight of this man who could strike terror in the hearts of so many, himself included, comforting his daughter. He was unsettled by it, but he had no choice but to leave them alone.

Voldemort waited a few minutes before commenting, "You are going to be screaming in pain soon with the way you are twisting your back."

"I can sit up now."

"No, no," he helped her lay down on his bed and placed her head in his lap, "just stay still for a few more minutes and try to calm yourself down."

"I miss him," she sniffled. "I really, _really_ miss him."

"I'm sure," he patted her back, methodically, "but trust me, Draco Malfoy was never good enough for you."

"Then why did you let me marry him?"

"You asked and I wanted to see where it would lead...I wanted you close by and this was a way to get you there on your own terms."

She turned her head to look up at him, "I don't understand you."

"I know that's unsettling for you," Voldemort wiped at her eyes, "But Snape was right, don't try to understand. I have dark preferences. I like things that horrify you. I like my power. I like my control. At the same times, I like to be giving... _on my terms_. You either accept moments like these or you fight them, but they may not come again so soon."

"You were right- you do confuse me...and that confuses me," she admitted. "I feel so lost and I have only been here a few hours."

"I'll teach you what you need to know," he fiddled with her hair, "Don't worry, my instructions and my desires are usually pretty specific. Obey you'll be fine. Disobey...and then you should expect...and accept my consequences."

"Is it as simple as that?"

"More or less."

She stared at him.

"What is it?"

"You can already read my mind."

"I'm not reading your mind now," he said, "tell me."

She bit her lip, "I heard _your_ voice when I made the decision to kill Bellatrix. I responded that way because it is what _you_ taught me to do."

He sighed, satisfied, "I know, little one. It's one of the reasons we are continuing with my plan for you and why I spared your life."

"I still killed your mistress."

"Well, as much as I adored Bella, she did kill your baby. I know how attached you were becoming to your son. She underestimated you, but I knew that is what you were going to do. I could sense the change in you the minute you realized what she had done."

"You tried to stop me though."

"Of course," he said, rubbing her head, "She was special to me. Part of me wants to wring your pretty little neck for doing that, but the other part is...like I said before, proud."

"I berated Snape for killing Lestrange out of revenge," she said, quietly, "and then I turned around and did the same thing he did. It wasn't about protecting myself…in that moment, it was so raw…my hate for her. I'm such a hypocrite."

"Hum," Voldemort frowned, "well, Snape does already know that you killed Bella out of revenge, Sarah. We all know. The secrets you are supposedly hiding so deep within you, actually aren't a surprise to any of us. You have to accept this part of yourself."

"Are you going to feed this darkness I started?"

"That's a question beyond your years," he commented, "and a matter of fact, yes, I am."

She moaned, but he continued to rub her head soothingly.

"Let's get you back in bed now," he said, easing her up and then standing and lifting her up to slide her back in bed. He pulled up the covers and then climbed in bed with her.

She stared at the ceiling, her lip continuing to tremble. Her sobs had abated to sniffles, but she was aware of his presence in bed beside her…under the covers with her…though he didn't attempt to touch her further. She clutched the comforter in her hands, "Is this over now?"

"Your punishment for the last battle…yes, it is over. But everything else is just beginning."

With those ominous words, she turned onto her side away from him and stared at the wall.

"Let me know if you have any more pain. You are going to be in rough shape for a few days," he said, turning on his side too. She could feel his breath on her shoulder. He had turned towards her. Her stomach sank once again. "I'll take care of you. You'll stay with me for the next few nights."

She took a breath, "Depending on you for this is going to be difficult."

"I know it will be for you," he said, "which is another reason why I am not giving you over to the care of a house elf. I want you to have to depend on me…even for basic needs."

"I figured this as some sort of ongoing lesson," she said, her tone forlorn. "a way to shatter my pride."

"Yes, I know you did. That was why you insisted on going back to your room, on calling Snape…regardless of what you might think, I know you well."

She pulled up the covers tighter around her and shivered.

"Are you warm enough?" he inquired.

"Yes," she responded, trying to keep her voice even.

"Good. Goodnight then." The light flickered off.

Sarah squeezed her eyes shut, but it took her a good long while to fall asleep, so aware of the man lying next to her.

 **A/N** : Edited for clarification:Bluewater mentioned a great point with this chapter about Sarah's viewing Voldemort's actions towards her that I think is important to clarify enough for an edited A/N- at one point she calls Voldemort's actions as "spanking me like a child" to Voldemort himself..and to Snape she refers it as "he cursed me and beat me". She sees it as the latter...and I think it is telling that she referred as it that way to Snape...he is the one she can be herself with (even in Voldemort's presence). She knows the difference between how Snape disciplined her as a father and the way Voldemort is basically abusing her and calling it "punishment", but right now she is pretty psychologically battered. I don't think it is an indication that she would ever whip her children. But great point!

please, please review!


	10. Snape's Future

A/N: Thank you all for your wonderful reviews and thoughts...please keep them coming!

 **Chapter 10: Snape's Future**

"Severus?" Narcissa turned over, sleepily, as Severus slid under the covers and into bed with her, "What happened?"

Severus sighed and then reached over to pull Narcissa towards him, wrapping his arm around her. He pulled her tightly against his side and breathed in her scent, nuzzling her neck briefly, before kissing her on the lips.

"Is everything alright?" Narcissa pressed, somewhat shocked with again how openly affectionate he was being with her. She sensed something emotionally unsettling happened for him.

"Everything is fine now," Severus said, fiddling with her hair.

"But it wasn't before," Narcissa commented, "I can tell you are upset."

"I'm fine, Narcissa," Severus said, his voice low.

"If you truly want to have a relationship with me, it can't just be shagging and cuddles, Sev"

"I'm not much for cuddles," Severus said, dryly.

"You know," Narcissa answered, reaching for his hand and threading hers through his, "at one time, I would have readily agreed with you…but Sarah has softened you and that's a good thing."

"You wouldn't think that if you saw me tonight," Severus's voice caught.

"Did you have to punish her?" she asked, "Did he make you do something to her? Curse her? Beat her? What happened?"

"No, nothing like that, but I'm afraid I may have emotionally given her a thrashing," he shifted with her onto his back.

She leaned up, "Why do you say that?"

He paused.

"Severus," Narcissa squeezed his hand, "I want this to be different from what I have with them. I need this to be different."

Severus let out a long breath, knowing she was right. Lucius and the Dark Lord just took from her. It was purely about what they needed from her. He couldn't be like them with her. She deserved so much more from him.

"I had to be harsh with her, Cissy," Sev began quietly, "She was just so…just so damn reckless. She needed a good dose of reality and unfortunately, it had to be me to give it to her."

"What happened?" Narcissa settled back down in the bed to rest her head against his chest.

Severus rubbed his fingers up her arm, stroking it gently, "Apparently, Sarah lost her temper with him. She destroyed his room. From what I gathered, it was quite the display. Feathers flying, curtains ripping, glass breaking…"

Narcissa inhaled sharply, "Did she really?" she asked, aghast, "What did he do?"

"Beat her," Severus said, "Although perhaps, she was lucky he didn't use the cruciatus on her again." He let out his breath, "I hate this, Cissy. I hate standing by and having to watch him break her…and encourage her to give into that process."

"It's for her survival," Narcissa wrapped her arm around his waist.

"Yes, but is it for her _good_?" Severus asked. "I have tried to be so understanding with her feelings and emotions…so much so that it would shock my peers."

"It's what she needed at the time," Cissy murmured, "you are a good father, Sev, to know when she needs you to be gentle and understanding with her, even if it feels unnatural."

"The problem is that it doesn't feel unnatural anymore. What felt unnatural was tonight, when I had to be harsh with her. Blunt. Unfeeling."

"You have disciplined her throughout. You were always strict with her from what I recall."

"Yes, but it wasn't just being strict. I had to put her in her place, Cissy. I had to encourage her to lose herself…to give up herself…for him. That feels quite unnatural."

"But what was the alternative? If she was being stupid with him, you had no choice."

"And she was. She is so much smarter than this. She is fortunate. I have never seen him that patient with anyone."

"Nor have I," Narcissa admitted, "Is she fine now?"

"For the moment, but I suspect she will be in a good amount of pain come the morning."

"Will he allow you to care for her?" Narcissa asked.

"No," Severus's voice was strained, "I don't think so. I am, though, having breakfast with him tomorrow."

"Are you going to tell him…about this?"

"We have to, Narcissa."

"What if he forbids it?"

"I don't think he will," Severus said, slowly, "He's been hinting at it for weeks. I doubt it will come as a surprise."

"But considering my relationship with him, he could be opposed, that is until…" her voice trailed off.

"Until he takes my daughter to his bed and fulfills his needs with her instead of you," Severus said, bleakly.

"Severus," Narcissa leaned up to look at him, "Are _you_ alright?"

His eyes met hers, "No, Narcissa. I didn't just kill her dreams tonight, I killed my own. This is now how I wanted her life to turn out. I wanted more for her. More than what I had."

"I know, Sev. I know." She leaned down to kiss him gently on the lips, "You should sleep." She wiggled out of his arms, but he stopped her, pulling her back.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

"Not at the moment," Narcissa said.

"Do you need me to help you…become tired?" his voice turned low.

Narcissa smiled affectionately at him, and then leaned down and gave her answer with a kiss.

* * *

Sarah winced in pain as she sat up in bed. "Damn it!" she let out a long groan.

It had been a long night and when morning came, she was still in a lot of pain. And she had to use the loo. She looked over to where next to her the sheets were rumpled, but thankfully, Voldemort was no where to be found. She took a breath and then swung her legs over the side of the bed. She groaned when her muscles painfully contracted.

 _Sitting hurt. Moving hurt. Everything hurt._

Still she pushed herself up and managed to balance herself on her wobbly legs. The room swayed but she closed her eyes and when she opened them again, the room had stilled. She took a step and then tripped over her own two feet.

She was on her knees when Voldemort opened the lavatory door. "What do you think you are doing?" his glare was severe.

"I'm trying to get to the loo."

"On your own?"

"Well, you weren't here. What was I supposed to do? I'm not helpless."

"Clearly," he retorted sarcastically. "I was in the shower. Didn't you hear?"

She blushed. Her heart hammered as she tried to wipe the emotions from her face. She had vaguely remembered hearing water running as she was just waking up, but the thought of the Dark Lord taking a shower was almost too much for her. He was fully dressed now and he had clearly just got out of the shower as there was still traces of steam filling the bathroom. What if he had come out in a towel or completely starkers? She blushed further.

"B..but you are dressed," she stammered.

"For your benefit, not mine," He bent down and caught the crook of her elbow, pulling her up. "Not until consummation day, Sarah." he said, dryly. There was a glint to his eyes. He was teasing her.

"It's not funny," She mumbled. "None of this is funny in the least."

"On the contrary, I'm finding you quite amusing this morning. You should see the look on your face," Voldemort said, his hand on her arm, pulling her into his side, "I like you on your knees," he whispered in her ear. His tone was pointed.

She fought a reaction at his implication. "Subservient?"

"Among other things."

Her knees wobbled more and he moved to wrap his arm around her waist, "Stop blushing." he ordered, his tone stern.

She grunted, "Then stop making inappropriate remarks to me," she retorted. "And I will stop blushing."

"I can have my fun with you, Sarah," Voldemort said, guiding her into the lavatory, "And there is nothing you can do about it. You better accustom yourself to it. You are far too easy to rattle and I so do enjoy seeing you rattled with me."

"I think there are things that I may never accustom myself too," she said, wincing as he suddenly let her go. Her leg muscles were excruciatingly contracting and began to wobble again. She reached her hands out towards him to steady herself, but then stopped herself.

"Go on," he said, his voice low, "You can steady yourself against me."

"No, thank you," she swung around and grasped the edge of the lavatory vanity, leaning over it, her breathing labored, her legs still rebelling.

"You are entirely too stubborn," He folded his arms. "I have half a mind to stand here while you use the loo."

Her eyes widened, as she turned her head towards him, "I won't then."

"Is that a challenge, dear one?" he raised an eyebrow, "You do know how I feel about your moments of rebellion."

She managed to straighten herself so she was standing upright again, even though it caused her to let out a low moan in pain. "Yes, it is. I'm not going to."

"Did you in front of Draco?"

"Does it matter?"

"I want to know, so yes," he answered, matter of factually.

"You don't get to know everything," she retorted.

"As a matter of fact, I do, dearest," he said, quietly, "nothing is private for you anymore, not even your history…and if I want to know…details…about your relationship with Draco, who is one of _my_ death eaters, then I shall ask you and if you refuse to supply the information, you will be punished. And then I'll go to Draco, who I am sure will divulge whatever I'd like to know…perhaps with a bit of incentive, but knowing Malfoy it shouldn't take much. Trust me, it wouldn't be the first time. I know more than you think."

She grimaced at the implication that Draco talked about their sex life with the Dark Lord, "this is…" she shook, trying to fight disgust…trying to remain stoic. "why are you doing this?"

"We are going to have an intimate relationship, there are details I should know about you."

"You read my mind when I was sick, you should know all about it without me telling you."

"But I like to hear it straight from your mouth. It's for your own good, so I can prepare you for all of this."

"This is _not_ for me," Sarah shot back, heatedly, "It's about you and your need to break me. It's the fact that when you are surrounded by people who tell you yes all the time and wouldn't dare talk back to you, I tell you no and talk back to you all the time. And I think part of you you likes that."

His eyes narrowed, "Do not attempt to analyze me."

She shrugged, "It's just an observation, not an analysis. It's why you adored Bellatrix. She was so unpredictable, so edgy. You never quite knew what she was going to do."

"Sarah," his voice was low, a growl, "You are pushing again."

She gripped the vanity tighter, "I should be dead right now. And I would rather be dead then have you here. So, please go. _Please._ I really have to go."

"I don't think so." He closed the door then and leaned against it, "You decided to make this is power struggle, little one. I was mainly just teasing you. You were the one that got so offended by it. And now, with your attitude, you have turned my good mood into annoyance. Not your smartest move. And you never answered my question. And until you do, I'm standing here and moreover, you aren't moving either."

She grunted, knowing she was trapped. She had to either answer his question or wee on herself. She chose to answer his question, "Yes, if he was in the shower or getting ready in the lavatory and I needed to go."

"You were quite comfortable with him."

"I love him."

He remained silent and Sarah pressed, "Please, may I use the loo without an audience?" she gripped the sides of the vanity tightly. She wasn't particularly looking forward to having to use the loo anyway, her bottom was so sore. She knew she must be bruised and pretty severely from the way it hurt. Yet still, she really had to go and soon. The more she stood, the more shooting pains shot up her wobbling legs. She was going to collapse eventually and then she would really be in a conundrum.

He studied her and replied slowly, "I'm not sure that you are physically able to use the toilet without assistance. Moments ago you tried to walk on your own and ended up falling. Even now you are leaning against the vanity for support."

"I'll be fine. Promise."

"And I'll be here to ensure you will." He paused at the distress on her face, "It's really not something to get so upset about."

She sniffled and waved her arm at him, "It's not that. Well, it is. Partly. I mean, when I was recovering, I was hardly left alone by the mediwitches, but you are different and…" she said quickly, babbling.

"Get to the point, dear one…"

She sniffed hard, trying not to cry out, "It's just…everything hurts. My muscles are so painfully stiff. And even sitting hurts since you decide to thrash my arse…"

"Which you whole heartedly deserved…"

Her lip trembled, "and now I have to sit…and I really don't want to," she said, scrunching up her face at the prospect.

He laughed outright then, "I heard you curse as I was getting dressed. Was that from sitting up in bed?"

"Yes," she let out her breath.

"And to think the bed is so nice and cushioned."

"This not funny!" she retorted indignantly, "And you aren't suppose to be teasing me this much! Evil incarnate does not tease."

"Evil incarnate?" He laughed even more, "You have the most enchanting nicknames for me, little one."

"Not. Funny." the tears welled up again.

"I'm hitting your pride hard now, aren't I?" he asked, lightly. "You look mortified."

"Yes, you have no idea," she sniffled. His mood had shifted and while she knew she should be thankful for that, it was at her expense…and that was humiliating.

"I have some idea," He grew serious, though she could still sense his amusement, "Just buck up about it. Use the loo. I'll turn around just in case you can't get back up again, at which point, I doubt you will care that you are on the toilet. And then we'll get you back in bed and I'll apply some more cream…"

She groaned again and he continued, his tone growing sterner, "and you'll let me without so much as a blush, glare, grunt, groan, or snarky retort or I will not turn around next time you have to use the loo. And I will be helping you until you are stronger. Have I made myself clear?"

"I still don't think you should be laughing," she sulked.

"Do you see me laughing?"

"You are laughing on the inside." she cringed at how childish her response sounded.

"Don't pout. It's not becoming. And you should be glad my annoyance gave way to humor, little one. There are moments where I think I am about to throttle you or curse you and then you say the most unexpected, amusing things."

"I wasn't trying to be amusing."

"And that is why it is so effective. Now go on before it shifts back and I decide to spank you for acting so immaturely. I dare say that might be excruciatingly painful. I suspect you are quite bruised down there."

She sighed, but when he turned around, she followed his orders. When she finished she leaned over, trying to wash her hands. A towel levitated in front of her.

"Thank you," she responded, trying to feign politeness in her tone.

"Don't try too hard. It shows your hand," Voldemort advised. "I can tell you are being insincere."

"Alright then." she turned around, towards him.

"Would you like me to carry you?" he asked as she took a tentative step towards him, wincing. She took another step and then moaned deeply, reaching out to steady herself by holding onto the lavatory.

"Snape says walking after the cruciatus is important. He forces me to walk when I don't want to."

"My cruciatus was adapted to be stronger, remember? We can practice walking later. You just stood longer than you should have while you were arguing with me. And while I started the healing process, I'm sure you are in a significant amount of pain now that the potions wore off. But my offer is expiring in about... Five. Four. Thr…"

"Yes, please" she answered, quickly. "And can I please have some potions? Really strong potions?"

"Yes, I told you I would take care of you," he answered, lifting her up with ease and carrying her out of the lavatory and into the bedroom.

"That includes very strong potions," He eased her down on the bed. "Turn on your side and I'll have a look."

She bit back a groan as she rolled to her side and he sat on the bed next to her, lifting up her nightgown and pulling down her knickers.

"Ouch," he commented, "too bad you were such a brat last night and deserved every measure of this pain."

She wiggled her hips and he moved his hand to her hip and pressed it down, pinning her against the bed. "I need you not to fight me at every turn, Sarah," his voice was low and she immediately stilled. He applied a thick layer of cream, instantly easing the pain. She let out her breath.

"I think it is a habit," she said, her tone vulnerable, feeling exposed with him, "an instinct of sorts."

"To fight me?" he paused, sensing her defenses cracking a bit.

"Yes," her voice was weighted with emotion.

"I don't doubt it, but bad habits are meant to be changed. And instincts change with the situation you are in. I'm not aiming to harm you, Sarah, unless you force me to."

"At the moment."

" _At all_ unless you force me to."

She was silent for a few minutes, "You're right." she let out another breath. She moaned as he shifted her to her stomach and began to rub her back. She could feel his magic course through his hands into her, easing her pain.

He moved to her legs, the healing magic penetrating her aching, contracting muscles, making it bearable and stopping the involuntary shaking.

"What time is it?" she asked as he continued to rub.

"Nine O'Clock. Your father is downstairs as we speak. I'm having breakfast with him."

"It's late for you to eat breakfast."

"Your father and I were both awaken in the middle of the night, remember?"

"How could I forget?" she shuddered.

He pulled up her knickers and then down her nightgown and rolled her onto her back. He helped her sit up, propping pillows up behind her, "I'm sending you up breakfast. The potions are there labeled on the nightstand. You should know the doses and purposes. Take them with breakfast though. The healing magic I gave you should only last so long, you need the potions. Can I trust you with this?"

"Of course," she nodded.

"Good," he put a finger under her chin, "Behave."

"I will, I still feel like sh…" she stopped at his glare, "well, badly."

"Better, you need to watch your profanity around me," he said as he studied her, "What are you thinking? You look pensive."

"What do you supposed Snape wants, my Lord?"

He stood, "That is between your father and myself."

"But he is my father. Don't I get to know?"

"If he decides to tell you," Voldemort said, sternly, "You will mind your own business."

"May I see him later?"

"No," Voldemort said, his voice short, "You will have to earn the right to see him again. And you are far from earning that right as you very well know."

She took another breath, "Yes, sir."

Voldemort went over to his side of the bed and sat down, putting on his watch and ring. He then reached for a large book and sent it at her.

"This is my transfiguration text," she said, frowning at the book.

"Actually, it is a copy of it. I have tabbed some pages for you to review. We are rebuilding Hogwarts and for those students who were unable to take their N.E.W.T. exams, they will do so before they graduate. You will take yours by correspondence and to be frank, your transfiguration work has been mediocre this year. I want a good result from you. Read my notes on those pages and I will review them with you later."

She looked over then dozens of tabs. "This is a lot."

"There is more, this is just the start," Voldemort said, "As I said, your work has been mediocre. And as you are supposed to remain in bed recovering from your punishment last night, you might as well occupy your time. I think we should have done this during your previous recovery. If there is one thing I have learned about you, when your mind is stimulated, your moods tend to abate. And that is a more tolerable situation for us all."

She sighed, "Very well."

"Good," he stood, "I'll be back soon. Shall I give Snape your regards?"

"Please do," Sarah shifted gingerly and opened the first tabbed page, "Will you also tell him again that I'm sorry for last night?"

"I will," he nodded. He looked at her for another few moments, but she was already distracted by her reading, her brow furrowed in concentration.

"Really?" she murmured, "that is what the means? Hum, I never thought of it like that" she looked up, "may I have a quill and parchment? I want to take more notes."

"Don't overdo it," he instructed, "rest if you feel tired. And don't forget potions and breakfast." He summoned parchment and a quill for her.

"I won't forget," she murmured and began to scribble on the parchment.

He gave her a satisfied look, before turning on his heels to go down to breakfast.

* * *

"Good morning, Severus," Voldemort sat down at the head of the table, next to Sev. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Good morning, my Lord," Severus answered, "And yes, please."

Voldemort reached for the stainless steel karaffe of coffee, twisting the lid expertly and pouring himself and then Sev some coffee. "I thought so. It was a late night."

"Yes, my Lord, it was," Severus said, taking a sip as Voldemort snapped his fingers and a house elf appeared with plates of food, already filled high with pancakes, bacon and eggs.

"I suppose you want to know how your daughter is doing this morning," Voldemort reached for his napkin, shaking it to unfold it and then lying it across his lap and then took a bite, gesturing for him to go ahead and eat.

"I am curious," Severus did the same thing.

"I am finding with Sarah that her moods are more tolerable when her mind is stimulated," Voldemort said, "I have her working on her transfiguration text. I made notes on areas that I felt she was weak in and she at the moment is quite engulfed in it."

"She has always had a keen mind, once I got her mischievousness under controlled, she developed into a good student."

"She's intelligent, Severus. And I like that about her. I want her prepared for her N.E.W.T. exams."

"Her N.E.W.T exams?" Severus asked, surprised.

"Hogwarts will reopen, Severus," Voldemort retorted, adamantly, "And Sarah, along with all the other seventh years that were not able to take their exams, will graduate as soon as we can arrange for the testing."

"There is considerable work to be done," Severus said, "to the building's structure."

"I'm aware. You and I will go look at it together and then devise a plan."

Severus took a breath, "Am I to take it that means you want me to continue with my role as Headmaster?"

"Of course. Do you really think I will trust the Carrows to such a task?" Voldemort asked, with a chuckle. "I appreciate their teaching methods, however, their more perverse desires need to be controlled and you managed that sufficiently enough. And as for the others, you managed them as well."

"Of course, I would be happy to resume my duties, my Lord," Severus said, slowly, "but as for Sarah, her written exams should be fine, but I doubt that she will be able to pass the practical portions with her magical levels the way that they are."

Voldemort waved his hand at him, "By the time we can arrange for everything, I'm sure we can build them back up again. I'm not worried. She will pass and pass well, Severus. I want her to graduate."

"May I ask why it is so important?"

"Don't you want it as well?" Voldemort paused in his eating.

"Of course," Severus held his fork mid air, "but it seems especially important to you."

"When I take her as my mistress, Severus," Voldemort said bluntly, "I will not have people talking about her age. Graduating Hogwarts is seen by society as the final bridge to adulthood."

"I see," Severus took a bit, his impression impassive.

"Now," Voldemort pushed aside his plate and poured himself more coffee, "Tell me what you would like to talk about."

Severus sat down his fork in turn, "There has been a new development that I believe you should be made aware of."

"Go on," Voldemort looked at him intently.

"Narcissa and I have…" Severus paused, "well, we have formed a new sort of relationship."

Voldemort titled his head at him, his look pointed, "Sexual?"

"Yes, my Lord."

Voldemort folded his hands, "I have asked you time and time again, Severus, if you were interested in her. You denied it."

"I don't supposed I knew that I was, my Lord," Severus admitted, his tone open, "you realized it before I did."

"And now that you do?" Voldemort asked.

"I want it to be more than a one night stand, my Lord," Severus said, quietly.

"I see," Voldemort twined his hands, thinking, "This does present a problem. She is the wife of one of us."

"It happens all the time in our circles," Severus said.

"I know, but considering she is the only woman I can tolerate of late, it does present a problem. She is already straying with me, Severus."

"I'm aware."

Voldemort paused, "I'm not giving her up," he said, bluntly, "until I can have Sarah. At that time, I'd be happy to relinquish my rights to her."

Severus fought the urge to react, "Very well, my Lord."

"Though there might be times after I take Sarah as my mistress that I might need Narcissa's company, but those times would be few and far between," Voldemort added, "I just want you to remember that my needs come before everyone's else."

"Naturally, my Lord," Severus drawled.

Voldemort titled his head again, "Do you think Narcissa will object to maintaining relationship with each of us?"

"I would have to ask her," Severus responded, "but I don't believe so."

"She is special," Voldemort paused again, thinking, "Will you be satisfied having an affair with Narcissa, Severus?"

Severus hesitated and then answered, "No, my Lord."

"I didn't think so," Voldemort pointed his finger at him, "These women have always been your weakness…the mudblood, Sarah, now Narcissa."

"Narcissa is not a weakness of mine, my Lord," Severus said, "she is an asset. Lucius has no idea who he has in her."

Voldemort bunched up his napkin and laid it by his plate, pushing back his chair, but remained seated, "I quite agree with you there. Still, he is one of my trusted followers. And there are many perks that being a Malfoy brings for Narcissa, Severus."

"I know."

Voldemort fell quiet, his look contemplative and Severus could tell that he was plotting a course of action.

"Tell me, Severus," Voldemort finally asked, "Why is Draco an only child?"

Severus frowned, "I think they planned it as such. She did miscarry after Draco, but I don't believe that it affected her fertility. Lucius was done with her, I think."

"Lucius likes to stray," Voldemort retorted, "I'm sending him to France. I need a liaison with the French ministry, and Lucius has an estate there."

"He will love that," Severus retorted.

"I'm sure," Voldemort said, "I have wanted him gone for a while. He doesn't want her himself, but Merlin forbid, someone else does. I'll send him away for you, Severus. Would that be agreeable?"

"Of course," Severus answered slowly.

"And then we'll appoint Narcissa to Lucius's spot on the board of Hogwarts, so you have the occasion to see her more often, discreetly."

"Yes," Severus nodded, trying to follow what he was thinking.

"And then," Voldemort said, "when you and her feel ready, if she is agreeable, we'll arrange a divorce. She'll be yours, Severus."

"Mine?" Severus stilled, "my Lord, I simply don't understand."

"Do you not think Narcissa will give up the Malfoy name for you?"

He let out his breath, "I don't know."

"I'll arrange a hefty settlement for her, Severus. They have been going on too long like this as it is," Voldemort said, "and if you and her marry, she'll become the wife of a Prince. It wouldn't be quite the step down as you are thinking right now. I happen to know that you have been quite wise in your managing of your estate and assets. I do believe you might have more money that Lucius, who hasn't been as wise with his finances. Draco would be smart to safeguard the rest of his inheritance. We can arrange for that as well."

Severus took a breath and let it out, "I'm sorry, my Lord, but, why?"

Voldemort smiled at him, "You are always thinking, Severus, that is what makes you my most valued follower. It's why I take your advice at the highest. You want to know my motives. And for all the way your mind works, you can't come up with the one reason I would want to arrange this for you. After all, you did betray me. But as I told you, I moved past that."

"Yet, still, what do you get out of the arrangement?"

"Can't you just take it as generosity?" Voldemort retorted.

"Honestly, no," Severus retorted, bluntly, "There must be some sort of benefit for you."

"You are wise, Severus," Voldemort said, "I do have a condition."

"Which is?" Severus asked.

"I want you to have a child with Narcissa," Voldemort said.

"A child?" Severus inclined his head, "Why?"

"You are a good father, Severus," Voldemort said, "but Sarah has consumed your focus for the past seven years. And she has become reliant on you. She is devoted to you. When she is upset or confused or hurt, she wants you. She is emotionally dependent on you and frankly, I want it to stop."

Severus stared for a moment then nodded slowly, now understanding his motives, "You want her to be wholly devoted to you and you alone."

"Not alone," Voldemort said, "but once I have succeeded in gaining her loyalty and devotion, that loyalty and devotion will be second to no one. And given her love for you, I'm afraid that is quite impossible at this point."

"She will always be my child."

"But if you have a child of your own, your focus will naturally be divided and Sarah will understand that. If you have your own life, your own family, Sarah will see that she simply can't be first in your world anymore. And that will cause her to rely on me even more emotionally. That is the goal. I will not settle for any less."

"Sarah is my family though, my Lord. Even if I have another child, she will always be a part of me. It matters not that she is not my biological child."

"Of course I'm aware of the way you feel with that, and let me assure you that I'm not severing your relationship with her. But my needs and our family need to come first in her mind and in her heart. And you would do well to have your own life, separate from her. It's time for her to grow up…to leave the den…physically as well as emotionally," Voldemort stood and Severus followed suit, "those are my conditions. Talk it over with Narcissa and give me an answer. The child doesn't have to come right away, but I want her expecting within the year. She is getting older and time is of the essence. And I will still have my times with her until Sarah takes over duties as my mistress. Make sure she understands that."

Severus nodded, "I will talk it over with her."

"Very good," Voldemort said, with a nod, "I do believe this will be advantageous to both of us. Now, come with me, and we will go my study and consult my schedule. I want to arrange a time for us to tour Hogwarts and access the damage."

"Yes, my Lord" Severus followed him into the study, his mind still trying to wrap around the implications of this new development.

* * *

An hour later, Voldemort returned to his rooms, to find Sarah asleep, the text still draped over her. She moaned and shifted suddenly.

He went over to the bed and gently tugged the text out of her arms and closed it, placing it on the nightstand next to her. He examined the empty tray to make sure she ate and then the vials of potions, which she took that he was sure made her drowsy. She moaned again and shifted again. He placed his hand on her forehead, which was cool. A nightmare, perhaps. He hadn't given her dreamless sleep with the lot of potions and some of the potions side effects included night terrors. Perhaps, he should bring her out of her misery. Then he thought of her attitude this morning and he decided not to intervene and to let her resolve it on her own.

He then noticed her parchment, lying over his pillow.

He picked it up and read over her notes and when he got to the bottom, he chuckled.

At the bottom of her notes was a final line, underlined three times and circled twice.

 _How in Merlin's name did you discover that? I want to know!_

He leaned over to whisper in her ear as she slept, "I am going to teach you about it all and so much more, Sarah. You just wait and see. This is just the start."

He gave her one final look before setting up charms that would alert him to when she awoke, before headed back down stairs to his study.

 **A/N:** please review. What do you think of Voldemort's plan for Snape?


	11. More Plans

A/N: So sorry this has taken so long to write. The upcoming holidays plus a two year old who is testing naps and bedtime have made it extremely hard for me to write. Hopefully things will settle soon! Thanks to all who continue to read and review. It's so encouraging to hear everyone's thoughts. Sorry that I didn't get to PM each of you my thanks this time around!

 **Chapter 11: More Plans**

"A baby?" Narcissia's mouth dropped open, slightly.

Severus nodded and then reached out a finger to tip Narcissa's chin up, prompting her mouth closed, "I told him I would discuss this with you, but part of me wishes I just left this to myself."

"Why?" Narcissa asked, searching his eyes.

"Why would you give up…" Severus waved his hand around, "all of this, for me? It's ludicrous even to consider it."

Narcissa looked around, "Your home is charming as well," she countered, softly, "It's cozy."

"Cozy is a diplomatic way of saying it is small," Severus snorted.

"It's with you. I feel settled when I am with you," her eyes returned to his, "Why would you dismiss yourself so readily?"

"I have so little to offer," Severus said, "Lucius gives you status. You are far better positioned with him."

"In this world, you and he are equal," Cissy countered, "And perhaps, you are greater."

"That is a comforting thought," Severus grunted, "my darkness is greater than his."

"No, that is not what I am saying, only that the Dark Lord seems to like you better, though I suppose that is an equally unsettling thought," Narcissa let out her breath, "darling, I simply do not see you as less than Lucius. Please believe me. And as for giving Lucius up for you, the way…you make me feel…verses the way…he makes me feel…there are other considerations than status and wealth…" she paused, "though, Sev…" she paused again, biting her lip.

"I live more modestly," Severus said, "but I do have considerable assets as you very well know. We would live comfortably."

She nodded, "But a child, Sev," she frowned, "Our children are grown…to start afresh with another child... I'm not so sure. And what is motivating him to want this?"

"It all comes down to Sarah again," Severus admitted, "he believes it will cause her to lean on him emotionally."

"Does he not understand that your love will only increase to accommodate another child, not be divided?"

"He doesn't understand about what it means to love. The closest he can equate love is with an obsession…and for him, Sarah is becoming that."

"If she is not already that," Narcissa paused, "Did you attempt to explain it to him?"

"I did," Severus nodded, "but I doubt he understands it truly."

"What do you want, Sev?" Narcissa asked.

"You," Severus didn't hesitate, "without sneaking around behind Lucius's back."

"But…" she prompted.

"But I can't have you at the expense of Sarah," Severus said, frowning, "He must understand that Sarah can never be replaced by a wife or another child."

"What could you do to show him that would be the case even if we have another child?" Narcissa thought for a minute, "In other words, how can you still maintain a presence in Sarah's life, yet perhaps in a different way?"

Severus thought for a few moments, "I want Sarah to take an potions apprenticeship under my tutelage."

Narcissa nodded, "I don't know if he would agree to that though. In his eyes, he is doing us a favor by arrange all this so we can maintain a relationship."

"And his terms should be negotiable…" Severus countered. "I can suggest that it would be a change in our relationship from personal to more professional if she becomes my student again, allowing him to take the more personal role in her life…yet unlike him, I don't so easily put things in tidy compartments."

"It's worth a try," Narcissa said.

"Are you opposed to a child, though, Narcissa?" Severus asked, "This is truly your decision."

Narcissa shook her head, "I wanted another baby for the longest time, Severus. Lucius didn't."

He reached out to squeeze the back of her neck and she closed her eyes, sighing at his touch.

"I want to give you everything you want," Severus said, honestly, "I just fear I am inadequate."

"You are more than adequate," Narcissa opened her eyes and then leaned forward to kiss him passionately, words not necessary any longer.

* * *

"NOO!" Sarah woke up in a panic and then winced as the movement clenched her muscles. She put her hand on her chest, trying to regulate her breathing before struggling to sit up.

Voldemort continued to read his book, seemingly unaffected by her outburst.

"What time is it?" she finally asked.

"Around noon," He answered, "Almost lunchtime."

She nodded and he summoned a glass of water for her.

"Drink," He instructed, "Slowly."

She took some small sips and then he reached for the glass, placing it on his nightstand.

"Without dreamless sleep, I'm afraid that nightmares are a side effect of the potions I am giving you."

"I'm aware," she said, wiping her clammy hands on the blanket.

"Are you hot?"

"Hot. Cold. I don't know." she admitted, wearily.

He reached out to feel her head, "You are feverish. Not surprising. Do you have aches?"

"Yes."

He pushed himself off the bed and went around to her nightstand. He fiddled with he bottles and then handed her a vial. "Fever reliever."

"Thank you," She said and downed the vial.

He sat on her side of the bed and reached for her wrist, taking her pulse, "It's still rapid. I could tell you were in the throws of quite the nightmare."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

He dropped her wrist and then moved his hand to grip her face, turning her so she was forced to focus on him, "I decided that you deserved a bit of emotional turmoil for your actions this morning."

"Very effective torture techniques then, my Lord," Sarah shot back, trying to wiggle free her face from his grasp. "Who needs the cruciatus when all you have to give me is healing potions and years of traumatic events to do their work for you?"

"You sound bitter," he shook her face, "What was your dream about?"

"The baby. Bellatrix."

"Not about me?" he asked, lightly.

"I'm sorry if that disappoints you," she said, "for what it is worth, she learned evil from you so by extension, I do suppose it was about you as well."

"Now, Sarah," he chided, dropping his hand, "you don't have to be so combative."

"You said you wanted me to have emotional turmoil, perhaps, this is a side effect of that."

He raised an eyebrow, "Fair point." he lifted a finger to trace her jaw bone, "For some one your age, you have really grown into yourself in the last year."

"What do you mean?" She asked, curiously.

"The way you speak to me…you have confidence…maturity beyond your years."

"I grew up with Snape," she answered, slowly, "and losing my father and then having Snape murder Dumbledore…and then marrying Draco and losing our child…I've had to wrestle through all these adult things."

"And have you thoroughly wrestled through them?" he asked, his eyes intent on her.

She paused, "No."

"I didn't think so," he patted her cheek, "Let's talk about what I want from you."

She stilled and then visibly schooled her features.

"Did you just clear your mind, little one, to control your reaction?"

"Of course."

"I want those defensive mental maneuvers to cease," he scolded, sternly but not harshly.

"Why?"

"Because I said so," he retorted.

"Of course," she drawled in a tone very reminiscent to Snape's when he was tolerating behavior, "but why?"

He flicked at her jaw at her impertince, "I am beginning to see the extent to how much Snape influenced your ways. You are showing a maturity beyond your years, but if I need to remind you of exactly who is senior and superior in both years, wisdom, and skills, then I won't hesitate to put you back in your place."

She nodded, "May I ask why?" she rephrased in a significantly different tone.

"I want you physically…but I want you emotionally as well."

"I thought emotions were tiresome for you."

"It would show that you are completely dependent and loyal to me…and that is what I want," he told her.

She opened her mouth to tell him that he would never have that, but she thought better and shut her mouth again.

"Now, that is good self control," he patted her arm. "Well done."

"And what do you want besides me physically and emotionally?"

"I told you earlier that you are to take your N.E.W.T tests. I want you to do well. Very well."

She paused at his look, "how well is very well?" she asked.

"I want you to have the top score in all the tests you are taking."

Her jaw dropped open in shock, "all of them?"

"I'll help prepare you. We have a few weeks."

"But I'm not the top student in half of those subjects I'm slated to take," she protested, "and I can barely cast a spell. This is impossible."

"I will accept nothing less from you and there will be consequences if you fail me," he said, "your magic can be rebuilt in that time. I'm sure of it. We'll forgo on having you test in the Dark Arts until you are ready. The other subjects should be easy for you."

"Easy?" she looked perturbed, "They aren't easy. I just work hard."

"You have talent in spades. Don't deny it."

"But…" she paused at his raised eyebrow, "you will help me, right?"

"Of course. I want to be confident that you won't fail me," he nodded.

"Why is this so important and why are you giving me a pass on the Dark Arts?" she shivered and he stood to adjust her blankets before sitting back on the bed.

"Well," he traced the side of her leg through the covers, "members of my inner circle still think you are sorely lacking despite the fact you so handily beat Wormtail. I can tell them of your potential but if I show them results, that will be further justify my stance, not that it needs justification per se, but where I can maintain peace within my circle, I want to. And as for the Dark Arts, when you are ready you can take the practical portion in front of my inner circle. What better way to show them exactly what you are made of?"

Her eyes widened, "What?" She was horrified at the thought.

"When you are ready," he emphasized, "I'm not setting you up for failure. I want this to be advantageous for me. And when you pass and you pass the top of your class, I'll take you as my mistress. That will be both our reward for a job well done," he winked at her.

She looked up at the ceiling and then back at him, "May I return to my nightmares now?" she said dryly.

He chuckled, "It won't be as bad as you think, little one. It's time you have some faith in me. I know what I am doing in your schooling and in…" he paused, "these other things."

She fought the tears.

"Go to bed now before you cry and I get angry," he said, sternly, "you need your rest for these things to come."

"I know I do," she said scooting back down on the bed. She turned on her side and allowed sleep to overcome her once again. But the nightmares had now morphed into ones that involved the Dark Lord.

* * *

"Have you made a decision?" Voldemort asked Snape, gesturing him to sit later that night. "That was quickly done."

"We have discussed it," Snape said, slowly, "but I wanted to talk over with you the terms of our agreement."

Voldemort nodded, "By all means. We can negotiate if you'd like. As you know, I can be reasonable."

Snape didn't miss a beat, "Exceedingly so, my Lord."

"What is bothering you about this arrangement?"

"I'm worried that you think that my…paternal…." Snape paused, choosing his words carefully, "instincts... towards Sarah can so easily be replaced with the addition of another child."

"You said that earlier," Voldemort said, drumming his fingers on his desk, "I'm more interested in Sarah's reaction to this instead of yours."

"I'm not so sure it will make a difference, my Lord," Snape said, slowly.

"I believe it will. We shall see," Voldemort said.

Snape carefully folded his hands, "Perhaps, this point will upset you, but I do believe it to be relevant"

"Go on…"

"She shared her biological father quite well with Potter," Snape said, his tone neutral, "She allowed Sirius Black to take a father's role in Potter's life without a hint of jealous or insecurity."

"She wasn't as close to Sirius Black as she is to you," Voldemort said, "even I can see that. Even so, she had you. She didn't need Black."

"I don't wish to offend you, my Lord, but she did need Sirius Black. She longed for a relationship with him for years. When he proved his innocence to her and Potter, she jumped on the opportunity to pursue a relationship with him even though I was filling that fatherly role in her life. She called us both Dad"

"You cannot deny that your relationship was stronger."

"I don't deny it."

"Then your example is irrelevant."

"Regardless," Snape countered smoothly, "I can't so easy cast aside my fatherly role in her life. She is a woman now, but she still needs me. And if you allow me to still have a relationship with her," he fought his worry that Voldemort now could take Sarah away so easily, "I will still try to reassure her of her role as my daughter and mine as her father."

"By all means. I won't deny you a relationship with your daughter. I'm just asserting that with your attention divided, Sarah will lean more on me for emotional support especially considering by that point when we are engaging in a physical relationship."

"I just don't want you to be disappointed if she doesn't react the way you suspect she will."

He waved his hand at him, "If I miscalculated, then I will concede to you at the time that you were right."

"Very well, my Lord," Severus said, "Narcissa and I do want to pursue a relationship."

"Good," Voldemort smiled, "We will work on the particulars later on. Is there anything else?"

"Yes, my Lord," Severus said, again choosing his words carefully, "If you want Sarah to depend more on you emotionally than myself, then perhaps we should consider that I continue to divide my role in her life."

"Your role?" Voldemort inquired.

"When I was both her professor and her father, there were times when I had to deliberately distance myself from her to take on that role as not to show favoritism and she responded to that."

"Interesting point," Voldemort thought for a few moments, "The potions apprenticeship. It would be ideal for her to work under her tutelage."

"I concur," Snape said. "And it would give her a direction. As you have noticed, when she is focused, she is more settled in other areas of her life. You might find that beneficial."

"I have told her that I expect nothing less than the top mark in her class on the N.E.W.T exams she is taking," Voldemort told him.

"The top?" Snape frowned.

"Will that be a problem for her?"

"I don't believe in Potions. It has become her strength. Transfiguration, yes, I do believe that will be a problem. And the Dark Arts, it's a new exam that we are creating, and I fully expect Draco to outscore her. Perhaps even in charms as well. And there are several Ravenclaws that might pose a problem for her achieving that."

"I'll push her until I know she will succeed. Gather some of her professors and bring practice exams. I will create my own as well. She'll be prepared. And she will take top mark or suffer the consequences. I will not have our colleagues thinking she is a imbecile. She must prove her worthiness. And when it is time for the Dark Arts, she will take the exam in front of my inner circle."

"How did she respond to that?"

"She is naturally worried. She wanted my reassurance that I would indeed help her."

Snape paused, "She asked you for help."

"She isn't stupid, Severus, she knows very well what you just said about Draco and the Ravenclaws. She knows her competition and she knows she is lacking. She knows she needs me. At the moment, her good sense outweighs her pride."

"That hasn't always been the case."

"Then perhaps I am making more progress than we think," Voldemort said, lightly, standing, "We will discuss those particulars later."

Severus stood as well, "Yes, my Lord," he said, smoothly, before nodding and leaving the Dark Lord to himself.

* * *

Sarah's sleep was restless with him beside her. Last night she had been so exhausted that she had slept in spite of it, but tonight, she was keenly aware of him in the dark next to her. She felt so overwhelmed with his expectations for her- top in her class in all her subjects. It felt bloody impossible. And then there was the fact that she was lying in bed with the man who invoked fear in so many, that was capable of such darkness. She was also all too aware of what would happen when she passed all her exams and now that there was a timetable put on their intimate relationship, that felt even more real to her. She was going to do this…be his mistress…bear his children. How would she do this?

Those thoughts plaguing her, she was awake off and on throughout the night and she almost felt relief when she finally heard Voldemort stirring.

"Did you sleep any?" he asked as he rolled over onto his side, "Turn over and face me."

She sighed and turned towards him, "not much," she admitted.

"I told you to wake me if you were in pain," his voice was stern.

"I wasn't in pain…not physical pain at least."

"I see," he studied her, "I know you think I have given you an impossible task. I have not. I know you will rise to the occasion."

"How do you know that?"

He traced her cheek and then pulled away to push himself up, "you have before."

She swallowed down the lump in her throat. Her emotions had been so hard to control since she arrived.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I'm so uncomfortable with your expectations for me…the exams…and all those other things."

"I know," he said, "you will become more comfortable as time passes and you realize I'm not going to harm you unless provoked." He stood, "I'll talk to the house elves about breakfast. I'll have mine in bed with you."

"If you wish," she responded, shivering under the blankets. He summoned a dressing gown for her and she sat up and tugged it on, pulling it tightly around her as she leaned against the headboard.

"Do you think you can make it to the loo on your own while I talk to the house-elves?"

She nodded, "I feel a bit stronger than yesterday."

"Even with your lack of sleep?"

She took stock, "Yes, actually, I do."

"Good, but I still think you will need a few more days of rest and take care not to overdo it."

"I know that I am still weaker than I should be…not only from my…punishment but just in general."

"Good, I'm glad you will be reasonable about this. I'll be back in a few minutes," he nodded at her before leaving her alone in his room. She headed to the lavatory, only to realize that on top of everything else, now she had to contend with woman issues. And unfortunately, she was going to have to change, which meant she would have to confide in him, otherwise he would take it as a move of defiance. The timing of all of this was completely unfortunate, but she supposed the stress contributed to the onset of her cycle.

"Merlin, help me," she groaned, "this is not what I needed right now."

She flushed the loo and washed her hands and then exited Voldemort's room through their adjoining doors. She wrinkled her nose at the sight of her room. Ironically, she liked his room much more than her room. In her room, she felt like Bellatrix lurked at every corner. She went into her closet and pulled out her trunk. It had been mostly unpacked, but she rummaged through it, hoping she had supplies.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing?" Voldemort's voice startled her as he stood at the adjoining door.

"I…" she looked over at him. If there was any time she wished he could just read her mind, it was now. But he didn't. He just stood there, watching her. This was beyond too much.

"Well…" he prompted.

Her face flushed, "I have to find something."

"What could be so important?" he asked, "I left you for two minutes and you are tearing apart your trunk. You were supposed to be using the loo."

"I did and there is a reason for all of this," she tried not to cringe.

"Which is?"

"Girl stuff," she said, quickly.

"Girl stuff," he repeated, slowly, realization dawning, "Were you expecting that to happen?"

"No, not really," she said, the blush deepening.

"Did you bring what you need along?"

She rummaged further into her trunk, "I don't know, it's been a while because of the baby and my recovery, things have been out of sync and…" she babbled as she continued to tear apart her trunk. She finally pulled out a package, "Um, yeah, I did."

"Good," he nodded, "Come in the bedroom when you are done. And bring that and put it in my lavatory. You are still recovering. You don't need to be running about too soon."

"Um…" she bit her lip.

"What is it now?" His impatience at her embarrassment was evident in his tone.

"I need more clothes." she shifted. "I can pick them out if you'd like."

"No, I told you that you have lost that right to chose your own things. Go to your lavatory now and I'll bring you in a change of clothes. What do you need?"

"Everything, I think."

He nodded and gestured towards that lavatory, "Go now."

She followed orders, going to the lavatory and two minutes later, a knock on the door and a change of clothes came flying in. She took them, changed, popped the soiled clothes in the laundry hamper that was in the lavatory. She washed her hands and then gripped the sink, dizzy.

"Ahh," she took a breath. Two seconds later, he was in with her and picking her up in his arms.

"Again, too soon for you to be romping around the manor," he said, "even it is to the next room. The cruciatus curse leaves its mark for days."

"I'm aware," she sniffled as he eased her in the bed. "I wasn't meaning to, I promise."

"I know, I'm not angry with you, though maybe annoyed at how embarrassed you are" he said, candidly. He pulled up the covers, "Breakfast should be here shortly." He went over to his desk and opened the drawer and pulled out a small calendar and a quill. He went and sat back on the bed with her.

"When was the last time you had your cycle?"

"I have no idea," She admitted.

He glared at her, "We have discussed the importance of keeping track of these things when you were married to Draco. Did you fail to listen to me?"

"I'm not married to Draco any longer."

He smacked her leg, "I'm not in the mood for you talking back to me."

"This is my worst nightmare to have to discuss these things with you," she shot back.

"Well, that is pretty pathetic of you, indeed," he smacked her again, "I was just complimenting your maturity earlier."

"Was that a compliment? I must have missed it." She met his gaze, bravely, not caring whether or not she was pushing him at the moment.

He smacked her leg again, the swat stinging even through her pajamas leg.

She didn't react though her hand twitched at the sting.

"I can make your nightmares much worse," he warned her, his expression dark.

"Bring i…" she began, but before she could finish the statement, his wand was pulled out and she screamed but no sounds came out as he began to choke her.

She knew he wasn't going to kill her, but the panic that stemmed from not being able to breathe, overwhelmed her. It was then the choking hold subsided and the cruciatus hit again, this time more powerful and much more taxing considering how weakened her body already was. He didn't give her any time to recover when he invaded her mind, swiftly and aggressively.

He was purposeful in his search of his memories and when he finally retreated and the pain stopped though she was left with aching muscles and a throbbing headache, he calmly opened the calendar and circled the date, "this is the first one you have had since losing the baby. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't remember." she said, her voice hoarse, as she absently rubbed at her sore neck.

He stared at her, "I told you that there is times that I can tolerate your moods but there are times if you push, I will push back."

"This is really hard for me. You don't understand. Even Snape was bloody awkward about this the first time and you are the bloody Dark Lord. How am I supposed to feel about sharing the details of my body…or myself to you?"

"Honored," he retorted, "And I doubt Snape was awkward about it."

"I swear to Merlin, he was," She said, "he had to call Narcissa and everything."

Voldemort then chuckled. "I had forgotten but I do remember that from your memories."

"And Draco…well, it took us forever…"

"I'm not a teenage boy."

"I'm aware and that's part of the problem," she responded.

"It's not something to become so mortified by," he retorted, "And you will share these details with me. Mainly because I need to know."

She took a breath because she knew he had a point. He wanted her to conceive, so he would want to keep track of everything himself. He was that controlling.

"I'll help you keep track. You are to come to me right away."

She took another breath, "Very well."

"Good girl," he reached out to touch her neck, "how does this feel?"

"Sore."

He began to rub his healing magic into her skin, "And I will arrange a meeting for you with a house elf for you to instruct them to what you need during these times. Potions, supplies, etc"

"I can make my own potion if you'd allow me to."

He moved his finger to rub her cheek, "I'd allow that. Snape wants you to take on an apprenticeship under him once you pass your exams."

"Would you allow me to do that?" she asked, quietly.

"I'd welcome it. You have a gift for it. And I am constant need of potions for various reasons. There are only a handful of people I trust."

"Does that mean you trust me?"

"You aren't stupid enough to try to poison me through my potions. You know I can smell the properties of a potion and the consequences if you made such an attempt. You won't take such a foolhardy risk."

"I do and I wouldn't" she nodded, sincerely, "but a potions apprenticeship. I never dreamed that you would agree to that so soon."

"Snape is quite the taskmaster," Voldemort countered, "He's going to push you hard. And you still have to get through your exams…and speaking of task masters, I have a vested interest in your success. I will push you up to your breaking point to prepare you for your N.E.W.T.s. You need to be prepared for this."

She nodded, "You won't let me fail, right?"

"Failure is not an option," he told her, adamantly. "As for the rest of it, I want the world to understand that I am not abusing you. They need to see you thrive. Top mark on all your exams will point to that, as well as allowing you the potions apprenticeship. I'm not holding you and torturing in a dungeon here. This is civilized...our arrangement...and ultimately for your good."

"Does the world know you have me here?" Sarah's heart practically stopped, "like my classmates and everyone in Britain?"

"It was leaked the other day through the Daily Prophet," he studied her intently, "does that bother you?"

She shook her head, "No," she responded, but her voice caught. She grimaced.

"Oh dear one," Voldemort said, his eyes fiery, "their hero is dead and his best friend…that sweet innocent child of the light… is grown now…and she is mine…all mine. I won and the sooner they all see the benefits in that, the better. You can be an example to the benefits of my rule. You thrive and they see that they can thrive, by cooperating with us."

She licked her lips, "I hate being a pawn."

"Little one, you have always been a pawn. This entire time. It's been your destiny. And I will use you to my advantage…and in the meantime, have a lot of fun doing that. And in time, you'll see the advantages to this arrangement too." He looked to the trays that had suddenly appeared in their room, "Now let's have breakfast."

She bit her lip as she reached for a muffin.

"Chin up," he glanced over at her, "I only torture when necessary or when you disappoint me...you know what you did to deserve it this morning. The rest may feel torturous, but in reality it is not. Your mind will adjust to this new reality soon."

She took a breath and then broke off a piece of her muffin, "When will we start preparing for my exams?"

"Tomorrow," he said. "The written portions only though until we rebuild your magic. Get rest today. Your mind needs to be alert and that requires rest, which you got little of last night."

"Okay," she sighed, trying to hide how much she dreaded all that was to come.

A/N: please review! :)


	12. Lessons

**A/N:** So I found inspiration and this chapter just flowed out. Would LOVE to hear thoughts! Thanks to all who take the time to read and review! I really appreciate all your feedback!

 **Chapter 12: Lessons**

Sarah shifted on the couch as Voldemort slashed through her practice potions exam. "There can't be that much wrong with it," Sarah said, "I was pretty confident in it."

He glanced up, his eyes heated, "Do not question me. And regardless of whether or not this is outstanding, I want the best. And this is not the best," he told her, his voice stern, "now silence."

She wisely shut her mouth and he continued to slash through portions of her work.

 _Circles, Slashes, Scribbles._

He was devouring the written portion of her exam. More than Snape would have, surely. How was that possible? Snape was the toughest critic she knew...except now, perhaps he had met his match in Lord Voldemort.

She grimaced. She wondered what he would do to her. Torture her? Beat her? She had just recovered from her last session of discipline. She fiddled with the hem of her black and white polka dotted dress he had picked out for her.

"Oh, now, that was just careless," he grunted, disapprovingly and with great flourish, slashed through another one of her answers.

"A careless mistake here and there…" Sarah began to say, but he interrupted her, still working.

"Can cost you the top score," he growled, "I thought I told you to be silent. Do not test me."

She remained silent but watched anxiously as he continued to mark up her essay. He finally put aside his quill and then touched his mark.

"I made a copy of your written portion of your practice exam," he said, twining his hands.

"A copy?" she said, confused, as there was a knock on the door.

She looked over, curiously.

"Come in, Severus," Voldemort said.

"My Lord, did you summon me?"

Voldemort nodded, "Indeed, I did, Severus. I want you to take a look at Sarah's written portion of her practice Potions Exam. I made a copy. I'd like you to score it as if you would her N.E.W.T."

Severus glanced at Sarah, who had paled further.

"I have done the same," Voldemort continued, "and I'd like to compare notes. I have already looked at the top scores from previous years that you have showed me for way of comparison."

"Did you?" Sarah asked, startled.

"Of course, I had to do the proper research to prepare you properly," he said, gesturing to Severus, "you can sit here, Severus, and use my quill."

She shifted again as Snape sat in Voldemort's place. Her anxiety was increasing tenfold. She looked for an escape.

"May I be excused?" she asked Voldemort as he moved out of Snape's way allowing him to begin to slash through her exam, "I need the loo."

"Do you?" he raised his eyebrows, "I must say that's suspicious timing."

"I had three cups of coffee this morning."

"Did you?" Voldemort titled his head, "I only saw you drink one cup. I purposely only poured you one cup to drink."

"Well, I had another two after you left the table."

"I thought you only wanted to finish your eggs," he said, frowning, "You are still taking potions. No wonder you are fidgeting this morning."

"Did I need to ask your permission to have more?" she asked, innocently.

"You know you do, my sneaky little one," he growled. "Now go on and come straight back."

She headed back to her room to use her lavatory and spent an extra long time washing up. Having Voldemort and now Snape destroy her written exam in her strongest subject made her feel like she was destined to fail. What would happen when she started practicing for transfiguration, dark arts, or even charms?

"What are you doing taking so long?" there was a knock on the door, "I knew this was avoidance behavior."

"I genuinely had to use the loo," she said, fiddling with her hair, "And I got distracted."

"By?"

"My thoughts."

"Come," he beckoned to her, "We need to have a discussion."

Her stomach sunk. "Is there a problem?"

He tugged at her arm, pulling her over to the bed to sit with him. "Why are you anxious?"

"You are destroying my exam. It was not that bad. Actually, it was quite good."

"Snape is marking it up even more than I did," Voldemort countered, "And it was quite good. Outstanding. But not the outstanding enough that I think it will be the best. And that's what I expect you to be."

"This is my strength," Sarah's face paled. "there is no way I can do this. Your expectations for me are too high."

"They are not," he countered.

"I still can't cast a spell."

"We haven't tried yet," Voldemort said, "the potions I am giving you are restorative. I'm trying to strength you before we start having you practice magic. We are working on it. You just got out of bed two days ago."

"Are you angry with me? You seemed irritated."

"Why would I be?" he asked.

"I did so poorly," her face flushed.

"It's a fine start," he told her, reaching over to squeeze the back of her neck, "Stop worrying. You'll do worse if you get into your head."

"I hate this. You are making me feel stupid."

"I'm not doing anything to make you feel stupid," he started to massage her neck, "you are reacting and making yourself feel that way. I said I was going to push you."

"You can't destroy my confidence otherwise I'm going to do horridly on the next one."

"I doubt it," he said, dryly. "We'll go over your mistakes and for the next one I will charm a blood quill to transfer my grading to your arm. That should be proper incentive to do better."

She paused, thinking of how enthusiastically he destroyed her work with his quill, "Ouch."

"Indeed," his look was smug, "I told you that I could be quite the task master. You will rise to the occasion."

She squeezed her eyes shut, "I'm getting a blasted headache."

"It is your own damn fault for three cups of coffee," Voldemort countered, easing her up and then turned her over his lap and swatted her behind five times over her dress. "You know to ask."

"You wouldn't have let me."

"Of course I wouldn't," he retorted, plopping her down beside him again. He paused and then changed the subject, "are you still bleeding?"

He was always so blunt. She grunted, "A little."

"You had a rough few days." he commented, "Is it always like that?"

"Not that bad," she admitted, "it was bad this month. Maybe I'm not recovering as I should be. Should I see the mediwitches?"

"Hum, I don't think that is necessary. You're fine." Voldemort reached for her arm, tugging her up, "Let's go check on Snape."

She stood with him, looking at him, curiously, "Is there something you know that I don't?"

"Just about everything," Voldemort retorted.

"Yes, but…"

He gave her a severe look, "I choose if and when I give you certain information."

"Even if it is about me?"

"Especially then…"

Her heart twisted, "Is there something wrong with me?"

"Besides the fact you still don't know my limits with your behavior even though it leads to me punishing you?"

She stopped questioning then. His grip tightened on her arm as he pulled her across the room. Suddenly, he paused.

"My Lord?" she questioned.

He glanced at her. "Stay here until I come for you."

She opened up her mouth but he held up his hand.

"Read over those transfiguration notes. We have to get you to the point of being ready to take a practice exam."

"Okay."

"Good," he nodded at her, "Write down any questions. I will be back in a few minutes. You can use the desk in my room if you'd like."

She looked around her dark room that made her feel so unsettled, especially now he move her back to her own room, and nodded, "I'd like that."

"Go on then," he said, his voice low.

And without any further argument, she followed orders. She was midway through her notes, when a house elf appeared.

"Master wants to see you in the library."

She frowned and then closed the notes, "Very well," She stood.

"He said to brush your hair," the house elf instructed, "And to change your shoes to your black heals"

"I can barely walk in those," she grunted, annoyed now. He was smothering.

"And he said to report back anything you said in response and that he would deal with your impertinence later."

"You do know you don't have to report back what I just said now."

"Yes, I do," the house elf disappeared with a pop.

She groaned, but went back through the door to her own room to brush her hair and retrieve her heals.

* * *

"Sarah," Voldemort took the crook of her elbow, "Come, dearest."

She stopped at the sight before her. Nott, Avery, Carrow, Wormtail…and…in the middle…a battered Neville Longbottom.

She willed herself not to react, though the color drained from her face, "My Lord?"

"How are your feet?" he murmured, his grip firm on her arm, "are you able to walk?"

"Of course, my Lord," she murmured back, innocently.

"I have spies everywhere, Sarah Grace," he said, under his breath.

"I'm aware," she said.

"Are you?"

"Well, now I am."

He chuckled as he pulled her in front of the group, "This is your friend, is he not?"

"Yes," she didn't hesitate. "He is."

"Is he really?" Voldemort mused, "Did you know that he has been in my capture since the Battle at Hogwarts?"

Her stomach almost revolted as her voice strained, "No, I didn't know that."

"Funny, you didn't ask after him. He has asked after you daily. It seems that you have another admirer that you failed to tell me about."

She tried to not to react. What was going on? And why was this coming up now?"

She struggled to come up with a response, "I wouldn't call him an admirer. We are friends."

"Really?" Voldemort's grip tightened, "Your care and devotion to your so called friends is heart-warming, little one."

She met Neville's eyes. They were broken…haunted. Shame flooded her. He had always been a bit neglected by the other Gryffindors, but he never failed to rise to the occasion…fifth year at the Department of Mysteries and then when Harry left to go on the run, Neville led the resistance movement at Hogwarts. He stood up to Voldemort at the Battle of Hogwarts and he was a hero…and a true, loyal friend to both Harry and herself. But how had she repaid him? Her heart pounded as her mind raced. Thoughts swirled around, her desperately trying to get a handle on what Voldemort was up to…yet she couldn't focus…not with Dark Lord's grip on her arm and Neville standing so close by, looking like that at her. His expression was so vacant.

"What have they done to him?" she asked, aghast.

Voldemort shrugged, "What I ordered them to do…I wanted to see how much he knew. And I wanted to punish him for his actions. And I wished the torture to drag out these number of weeks."

"What did he ever do to you?" she flung herself away to him, this time the shock at his state turning to rage. "Speaking up to you at the Battle of Hogwarts- is that it? He should be punished his much for that? I did far worse and I don't look like that!"

"You were severely punished as you well know," Voldemort countered, titling his head…the action a silent warning to her to remember her place, especially among members from his inner circle. "And you have a stronger mind then he has. You withstand punishment much better than he does. His parents were the same way…Bella didn't have to try too hard before they lost their minds."

She glared at him before turning back to face her friend, "Neville?" she asked, her voice soft.

Their eyes met again and she saw a flicker of a message. He was still there with them…they hadn't incompacitated him like they had his parents years before.

"Did you know that he killed Nagini?"

The question came out of no where and her heart began to pound through her chest. She closed her eyes and then took a breath and turned back around to face the Dark Lord. "What?"

"Sarah," he said her name to draw her attention back to focus on him, "did you know that he killed Nagini?"

Had she known that?

"No," she frowned, "That is…I'm not sure. I assumed Nagini was dead because she hasn't been around. I don't know if I ever was told that." She rubbed her pounding head. She was quickly losing control.

"It's been revealed to us after great torture that he killed Nagini on _your_ orders," his voice was stern, "Is that true?"

Sarah's stomach flip-flopped. "Harry ordered it."

"Oh, now, Sarah, really," Voldemort reached for her. He pinned her arms at her side and then pulled her forcibly against his side, "Blame the dead one. Such a Slytherin move. My influence is already beginning to show." His breath was against her cheek.

"He told me to make sure…" she paused at his look. He already knew all of this. He knew that she told Neville to kill Nagini. He had invaded her mind and learned everything. He had punished her severely for it all, but he never mentioned this until now.

He recognized her realization.

"Leave us now," Voldemort said gruffly, "Take the boy, but don't harm him now. Sarah and I need to have a private discussion."

The death eaters all smiled, smugly…they knew what Voldemort's private discussions entailed.

Neville began to twist against the chains, "Sarah" his voice was hoarse, "I'm sorry!"

"No, no," Sarah tried to reassure him, but Voldemort pinched her arm hard, silencing her.

They immediately left.

Voldemort raised his hand, wandlessly enacting silencing charms.

"You knew! You knew all along it was me! Why did you torture the information out of him?" Tears formed in her eyes.

"Because I could," he retorted.

"But you never mentioned it." She sniffled, trying to wrap her mind around why Voldemort had failed to mention this before, "And you tortured Neville for this information that you already knew! I don't understand!"

He shrugged, "He did kill my snake. Because he didn't understand why Potter wanted her dead is why I allowed him to live."

"What are you going to do?" her throat felt so dry as the tears fell down her cheeks. She turned her head away from him, wiping her face with the back of her hand, trying to compose herself.

He went over to the table that contained a pitcher of water and poured a glass for her. He walked over and handed it to her, "Drink."

She drank the whole glass of water. "What are you doing to do?" she asked as he reached for the glass again, banishing it for her. He took her elbow and led her to the couch and pushed her to sit.

"We will continue with my plan for you. The others already know that I am rehabilitating you. When they see how far you have come, this won't change anything."

She shifted, "What about Neville?" she looked at her hands.

He nudged at her knee so she looked up at him, "He will remain with one of us. You can decide which death eater to give him too…but it must not be Draco or Snape."

"You want me to decide which one of your death eaters gets to keep them for their torturous games?" Sarah's mouth dropped, horrified, "I can't do that!" she shook her head in horror at the prospect.

"You must," Voldemort told her sternly.

Her face paled as she began to cry into her hands. She felt so guilty that not only Neville was in this position, but she failed to ask after his fate when he so clearly cared about her and their friendship. And that she had put him here to begin with by instructing him to kill Nagini. She should have done it herself.

He removed her hands and pinned them to her side, "Chin up. Meet my eyes. Good. Now stop crying and make a decision."

Her mind raced at all the different choices, one after another equally as awful. It was then she had an idea.

She sniffed, "You."

He dropped her hands, "What about me?"

"You are the leader of the Death Eaters, so I think you are a fair choice."

He titled his head, trying to ascertain her motive, "You surprise me. I know more darkness than the lot of them."

"But you control it better than any one of them" she said, quietly, "And if you won't release him, then I choose you."

"What would you like me to do with him?" Voldemort asked.

"I have some ideas."

"Which are?" he asked, tipping up her chin again.

"My potions can only be as good as my ingredients. On the tour of the house yesterday, you showed me the greenhouse and the gardner's house. I know you are growing quite a few of your own ingredients, but honestly, they don't look as well as they should. The house elves have no idea what they are doing. It needs a wizard's hand. Now, I'm rubbish at Herbology, but Neville is not. He is actually quite good. The grounds are charmed so I…and I suppose now, he can't leave. So…so there you go."

"Sarah," Voldemort grunted, "You never cease to surprise me with the way your mind works."

"You said I was to choose his fate," she countered.

"Indeed and I will honor that," he frowned, "this was supposed to be punishment for you to choose his fate. No matter. Having him close by to where you can see the wounds that has been inflicted on him this past few weeks should be punishment enough for your tender heart."

"Physically he needs to heal or he will be no use."

"You are otherwise engaged at the moment with your school work. There is no time for you to play mediwitch with him. I'll assign a house elf."

She nodded, "But allow him time with the plants. I need healthy ingredients to practice for my N.E.W.T. "

He studied her, suspiciously. "And a side effect of that, will also be healing for him to work with the plants."

She shrugged, "So what if it is?"

He reached out to grip her shoulders, "Are you going to find out some way to help all your friends?"

"If you will allow me to," she answered, honestly.

He turned her around and swatted her hard. "There is more of that to come tomorrow."

She turned back around, "What?!" she exclaimed, "You said you weren't going to punish me."

"Not for all of this," Voldemort waved his hand, "But I fear that you think you got the upper hand on me today with choosing Longbottom's fate and I must say, you did. I must regain it somehow…" his eyes bore into hers, "And I have decided that spanking your arse should suffice. And since you told me that you are currently still indisposed, tomorrow will have to do. In the meantime, you can anticipate what I can do with a ruler."

"Please tell me you are joking," she said, her voice hoarse.

"No, dear one, I'm not," he pulled her into him, "but don't worry, it's mainly just to make you uncomfortable. However, you are walking a fine line and I will advise you to remember that for the rest of today and tomorrow or your punishment will be significantly worse."

She grunted, "Yes, sir."

"Now," he patted her back and pulled away, "Let's go see what work Severus made of your essay."

* * *

Snape had torn through her essay as well and she had to listen for the next two hours as they dissected question by question of her written practice exam. It was disconcerting, but when she jumped in with questions, either Snape or Voldemort patiently answered her as to the reasons why her answer needed to be stronger. It did seem like they wanted her to learn and were tolerating her questioning them as a way of ensuring that she did learn.

That afternoon, Voldemort and her went over her transfiguration notes, him quizzing her on what he perceived as her weak areas in the subject. They hadn't even started on charms yet and Sarah was exhausted. He sent her to bed early, but her mind was almost consumed between her exams and Neville.

The next day was more of the same. Practice exam in the morning (to be graded by Voldemort the next day), hours of Voldemort drilling her in transfiguration. That night, as promised, he took her to his room and spanked her. She was stoic through it all and he seemed satisfied even though her emotions were tightly reigned in. He had a meeting, so he sent her to bed again in her own room.

She tossed and turned, becoming even more tortured by her thoughts. Her punishment was pittance compared to what happened to Neville and she didn't even think to inquire after him. She was the one who told him to kill Nagini- she was the one that should have been punished for that as well. But he seemingly gave her a pass on it. She didn't deserve that. She deserved Neville's punishment and more…not so much because she killed Nagini, because as the Dark Lord had implied, she had been an awful friend…when Neville had been loyal to her…being tortured for so long to protect her.

She sat up in her bed and gave into the emotions that she had successfully bottled up for the past two days. She was truly a horrid person..selfish to the core.

Fred Weasley had lost his life…for her. And when she thought of what the others had bore for her…Snape and Draco and now Neville…it was too much to even comprehend. The sniffles developed into tears, which soon became sobs. She sobbed all the anguish out, her arms hugging her knees.

She didn't even hear the door swing open or his swift movement until he sat on the bed with her.

"What is this about?" he demanded.

"I thought you had a meeting," she groaned. She hadn't meant for him to hear.

"It was over an hour ago. I was reading in my room until your cries interrupted me."

"I'm sorry," she struggled to compose herself. "I just need a minute."

She tried to get away from him, but he quickly grabbed her.

"You can't run from me," He growled. "Tell me."

"No!"

He gripped her arms and shook her firmly, " _Now_ , Sarah."

"You spanked me tonight and it was nothing…nothing compared to what happened to him."

"To whom? Longbottom?"

"Yes! His punishment was far worse than mine was…send me to Carrow. Let him have me for a night," she said, almost desperately.

He shook her again, "Do you even know what you are saying to me? I'm not having his hands all over you. I will not tolerate any one of them touching you…especially in the way Carrow is apt to do. Why would you even ask for that?"

"Then you do it! You are supposed to be the darkest wizard of all time. Be dark with me! Do it!" she challenged.

He smacked her across the face, "Calm down now. I will not tolerate hysterics."

"It's what I deserve! And more!"

"For what?" he asked, incredulously. "Surely not for killing Nagini." he paused, "is this guilt?" he growled at her, "Is this what all of this nonsense is about? You feel guilty?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you are being ridiculous if that is the case."

"I ordered him to kill Nagini and it wasn't all because Harry told me to do so. Actually, he didn't really tell me to do so. It was a decision that we both made. And I would do it again even if she wasn't what we both know she was."

Hie eyes darkened, "Explain yourself."

"That snake was the bane of my existence. I hated her. And when you had her try to kill Snape, I knew…I knew then that I wanted her to die. And I'm glad Neville killed her. I'm just sorry I didn't get to do it myself."

His hand twitched for his wand and then he visibly stopped himself. "Did you know Nagini was a horcrux?"

His demeanor was violate.

She paused as her face whitened. Was this a trap? He knew the entirety of her memories…he must know. She fought to figure out a way out of this.

"Sarah," he growled, "I will know if you are lying."

"Of course I did. I was the one who figured that out."

"Did you?" his voice was calm…eerily so, "What else did you figure out?"

Her throat was dry, "About the one in Bellatrix's vault. I knew you would want to keep them close to you or with your most trusted advisors so I suggested Harry search the LeStrange vault. Didn't you know that from my memories?"

He paused, "Apparently, you are much more skilled at occlumency than I ever thought possible. It seems that you hid certain information in the far recesses of your mind that even I couldn't access even when you were in a coma."

"I thought you knew everything!"

He stared at her and she could tell that he was working out what to do.

She began to cry harder. "So Neville took that torture for me…and I deserve it…not him. Now you know, you can punish me. Go on," she said, crying, "I need you to…I have been a horrible friend to him."

He reached his hand out and she flinched her shoulders, but then with great effort managed to still herself. She was afraid, but she wasn't going to cower in front of him.

It was then he surprised her by brushing the plastered piece of hair out of her face. He cleared his throat, "If I give into your wishes, it's for all the wrong reasons. I will not help you assuage your guilt. But rest assured, there will be consequences for this revelation. It is perhaps worse than everything else I punished you for…worse than you publicly defying me, worse than killing my Bellatrix. You were killing off pieces of my soul, Sarah. Do you even realize?"

"I never destroyed a horcrux," her voice was hoarse, "I let the others do it."

He smacked her again, "You couldn't even do it yourself, could you? I thought after Dumbledore's death, Potter was the mastermind of all of this, but it wasn't was it? It was you!"

"No," she shook her head, "I…" she paused at his look, "I thought you knew this already. I assumed you did. You were supposed to know everything about all of this!"

"I think we both made our fair share of inaccurate assumptions of late," he said, his voice low. He was so still. She could sense his tight control over his anger. And she feared it.

"Are you going to kill me?" her voice hitched.

He laughed, "No, I am most certainly not going to kill you. You will become what I want you to become."

He stood, "I will however destroy that precious muggle village you love."

She jumped up, "What?!"

"The one where Snape Manor is located…I'll spare Snape's house of course…but the village will destroyed and I suspect some of the people in the process. It's inevitable that there will be loss of life. You must prepare yourself."

"You can't just kill them! You can't just destroy their homes!"

"I can very much do so. I'm going downstairs and arranging for the raid now. And moreover, you will watch."

"My Lord, please," Sarah's face crumpled. "I love those people."

He turned back to her, "And that is your weakness, not mine. I told you long ago that your choices have repercussions beyond what you can imagine. Let this be a lesson to you."

"I didn't have to tell you any of this!"

"And yet you did. Perhaps, if it was to confess to me out of some guilt you have of how you have wronged _me_ , I wouldn't feel forced to take such action. But it wasn't. You wanted to throw Nagini's death in my face. I warned you not to cross me."

"Please," she whispered, her agony clear. "Curse me instead. I'm begging you. This is me, not them."

He held up his hand, "They are just muggles, dear one. They truly don't matter. Retrieve your robes."

She couldn't move, "I can't," she said, softly, "I can't."

"I suggest you obey me now, or Snape Manor will also be destroyed in the process and Snape as well."

Her look was one of pure panic, "No! You promised!"

He shrugged. "It's your choice."

She moved to the closet and reached for her robes. Her hands shook as she pulled them on and fumbled with the fastens.

"Allow me," He swept over to her and put his fingers over hers, "There we are," he said, softly, "Now come." his tone became clipped.

She had no choice but to follow him.

* * *

He apparated with her to the village, joined by several of the followers in formal Death Eater robes.

"My Lord," Severus's voice was strained, "surely there is another village you could chose besides the one that surrounds my family home."

"It is not for you to question me," Voldemort's voice was heated, "and if you want to know why I chose this one, then ask your daughter. She knows the reason."

Snape stopped his protest then, Draco's hand on his arm, cautioning him.

Voldemort turned to Sarah, "I would make you do the honors, dear one, but your magic has yet to return."

"My Lord," Sarah's voice was hoarse, "Please reconsider."

He pulled her to his side, his arm around her waist, pinning her against him. "NO!" Voldemort hissed in her ear, "you helped destroy a part of me and I, in return, will now destroy a part of you. All those happy memories that you have living in this village with Snape…gone…just like this…" With his other hand, he waved his wand, casting a spell…the flames leaping from it.

Sarah screamed as the flames rushed towards the village.

She broke free to rush towards the houses, wanting to warn the people…she heard Draco call her name, but it Voldemort grabbed her again and forcibly pushed her back.

"Severus, make sure she stays back," he snapped, "Everyone else, follow me."

Sarah struggled as Snape grasped her arms, restraining her. She helplessly watched the flames dance around the village, the houses being consumed by the dark magic. She heard the screams of the people. Snape had to hold her back, physically restrain her from intervening.

"What did you do?" he hissed in her ear.

"I thought he knew…" she heaved.

"About what, Sarah Grace?" his voice was urgent. "What has happened?"

"About the horcruxes. I don't know how, but I hid that from him when he invaded my mind. He had no idea that I helped Harry with that. That it was I who figured out about Bella's vault and Nagini."

Snape's hands trembled and the he steeled himself and pulled her closer against him, "Why is he doing this and not punishing you?"

"I begged him to punish me. He thought that it would be giving me what I wanted to assuage my guilt over Neville being tortured for killing Nagini instead of me." she grimaced, "I never thought he would do this, Dad. I never thought…" she grimaced.

Snape's voice was harsh, "I told you not to underestimate his darkness. He is callous in it. He doesn't care."

She sobbed, "I'm sorry."

"I know you are," Snape's voice was softer, "At least he spared our family home."

"That doesn't matter to our friends…who is going to die at my hands?" she asked, brokenly, the fight leaving her.

She had stopped struggling but still he held her tightly against him, his strong arms securely around her…trying to offer a small measure of comfort to her as they watched their village burn to the ground.

* * *

She didn't say a word to him as Voldermort apparated her back to his manor. Her shoulders slumped forward. HIs grip still firm on her arm, he led her up the stairs and to his bedroom. He conjured her clothes.

"I'm taking a shower. Would you like to join me?" he asked, lightly.

She blanched. "No, thank you."

"Pity," he gave her a knowing look, "you can take one after me."

"I can just take one in my lavatory."

He shook his head, "I don't trust you. Sit at my desk and don't move until I'm done."

She nodded and followed orders. She put her elbows on the desk and leaned over, exhausted. Ten minutes later, he came out, wearing a robe.

"Go on," he instructed, studying her from across the room. "I put your clothes in the lavatory for you."

She looked at him, her face blank, "Am I sleeping in here tonight?"

He nodded.

She left him without another word. She fought the anguish and exhaustion as she washed the smoke smell and soot from her. She dried herself off and got dressed, tossing the towel and her soiled clothes in the hamper.

He was sitting on the bed when she stepped out of the lavatory, flipping through his book.

"Come sit," He beckoned when he saw her, "I can dry your hair for you. It's all tangled. Did you wash it?"

She nodded, her lip trembling. She moved to stand beside his side of the bed.

He waved his wand, drying her hair instantly. He conjured a hair brush and handed it to her, "Brush your hair," he commanded.

She took the hair brush absently. She stared at it in her hands.

"Oh for Merlin's sake," Voldemort grunted and moved his feet up so he was sitting on the bed, allowing for her to have a spot in front of him, "Sit here," he patted the bed. She obeyed almost immediately and he began to brush her hair for her. She didn't say a word or acknowledge his efforts and he put the hairbrush on his nightstand.

"Get in bed," he said, his voice short.

She slid off the bed and walked around to the other side, climbing in and pulling up the covers.

"Go to sleep. It's two in the morning," He said as he flipped off the light and laid down.

She turned to her side away from him.

"Goodnight, Sarah Grace."

"Goodnight, my Lord," she said, emotionless.

She stared at the wall, not able to sleep, in her mind reliving the night's events over and over again. And the tears silently rolled down her face and she sniffled…in the dark giving into her emotions.

She felt a hand on her hip as she was rolled over. The light flipped on and Sarah struggled to adjust to the light.

"I think only a few muggles died tonight. It could have been a lot worse," he told her, his voice low, "you must be reasonable now. For those sins you committed against me, this was the most fortunate outcome for you."

Her breathing hitched, "I wish you had just cursed me or killed me."

"And that is why I did what I did tonight. Let this be a lesson to you. You'll remember this if you are ever tempted to destroy me again."

"And I just have to be okay with what you did tonight?" she asked, the tears still flowing. "How can you expect that?"

"Much like I just have to get over what you did when you told Harry your suspicions about where I had my horcruxes, which happened to be quite on the mark. It isn't easy, is it?" he asked, wryly.

She grimaced, "I hate you."

"I suspect you do at this moment."

"Those people were my friends."

"They were muggles and expendenable. All and all, you were fortunate that not more of them died."

She swallowed hard, "I can't even comprehend any of this."

"Don't try to," he advised. "just remember you have been quite fortunate tonight."

"Why aren't you torturing me?" she asked, in anguish.

"I believe I am," he said, quietly, "I'm forcing you to sleep in the bed beside me when you clearly hate me at the moment. And you are reliving every moment of that village burning…of some of your friends dying. Isn't that torture enough? Sometimes emotional pain is more torturous than physical pain."

"But don't you want me in physical pain?"

"Not particularly. I still believe Potter was the mastermind behind of all of this. Am I wrong?"

"I wasn't actively hunting your horcruxes," she shook her head, "I purposely didn't go with Harry to protect the ones I loved."

He nodded, "You just happen to be brilliant enough to figure it all out."

Her lip trembled more, "I wish I had kept my mouth shut about Nagini."

"Both Severus and I have warned you of the dangerous of spouting off so impulsively."

"I know," her voice was hoarse.

"You must be controlled…strategic. It's how you will earn those top marks on the exams."

"That doesn't matter now," she said, forlorn.

"It matters to me," he reached to grip her arms, "you will do this for me or what I did tonight will be nothing, do you hear me?"

She closed her eyes tightly before opening them, "yes, sir."

"Are you tempted to finish what Potter started?"

She shook her head, "No."

"Good," he reached for her temples, "Close your eyes and clear your mind. I'll help you."

She swallowed hard, but didn't shrink away as he began to coax her into to sleep.

"Why don't you hate me?" she asked, as she grew sleepy.

His massaging stopped, "I think Dumbledore manipulated you against me. He told you all the lies about me…and about us and what we stand for. And you believed them. But you were simply a pawn in his game against me. From the beginning he put you up as being invaluable for Harry's survival. He believed that was your destiny. And time and time again, he encouraged you to risk your life for Potter. But he used you for Potter…just as he tried to use Potter to kill me. He manipulated both of you."

"And now I am yours…to do with what you wish," she said, resigned.

"Indeed you are," he said, "and I will do exactly what I wish with you. But you must never cross me again or I fear even I can't save you. Don't turn me against you."

Her breath hitched again.

"I did this for your own good, Sarah," he murmured, "So the temptation that has been ingrained in you by Dumbledore for the past seven years…that temptation to thrwart me…to try to destroy me…will not longer have a hold over you. It was for your own good, little one."

She began to sob again, the weight of his words unbearable.

"You can bear this," he told her, quietly, "and we can move past this."

He pulled her into his arms and in spite of herself, buried her head in his chest. He held her for a few minutes, her sobs subsiding.

"Are you going to cry more?" he asked.

"No," she said, "not at the moment." Her throat was dry and she coughed.

He pushed her back so she could look at him. His long fingers were on her face, holding it steady so she had to focus on him, "I know there is redemption for you. You may have helped Potter destroy pieces of me…but I'm putting a piece of myself inside of you that you will never been tempted to destroy…my heir…my legacy…"

Her heart hammered.

"Now roll over and go to sleep," he instructed.

And when she did, she discovered that sleep found her quite quickly…the events of that night exhausting her.

 **A/N:** Please review! :)


	13. Revelations

**A/N** : Thanks so much for those who have taken time to review this story! Am working on the companion story (Finding the Way) next...had a sick kid last week and now we are fast approaching the holidays...hopefully I can continue to write when I can find time! Thanks again to all who are reading and especially those who are reviewing! Big chapter ahead...

 **Chapter 13: Revelations**

Sarah felt so out of sorts, so out of control over her rampant emotions stemming from the events of last night. They had breakfast, in silence, and afterwards Voldemort ushered into his study, instructed her to sit on the sofa as he pulled out his quill and her practice exam from the previous day.

"Are you going to use the blood quill?" she asked, quietly, for the first time that morning initiating conversation with him. The thought was almost too much for her to bear…with the events of last night and her emotions raw from it, she knew it would only bring back unwanted memories of the torture at Umbridge's hands…and that of Harry…and her dad.

"No," he responded, "I think you have been through enough. But I will the next time."

He was yielding ever so slightly. He was so unwavering, so strict at times…so dark and callous, destroying and killing like it was nothing and then the next moment, he was brushing her hair out and holding her as he cried.

She stared at her hands and she could feel his eyes on her. He cleared his throat, "Why don't you read through the text I marked for you out of your transfiguration book while I look over this?"

"Okay," she easily caught the book that flew over to her.

"Severus should be arriving any moment. I thought we could grade at the same time to make it more efficient."

"Makes sense," she said as Snape knocked on the door.

"Enter," Voldemort said, quietly as a house elf ushered Snape in.

Sarah glanced at him and then lowered her eyes. He looked weary.

Voldemort rose, pushing himself up with his hands. "I think you need some coffee, Severus," he said, "I need you focused." He gave instructions to the house elf.

"Yes, my Lord."

"Have a seat next to Sarah and you can work through grading her exam."

"Yes, my Lord," Severus answered, taking peek at Sarah who was seemingly engrossed in her reading.

The coffee arrived and Voldemort poured a cup for himself and for Snape and then gave Sarah some water.

She took a sip and then looked down at her transfiguration text. But as she was reading, her mind wandered to the events of last night.

"Sarah," Voldemort's voice snapped her out of her memories, "Focus."

She glanced up at his severe look and mumbled her apologies.

He nodded and pointed towards her text. Her eyes dropped again, but yet again her mind wandered.

She felt Snape's hand nudging the side of her leg, discreetly. She glanced up at him and her mouthed, "Focus."

She licked her dry lips and nodded, trying to pull her mind to her text.

The house elf arrived this time with the papers, laying them on the coffee table before Voldemort dismissed him. She continued to stare at her text book before she looked at the pile of papers, one in particular catching her eye. Her text dropped and her hand reached out for the paper.

"Sarah," Snape reached to snatch the paper out of her hands, but it was too late.

She looked over the muggle paper that Voldemort had summoned. There was a huge article about the fire and about the five deaths that had occurred…one being Mrs. O'Bryan, the kind grocery shop owner, whom Sarah visited with often while at Snape Manor.

She dropped the paper to the floor it landing on top of her book before fleeing.

* * *

Snape picked up the paper, "Why is this here anyway?" he questioned, unsuccessfully trying to keep the agitation out of his tone.

"I wanted to see how the muggle papers are viewing the attack," Voldemort answered, "If I want to read a muggle paper, I certainty can."

"I thought you despise everything muggle," Snape countered.

"Call it research," Voldemort placed his hands on his desk and stood.

Snape followed, laying aside the practice exam he was correcting, "You must have known that destroying our village would have far reaching implications for her emotional health."

"She'll have to get over it," Voldemort waved his hand, dismissively.

"It isn't as simple as that," Snape retorted, "She can't just dismiss this."

"It is her own damn fault, Severus," Voldemort's voice raised a notch, "Do not question me."

"I'm simply stating concern," Severus pressed, "If you want her to be amenable to you, if you want her to soften towards you, this is not the way."

"She had to be punished," Voldemort countered, "What she knowingly aided Potter with is unthinkable."

"I'm not denying that," he conceded, "I just think that flaunting the deaths won't help."

The paper flew up to Voldemort's hand. He read over it, "Who is this woman?"

Snape cleared his throat, "she ran a local grocery. She was always very kind to Sarah. A witch."

Voldemort nodded, then crumpled the paper, throwing it in the fire. "Continue on, Severus."

"Yes, my Lord." he responded. But when he left, he found that he was the one distracted, thinking of the events of the previous night.

* * *

Sarah sat next to the roaring fire in the library, watching the flames flicker, lost in her thoughts.

"There you are," Voldemort said, reaching to move her legs which were curled up on the couch, out of the way so he could sit next to her. "I was so sure you would have headed to your room."

She crinkled her nose but didn't respond.

"I had to use a locator spell," he added.

"I'm so sorry I troubled you," Sarah retorted.

"I didn't dismiss you," he said, his tone more severe.

"No, you didn't," she said, "at the moment, I didn't care."

"Why did you choose this room to come?"

She shrugged, not offering more of an answer.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, his hand on her leg, growing more impatient.

She shrugged again.

"Sarah," he snapped.

"Use legiilimancy if you are that interested," She snapped back.

His hands grabbed her quickly and before she could react further, his hands were one her face and she was centimeters from his own.

"I am losing my patience with you. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that one, you deserved this. And two, they are just muggles. Move on."

"They aren't just muggles to me," She grunted back, "that is your philosophy, not mine. And please lose your patience with me…"

"Believe me, you don't want the consequences of me losing my temper with you," he said, darkly.

She frowned, but wisely did not push him.

He let go of her face and she pulled back, "now what are you thinking? Is it about this O'bryan woman?"

"Maybe," she conceded, "I know you don't understand this…"

"Understand what?"

"Grief."

He paused, his eyes flickering in surprise, "I understand grief, Sarah."

"Do you?" she asked, "until you understand love, how can you possibly understand grief?"

The words were wise beyond her years only brought on by years of struggling with her own grief…tragic loss after tragic loss…her mum, her dad, Fred, Harry, her baby…

He stilled again, contemplatively, "I lost Bellatrix. I had more of a relationship with her than you had with any one of those muggles…but wait," he held up his hand, "Bellatrix was evil. She had it coming."

Sarah grunted, "I didn't say that."

"You don't have to," he retorted, "I can read your mind, remember?"

She paused herself.

He continued, "Not only that…I'm evil so I can't possibly understand what grief means."

"You create the events that very much leads to people grieving…if you understand what it meant, then you wouldn't do it to begin with." she reasoned.

His eyes narrowed, but he didn't argue with her. "This is a very mature conversation. It shows me that you ready for more mature endeavors."

She bit her lip, knowing very well the reason he was changing the tone of the conversation…she had read him pretty well and he wasn't sure that he liked that.

"May I make a request?" she asked, more contritely this time.

"By all means," he gestured to her, "Go on."

"My mother, as you know, pulled me out of the wizarding world, when I was a baby," she began.

"Which was idiotic, but go on…"

She stifled her glare and continued, "my mum had a pretty significant portion of her inheritance in muggle money…"

"You can convert that to wizarding money if you'd like," Voldemort told her.

"I'm aware…or I could give that away…if that would be more convenient. It seems like such a bother to arrange the conversion."

He stared at her, "That's not prudent."

"Why not?" she asked, "I have my father's fortune. I am Snape's heir."

"What if Snape choses to have a child?" Voldemort asked, twining his hand.

"Who would he have a child with?" Sarah asked, incredulously, "he hasn't dated for as long as he has been my guardian…"

"But he isn't your guardian any longer. You are under my care. He is relieved of his responsibilities towards you…perhaps he wishes to enter into a relationship."

She frowned, "Even so, I still have more money that I know what to do with. You know that. Unless.." she paused, "is all of this because you want my money?"

He laughed, "No, little one. I don't need your money. I have other ways of having you under my thumb than using your fortune. Keep it for our children."

"Then, I could use my muggle savings for the village to help with the rebuilding costs…"

He frowned, "Sarah…"

"Even if Snape has a child, which he won't, by the way, he says that he has safeguarded some of his resources for me. I believe him. And…"

"And there is the fact that Potter willed his money to you…" Voldemort added.

Her mouth dropped, "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice catching.

"You are the executor of his will…and most of his resources were willed to you to distribute as you saw fit."

"I'm not touching his money…" she said, adamantly.

"Do as you see fit," Voldemort said, "Use it as a memorial to Potter in Gringotts if you'd like."

"It's _his_ money."

"And he no longer requires it," Voldmort said, "he is dead and he wished for you to have the Potter fortune. He probably knew that you would give most of it away…probably to the Weasleys."

She frowned, "Regardless, my Lord, may I use some of my mother's money to help rebuild the village?"

"No."

"Then let me use Harry's money. We can covert it to muggle money."

"I thought you said that was too tiresome."

"But my Lord..." Sarah protested.

"I said, no, Sarah, and I meant no." He stood.

"My Lord," she stood too, "but why?"

"They are muggles. You will not lower yourself to help them."

She thought quickly.

"But it increases the value of Snape Manor," she said, quickly, "to do so. So it is really helping Snape...and in the long term, myself and our children."

He slowly turned back towards her, "You never cease to surprise me at times like these. Your mind works in the most intriguing ways."

"Is that a yes?" she asked, hopefully.

"Would this cause your sulking to cease?" he asked.

She thought it unwise to argue with his assessment of her attitude...she wasn't sulking...but grieving, which anyone that had a heart would do in situations like these.

She sought an answer to appease him, "It would help."

"We have contacts within the British parliament. I'll instruct our people to make sure money gets allocated for the rebuilding efforts."

"You would do that?" her voice caught, "Really?"

"Of course," he said, brusquely, "As you said, it increases the value of Snape Manor, which will one day be my children's inheritance. I can act reasonably even if it involves muggles."

"Thank you," she said, quietly.

He nodded and then took the crook of her elbow, "Let us return to the study then. We have a lot of work to do."

She allowed him to lead her back to the study without protest.

* * *

The days blurred into weeks. And soon a month had passed. Voldemort kept her busy and her mind focused on her studies…and away from the burning of the village. Though there were moments, unguarded moments, when his eyes were not on her that she had to take several breaths, quell the tears that were forming in her eyes and then clear her mind and focus back on the task at hand before Voldemort caught her musings.

With the passing of the month, Voldemort deemed her ready to take her potions exam. And she did feel ready under both the Dark Lord's and Snape's expert tutelage. It was the day before the exam and Sarah wanted to spend some time brewing. It was not for some extra practice…cramming before the test…but because much like her uncle, brewing calmed her. It focused her. It relaxed her and she knew that was what she needed. Voldemort gave her permission but asked her to do it on her own as he was busy with some sort of meeting. She had just been gathering her ingredients when she realized she was missing a main one, which they had stocked in the greenhouse. It was then she headed to the greenhouse to procure it for her potion. It was then she ran into Neville for the first time since that fateful day when she was tasked to choose his destiny. Voldemort had kept them away though she had asked daily after him, much to the Dark Lord's annoyance.

"Oh Neville," she crosse her arms against her chest, "I didn't realize you would be here."

"I was just checking after these," he put his hand against the leafy side of a plant, studying it, "They need extra tending to."

She strolled over to where he was standing, "Yes, they do. Are you well enough for this?"

He nodded, "I have been for about a week now. It's been good to be out of the gardener's shed."

"Are you comfortable?" she asked, shifting awkwardly.

"It's better than I was before ironically," he said, still looking at the plant.

"Neville," she reached out to touch his arm and he flinched away.

She lowered her hand, tears in her eyes, "I'm so sorry," she said, quietly.

He turned to look at her, "When I was a first year…all the way up until last September, I thought there could be no one that could invoke fear in me as much as Professor Snape. And now…he's been kind to me these past few weeks. He visited, did you know?"

She shook her head, "I didn't."

" _You know who_ knows."

"I suspect he does," Sarah said, quietly, "Otherwise, Snape wouldn't have visited."

He turned back to his plants, spraying them with water, "Has he touched you?"

She swallowed hard, "Not in the way you mean…" she paused, "not yet at least, but it is coming. I know it is. After I take my N.E.W.T.s"

He put down the bottle and then turned back to her, "I'm glad you came." he looked determined, "There is something you need to know."

"What is it?" she asked, curiously.

"When they had me there…I overheard Carrow and Yaxley talking…about you…and _him_."

She twisted her hands, "Go on."

"When you lost the baby, he did something to you…nobody knows quite what…or what it means…but it was dark, Sarah. He used Dark Magic on you…ancient magic…to get you…well, back to normal."

"I don't understand," she shifted again, "What does that mean?"

"I'm not sure," Neville said, "things are foggy from that time…but they were laughing about how your womb is cursed…cursed to be dark…"

Her head felt light and her knees shook. What did he do to her?

"What else do you remember?" she pressed, softly.

"They said that nobody knows but them…and Snape and Malfoy…that they are the Dark Lord's most trusted ones…but they made crude jokes about him taking your virginity."

She shook, "I'm not a virgin though."

"They said he made you one…just so he could take it from you."

Her mouth dropped, "But…" she grimaced. Was this why Voldemort insisted that she not have sex with Draco? Her voice shook, "I don't know what to say…"

"I just thought you should know…they said he hadn't told you yet and even wondered if he would or make it some sort of surprise for you… the sick bastards…all of them," Neville said, but then they grew hushed as the door flung open.

"Sarah," Voldemort snapped, "I've been looking everywhere for you."

She turned towards him, her expression unguarded only for a brief moment.

His eyes narrowed, "What is going on here?" he demanded, looking between the two of them.

"Nothing, my Lord," Sarah quickly said, "I didn't have what I needed to brew my potion."

"You didn't get my permission to leave," he glared at her.

"You were in a meeting, I didn't think you wanted me to interrupt you."

He studied her for another moment, a tense look between the two of them before he pulled his eyes away, "Longbottom, I assume you are well enough for this."

Sarah slightly stepped towards Neville.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, Sarah, I'm not going to curse him now," he grunted. "And even if I wanted to, it wouldn't be as if you could protect him."

"I'm sorry, my Lord," Sarah stared at her shoe, her head down.

He swept over to her and titled her chin up, "What is wrong with you?"

She refused to meet his gaze as her emotions threatened to spill out of her. She couldn't tell him the truth. So she had to lie.

"Sarah," he grunted, "answer me."

"I'm nervous about my test," she blurted out, "Really nervous. I didn't think you would be pleased by that."

"Look at me," Voldemort flicked at her cheek until she met his gaze, "Is that all?"

"Of course, my Lord," she said, smoothly, managing to control her reaction.

"Then come, dearest," Voldemort lowered his hand to take her arm, "I'll help you procure what you need so you can begin to brew."

She nodded and then glanced at Neville, "Take care, Neville." she said, despite Voldemort's firm pressure tightening to painful levels on her arm.

"You too, Sarah." Neville watched them sorrowfully as they left before turning to his plants.

* * *

She lay awake, her eyes on the ceiling, thinking over what Neville said. It made no sense…yet, somehow it did. She knew she was in a bad way when she was losing the baby…she was surprised that she had come through relatively unscathed…but this… the thought of what he could have possibly did to her disturbed her. To use dark magic…the effects would be significant…or at least she imagined they might be. She rubbed her hands against her forehead and then sat up and reached for her robe. For the first time in months, she decided she needed a trait from her earlier years at Hogwarts…sneaking about. He had to have a book in his library about this…or if not his library, maybe his own personal study. Actually the more she thought of it, the more she was sure that the book she needed would be tucked within his private collections.

She needed a light and she didn't have her wand. She frowned and then slid out of her bed, put on her slippers and headed for her trunk.

"Lumos"

She was surprised that her wandless magic worked. Voldemort had been very strict with her not using magic until he deemed her ready. She was perhaps more ready than he realized as she easily used her wandless magic to create a stream of light. She rifled through her trunk and located her torch.

She smiled at the thought of a very muggle object in the Dark Lord's home…

She knew the house had strong wards to prevent entrance to the house and grounds, but within the house, there was little security…little need for security or so he thought.

She stood at the entrance to his study, the large door having been left opened. She poked her head in shining the light briefly. No one there. She entered more confidently and moved over to his books.

Her hand rested on one of them, contemplatively.

 _Dark Magic for Lovers_

She grunted, steeled herself to what she might find as she is searching for her spell and opened the book. Her hands quickly flipped to the index and looked for virginity.

 _Restoring Virginity, p. 22_

She swallowed hard and with shaking hands turned to p. 22. She shined the page to read about this ancient dark magic used to _subdue and bind your wanton lover._

Her stomach threatened to revolt as she read about it. According to this text, she would be bound to the Dark Lord forever when he took her newly restored virginity…and then it described in rather ghastly detail the force that would be required to take it. She wanted to vomit and yet still she continued to read…wishing herself to be brave. She swallowed down her nausea as she read the side effects of the spell…difficulty in menstrual cycles; agony in childbirth…there were more moving gruesome pictures of it all depicting exactly what that entailed.

"Oh Merlin," She shut the book closed and replaced it on the shelf. She really didn't want to know more. She took a few breaths before sliding down against the sofa, her knees up to her chest. She buried her head and stifled the sobs in her knees.

 _What did he do to her? And how would she ever be the same?_

* * *

"My Lord," Severus strode into his study as Voldemort granted him entrance, "Where is Sarah?" he looked around.

"She's resting," Voldemort said, "I thought after her exam, she would need to."

Snape moved over to his desk and plopped down the parchment on it, "I can't grade this."

He picked up the parchment, "What do you mean?"

"She'll fail if I grade this."

"Fail?" Voldemort's voice grew loud, "Impossible. She was more prepared than she had ever been. She would have had to fail on purpose. And she knows better," He began to read over her exam, "This is rubbish! Utter rubbish!"

He stood, his eyes burning with a fire. And made Severus's heart quake for his daughter as he moved with the parchment towards the door.

"Wait, my Lord!" Severus said quickly and Voldemort stopped and waited for Severus to continue.

"I sensed something wrong with her from the moment she entered the exam. I inquired, she brushed me off. But I saw it, my Lord. Something is deeply wrong with her. _Deeply_ wrong," he emphasized, "This was not her being careless or reckless or defiant with you. She cares about this score perhaps just as much as you do. But when it came down to it, I watched her as she took it. She couldn't fight whatever was going on inside of her…she was practically in tears as she took this."

"She needs to have greater control over her emotions," he snapped, "she should be able to push through whatever mood is ailing her."

"I don't deny that, but it has always been hard for her. I believe if it was something trivial as a mood, she would have. She has been more focused as she has been in months under your guidance with her school work. She was ready to earn that top mark. But something earth-shattering must have happened for her to do this poorly."

"Earth shattering?" Voldemort paused and then grunted, "The boy! I knew I would rue the day I allowed Sarah to convince me to allow him to stay here."

"The boy?" Severus paused, "Neville?"

"She was talking to him yesterday in the greenhouse and she gave me this look when I caught them together. I couldn't fully read it before she cleared her emotions, but it was there." Voldemort said, his voice low. "Are they having a relationship?"

"What kind of relationship?" Snape asked, confused.

"What kind do you think?" Voldemort demanded, annoyed.

"A physical one?" Snape frowned, "He's been ill and she hasn't seen him. You have been watching her non-stop. It wouldn't be possible."

"Then an emotional one," his eyes darkened.

"Sarah and Neville?" Snape shook his head, swiftly, "under your nose? No, my Lord. They have never given one indication that is happening. They are friends, nothing more." He sought to diffuse the Dark Lord's temper. When angry he could lose his reason. And Sarah needed him to see reason at this moment.

His voice was low as he continued, "It is far more likely that Neville overheard something in the weeks he was with the others. Something he felt compelled to pass along to Sarah."

The men were silent for a few moments…

Snape cleared his throat, "My Lord? Do you think it is possible that Sarah learned the truth of exactly what you did to save her fertility?"

Voldemort thought for a moment and then strode over to his bookcase. He waved his wand over his bookcase and then reached for a book. "This book has been disturbed." He opened it up and flipped over the page, "I have these books spelled to reveal to me exactly which ones have been read at different times. This one was read last night…this page specifically. Page 22." He handed it to Severus.

Severus looked over it, "if Sarah did read this, then with how gruesome this makes it all seem as well as how graphic the pictures are…it would explain a lot about why she did so poorly on her test."

"I obviously need to ward the inside of the house better when we retire for the night. I didn't think she was bold enough to attempt leaving her room."

"She always had a pension for sneaking out," Severus said, quietly, "especially for a worthy cause. And she would think this to be quite a worthy cause."

He reached back for the book and then placed it back on the shelf, running his hand over it's spine.

"What will you do, my Lord?"

Voldemort turned towards him, "I'm torturing the boy in front of her until she reveals the truth."

"The boy is still weak," Severus entreated, quietly.

"I suspect your daughter won't let it get far. In fact, I think she will put herself in the path of my spell."

Severus nodded, "What should we do about the test?" he gestured to the parchment.

Voldemort reached for where he had placed the parchment down on his desk. He tossed it in the fire. "She'll retake this here tomorrow. We'll replace the exam. No one will ever know."

"Will she be in any condition to take the test?" Severus asked, delicately.

"Her punishment will not interfere with her readiness to take this test."

"My Lord," Snape said, his voice even, "I'm not denying that a consequence might be in order. But for her to truly be ready emotionally to take this test tomorrow you need to talk to her. Reassure her. This must seem dire for her. The details in the text were… well, it is less than desirable that she would find out this way. She is already being tortured by this. That was clear to me."

"If the idea of me taking her virginity is that torturous of a thought then perhaps we should just proceed with our relationship for her to stop dwelling on it," Voldemort said.

Severus frowned, but didn't say more.

"Leave me now."

Severus hesitated. Voldemort's look was hardened at the moment. He had heard what he had said and was determined to push Sarah through this, whether she was ready or not. The death eater in Severus told him to leave, but the father in him demanded that he stay.

"Severus," Voldemort snapped at him. "I can handle this without you. You may leave now."

He hesitated only a moment. The father won. The father would win every time now.

"My Lord," Severus stood his ground, "I believe you are at an impasse in your relationship with her. The way you handle this situation could make the difference you are looking for."

"She needs some sort of correction for that.." Voldemort pointed to the fire, "and that…" he pointed towards his bookcase.

"I realized she acted poorly, but did you really expect her to come to you with this?"

Voldemort paused, "She should have."

"She is simply not there yet. You know that is the last thing she would have wanted to do…especially over such a delicate topic," Severus said, then folded his hands, "My Lord, when Sarah was a girl and I just taken over guardianship of her…we had a rather contentious relationship. I tried to get her to tow the line by imposing strict consequences for misbehavior…but she never truly feared the consequences. When she really learned to mostly obey was when she feared disappointing me. And that came from being patient and understanding when I could in regards to the motives of such behavior."

"You punished her Severus. You scolded her. I witnessed such times in her memories."

"Yes, but afterwards, I also balanced it with understanding, compassion, and acceptance. And she responded to that…more than me simply exerting my authority over her… and in time, she learned to show respect to my authority."

"Your point, Severus?" Voldemort asked.

"Just…" he took a breath, "Please continue to be patient with her. She is quite young…and innocent. But she has always has had so much potential to succeed. Breaking her spirit…railing at her especially for these poor results…would be unwise at the moment. Building her spirit would be far more likely in the long run to help you achieve your plans for her."

"I will take your thoughts under advisement," Voldemort said, with a nod.

"Thank you," Severus said, "then will you take her as your mistress tonight?" Only years of practice allowed him to say those words without a cringe. But he was cringing inwardly. That was for certain.

"I haven't decided yet," Voldemort said, "It depends on her reaction. I'm inclined to continue with our original plan to wait until she graduates, but if she can't seem to get past this in a reasonable manner, then I will," his look was pointed, "Do you wish me to tell you before I do?"

"Not particularly."

"I did think so," he said, knowingly, "You may go now."

Severus had little choice but to take his leave, knowing he said all that could be said at that moment and hoping for Sarah's sake that the Dark Lord would take heed to his advice.

 **A/N** : Go Neville! He did something Draco and Snape failed to do and told Sarah what she needed to know. But poor guy...and poor Sarah! What do you all think will happen next? And do you have any ideas of what should happen next? Would love your thoughts!


	14. Confrontation

**A/N:** Thanks to all who read and reviewed this last chapter...this one turned into a monster of one. Sorry for the delay in updating, but this one is extra long to make up for it! Would love to know what you think...

 **Chapter 14: Confrontation**

"What are you doing here?" Neville asked as she entered the greenhouse.

"I think we may have a problem," Sarah pulled her oversized light blue hooded cardigan closer to her. She handed Neville the watering can, helping him with the plants. "I think these babies might need a warming charm, it's cold in here," she said as she studied the leafy plants.

"I don't think it is that cold, are you feeling well?" Neville asked, as he sprinkled the plants with water.

"I've been better," Sarah admitted.

"What kind of problem do you think we have?" he asked.

"I don't think I quite…well, my Potions N.E.W.T didn't go as well as planned," Sarah's face was pale as her hand trembled as he handed her back the water can.

"Do you think you failed?" Neville asked, his forehead creasing in worry.

She shook her head, swiftly, "No, but he wants top marks. I don't think it was that. I was so distracted. Actually, I don't remember much of it."

"Do you think he knows…what I told you?" Neville asked.

"How would he know?" Sarah asked, "But he saw us together yesterday and he might question you. You can't tell him anything of what you told me."

"Sarah," Neville's voice was quiet, "What did you find out?"

She looked over at him and met his eyes, "It's not good," she said, honestly. "It's actually…quite bad. The thing is…if you tell him what you revealed to me…he'll torture you. You have to let me handle things."

"Won't he just torture you then?" Neville asked.

She took a breath, "He is gentler with me, Neville. I can handle it."

Neville paused, "He would still torture you though."

"Maybe," Sarah again moved her cardigan closer to her…she was quickly unraveling and she didn't know how to stop it. She was so weary. "But he has to be careful not to incapacitate me. So he has to be gentler. There are not limits with the amount of pain he can inflict on you…you have to trust me. Don't tell him anything."

"Whatever you think is best, Sarah," Neville replied.

She reached out to touch his hand, "Thank you for still trusting me."

"Of course, Sarah, I trust you completely," Neville said, with a nod, "Always have."

And with that, she turned, pulled the hood over her hair, and left without saying another word.

* * *

Sarah's heart hammered through her chest as she stood before Voldemort with Neville at her side. She had been summoned to his study and by his demeanor and the presence of Neville, she immediately knew that this didn't bode well for her. She reached out to brush her hand against Neville's wrist and a silent reminder for him. She was to handle the situation and he was not to get involved.

"Did something happen?" she struggled to keep her voice even.

She absently twisted the skirt of the black short sleeve dress that the Dark Lord had instructed a house elf to tell her to dress in. This particular dress happened to be her mother's…the same one that she had asked Snape to take from her mum's flat upon her death. It was in a vintage, 50s style, with black buttons down her back. Voldemort had begun to look through her wardrobe with a particular distain when choosing her outfits carefully. She knew it was only a matter of time before he took matters into his own hands…but this, he had found this dress among her things and liked it on her. The house elf had instructed her to choose shoes and a piece of jewelry and sensing this was an important summoning she paired it with a silver long beaded necklace that wrapped twice around her neck. It was her distinctive style and not his, but given the choice, she couldn't entirely lose herself with him.

"You failed your NEWT," Voldemort told her sternly. "After all we have done, you go in there and you _fail."_

"I failed," Sarah's voice was hoarse, "really?" She reached to fiddle with the end of her necklace.

"Yes, really," Voldemort glared at her, "You can't tell me you are surprised."

"I am actually," Sarah cleared her throat, "I didn't think I failed."

"No?" his voice was light.

"No," she answered, honestly.

"But did you think you did well?"

"Not really," she admitted.

"Not really?" Voldemort asked, sternly, "You were prepared, Sarah. For you to fail, there would have to be a reason. And I want to know precisely what that reason is," he pointed his finger at her, his wand resting in his other hand.

She struggled to come up with a response that wouldn't make things worse, but the way he was glaring at her, made it hard to think.

"I don't know why," Her throat was dry, constricting with her panic, and she loosened the top layer of her necklace so it wasn't so tight around her neck, "It just happened."

"No, it didn't," Voldemort raised his wand, "It has something to do with him…" he gestured his wand towards Neville, "you talked with _him_ and since then, you haven't been the same. What did he tell you?"

"Nothing, my Lord" Sarah quickly said, raising out her hand when she saw his wand raise, "He said nothing to me."

"You are an unconvincing liar, Sarah Grace," Voldemort told her, "especially when distressed. Now what did he say?" he shook his wand again in Neville's direction. "If you won't tell me, then I'll torture it out of him, Sarah…"

"Sarah," Neville voice was low.

"Nobody is getting tortured here," Sarah stepped in front of Neville, the black dress swaying gracefully as she moved.

"Let the boy speak," Voldemort said.

"He doesn't have anything to say. What could he have possibly told me, my Lord?"

"You tell me," Voldemort said, evenly. "Do not test me, Sarah Grace. I am sorely disappointed in you. And you know how I react when people disappoint me. Move out of my way."

"No," Sarah choked, tears beginning to fall, "This is not him. It's about me." She couldn't stand the fact that Neville was about to be tortured again…even if he told the truth, he would get tortured for telling her what he overheard Carrow and Yaxley talking about…both were impossible positions for him and the very thought of him again sacrificing for her tore at her heart, from deep within her.

"Don't do this to him because of me," she sniffled, "Please, I can't stand this anymore. Another person that you lash out at because you are angry with me."

Voldemort lowered his wand, "Do you think I want to do this? The boy just got out of bed. Mentally and physically, he probably can't withstand my torture, Sarah. And we know from past experience that he won't do or say anything to potentially hurt you. You just told him to be quiet so he is going to follow your lead. I expect the torture would be long and severe before he confessed. But _you_ can stop this. All you have to do is tell me the truth. What happened?"

She breathed hard, but didn't respond. She tried to wrack her brain for a way to respond, but she had been unraveling for hours now, so much that she couldn't even think coherently.

"If you have nothing to say, then kindly step aside."

Her hands fisted as she stood her ground.

"I can't do that," she retorted, her eyes heated threat against Neville had an interesting effect on her. She seemed to have transformed into a lioness protecting her cub, the panic suddenly gone for her features, left with one desire: to keep Neville safe. He had already made too many sacrifices for her.

"I won't hesitate to bind you."

"And I won't hesitate to use my wandless magic to break your bonds," She countered, her voice steady, but the challenge was there.

"You are acting as if you could overpower my magic with your own," He stared at her, "Reckless behavior is not becoming. I do believe I liked it better when you were panicked."

"You know I will try, but it will only drain my magic…the same magic that you are so keen on saving. Is that a risk you are willing to take?"

He shook her head at her, not quite believing she would be bold enough to challenge him at this moment, "Careful, little one."

"What will it be?" Sarah asked him, ignoring his warning.

"The truth, if you please," Voldemort said.

"You already know the truth," Sarah countered. "I just told you it. I don't know what happened with my exam. Neville has nothing to do with this."

"You are stubborn," Voldemort held up his hand and swept his wand and a book came soaring off the bookshelf to land in his outstretched hand. "Have you seen this book before, dear one?"

The sinking feeling was back in the pit of her stomach. Years of Snape as her guardian taught her when she was caught, it was better to admit then to continue on with the charade. Her face grew pale.

"Sarah," his look was stern, "You will answer me."

She cleared her throat, "Perhaps, we should talk in private, my Lord."

"Will you tell me, then?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Of course," her voice was hoarse, "if you promise there will be no consequences for Neville."

"if he gave you distressing information, then perhaps he should learn to keep his mouth shut. Perhaps that is my job as his guardian of sorts to teach him discretion."

"I'll take his consequences then," Sarah said, hoarsely, "if there must be some."

"No, Sarah," Neville finally spoke, "I can't let you do that."

"You have done so much for me already," Sarah looked over at him and then at Voldemort, "please, my Lord."

"Sarah," Neville protested again, but she quickly returned to his side and reached over to grip his hand.

"I insist, Neville," Sarah said, quietly. "This really has nothing to do with you. Thank you for being such a good friend to me. I really don't deserve your friendship."

"Of course, you do," Neville said, his voice low.

"Ah, the nobility in this room is truly heartwarming," Voldemort said, dryly, dropping the book heavily on his desk and then crossing his arms. "Both of you are acting ridiculous."

"We are both acting like Gryffindors," Sarah countered.

Voldemort titled his head, his stern countenance breaking for a moment, "So you readily admit that all Gryffindors are ridiculous?"

"That's not what I meant," Sarah retorted. "I meant that…" she paused at his shift in demeanor, deciding perhaps when she was so deep in trouble with him, perhaps, she not argue the finer points of being sorted into the House of Gryffindor.

"My Lord," Sarah entreated, her hand still resting in Neville's. "this is truly about me…and you. And the things I need to talk to you about…the reasons for all of this…I can't talk about it, especially that," she dropped Neville's hand to point at the book on his desk, "In front of my schoolmate. _Please_."

"I will acquiesce your delicate sensibilities, dear one," Voldemort waved his hand and a house elf appeared, "Tom, please take Neville back to his quarters."

"Tom?" Sarah asked, aghast as they left.

He looked amused again, "That's how precisely how worthy I believe my muggle name to be, dear one."

"But my name is a muggle name," she said, quietly.

"I fail to understand what Black was thinking naming you that. There is a long standing tradition among Blacks to name based on the constellations."

"Yes, my Lord, I think his point was to break tradition," she said, crossing her arms, hugging them against her. Her stomach still flip-flopped, feeling like there were a million snitches swirling around in there.

"You look ill," He commented.

"I feel ill," She admitted.

"How much did you sleep last night?" he inquired.

"Not much as I suspect you already know," she coughed. "What are you going to do?"

He motioned to her to sit on the couch and she sat down, absently folding down the creases in her dress. He twisted the book in his hand, transferring it from side to side. He thought over what he remembered from her memories of Snape's parenting and his mind settled on the time after Umbridge where Snape had made her read aloud from her poor school work and how effective that was for her. But the exam was already burning in the fire…but he did have the book and he knew this would be mortifying for her and perhaps teach her the lesson without resorting to physical torture.

The decision made, he sat next to her and handed her the book, "Read to me the page that you read last night when you decided to sneak around my manor and into my personal collection."

Her face grew even more white if that was possible. "I cannot," she shook her head.

"Now, now, little one, I know you happen to be a good reader…exceptional in fact," he said, dryly, taunting her a bit, "Open the book, Sarah."

She opened it to the page she studied last night. And then closed it shut with a thud.

"Care to rethink your choice?" he asked, his voice a silky warning.

"No," she answered, her eyes angry.

"Do you realize how much trouble you are in now? And yet, still you are defiant?"

"I'm not being defiant," she stood up, her hand fisted. "I'm not in the wrong here."

"You failed your exam, Sarah!" Voldemort's voice was stern, "After all the hard work we both put into it. And what makes me angrier is that I gave you a reprieve on using the blood quill for your grading because of how compliant you were being and how much your work improved. And yet, this is how you repay my generosity?"

Her eyes widened, "This is not on me. I am not in the wrong here," she repeated, this time more forcefully.

"Well, _I'm_ certainly not in the wrong," Voldemort still remained seated.

"Oh, yes you are!" Sarah responded, her voice rising again.

"I am always in the right because I am your ruler. It is for me to decide what is right and what is wrong…not you."

" _You_ did this to me!" she waved the book at him, "And you act like I am wrong for being upset? Wrong for wanting to know exactly what you did to me? It's my body that you forever altered without telling me! And yet, I'm in the wrong? How is that possible? Even with your superior logic, you know your actions were not justifiable…not truly."

"Tread carefully, little one," he titled his head, warningly. "You are teetering on disrespect, which I will not tolerate, as you know."

"My Lord," she grunted, "I will take responsibility for failing the test, for Neville's lack of discretion or whatever you want to call it, but this," she sent the book she was still holding to him with her magic, "this…was you! You cursed me!" she accused.

"I saved you!" Voldemort tossed the book onto the couch and stood then, towering over him, his face angry.

"You cursed my womb…all those consequences, I would have rather you let me die!" her volume rose significantly again.

"It was the only way to get what I wanted…"

"And you would just get it, not caring the cost to me," she said, the tears filling in her eyes. She swatted at them, indignantly. "Or our children…"

"What about _our_ children?" Voldemort's tone held a hint of surprise…for it was the first time she truly acknowledge having children with him as a given.

"Our children are destined to be ev…"

She paused at his laughter, deep, rumbling laughter.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked, incredulously.

"Come now, don't you think that if our children have dark preferences it is more about who their parents are verses their time spent in utero?"

She paused at his very reasonable logic, "I will not have my children having dark preferences."

"It's inevitable, little one," Voldemort said, "I will teach them to behave fitting a wizard or witch of their breeding and moreover, you will too."

She had no response to that, so she came at him from another angle, "When were you going to tell me about all of this? The first time we shagged, I would find out when I was in excruciating pain…wouldn't that be a good laugh?"

"I was going to tell you before," Voldemort told her, evenly. "I was going to prepare you for what was to come."

"That's not what they think!" she flung her hand in the direction of the door, "they are having such a good laugh over this…"

"Who?"

"Carrow and Yaxley," Her lip trembled again. "Oh, they think it is so very funny."

"Did Neville tell you that?"

"Yes, and I am glad he did," she declared, fervently. "Someone had to tell me the truth of things!"

He stared at her and then paused, his demeanor softening significantly, "Your feelings are hurt that I didn't tell you myself," he mused.

"No," she swiped at her eyes, "of course not."

"You are upset I told Carrow and Yaxley things about you that not even you knew and now they have the opportunity to laugh at your expense," he continued.

"Do you think it is funny?" she asked, a shadow of vulnerability passing over her features.

"Of course not, I take no pleasure in the unpleasant side effects of the curse I used…the curse I used _to save your life_."

"But they do!"

"Why would you care?"

"Oh, I don't know!" she exclaimed, "I just do!"

He studied her for a few moments, "I forget that you are so sensitive about these things, " he murmured.

"I'm not sensitive," she sniffled again.

"You are though," he reached forward to grip her arm and lead her back to the couch, "Let's talk over this, reasonably, little one. I can be reasonable if you would just simmer down a bit. You challenge me and I get my back up. This is not the way to have a productive conversation."

She sat with him and stared straight ahead of her.

"You do know that it is the first time you have acknowledged children with me as a forgone conclusion." He couldn't help but feel satisfied at the thought. And because she said those words, his anger towards her actions and her challenging words, had almost disappeared.

She looked over at him, wearily. She had, hadn't she?

"I can be practical if need be. And I know when I have been beat," she said, quietly.

"And yet, you still fight me which such a spirit," he countered, amused. "Why?"

"I can't make this too easy for you, can I?" she sniffled, "You should have told me."

"And given you the chance to lose your virginity to Draco or one of the others?"

"No," she shook her head, wiping at her eyes again with the back of her hand, "I wouldn't do that. You know I wouldn't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because whoever I did that with, it would mean their death. I wouldn't dare risk Draco's life for that."

"I believe you there, but my silence on the matter was also because I'm not ready to take you as my mistress and I knew you would agonize over the event and contrary to popular belief, I am not sadistic. I don't relish your physical or emotional distress…not usually, that is," he amended, "unless you are acting like a brat."

She bit her thumb, anxiously, and he immediately reached for it, squeezing it.

"Don't," he said, sternly.

"What you did to me…it's unforgivable…"

"It's a good thing I don't desire your forgiveness then, isn't it, little one?"

"Don't you feel at all bad about this?"

He shook his head, "Why should I? I saved your life. I figured out a way to still achieve my goals. So, there might be some…pain for you…but I get what I want."

"You _are_ sadistic."

"I'm practical," he countered, sternly, "some pain is necessary in life. If I was sadistic, I would _enjoy_ your pain and I just clearly told you that on most occasions, I don't. I inflict pain when necessary to punish and change, when the recipient is deserving of it…my other followers, well, I can't speak for them…Carrow and Yaxley are perhaps relishing in it."

"I hate this!" she cried, looking to the ceiling.

"Don't be so dramatic," Voldemort retorted.

"I can't help it! I can't think of anything else. That's why I failed my test." she began to sob.

"I know that's why you failed your test," Voldemort said.

"How did you figure it out?"

"Severus did," Voldemort admitted, "And I saw that the book was disturbed, which for future reference, there _are_ charms to my personal collection."

"Are you mad about that?"

"Of course, especially when all you had to do was ask," he told her.

"Ask?" she laughed, the tears falling, "yeah, sure. That was never an option."

"Because it would have put Neville in a bad position with me…"

"Yes," she tried to take a soothing breath, "and it's just all so mortifying. And disturbing."

"There is no need to carry on like this. You are acting immaturely."

"Feel free to find a witch who is closer in age to you, then," she shot back. "McGonagall is not spoken for."

He reached over to pinch her arm, "Temper."

"I can't help it. That…" she pointed over to the book, "that….oh," she put her hands on her head, "i don't even know what to say about that!"

"It will only the first time, Sarah. Not every time."

"That doesn't matter!"

"It will only be a minute and then it will be over."

"But I have to think about it…for how long? Days, weeks, months? It's not enough to know that this is coming, but now I have to contend with this on top of it?"

"If that is truly the case," He rose, "Then let's fix this now. Follow me." His tone didn't allow for any argument. He was done with the theatrics.

"What? What are we doing?" she looked at him through her falling tears.

"You and I will have sex now," he told her, matter of factly, "And then you won't have to be afraid of it. Problem solved. Now, _move_."

"NO!" she stood with him, "No, no, no. I can't. Not now. Not feeling like this."

"You are panicked and allowing fear and irrationality to rule you. And it needs to stop. Come along now. I will not ask you again."

In a daze, she followed him, her face pale. Half way up the long staircase, she tripped over her heels and he reached down to steady her.

"Careful," he instructed.

"I hate heels!"

He stepped back down the steps towards her and then lifted her up in his arms, "We need to get you accustomed to wearing them."

"I like the way they look," she admitted, "they just kill my feet."

"I know," he said as he carried her down the hall and into his room. He eased her down and balanced her as he helped her slip off her shoes.

"This is all happening too quickly!" she said, trying to breathe.

"I think it has been a long time coming," he countered.

She stood next to him at the foot of his bed, shaking at the prospect. She began to tug at her necklace, anxiously.

"You need to calm down," he gripped her shoulders and then reached to remove her necklace, untwisting it from around her neck. He tossed it on his dresser, "this was an unconventional choice."

"I can't do this," she whispered to him.

"Do you need to use the loo?" he asked, ignoring her words.

"Please don't make me do this…not now," she whispered to him, continuing to cry deeply.

"I'll take that as a no," he put his hand on her hips and turned her around. He began to unbutton her dress.

She twisted around, fighting him, "Don't!"

"If you fight me," he warned her, "this will be so much worse for you. The damage to your body will be significant."

"I'm not ready," she said, beginning to heave.

"Stop fighting me!" he growled at her, his frustrating returning with a vengeance. "You are going to tear your dress."

"I don't care about the damn dress!"

"It was your mother's dress!"

"And I don't care!" she fought more and the dress ripped.

"Sarah!" Voldemort grunted, using more force to try to restrain her from escaping from his hold and still allowing him to continue unbuttoning the bottom buttons which didn't tear, "Is the thought of having sex with me really that appalling for you?"

"It's not that," she said as he wrestled with her as she fought against him. He adjusted his hold and finally just wrapped his arms around hers, so she was pinned against him.

"Sarah, still yourself now." he whispered in her ear, shaking her against him, "I don't want to have to use magic to bind you and keep you still, but you know I will. Moreover, if that is what it takes to make you comply with me, I'll do it without another thought…I'll stick you to the bed." she immediately froze and he squeezed her tightly, but not painfully.

"You wouldn't!"

"Of course I would," he said, calmly, "and what's more, you'd deserve it. How agonizing it would feel to have to lie there and not be able to move while I do whatever I want to you. If you want disturbing, I can be disturbing," he said, darkly. "If you want appalling, I can be appalling."

"I told you it's not you," she whispered, the fight leaving her.

"Then explain yourself...and do so quickly," he commanded, turning her around to face him, his eyes still angry.

"It's the book…it's not you," she exclaimed and then her face flushed as she turned her face away, "it's you too." she said, quickly. "of course, but I just had gotten my mind wrapped around the fact that we would be having sex…"

"Had you?" he asked, questioningly, turning her face back towards him.

"Well, almost," Sarah admitted, sheepishly, "I'm still working on it…I'm really trying to work on it, I swear to Merlin I am…" he was still holding her away from him so he could see her and she swayed slightly, him adjusting his hands to steady her.

He could tell she was telling the truth and then he knew that there was no way he could force her to do this tonight, not when she was starting to come to terms to her future as his mistress and the mother of his children. His frustration waned and his temper abated.

"I believe you," Voldemort said, pulling her to him so she was leaning against him.

"But now, you had to add this to it? It's too much for me to handle right now. Please don't force me to do this with you tonight."

"You know how I feel about begging," he said, his voice low.

"I'm not trying to beg, I'm trying to ask you to reconsider," she shot back, "I'm too upset and I _will_ fight you. I won't be able to stop myself…even if I know it will make things worse. It's a reaction and maybe it is wrong…"

"It is very much wrong."

"And maybe it is foolish…and immature…"

"Yes, it is most certainly all those things," he said, his tone severe.

"But with the night I had last night and now the day I had, I can't control my emotions right now. You know that about me…it's a struggle and I try, but I'm not there. I'm not stoic like you or Snape. And you know what a fight I can put up when I'm feeling this way."

He pulled her away from him and studied her disapprovingly with pursed lips, before gestured to the bed, "If you sit and attempt to talk to me reasonably and without such hysterics…then just maybe, Sarah Grace, I'll give you a reprieve."

"Why would you do that?" she asked him.

"Well, certainly not because I am condoning this poor behavior, but simply because I don't want you to view our first time as rape. Actually I don't want you to view any time with me as me raping you. I can see that if we do this tonight, I will have to be forceful with you…very forceful to tame you enough to do this. And in that case, then your mind will naturally categorize our sex as rape."

"Naturally," she crossed her arms, shivering. "Because that is what it would be."

"You are treading on thin ice, Sarah," he said sternly. "Sit before I change my mind and simply not care."

She walked over, resigned, and sat with him on his bed. "I'm so scared."

"I gathered from the hysterics," he summoned tissues, "Blow your nose, for Merlin's sake. This display is absolutely a disgrace. You are braver than this…by far."

She shivered from the air on her bare back, her dress beginning to fall over her shoulders as she tried to wiggle to adjust it.

He stood, lit a fire with a flick of his wand and then summoned her robe. He wrapped it around her shoulders to cover her back.

"Now, we will reason through this together, little one. I will help you, but you need to try to see things rationally, without the hinderance of your rampant emotions. Do you think you can try to do that?"

"Yes, my Lord," she murmured, "I can try."

"I fail to understand you, little one. You have always faced situations that would have unraveled the bravest witches or wizards with such a fearlessness and grace, yet the thought of sex of all things is what makes you come undone…not my inner circle? not the cruciatus? I fail to understand why. I need you to explain yourself. It seems irrational to me."

"My fear isn't irrational though."

"But you have had sex before," he moved her face so she was looking at him, "you have even lost your virginity before. You aren't innocent."

"Yes, I know, but you have to understand."

"Understand what?"

"My first time with Draco, well, it was…" she struggled to explain, "Well…" she shrugged.

"Go on," he prompted, "what was it like?"

"Losing my virginity to Draco…it meant something…"

"That was clear to me," Voldemort said, with a nod.

"but it…it was un…" she struggled again, "unpleasant," she frowned.

He chuckled, "That's being generous to your former husband," Voldemort tapped at her knee, "I saw your memories, remember?"

She cringed, "You saw that. Merlin, how mortifying!" she groaned, "How much did you see?"

"What I needed to. And from what I remember from your memories, it was downright awkward and painful," Voldemort said, with a raised eyebrow. "Not an ideal first time and if I had know how he would have handled you, I would have definitely thought better of it."

"It wasn't entirely his fault…Lucius was putting so much pressure on him."

"Still, if he was older, he would have handled that pressure better," Voldemort shook his head, disgusted, "I even had to help him along and even with my specific instructions, he still fumbled you."

"Whoa, wait!" Sarah turned her entire body towards him, and put her leg underneath her, "you gave him specific instructions?"

He tapped at her leg, "Sit like a lady especially in a dress," he instructed her.

"My legs are closed," she protested.

"Oh, you have made that abundantly clear tonight," Voldemort shot back, "legs down. You can cross them if you like."

She groaned, but lowered her legs, crossing them and smoothing her dress over them. "Did you really give Draco specific instructions about me?" she asked again.

"Of course," Voldemort rolled his eyes, "I never fully trusted him with you in this area. And then I wanted to know what you liked and didn't like."

"Did you ever thing that maybe that was private between Draco and myself?"

"And don't you now realize that nothing between you and I is private…even your preferences with former lovers?"

"I don't like that you did that."

"I know you don't and I simply do not care," Voldemort retorted.

"Now I feel like my whole marriage was a farce," she bunched up the tissue in her hands, fiddling with it, "Thanks for taking away from me the one thing that always made sense."

"It never made sense for you to marry Draco," Voldemort countered, "he was all wrong for you."

"But I loved him. And none of that mattered. I have loved him since I was eleven years old. And I felt…safe with him."

"Don't you feel safe with me?" he reached to flick her cheek.

Her laugh was weary, "Not hardly. You are so unpredictable. One hesitation, one wrong move and I am either getting the cruciatus or a beating."

"That's not entirely true," Voldemort answered, "again, I'm not sadistic, Sarah. And I am not as evil as you make me out to be. I can be gentle with my lovers…or rough, if they like it better. Or adapt to the occasion as need be…"

"Regardless," Sarah couldn't help but blush, "losing my virginity to Draco was bad enough, but I was thankful it was Draco _because_ I loved him."

"But I am so much more skilled than Draco is, little one. Love really doesn't matter…not really. You'll see."

She swallowed hard, "But this book…did you see the pictures?" her eyes were wide. "The women's faces look like they are getting their fingers chopped off."

"Of course, I did," he said, evenly, "And if you had just stopped and let me explain instead of getting so righteously indignant downstairs…the book, it's a bit of an exaggeration. It is a dark magic text and geared for people…well, um…" he paused, "have dark preferences."

"Like you…" she sniffled, "so it is going to be like that!"

He held up his hand, "Stop and listen to what I am saying, Sarah. I'm not going to allow it to be that bad for you."

"So, it's not going to be as bad as the pictures."

"Not quite."

"How?"

"Do you really want specifics now?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not really," She mumbled.

"What you need to know is that I will help to ease the pain with this, but…I won't lie to you, the spell I used on you, well, it will require significant amount of force to…" he paused, frowning, "bind us together."

She looked stricken.

"But you have a good tolerance for pain. I noticed the first time I used the cruciatus on you. That's much worse than this."

"But," Her lip trembled, "this is personal…you are in my space…I don't…know how to explain it."

"I gather your meaning," he said, with a nod.

"Really?"

He sighed, "I always knew that you took sex as something deeper. And to be honest, I find that innocence to be one of your many charms."

She turned to him, wearily, "Why me?" she whispered.

He traced the side of her face with his finger, "Why not you?"

"I feel…young…inexperienced…inadequate."

"I feel like you are all those things, but it isn't something that thwarts my desire for you…because it means that you are amendable to my leading. I can shape you. You aren't set in your ways."

She gave him a small smile, "I am still set in my ways, my Lord."

He chuckled, "I admit that some of your ways are taking a lot more time to rectify…like your pension to save everyone…and your inability to give into your dark magic…I didn't anticipate your stubbornness and your resistance. But, I like that you are a challenge."

"I don't know how to force myself to be okay with this," she said.

"At this point, I would just be content with when I take you here," he poked his finger into his mattress, "that you won't fight me. I also want to ensure that you won't cry when I try to touch you. And I can see tonight, we aren't quite there yet. I'm afraid in either scenario, I might lose my temper and I don't wish to be violent with you as my lover."

"I don't how to just settle myself enough not to."

"Well," he tapped her knee, "I do think we may need to start working on that now so when I'm ready, you will be ready."

She swallowed hard, "What exactly does that mean?"

"We'll discuss it after your test. I just want to ensure that when the time comes, you won't fight me…and after it is done, in time, I fully believe you will be okay with our arrangement. In fact, I'm sure there will be times when you enjoy yourself."

"You ask too much of me," she said, honestly. "I think you are wrong there."

He shook his head, "I'm never wrong, remember, little one?"

"Okay," she laughed in spite of herself, and then used the tissue to wipe her tears. "What about childbirth?"

"Let's get your pregnant first and then I'll try to explain things there. There are spells I can use to ease that with you and I will do that for you."

"That's fair," she took a breath, "I really am sorry I failed my test. I feel horrid about it. And so embarrassed."

He frowned at her, shaking his head, "You must learn not to let these things get to you. You are stronger than that. This meant so much to you."

"It did," she said, swallowing hard, "I want the potions fellowship with Snape."

"You'll have it," Voldemort said, "you can retake your test tomorrow and show Snape and I exactly how much you deserve it."

"Do you think so?"

"I know so," his look turned severe, "or you will be severely punished."

"What about Neville?"

"Hum, I'm going to talk to him, but I won't torture him."

She nodded.

"Sarah," Voldemort's eyes were on her, "did you visit the greenhouse earlier today?"

She shifted and frowned, "Yes."

"Did you tell Neville not to say anything?"

"Yes," she admitted.

He smacked her leg, "Don't do that. I can't have him here if I feel like I can't trust you with him."

"I just wanted to warn him. I wanted to protect him."

"Your first responsibility to is to me…not him," Voldemort told her sternly. "Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," she said, biting her lip. "But I didn't want him to take more punishment for me…"

"I know, you have such a tender heart," he said, dryly. "I'm not sure how to deal with that. Bellatrix was quite the opposite of you."

"I'll never be Bellatrix," she said, quietly.

He shrugged, "I don't find that unappealing. I do, however, want you to show me that you can keep your own among my death eaters, even with that tender heart of yours."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"I am still figuring that one out," he poked at her, "But you do know I always get what I want."

"I do," She yawned in spite of the serious conversation they were having.

He stood up and took her by her arm, pulling her off the bed. He dropped the blanket off her shoulders and then slipped her black dress off of her. He turned her around so she was facing away from him and unclasped her bra, untangling it from her arms and throwing it on the dresser with her necklace.

"Don't stiffen," he chided, before summoning her nightgown and instructing her to lift her arms. He slid it over her and then turned her back around.

"You have to have sleep if you have hope of achieving on the N.E.W.T tomorrow," he lifted her up in his arms and with his wand, flung the blankets aside, slipping her into bed. "So I can keep an eye on you." he pulled the covers up.

"No dinner, tonight?"

"Later," he told her, "We'll have it in bed."

"Okay," she turned on her back and turned her head to looked over at him, "What will you be doing?"

"Figuring out how in Merlin's name to get you top marks in Transfiguration and especially the Dark Arts," Voldemort raised an eyebrow, "We need a study schedule."

"I think my magic is back," she said, quietly. "I easily cast lumos wandlessly and it was strong."

He gave her a severe look, "I wondered how you created enough light to traipse around the manor."

"I only used it for a minute to locate my torch."

He frowned harder, "which is something I will be confiscating later tonight. You are not allowed to have blatant muggle objects in my home."

"I grew up in the muggle world…and there is nothing wrong with a torch," she told him.

"Enough," Voldemort snapped at her, "I'm angry that your mother would take you away from where you rightfully belonged and create all these ideas in your head."

"Those ideas would have been in my head anyway even if we had stayed in the wizarding world."

"You are probably right," Voldemort conceded. "I know the tender heart comes from your mother."

"The best quality of my mum perhaps."

"That's debatable. She always was a beautiful woman and an exceptionally talented witch, which was why it was such a shame she pulled you away."

Sarah shifted again, turning on her side towards him. "How did you know my mum was beautiful?"

"I saw your pictures," Voldemort said, reaching for her texts and his quill, "and I did meet her once."

"Did you?"

He nodded, but said nothing more. They were silent for a few minutes, Sarah's mind being drawn to her mother.

"You are supposed to be sleeping," Voldemort said.

"I know, I will," She looked at him, "May I tell you something before?"

He looked up for where he had began to write, "What is it?"

"I'm still upset that she never told me she was dying."

"Then you are foolish," he told her, bluntly.

"Why?"

"She made a strategic choice, Sarah, one that spared you months of grief of waiting for her death to come," Voldemort told her.

"But she lied to me."

"And you still see the world in black and white with nothing in between. Sometimes lies are productive. Surely, you have all people can attest to that," he raised his eyebrow at her.

She swallowed hard, "That's harsh."

"I'm sorry, did you want me to lie to you?" he asked, quirking his head.

"No," she sighed, "well, maybe…"

"My point then…"

"So, you think I am wrong to hold onto the past?"

"No, not necessarily. Listen, I'm not the old fool, little one. I'm not going to talk to you about the healing power of forgiveness or some sort of rubbish like that. If I were you, I would try to stop agonizing about her decision which was years ago. Merlin knows, you have enough to deal with besides drudging that back up…"

"But what if…" she shifted, "what if I do the same thing with our children?"

"Oh," Voldemort laughed, "I'm 100% sure that you will readily lie to our children without a second thought."

"What makes you so sure of that?" Sarah asked, incrediously.

"You'll wish to shield them from the pain of having me as their father," Voldemort said, knowingly. "not unsimilar to your mum trying to sheild you from the pain of her death…but in the end, our children will know who I am…and you still had to face your mother's death."

"That's true," she said.

"And this was simply not one of your mother's foolish choices. I'd say defying me and pulling you out of the wizarding world would be top on the list."

She looked at him, curiously, "How did you meet my mother?"

"That is a story for another day," he poked at her, "enough talk. You need sleep."

"I'm sorry I bothered you,"

"It wasn't a bother," Voldemort countered, "and if you are confiding in me again, that means one thing."

"What's that?"

"You are giving me an opening," he told her.

"One that you will no doubt exploit," she said.

"Undoubtably," Voldemort answered, dryly.

She fell quiet and he thought she was almost asleep when she spoke again.

"My Lord," she sat up, "when are you going to punish me for all of this?"

"A smarter witch would have just let it go," Voldemort frowned at her, "must you always be prepared for everything?"

"I like to know what I am facing, otherwise…"

"It consumes you…yes, I know," Voldemort rolled his eyes.

"I mean…you were so angry…I want to know if this is going to come up again," she shifted as she leaned against the headboard, "And I did break like a thousand of your rules."

"A thousand?" he asked, amused.

"Well, maybe three," she amended, "four? five? I think I lost count somewhere between using a muggle object and failing my test."

He reached over and flicked her cheek again, "There was a lot in the past two days."

"So?" she bit her lip.

"Do you really wish to deal with this tonight?"

She nodded, "I do…or not at all. I'm just saying that I don't want it to be held over my head."

"Very well, I was going to wait a few days, but if you insist," he flicked his wand and a few minutes later the book came flying in the room. He opened to p. 22, and handed it to her, "Go on."

She looked at it wearily, "Can't you just beat my arse?"

He inclined his head, "What makes you think I'm not going to?"

"You made it sound like you weren't."

"Hum, I don't recall that. Now, read to me about this curse I used."

She cleared her throat, "But the words are kind of graphic. Like really graphic. Kind of inappropriate."

"Not between lovers, which we will be in a few weeks. Now go on."

Her stomach twisted as she stared at the book, covering the disturbing pictures with her hand. She wrinkled her nose. "Um, I really can't."

He raised his eyebrow, "Shall we go over your list of transgressions? Go on. I'll help you count them. In order, please."

She shifted, "Well, I used wandless magic to create a light."

He grunted, "You missed one."

She frowned.

"You decided to get out of your bed without my permission."

"For Merlin's sake!" Sarah grunted, "that's not one. What if I had to use the loo?"

He inclined his head, glaring at her.

"Fine, I moved without your permission," she retorted.

"Sarah," he warned, "temper under control."

She took a breath, "two, I used my wandless magic to create a light. Three, I used a muggle object to sneak out of my room. Four, I snuck out of my room," she began to drawl, in a bored tone, very much reminiscent of Snape, "five, I went into your private collections; six, I read your private collections; seven, I failed my exam; eight, I snuck back out to see Neville…and I think that about has it…"

His eyes were on her, "Sarah, aren't you forgetting something?"

She frowned again, "I lied to you? And yelled at you? And fought you when you said we were going to have sex?"

"Nine, Ten, and Eleven," he supplied for her, glaring at her.

She shrugged, "at least it wasn't a thousand!" she bit her lip. "Eleven transgressions doesn't sound too bad, right?"

He raised his eyebrow, in disbelief. And then fixed her with another glare.

"I know it sounds bad," she offered, "But honestly, I really was under great duress. I mean…this," she lifted the book up to show him, "was really traumatic for me."

"It's a good thing I find you so darn amusing, my dear one," he said, under his breath. "You are getting spanked eleven times…but If you read this page, like a good girl, to me…with proper enunciation…and good clarity, then I'll only use my hand and you can even stay in bed…otherwise you are over my desk with the belt, understood?"

"Quite clearly," she frowned and swallowed hard, "Well, when you put it that way…" she looked at him, again, helplessly.

"Go on," he said, "If it helps, either inject some humor into your reading, or pretend it is a history of magic text…honestly, you are acting like this is worse than the cruciatus."

She grunted and then cleared her throat, "Restoring Virginity: dark magic to subdue and bind your…" she cleared her throat again, "wanton lover." she looked up at him, "that's not me."

"Clearly," He retorted, dryly, "now go on." he nodded to her and she managed to read the book and all the gory details, but her voice was quite cheeky as she did. He knew it bothered her, because of the blush that rose over her features, but he had to hand it to her, she rose to the occasion. He held out his hand for the book and she handed it to him.

"Tell me again, it's not going to be that bad," she asked, nervously.

"It's not going to be that bad," he said, his voice almost soothing. "Now roll onto your stomach so I can spank your arse."

She wrinkled her nose, "I should have just kept my mouth shut," she sighed, dramatically.

"I told you that."

He followed his word and when he was done and her knickers slid up, she turned again to him, wiping her tears.

"May I ask you one more question?"

"Go on," he said, settling back into the bed and picking back up the texts and his quill.

"Will you give me warning? When this is close…"

"I'd say if you pass your Dark Magic exam with top marks, then the time is close at hand."

"How again am I going to do that?" she asked, wearily.

"If you would go to sleep like I asked you to an hour ago, then I could figure that out."

"Yes, sir," she groaned and turned on her side, facing him, "I, personally, think it is a hopeless endevour."

"Sarah Grace, bed!" he snapped, "now."

"I don't think even Rita Skeeter would believe how complicated this relationship is," she mumbled.

"Must you always have to have the last word?" he groaned, reaching over her to smack her bottom again.

"Yes," she settled down in bed, "but I know I'll never get it again."

"And in that, you are one hundred percent correct!" Voldemort growled at her, but then rather surprisingly, leaned over to brush the hair out of her face, "Get some rest, little one."

She nodded.

"Top marks tomorrow."

She yawned, "Yes, sir."

"Don't disappoint me again."

"I wouldn't dare," she closed her eyes and soon let sleep overcome her, exhausted from the emotions of the day.

 **A/N** : Please review: and up next: The Dark Arts exam...


	15. Practice

A/N: I was intending this to be longer, but decided to break it up. A short chapter, but with the sad passing of Alan Rickman, who portrayed Snape so brilliantly, I wanted to add this chapter sooner rather than later. When I write this story, it is _his_ Snape who I see and hear! One of my favorite actors, who will be missed by so many, those like me, who have just watched and admired from afar!

 **Chapter 15: Practice**

Sarah leaned over, completely short of breath. She was shaking on her knees, struggling to take deep breaths, lamenting how completely out of practice she was.

Voldemort knelt down and gripped her arm, pulling her to her feet. He handed back her wand. "At least it was better than last time where I disarmed you in one second."

She grimaced. It was the first time with the wand in her hand since her magic returned. Since receiving her potions scores earlier in the day, Voldemort felt it was time to move on to making sure she was prepared for her Dark Arts exam. He had handed her wand and he was right, he disarmed her in less than a second. It served as a significant blow to her pride. As such, she felt the need to defend herself, "In all fairness to me, you are the most powerful wizard of all time. And I am completely out of practice."

"And did I punish you for that dreadful display?" he asked, his eyes on her.

"No, you did not," she wiped the sweat from her brow. All he had done was handed her wand back and command her to try again. And this time she managed to hold onto her wand for a good three minutes, but those three minutes left her completely exhausted. "Perhaps because my potions scores were so stellar, it added to your generous mood."

He pushed a piece of hair out of her face, "What makes you think that my generosity needs special enticement? I can be reasonable."

She swallowed hard, "My potions scores were stellar, though."

"Are we back to that? I told you they were stellar. Top of your class. Almost the highest of all time. I'm pleased. Quite pleased. Do you need more praise that what I have already given you, little one?" he asked, his eyebrow raised.

"No, but," Sarah titled her head, "What does Snape say?"

"He didn't say anything," Voldemort retorted. "I already told you that."

"But…nothing at all?" she frowned, "Why not?"

"You would have to ask him," Voldemort told her, "Let's try again. But instead of dueling, we can work to make sure your repertoire of spells is still intact."

"Which spell? Can we start with the basics?"

"Are you trying to avoid dark magic?"

"Well," Sarah said, slowly, "I really think it would be best to build up my spells and dark magic drains me."

His eyes narrowed, but he didn't refute her claim, "If you wish, little one. Let's begin."

He started naming spells, starting with the most basic, her breezing through those with ease.

"Try your shield spell," he said, moving on to the more difficult ones.

" _Protego_ ," she waved her wand, but nothing happened. She turned to him alarmed.

"Do not be alarmed," Voldemort said, moving behind her, "your wand movement is slightly off. That is all."

"My wand movement is not slightly off," she huffed, indignant. "I'm not a first year!"

"It is natural with you being out of practice," he said, with amusement at her indignant. "Don't get your knickers in a twist."

She turned around to him, her mouth dropping, "Did you just say what I think you said?"

He turned her back around, so her back was to him and used his hand to raise her arm, "Now, see if we can invoke your muscle memory," he said as he practiced the motions with her.

"That's what I was doing," she said, aware of their proximity and it adding to her anxiety.

"No, dear one," Voldemort said, sternly, "This is what you were doing," He moved her wand slightly different. "Do you understand what I mean?"

"Yes," she grunted.

"Don't be embarrassed," Voldemort said, "This is why we are practicing."

"I want to be normal," Sarah responded, her voice strained.

"I know you do, but you must not put too many unreasonable expectations on yourself."

She turned in his arms, "You are making me duel your death eaters for this exam. Clearly, there are expectations there."

"And I will ensure you meet them, but I am aware that it will require hours of training to get you back where you were. It won't happen in the first hour or first day or first week even. I'm a patient man."

"Are you?" she questioned, lightly.

He titled her chin up, "I'm being patient to take you as my mistress, am I not?"

She stilled and then resigned herself, "Yes, I suppose you have."

"Now," he backed away, "Try your shield spell again. And do mind your wand movement."

"Yes sir."

And when she did it again, the shield spell came easily, yet its power was weaker than before.

"Its strength will return. Patience and persistence my dear."

And she had no doubt, that under his tutelage it would indeed return.

* * *

"Do you need anything, Longbottom?" Severus asked as he helped the boy in the greenhouse with the plants.

"What would I need?" Neville asked, bitterly. "And what could you do for me? And why would you want to?"

"In spite what you think," Severus said, his voice low, "I have never despised you."

"You were the worst sort of bully," Neville said, "but now I see, it is just common nature for your sort."

"I don't deny that," Snape retorted, "I'm a right awful git."

Neville turned to him, surprised, "At least you realize it," he mumbled. And then he said, louder, "Why is Sarah different?"

Snape shrugged, "Because she is. She will always be different. She will always smooth out the rough edges of my soul and make me as soft as a fool in love."

"She always said you were different," Neville said, "And are you just going to let him rape her? How is that acting like a father? Like one who loves her?"

His hand and his wand was on him before he had time to react, "Listen here," Snape growled, "I do love her. More than you know. But it is for her survival that I do nothing," he drawled, but then at Neville's indignant look, he added, " _for now_." those two words were said almost inaudibly, but there was no denying it was what he said.

Neville's jaw dropped, "So you are working on something?"

"I didn't say that," Snape countered, "and if I was, I certainly won't tell you. I wouldn't tell anyone."

"He is going to rape her…do all sorts of things to her."

"And as much as that disgusts me, as much as that keeps me up at night, and it does do that," Snape countered, "there is simply nothing I can do to prevent her heartache. But I have prepared her for this. She is ready."

"You prepared her for life with him…?" Neville's own disgust was evident.

"Of course I did!" Snape spat back, "This is a war, Longbottom. And it was one that Potter was destined to lose….a pig for slaughter. Dumbledore was everyone's hero, but he raised that boy to be a pig for slaughter. I did not raise Sarah to be that. I raised her to overcome. And she will."

"She will be forever changed by him…she'll become like him."

"I would like to think you had a little more faith in her than that," Severus countered, "in the core of her being, she will never be like him. It is not possible. And he will realize it one day. And in the meantime, we wait."

"For what?" Neville asked, aghast.

"That is for me to know and you not to question," Snape hissed. "Now, did you need anything, Longbottom?"

"No, sir, thank you though for asking," Neville said and Snape released his grip on him.

"Very good, then," Snape said, "I am due for tea."

"Have fun with that," Neville mumbled.

Snape nodded and without another word, left him to his plants.

* * *

Sarah carefully and properly poured the tea into three tea cups. She was mindful of the Dark Lord watching her carefully. She turned to him, "Your usual concoction, my Lord?"

"Yes," Voldemort nodded, and continued to watch her as she poured a bit of milk in. She walked over and handed it to him, "Here you are."

"Thank you, dear one."

"Dad," Sarah said, her voice soft, "how would you like your tea?"

"The usual is fine, Sarah," he said.

She poured some sugar and then some milk on top, mixing them all together with her spoon. "Here you are," she said.

She did the same for herself and then sat down, the tea cup and saucer in her hand. She turned to the Dark Lord, "Was that graceful enough?" she asked.

He raised an eyebrow, "Cross your ankles, not your legs and smooth down your skirt over your knees."

"Why do I have to act like Narcissa? If you just want her, you should have her!" she mumbled, but obeyed. "I'm sure she could conduct a fine tea for you!"

Snape coughed slightly and Sarah turned to him, frowning. "Was that improper?"

"Quite," Snape choked out. He glanced at the Dark Lord, who inclined his head, an invitation to tell Sarah about his relationship with Narcissa. Still, Snape hesitated and Voldemort let it pass.

"Sarah," he said, sternly, "You will conduct yourself in a manner befitting a well bred witch. If you wish put Narcissa up on that pedestal as indeed being one to aspire to, then I would certainly encourage it. But, that does not mean that I desire her over you."

"You can though," Sarah countered, "She is awfully pretty. And Dad…" she turned to Snape, "she can still have children, right?"

"I think so," Snape said, his face impassive.

"There you go," Sarah said.

"But no, because I prefer your looks to Narcissa's," Voldemort said, "your hair particularly and your eyes."

"Well," Sarah retorted, "I don't think most men would agree. Dad, you think Narcissa is beautiful, don't you?"

Snape sputtered on his tea, in a rare moment of being caught off guard.

Voldemort cleared his throat, "Enough, little one. You are embarrassing your father."

"Why would he be embarrassed?" Sarah asked, rather innocently.

"Just…if you cannot say anything productive, it would be better not to say anything at all," Voldemort advised. "Holding your tongue in vary situations is a lesson you have yet to learn. However, I would be happy to offer you incentive to do so."

She knew she was treading here, "No, that will not be necessary," she said, quietly.

"Good, now sip your tea," Voldemort said, "And try to pull from the list of acceptable topics I handed you before time."

"Are we really having me practice this on Snape?" Sarah huffed.

"Yes, I'd rather you embarrass yourself with him then one of my other death eaters. I allow you great leeway in Snape's presence to be your snarky, rebellious self. But in front of my death eaters, act like this, and I will crush you. _Every time_. Have I made myself clear?"

"Quite," Sarah cleared her throat, "Dad, the weather has been just dreadful of late, don't you think?" Sarah drawled in a tone, very reminiscent of Snape's own when he was being tolerant.

"Indeed," Snape drawled back and Sarah stifled a giggle.

"Don't encourage her, Severus," Voldemort said, his voice low.

"I'm sorry, my Lord, but it was all too tempting for me to resist," Snape retorted.

Sarah turned to Voldemort, "May I at least ask him what he thought of my potions results?"

There was a knock on the door and a house-elf came in, bearing a note. Voldemort unfolded the parchment, then refolded it and pocketed it. "I'm afraid I have some business to attend to." He put his tea cup down on the tray.

"Severus," Voldemort strode across the room and gave Sarah's wand to Snape. "I will miss Sarah's training today and I fear she has little time to waste. Yesterday, she did several basic charms, but her shield spell was notably weaker. Maybe work on that and then the patronus…and do see if she can keep her wand more than three minutes in a duel."

Sarah's face flamed, "It was longer than three minutes."

"It was precisely three minutes," Voldemort retorted. "Which was better than your previous attempt when I disarmed you immediately. Now, I will expect a full account of her progress."

Snape nodded, pocketing her wand. "Very good, my Lord."

"And," Voldemort said, turning back from his spot at the door, "Do feel free to give her some fatherly praise for her potions score, otherwise I will never hear the end of it."

When he left, Sarah rolled her eyes.

Snape patted the seat next to him, "Come here, Sarah," he said. She moved to sit next to him.

He put his arm around her and she leaned her head against his shoulder and then sighed.

"Your potions score was stellar," he murmured, his voice low. "Exceptional. Brilliant. Shall I search for more adjectives?"

Sarah laughed, "That is not necessary."

He pulled away and kissed her head, affectionately. "I wanted to see you straight away, but The Dark Lord wanted you all to himself. Did he shower you with praise?"

"Hardly," Sarah said, dramatically, "he does not do praise well."

"I dare say you are used to that being raised by me," he tipped her chin up.

"But you see, because you withhold praise so often, when it is freely given, it makes it all that more meaningful. And you especially know when I need a bolster of encouragement. And then you do praise ever so well."

"You are unfailingly generous with my character," Snape said. "I would also like to add that having you, as my daughter, score so high in a field that is my own, makes me enormously proud of you."

She smiled. "I had a good teacher. We know it was nothing to do with my innate ability."

"I think not," He shook his head back and forth, "Do you realize when you became so proficient in potions?"

"Not really, sometime in my fifth year, I suppose."

"After the debacle with Umbridge, I had you so focused on your goals. And your impulsiveness, you grew out of it….well, mostly. You were more grounded after that time with Umbridge. And that's what has made you an exceptional brewer. You always had the ability, but you were always so flighty with it."

"I suppose you are right," she said, almost sheepishly, "perhaps Umbridge served to help me grow up and then…" she paused, " _other things_ have rather cemented my place in adulthood."

"And here we are," Snape said, with a nod. "The appreciteship is yours, Sarah Grace. You have earned it beyond my expectations."

"Thank you, sir," Sarah smiled at him.

"Now," Snape pulled out their wands, handing hers to her. "Let's try your shield spell."

She stood, facing him and cast the spell, "Protego."

The shield was but a fraction of the size it was when she cast it the night of the Battle at Hogwarts.

"Try again, but this time, focus your magical energy into it. You must do it with determination. With feeling. With passion."

"Passion?" she said, lightly. "Coming from you, that seem absurd. You are always so stalwart and that is what makes you a powerful wizard."

"Listen to what I am saying though. That is me. This is you," he pointed his finger at her, "When you always create your shield, what makes it so powerful, is that you put in all your energy to it because you are passionate about the outcome…of protecting the ones you love. You are gifted with charms, no doubt, but it is your passion that take it to the next level. But now your passion needs to be calculated. You need to force your magical energy into the spell until it becomes second nature again. Do you understand what I mean?"

She thought for a few minutes, "I think so."

"Good," Snape took a step back, "now try again."

" _Protego,_ " Sarah's voice was firm and determined and the shield exploded from her wand, wide and powerful.

"That's it!" Snape said, "Good job!"

She grinned at Snape, "Excellent!"

"Now try your patronus and again, use that calculated force."

Sarah took a breath, " _Expecto patronum_ ,"

But instead of the standard dog that burst forth from her wand, it was a stag, brilliant in size and stature.

She quickly dropped her wand, it clattering to the floor, the patronus dissipating.

"How likely is it for a patronus to change?" she said, her breath hitched.

"Not often," Snape said, quietly, "Sometimes in the case of an emotional trauma."

"Who is going to tell him?" she said, aghast. "He will…he will go insane."

"No, he won't. You can't help this. He'll be reasonable."

"Bloody unlikely. I took the patronus of my best friend. Of his arch nemesis."

"Sarah," Snape's voice was soothing, but they were interrupted by footsteps down the hallway. "I left papers in here," Voldemort said and then paused. "What is it?"

"I don't want to bother you when you clearly have something else so pressing," Sarah's voice was smooth.

"Bother me," Voldemort demanded, the papers in his hand, "You are so pale," he turned to Severus, "Severus," he snapped.

"Her patronus has altered, my Lord. And the result of it was distressing for her."

"What was it?"

Sarah spoke up, "A stag. Remarkably like Harry's."

His eyes were fiery, "Even in your magical core, you betray me for him!" his voice was sharp, censorious.

"No!" Sarah's eyes were wide, "I told him you wouldn't be reasonable!"

Snape remained silent and Voldemort reeled in his emotions, "I will be reasonable, Sarah, dearest one," his voice was low as he strode over to her. He fiddled with the ends of her hair. "Of course, you can not help this new development. The trauma of losing the one you loved evoked this response. I have nothing against the boy, actually. Dumbledore made him into the matyr that he was for their cause. It's tragic really," Voldemort said, smoothly. "It does not matter. The patronus was strong I take it."

"Exceedingly so, my Lord," Snape said, quietly.

"Good then. Carry on," Voldemort said. "I will have you ready…sooner rather than later. Now has convinced me even more that the time is come to forcibly help you to move on…"

"What does that mean?"

"It means I want you to take this exam, graduate and become my mistress. In a month's time. I was determined to be patient, but if you still that grieved over Potter even in the recesses of your mind, the time for patience has come to an end. I'm doing this for you. You need to move on as well."

"But I have," Sarah protested.

"Clearly not," Voldemort countered, "Continue with this, Severus."

"Yes, my Lord," Snape said.

When he left again, Sarah bent to pick up her wand and then bang it against her forehead, "So, so stupid."

"You couldn't help it," Snape nudged her arm, gently, "Let's move on from it. You need to be prepared. Facing a death eater for this exam will be tedious, dangerous even, but the result must be the same. You must take them all by surprise."

"By performing Dark Magic in the midst of a duel?"

"Precisely."

"I'm still not myself and then he is pushing up the timetable," she said.

"I believe you can do this," Snape said. "And you will do this."

"And my reward?" Sarah shuddered and then blanched. "Harry is the lucky one."

"I don't deny it," Snape said, "But all the same, I will take great pride in you defeating any one of my colleagues and showing them exactly how inferior they are to you."

She paused and then leaned over and kissed him, "I will resign myself to my fate then," she said.

Snape nodded, "Go on and wash your face and come back in a few moments."

"Thank you," she said, leaning in for another hug before leaving the room, the door clicking shut.

"For now, Sarah Grace. Only for now. I promise you," Snape whispered, his hand on his chest.

And that was true, because in spite of how it looked now, Severus Snape would always be a hero…and an advocate for the ones he loves. And he did have a plan…but putting that plan in motion would take months, perhaps even years. For the other person that the plan depended on…well, that person was not in a position to help. So, he would wait…even though the waiting did keep him up at night, in agony over what his child was being put through…but there was at least some hope left in all of this...

But more on that later…

 **A/N2** : Thank you all who continue to read and review this story. Part of this chapter was specifically to address to concerns of one of the reviews. Thank you, Deena for your feedback...you are right...Snape would have a plan. :) And I would love suggestions of whom Sarah should be forced to duel for her Dark Arts exam...Carrow? Yaxley? Lucius? Draco? Snape? Has to be someone really powerful though...


	16. Chapter 16

**Warning:** Strong T rating for some sexual innuendo & content, though not explicit.

 **A/N:** Her dark arts exam was going to happen this chapter, but this ended up being longer than I thought as is...next chapter will be her exam. Still interested in ideas. So far people thinks...maybe Lucius or maybe another one like Dolohov, who hasn't really been featured so far.

 **Chapter 16: Liberties**

"Sarah," Voldemort chided, "you will not succeed unless you put your full effort into this task. You mastered the cruciatus ages ago and you used it on Wormtail."

"That was before I lost my magic," Sarah wiped her brow. "I can't just summon the power to perform dark magic on your whim."

"You can precisely do just the thing," Voldemort glared at her, "if you set your mind to do so. Go ahead."

She grunted, remember what Snape said about putting her magical passion, forcing her power into the spell. She arched her back and looked towards the poor house elf, determined, if only to get Voldemort off her back. " _Crucio_ "

The sounds of the poor creature's screams startled Sarah into dropping her wand. She looked over at Voldemort, whose eyes darkened even more. She braced herself for his censure.

"Oh for Merlin's sake. You are not a first year," Voldemort snapped, "I am losing my patience with you!"

"I just…" she took a breath, "I showed you, I was capable, yes? That is all you wanted."

"Is that what you think? You dropped your wand out of your own accord. I _never_ want to see such a dreadful display committed in my presence again. Do you understand me?" his volume raised several notches.

"Sure," she said, dismissively.

His anger heightening even more, he strode over to her, pushing her against the wall of his study. He forced her arms to her side, pinning her in place. She didn't bother to fight him.

When he spoke again, his volume was softer, but his tone still bit, "I want you to cease caring about those who are clearly beneath you," his breath was hot against her cheek, "if you do that during your exam…if you embarrass me in such a way, I will use all those curses you have to perform on your test on you…one by one…agony after agony. And I will take _great_ pleasure in it."

"And you say you aren't sadistic," Sarah's voice caught. His proximity, his body heavily crushing her against the wall, the inability to move her arms, made her feel so closeted in.

"I suppose I have a little of it in me, only reserved for those who make it their mission to disappoint me," He shifted his grip to her waist, giving her more room to breathe, "Stop shaking, I'm not going to curse you… _for now_."

"I wasn't afraid of that," she said, honestly, but took a deeper breath. She tried to settle herself. She forced her eyes back on him, conjuring her bravery.

"Then why were you shaking?" he asked as his eyes penetrated hers.

"You were so close to me," she admitted, her voice shaky. "It threw me off balanced."

"I suppose I should cuddle you more," Voldemort said, thoughtfully.

Sarah backed up and bumped herself hard against the wall, "What?!"

"To make you accustomed to my touch," he said, "Since you seem to fear my touch more than my curses."

"That's not true."

"Isn't it though?" he said, still watching her. "Did you read the materials I gave you earlier?"

Her face blushed, "Not really," she admitted.

HIs eyes narrowed, "Why not?"

"It's all too mortifying," she admitted.

He reached for her again, putting his hand lightly on her arms, "Now, now," he chided, "I should have suspected your delicate sensibilities could not take it. There is nothing wrong with a bit of preparation. We have no more than three weeks before I have to take your virginity…sooner if you can manage it. I said I would help make it easier, but you have to do your part too." His tone wasn't severe, but he was lecturing, that was made clear.

She paled further.

"You look like you are facing your death, little one," Voldemort grunted, "I could assign Carrow with the task if you'd like. I'm sure he would find any liberties with you pleasurable."

"No!" Sarah said, loudly, before she could control it.

"Is that not agreeable to you?" Voldemort asked, lightly.

She took a breath, "you couldn't trust him not to go too far. You can't dangle me in front of him and expect him to use self control. He already made it quite clear when I returned to Hogwarts that he expected you would let him do whatever he wanted with me…"

"He did, did he?" Voldemort's look turned stern. "When were you going to tell me that there were threats made against you?"

"I thought it didn't matter," Sarah shrugged, "after all, I was your enemy. I made that clear that night. Why wouldn't you allow Carrow to do whatever he wanted with me? And what more, who was I to protest?"

"Your point is well taken," Voldemort said, "And I suppose I will let it pass for both you and Carrow _this_ time. But if he makes inappropriate comments towards you in the future, you will let me know immediately. Have i made myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," Sarah said, trying to calm herself.

"Good," he squeezed her hips, "Now, let's table this discussion for a later date. I need you focused on this exam. If the other things are too distracting then you will just have to reap the consequences of your immaturity. It is your choice whether you prepare yourself for our relationship. You will, however, prepare yourself for this exam. Am I clear?"

"Sure," Sarah said.

"Are you quite certain?" Voldemort's voice was low, "because instead of you demonstrating your dark spells on house elves…I could use your friends…or maybe even perhaps muggle children. Would you like that?"

"Of course not," Sarah retorted, quickly.

"Then, let's try this again, you will prepare yourself properly for this exam. Am I clear?"

"Absolutely," she strained out. "Perfectly clear, my Lord."

"Good, now," he dropped his hands to take her arm again, guiding her out of the study, down the hallway, across the foyer to the empty hall.

"What is this?" Sarah asked.

"Use the fiendfyre curse, but I want it controlled. If you burn down my manor, I will strangle you," Voldemort said. "Literally, my dear, not figuratively, lest you are confused by my meaning."

"That curse is unpredictable, especially when I use it, my Lord," Sarah argued. "I can't make promises about damages."

"There is plenty of room here in the Great Hall for you to contain and control it."

"My Lord, surely…"

"ENOUGH!" Voldemort's harsh tone silenced her. "Now then," his tone was softer, "the fiendfyre curse. Go on. And do try to hold onto your wand."

And with that Sarah squared her shoulders and did what he bid.

"Very good," Voldemort looked pleased. "Well controlled. I think that would receive top marks for execution and control."

"Good, can we move on now?" Sarah asked, rather impatiently.

"Yes, let's duel," Voldemort said.

For some reason, there was something in his tone that annoyed her. Maybe it was their conversation earlier and the fact he just felt that it was okay what they were going to do together in three weeks time. Maybe it was because he so cavalierly made her use dark magic and that angered her. Or maybe the very dark nature of the spells were fueling her temper. Regardless, when she raised her wand, she put up quite the fight against him…but the result was instead of making him angry, it made him look at her with such a look of pleasure, that she realized that she could not ever truly win.

Not with him.

* * *

"There you are," Voldemort said as she was carefully preparing her ingredients. "What are you brewing?"

"Wolfsbane," she said, absently.

"Why in Merlin's name are you doing that?" Voldemort demanding, sharply, causing Sarah to pause.

"For one, it's advanced," she said, "and keeps my skills sharp. Secondly, its quite hard to come by these days."

"Because I outlawed the use of it," Voldemort said, crossing his arms.

"I didn't know," she murmured and then continued to work.

"Sarah!" Voldemort grunted. "And still you work?"

"Well, I didn't know. And if that is the case I can't say I understand why," Sarah grimaced. "Do you want chaos and darkness to abound?" she paused, "oh, wait, I know that answer," she finally glanced back at him over her shoulder, before turning back to her work, her back to him.

Voldemort strode over to her and put his arms around her, pulling her into him. She stiffened at the intimate gesture. His reaction was surprising, but served its person to completely put her on edge. Still she strove to keep herself settled and not let him know how much his proximity was bothering her.

"What exactly are you doing, my Lord?" she asked, her voice even.

"Cuddling you," he whispered in his ear, "Do you like it?"

The knife slipped. "I doubt you should cuddle me while I have a knife in my hand," Sarah said, wryly, "you never know what might happen."

He chuckled, "I do love your spunk, little one," he said, pulling her even closer to where she was flush against him, "give me the knife. I'll help so you aren't so tempted to use it on me."

She tried to move, but he held her fast against him. "The knife, Sarah."

She handed it over and he began to prepare her ingredients.

"Make sure they are chopped finer than that, my Lord," she said, anxiety in her voice. "It's imperative."

"Are you even capable of brewing this?" Voldemort said, but adjusted accordingly, taking her advice in stride.

"Yes, I am."

"It is highly dangerous if done wrong, actually Snape is the only one I know of that I would trust doing this," Voldemort said, "Which is the reason it is outlawed."

"Oh, I see. For the common good," she laughed, her tone bitter. "How honorable of you, my Lord."

"I see I need to keep closer watch on your time in the laboratory. It's time for you to graduate and Snape have to monitor all this brewing," Voldemort said as he moved over to the next pile to be prepared.

She used the opportunity to wiggle in his arms, trying to get out, but to no avail. She continued to wiggle before Voldemort spoke,

"You do know when you do that, it is incredibly enticing," his voice was low, matter of fact. "especially rubbing against me the way you are."

She stilled immediately, her mouth dropped open.

"Close your mouth, dearest, it's not polite," Voldemort said, with a hint of smugness. She had no idea how he knew that her mouth had dropped open, but he did.

She stilled, "I can do this myself, my Lord," she said, trying not to cringe at the implications of his words and trying not to think of how her actions _pleased_ him, but she was now acutely aware of the fact that it did, "Please hand me back the knife." she took another breath. She needed to distract herself. She need to chop. Or he needed to move and she was pretty sure he wasn't going to.

"Just relax," he murmured, "this is nothing to get out of sorts with."

"Yes, it is," her voice was soft. "It is…" she insisted, "I am…"

"What do you think it going to happen three weeks from now?" he asked, almost amused.

"I know what's going to happen…"

"Then you know I am going to react in this way to you. It's a good thing," he said. "And I have news for you…it's not the first time."

"Oh Merlin help me," she muttered under her breath. "Can we just not talk about it?"

"We are going to have to at some point," he said, quietly. "I know you think something will happen for you to get out of this, but nothing is going to happen. This shouldn't be so disconcerting for you."

"But you are so close," she let out her breath.

"You need to get used to it. It won't do you any harm to be this close to me. And it will only do you good considering soon you'll be even closer to me. The more you can relax to my touch, the better for both of us."

She didn't quite know how to respond to all of this. She attempted to change the subject. "I do know how to brew this," she said, "I know you don't think I do."

"I never said that," Voldemort countered, "You have not mastered the subject yet, Sarah. You still have much to learn. And this is an extremely dangerous potion. It has been a while since even I have attempted this. Surely, you are overestimating your ability to attempt this without supervision."

"That is something Snape said."

"Did you do this before?"

"Yes," she said, "that summer I stayed with Snape after Dumbledore died."

"And what did Snape do?" he asked, lightly, already knowing the answer from her memories.

"Spanked my arse," she said, "but that isn't the point."

"Isn't it?" Voldemort retorted, finally releasing the knife, putting it on the table. He stepped back and turned her around in his arms. "Explain."

"What is there to explain?"

"Let's not trifle, my dear. Whom are you attempting to brew this for?"

"Lupin."

"Remus Lupin," Voldemort titled his head. "Do you even know where he is?"

"No," she said, slowly, "but I figured after I brewed it, I would approach you or Snape about it." She paused, "he isn't captive, is he?"

"No," Voldemort shook his head.

"And is he in hiding?"

"He was questioned and released. As far as I can remember, I think he is living with Andromeda."

"So, if I give this…to Snape to give to Narcissa…then it would be okay for her to give it to him?"

He studied her. "It is illegal."

"I thought the rules don't apply to us."

"Other's rules…my rules very much apply to _you."_

"I've already started to prepare the ingredients. It would be wasteful to not continue."

"Why are you attempting this now? You have never said one word about Lupin to me."

"I've been so consumed in my problems…self absorbed…and I came across the instructions for this potion in the text that I was reading and naturally my mind wandered to Lupin. With Tonks' death, I'm sure that upended him and well, I know he needs this to function as a father. And now that I am better and my skills are sharper having studied and done so well on my exam, I feel like I can brew this successfully for him."

"Do you?" Voldemort asked.

"Yes, I do," she said, confidently.

He frowned. "I still don't understand your attachment."

"I stayed with them that summer before I moved back in with Snape."

"Yes, of course," Voldemort waved his hand, "what of it?"

She searched her mind to figure out a way that he would be amendable to this. She couldn't speak to friendship or love, Voldemort not putting much stock on either of those. "I have an obligation to my godson."

"To your godson?" Voldemort asked, his voice holding a note of surprise, "Why didn't you say?"

"I didn't think you would care that I had a godson. And Tonks was killed at the battle of Hogwarts and Teddy's godfather was as well, I want to be able to do this for him, especially since I can't play a more involved role in his life. Teddy needs to be safe with his father."

"Who is the boy's godfather?"

"Whom do you think?" she countered, her eyebrows raised.

"I see," Voldemort took a breath. "You do know I put a fair deal of importance on family ties, godparents included."

"I do," Sarah said, evenly.

"It's why I never touched your mother. For Snape's sake," he paused at her stunned look, "Your mother was a blood traitor. I could have taken her easily. And occasionally, I will grant the request of my death eaters like Snape for people that are not family. I was never going to kill Lily Potter. All she had to do was move."

"I wouldn't have moved," Sarah said, honestly. "I don't know many mothers who would have. And for all your protection, my mother was still cursed."

He reached out a hand to push aside a piece of hair that had escaped from her ponytail, "Yes, I know."

"It was really hard losing my mum and having my dad still be in prison," Sarah told him. "You have no idea how hard that was. And the looks I got from people when Sirius escaped from jail. And then he was just doing the things a father should trying to protect me and Harry and Bella killed him," her voice caught, "Never mind. You don't care about this."

"But I do care," he squeezed her shoulder, "I grew up without parents as well, Sarah."

"I know," she retorted.

"You and I have a lot in common, actually."

"Yet a lot of differences as well."

"Less than you think, dear one. I understand your motivation for doing this. The boy should have his father present in his life. I'll bend the rules for you. Make the potion. I'll supervise."

"Really?" she asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise. "Thank you."

"Oh, that's not it," Voldemort's eyes were on her. "I want something in return."

"Which is?" she stiffened.

The door slammed shut, causing Sarah to jump. "What do you want?" she backed away from him.

"Hold your ground, little one," Voldemort advised.

She stopped backing up. In fact, she was now incredibly still, "Would you like me to brew something for you? I'd be happy too."

"Not exactly," his eyes darkened with what could only be categorized as desire.

Her heart jumped, "I see. What exactly do you want from me then?" she willed her voice even.

"Turn back around and I'll show you," he commanded, quietly.

"I…" she froze. She had an idea of what he wanted and she didn't want any part of it.

"You fooled around with Draco in broom closets well before you were married…your fifth year perhaps?

"I wasn't exactly sure of what was happening when we did," she admitted, flushing.

He chuckled then, "I know. I remember from your memories."

"And we never did anything more than snog," she said, "Snape put fear into both Draco and myself that made us tow the line."

"I know he did. That incident with the broom closet. He was livid."

"Yes, so…"

"And then there was Fred Weasley sticking his hand down your shirt every chance he got."

"But…" she struggled, her face flushing. "I was engaged at the time."

"Do you wish to become engaged?"

"NO!" Sarah retorted, adamantly.

"I didn't think so," he chuckled, "Don't act so self righteous. And your delicate sensibilities aren't as delicate as you make them out to be."

She looked distraught.

"We'll both stay dressed if that is your concern. I won't push you there until it is actually time in which case I will force the issue."

"But…" she raked her brain to come up with any excuse to get her out of this.

"Come now. It's a generous offer from me. You must allow me some liberties before you become my mistress. Then, it won't be such a shock then when you do," he told her.

"It is still going to be a shock!" she exclaimed. "There is no way it won't be!"

"Turn, Sarah," he commanded, his voice turning authoritative. His patience was over and she knew she had to obey before his temper was incited.

She tried to fight the panic that was welling up in her.

"It's not going to hurt or anything?" her voice, caught.

"I should think not. Perhaps only your pride," he told her.

"And you aren't going to try to snog or anything?"

He laughed, "No, dear one. Now do, you want to be able to do this for Lupin or not?"

"Yes," she said, slowly.

"Then, turn around," he commanded, "before I rescind my offer."

She closed her eyes for a minute and then did what he said.

"You know," she said, as he pulled her tightly against him again, and then pushed her gently so her stomach was against the counter, trapping her effectively. She took another breath and continued, "you can do whatever you want to me whenever you want. You are in control here. I don't know why you are pretending to give me a choice in the matter."

"We must have at least the illusion that this is all above board," he said in her ear, his hand slipping underneath her skirt.

"Don't," she grunted.

"Hush," he said, "Attempt to relax your body and your mind. Don't whimper or fight me. It's going to incite my temper."

She grunted again and then attempted to shut her mind off to what followed. And when he was quite satisfied with the liberties he took with her, he turned her around to face him. "Sit on the stool there."

She was really mortified and even though she had been taught to keep a tight reign on her emotions, she couldn't quite look at him. But still, she sat as he directed. She felt completely defeated and this was only the start.

His hands were on her shoulders, massaging them gently, "Now, do you have questions for me?"

She blanched, "Seriously?!"

"Well, once upon a time, what you did with Draco was confusing for you…"

"I'm not a virgin any longer!"

"Well, technically speaking, you are…"

The look she gave him could have frozen water, but it only served to amuse Voldemort.

"I take it you don't," he said, chuckling. " _That look_. No woman has ever given me that look before. That is the boldness we need."

"I'm trying," she licked her dry lips.

"No, you aren't."

"I'm trying to try."

"Fair enough," he nodded.

"I do have a question."

"Good. I'm delighted at the prospect," he said. "Go on. I'm all ears."

"You said it wouldn't hurt," she said, ever so softly.

"Yes, I know. I was trying to determine how strong the curse was."

"How strong was it?" she asked, her eyes on him.

"Strong."

She grimaced, "It's going to be awful isn't it? Horrible. Excruciatingly awful. I can already tell."

"It will be fine," his voice was oddly reassuring, "Don't worry."

"I am worried."

"I have it under control," he said, dismissively. "Any more questions?"

She paused and then shook her head.

"Now, let's brew this potion. I'm feeling quite relaxed now. Thank you."

She frowned, but reached for her wand to light her cauldron.

Yet, that night when they dueled to prepare for her exam, Sarah didn't hold anything back with him again. She used Snape's signature curse, wielding it with such a power befitting the creator's heir. And in a moment, she bested Voldemort, the cutting curse, cutting his arm, before he disarmed her with a fury.

She froze, out of breath. He froze, his own breathing only slightly altered. He twisted both of their wands in his hands.

He cleared his throat, "Sarah."

She closed her eyes and waited for the curse to come, but it didn't. She opened her eyes again. He spoke her name again.

"Yes, my Lord," her response was soft. She had no idea how he would react to this.

"Come to me, please." he said, his voice giving nothing away, but flicking his wand to heal his own arm.

She strode across the floor of his great hall to stand in front of him.

He pocketed both their wands before placing both of his hands on her hips.

"Are you angry?" she asked, titling her head. "I can't quite tell."

"You did what I asked," he said, "Of course you can never truly best me, but to get a curse to make contact against me is a rare feat indeed. You are beginning to keep up with me. Do you know what this means?"

She shook her head, wearily. "What does it mean, my Lord?"

"You are ready to take your exam now. We don't have to wait any longer," the look of triumph was so evident that Sarah could not mistake it. He was proud. And pleased with the prospect of having her sooner than they anticipated.

Her heart sunk, "When?"

"I'll make the arrangements with Snape tomorrow," he squeezed her hips, "Well done. Well done, indeed."

* * *

"Do you truly think she is ready, my Lord?" Snape's brow creased with worry.

"Indeed, I do, Severus," Voldemort said, "I'm actively having to work in a duel with her now. She is showing quite the talent and skill. I have no doubt she will succeed with whomever I desire to put her with."

"And whom do you desire for her to face?" Severus said, rather stiffly.

"I haven't quite figured that one out. I may make it a spur of the moment decision."

"My Lord, I know I do not need to express my concerns. What makes you think that they will spare her the killing curse in the heat of a duel involving Dark Magic?"

"I suppose it is always a gamble," Voldemort waved his hand, "But I don't have any doubts where Sarah is concerned. You should see her repertoire of dark magic spells. It is truly impressive. We'll test her on those first and that should provide incentive for my death eaters to know that she will provide a rather hefty challenge."

"They see her as but a child," Snape said.

"But I do not," Voldemort countered, "And soon they will see her for who she is: an extremely talented witch who is more than capable of holding her own with any number of my most talented, ruthless death eaters. "

"But she isn't ruthless," Snape countered. "She won't…"

"But she will, Snape. Last night, she was firing curse after curse _at me_. I would have taken it personally that she was so intent on cursing me, but it only heightened my desire for her. I must have her take this and then take her to my bed. I'm tired of waiting for her. I want her, Severus. Even Narcissa's charms have been proven inadequate."

"My Lord, I fear you are going to be disappointed with her," Severus said, his voice low, "Narcissa is experienced. Sarah is just learning about these things. And Draco perhaps was not the most adequate teacher."

"She will be fine, Severus. I'll teach her," he paused, "I'm not going to use her and then tire of her. I'll have the ability to mold her from the start. And to be honest, I simply enjoy her company. I fail to see a situation in which that changes. I had Bella for years before…and then after my return. I see Sarah being no different."

"But what if…what if they try to kill her?" Snape pressed. "Then all your plans will be null. Is it a risk we should take?"

"I will make it clear that if they attempt a killing curse, Sarah is well within her right to reciprocate."

"She won't do that!" Snape said, trying to feign calmness.

"And I'm telling you she will," Voldemort said, "Don't worry so, Severus. She isn't in the nursery anymore."

"I will always desire to protect her, my Lord. I goes against my very nature not to."

"I'm aware," Voldemort said, "But you really must try to get past this. She isn't a child any longer. She is eighteen years of age. In all cultures, she has reached adulthood."

There was a knock on the door, "My Lord," Sarah entered at his allowance, "Dad, I didn't know you would be here."

"The Dark Lord and I were just finalizing the details for your exam," Severus said, flexing his hand discreetly.

"I see," Sarah nodded and then frowned, "You look worried, Dad. It's just a duel. It's not a duel to the death or anything like that, right?"

Voldemort held up his hand, "Sometimes my colleagues can be unpredictable during duels. I can put the killing curse of limits but at the heat of the moment for you to be challenged by the type of wizard that would prove yourself to us, then perhaps, they would attempt it against my wishes."

"What?!" Sarah's eyes were wide, "You are going to let them try to kill me!"

"No, dearest," Voldemort responded. "I will set the guidelines and if they stray in the moment, then you may reciprocate to defend yourself."

"But, I could die," she frowned.

"You have been asking me to kill you for weeks now. Have you had such a change of heart?" Voldemort said.

She bit her lip, "Snape said I can have the potions apprenticeship."

"Is that motivation to live?" Voldemort asked.

"Yes," Sarah said, frowning, "and that in combination, when I think about it, I do fear it."

He raised his eyebrow, "My Gryffindor lioness is afraid? Merlin forbid."

She grunted at him, "Do not tease." She turned to Snape, "Snape will be there, yes?"

"I haven't decided," Voldemort declared.

"What?!" Sarah exclaimed.

"My Lord," Severus intervened, "I am Headmaster. My presence is required for her exam. it is protocol."

"Perhaps, the others would think you are somehow swaying the match."

"And how would I do that?" Snape asked, incredulously, "you are standing right there. And if necessary, you can take my wand for the duration of her duel."

"I may do that," Voldemort said, "but my greater question is why does she want you there so much? If it is because she is clinging to you, then I see a problem."

"I am not clinging," Sarah objected, quietly, "It's just…if I am potentially facing my death. I would like my father there."

"I did promise her long ago," Snape offered again, his voice low, "that if we know she was facing death, I would be there in that moment."

"When was this?" Voldemort sat on the sofa and gestured the others to sit. He patted the seat for Sarah and she sat next to him.

"After my father Sirius's death," she said, "we had a talk about death…and things."

"And I promised her that I would be there for her," Snape said, "I would like to keep my word if possible."

"How touching," Voldemort said, somewhat mockingly, "but of course, Severus, I have no actual objections. And regardless, Sarah, you are not facing your death. I have no worries on that account. If I did, I would not allow you to do this. I was just telling your father how badly I want you."

She glanced at Snape who showed no reaction, "I'm glad I am valued then," she ran her hand through her hair. "You can't lose your wh…"

"Enough," Voldemort reached over to smack her leg, "Quit before you get into trouble."

"Yes, sir," she turned towards him, "But are you sure I am safe?"

"I have every faith in you," Voldemort said, standing, "but then I have miscalculated before," he shrugged, "no matter. Now, I'm calling for tea. Stay, Severus, and we will work out the details of the time and place of her exam."

"Yes, my Lord," he said, quietly.

He swiped his wand and several vials appeared. "Give these to your father," he said. "As we talked about before."

He left and Sarah and him sat in silence before a few moments.

"What are those?" Snape pointed.

"Wolfsbane. Can you find a way to give those to Lupin for me?"

"He let you brew them," Snape frowned, "they are illegal."

"I know…dad, do you actually think they'll try…" she paused, unable to continue.

"I think you shall be fine," Severus nodded, "If you are willing to do what it takes to succeed in this task."

"Against his death eaters?" Sarah looked resolute, "I'd be willing."

"That's a change," Severus frowned.

"Maybe I have become you. Sacrificing myself and enduring what I must for the greater good."

"It is a slippery slope, little girl," Snape said, quietly, "Don't lose yourself in your concessions."

She nodded, "I'll try not to."

He paused at her look, "Did something happen?"

"These potions came with a cost," Sarah admitted, blushing, "but I think it would have happened regardless."

"What?" Snape frowned at her blush.

She shrugged, "he is taking more…liberties with me."

Snape's sharp breath hissed in. "Are you alright, Black?"

"I think it made me angry so last night when we dueled, I got a curse in. Your curse to be precise."

"And this is why he thinks you are ready?" Snape's tone was angry, "More like he's ready for you."

"It was bound to happen sometime, Dad. It was naive to think that he wouldn't try to touch me before he forced me to shag with him. Especially since I turned eighteen and doubly so, since my magic has returned in full force."

He let out his breath, trying to quell his temper, knowing the Dark Lord could arrive back at any moment, "I still must know if you are alright."

"Yes," she nodded. "All things considered, I am fine. Just a little skeeved out. But I am fine."

"You and I are both going to need to quell our disgust with this situation or we are both doomed."

She nodded. "I'm almost just at the point I'd rather just get it over with, Dad."

"But it won't be over," Snape said, "it's not like it is going to happen one time and then no more."

"I know," she said, quietly, "but it's the whole virginity thing. I need that over with. The anticipation of that…especially given how much it will hurt…is really getting to me."

"I suppose I can understand that," Snape let out his breath again, "I do think he'll be considerate with you, Sarah." he attempted to reassure her, "he won't be violent."

"I don't understand why," she frowned.

"He wants to believe himself that he is above all of this…that the darkness is well controlled by him. He honestly doesn't see this as rape unless he is violent."

"But he is still raping me," she said, softly, "there is no way around it."

"I know," Snape nodded, reaching out to squeeze her knee, "But I wouldn't tell him that. It would only incite him." He paused, "Are you ready for him and you…?" his voice trailed off, the emotion he was unable to hide, "I'm sorry. I fear you are being much braver about this than I am."

She smiled at him, through the tears that had sprung to her eyes, "I know this is hard for you as well. And I love you for that."

"You haven't answered my question."

"It makes me cringe," Sarah admitted, her voice hoarse, "even what we did yesterday, which wasn't anything too…intrusive…only a bit…" she took a breath, "I honestly just hate him touching me. I hate it! And I hate that he gets off on using me."

"Did you expect differently?" Snape's voice was gentle. "He gets pleasure out of you…and you get…"

She licked her lips, "Yes. I get…well, I don't know what I get. But I do know that you have instilled in me the ability to control my emotions and reactions. I'll attempt to do so that night."

"And every night that follows?"

She nodded, "And every night that follows." she said resolutely, "I am a Gryffindor," she said, somewhat haughtily, "after this, my bravery will be unchallenged."

"Of course," Snape nodded, "I have no doubt you will be quite brave through this all."

She leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder. She sighed, "So it begins."

He reached up to pat the side of her head, "And so it begins."

But first she had to get through her dark arts exam which would prove a hefty challenge in itself. And that worried her…and especially Snape. They both quite had the weight of the world on them. But for a few moments, they just sat there on the couch, taking comfort in each other before the heard footsteps and Sarah reluctantly pulled her head off Sev's shoulder and scooted away from him with a sigh.

 **A/N:** The conversation referred to in this chapter between Sarah and Snape is a one-shot that I just wrote a few days ago. Taking place after Sirius's death, Snape and Sarah have a conversation about death. Check it out on my author's page: _Of Darkness and Light: Questions_...and don't forget to review! Thank you so much to all who continue to do so!


	17. The Exam

**Chapter 17: The Exam**

Sarah was sitting at her desk, frantically cramming the night before her exams when Voldemort knocked on the door that adjoined their bedrooms.

"You are going to be exhausted before you even start," he chided, going to sit on her bed.

"I just am trying to…Merlin!" she slapped palms against her desk in frustration.

"What is wrong?" he asked, his voice patient.

She turned her head, "tell me again. What is a flagrante curse and what are the derivations of it?"

"You know this," Voldemort patted the spot next to him.

"I don't," she said, her hand on her chest as she rose to go sit next to him on the foot of her bed.

"But you do," he told her, calmly. "List them for me." She paused and then thought about it and was able to answer her own question. "And how could you manipulate it?" he prompted.

She thought for a few more minutes and again answered.

"See there," Voldemort patted her knee, "You'll do splendidly."

"I'm not ready!" she retorted, adamantly. "Nowhere close!"

"But you are," he countered, "you must admit that under my guidance, your magical theory in the dark arts has become stellar."

"Yes," she let out her breath, "but I'm going to be killed. He'll unarm me in a minute."

"No, I don't think so, or I will take you to my knee in front of my whole inner circle."

She took a breath, "I'm panicking."

"I know, come to my bed."

She looked at him wearily. He hadn't touched her since that time in the laboratory, a week previously, but they also hadn't slept in the same bed. She was afraid of the results of them being in such close proximity…in the dark…cuddled up in the same bed.

"For sleep, since you are determined not to sleep tonight," Voldemort told her, taking her arm and pulling her up. "You need rest." He frowned at her, "You aren't even dressed for bed. I believed I laid out your clothes earlier and told you to change. You know how I feel about you ignoring my orders."

"I didn't mean to ignore it," she said, a hand through her hair, "I got distracted."

"I'm aware of that. Go on now then."

She looked at the light blue silk nightgown draped over her chair. It had sleeves and a modest neckline and was long so it wasn't that she felt completely exposed. She simply knew she would be cold tonight in it without the luxury of wrapping a blanket completely around her like she was apt to do when he chose her nightclothes. This was one of the reasons she much rather preferred pajamas. She sighed and reached for the nightgown before retreating to the lavatory to change.

"May I have socks?" she asked. "My feet are cold."

"Use your slippers," he retorted, watching her from his perch on her bed.

"Yes, of course," she said, slipping her slippers on her feet, "it's just I'm not wearing slippers to bed."

"I'll cast a warming charm."

"What is this?" she asked, grunting, "are you afraid I will look too frumpy with socks on?"

He raised an eyebrow at her tone, "I now know how much you do need sleep."

"I'm not sleepy though."

"You _are_ shattered. If you'd like, I could attempt to make your sleep through certain endeavors. Would that be agreeable to you?"

"No thank you," she said, quickly, "That is unnecessary."

"A shame," he said, "but do come along, dear one."

She frowned, but followed without any more protest.

She climbed into bed with him and he reached over and pulled up the covers over her, leaving just the sheet for him. "Are you warm enough?" he asked, leaning over to witness her shivering under the blankets, before wrapping her arms around herself.

"This nightgown is thin," she said, "I am not warm unless I wrap the entire blanket around me."

"This nightgown in particular?" he asked, his eyes on her.

"Usually every nightgown you choose," she said, "as you like the silky ones or the light see through cotton ones."

"Why didn't you say you were cold at night?" he asked, aghast.

"Am I supposed to knock on your door and ask you to cast a warming charm for me?"

He swiped his wand over her, "Yes, you are."

"Noted," She turned on her side away from him. "You could just give me my wand back and then you wouldn't have to be bothered."

"It wouldn't be a bother."

"Or you could just allow me to wear normal clothes to bed, especially considering we aren't even fu…"

" _Goodnight_ , Sarah Grace," he said, sternly, before she could complete her curse.

She grunted, "Goodnight, my Lord."

* * *

"Oh hello," Sarah paused in her tracks. She tugged at the ends of her hair, "What are you doing here?" she blurted out.

Draco didn't move from his spot in the library, his hand scanning the titles on the shelf. He turned his torso so he could see her, "I'm here with Snape for your exam."

She moved to stand by his side, "I didn't realize you were a part of his inner circle. Were you promoted with your graduation?"

"No, I think the Dark Lord wanted me here to support you or something like that," he shrugged.

"That's odd."

"You don't have many friends here. He wants you to do well. I guess it's worth it to him to have me here even if it means you and I are in the same room."

She bit her lip, "How are you and Gin going?" she tried to keep her voice causal, but he could tell she was fishing for information.

"Good, how are you and the Dark Lord doing?" Draco shot back quickly.

"Draco," she let out her breath, "I didn't mean anything by it. I just want to make sure you… and her… are fine. You are both my friends…and I…lo…care for you."

He had schooled his features and she couldn't tell what he was thinking. He stared at her for a few moments before speaking, quietly.

"We are coexisting," Draco said, "though I doubt there will be children anytime soon."

"Are you trying with her?" she asked.

"She wants nothing to do with me," Draco retorted, his voice becoming agitated again, "And to be honest, it really is fine with me to have it that way. She is going back to Hogwarts for the school term when it reopens." He paused, "I don't mean to be irritated," he sighed heavily, "I'm sorry. It's not you. It's the situation. It's bloody awful."

"It's okay, I understand," Sarah said, biting her lip again.

He met her eyes, "I miss you, Black."

"I miss you too," her lip trembled as her voice cracked. She schooled her own features, getting her emotions under control. When she spoke next, her voice was smooth. "Thanks for coming for this. Where is the Dark Lord anyway?"

"Discussing something with Snape. Does he know you are out of your room?"

She shrugged, "I wanted to find a book to distract me. There is an hour before my exam and my mind is going wild." She reached out a hand to finger the spines of the books, her hand brushing against his. The chemistry was still palpable. He adjusted his hand to grip hers lightly.

"It's going to be fine. Whoever you duel, I'm sure it will be fine," he squeezed her hand, "the key is to keep your wits about you. You are bloody brilliant and I know you have been training hard for this. If he has scheduled this, he thinks you are ready and if he thinks you are ready, then you are ready regardless of how nervous you are."

"I don't know," she held her breath, "I'm really, really nervous."

He squeezed her hand lifting it up to her mouth, to kiss it. "Take a breath, Black."

She took a breath.

"And another," his voice was low.

She took another one, trying to calm herself. "You really believe I can do this, Malfoy?"

"Of course. I always believe in you," he told her, seriously.

She took another breath and then looked at their joined hands.

"I should go," she said, regretful. "If he finds me here, he'll get upset. The last time he was upset with me, he burned down our village. The stakes are too high right now, Draco."

He nodded, "I know, you're right." He squeezed her hand one more time before dropping his hand to his side.

She stepped away from the bookcase, "Try harder with Gin. Find what she likes. You guys actually have a lot in common."

"Okay," he said and she turned and walked towards the door. She turned back, "I am glad you are here, Draco. Having you here will help. I know even if everyone else is wanting me to fail, you still have my back. Knowing that actually will help me a lot."

"I know. I do have your back, Black. I always have," Draco gave her a small smile. "I'll see you in a bit."

"See you then," she turned around and walked out the door, closing it behind her. She leaned against it for a few minutes before sighing heavily, resigned. She headed back upstairs.

* * *

Voldemort was talking to her in low tones, but she was so distracted by the death eaters present and the quivering of her stomach, that she had a hard time focusing on what he was saying. She had gotten through the written portion of her exam even in spite of her writing being displayed for all to see. She felt confident in her magical theory, especially with the Dark Lord's tutelage, it had proved not to be the feat she thought it was going to be at first. But now, this was the practical portion and the thought of proving herself in this area, caused her knees to shake slightly. It was grueling to have this all done in one day. But if she could to everyone's satisfaction, Voldemort would be able to prove his point about her worth. And she could not fail him now. He would be ruthless if she did. Her mind wandered to their village and how it was still so destroyed, weeks later. No, she must do this for all involved.

"Sarah," Voldemort's hands were on her shoulders, squeezing them, the gesture personal, intimate. He was not holding back his favor of her. "You must focus now," his voice was low. "You have done extremely well on your written portion. Now for your practical. Focus your magical energy and show us what you are worth."

He turned her around to face the line of house elves waiting for her curses. Her stomach twisted again. How could she bear this? She caught Snape's eye and his encouraging nod as well as Draco's.

"Are you ready, Sarah?"

"Yes, my Lord," she murmured in the great hall at his manor. She outstretched her arm, awaiting his direction.

Curse after curse, the strength of her spell work outstanding. The nausea built as well as the anger.

"Very good, dear one," Voldemort praised. "Let us break for thirty minutes. Sarah, come with me." He stopped by Severus's side and leaned over to whisper an order in his ear.

Sarah frowned but the Dark Lord's hand was on her arm, pulling her along, out the room, down the hall, up the stairs to her bedroom. "Go on," he pointed in the direction of the loo. "Use the loo."

She unbuttoned her robes and he stretched out his hand for them. She handed them and her wand to him. He sent them to rest on the bed.

"What if I don't have to use the loo?" she asked.

"I think you do considering it has been hours since we started," Voldemort countered. "I think a break was fitting."

"So, you stopped us for us all to take a loo break?" she asked, incredulously.

"I am practical, dearest one," he said, "and it also gives Severus and Amycus time to grade your written exam and confer on your scores for your dark magic spells portion."

She looked weary, "how do you think I did, sir?"

"Go on," he waved her off, "We'll talk in a moment."

She grunted but went in and used the loo as he instructed.

"Wash your face," he instructed.

She came out of the bedroom and a glass of water dangled in front of her. "Drink it all," he said, quietly.

She put the glass down and then leaned against the door of her closet. Even though she had a half an hour break, both the written exam and the practical one had been thoroughly exhausting-both mentally and physically. "My Lord, can't we resume this another day?" she asked, with a sigh.

"You feel weak but if you succeed in your weakness, then not one of them will doubt your strength."

"I doubt my strength," she closed her eyes. It felt really good to rest, even if she was still standing up. "The house elves are being healed, yes?"

"As we speak," Voldemort strode over to her and gripped her hips, "I think your dark spells must have earned you top marks. You should have seen the Carrows' faces when you cast that fiendfyre curse. Perfectly calculated, perfectly controlled, but perhaps aiming a bit for them, were you not?"

"Now, my Lord," Sarah's eyes opened, "I don't know what you mean," she said, innocently.

He chuckled, "I'm sure you don't, dear one." He traced her cheek, "Whom would you like to face?"

"Whom do you wish me to face?" She countered.

"That is the question on everyone's minds. It will be revealed to all momentarily," he moved her aside and opened the closet door. He shuffled through her things, "Your entire wardrobe needs an overhaul," he said, wrinkling his nose in distaste, "I have tried to tolerate it as long as I could."

"I like my clothes," Sarah countered.

"Yes, I know. You say that often," Voldemort said, reaching for a pink blouse and long flowing black skirt. "Narcissa did have a hand in some of your wardrobe."

"Yes," she said, "of course she had to make me presentable since I was married to Draco."

"Go ahead and change," he instructed and sat on her bed. She made her way to the lavatory, but Voldemort's voice stopped her,

"No, Sarah."

"Here?" she turned around to face him.

"Yes, it is your bedroom," Voldemort countered.

"Oh for Merlin's sake! You are really going to force this issue now of all days!" Sarah huffed.

"Turn your back to me if you wish," he said, "for now, that is."

"Why now?" Sarah asked, standing her ground. "You have let me change in closets and lavatories since I have been here."

"I am aware," Voldemort said, "however, I'm quite taken with you right now. All that power is quite stimulating for me. And I wish to see you change."

She blanched and then narrowed her eyes, "Are you trying to spark my temper so I am willing to thoroughly thrash whoever I face?"

He gave her a small smile, "Is it working?"

She turned around her hands shaking as she unbuttoned her shirt and then threw it on her dresser. "Will you not tell me whom I am facing?" she asked as she pulled off her skirt and tossed that as well. She shrugged on the blouse quickly and then the skirt, trying to afford herself some dignity.

"Turn around and allow me to button your shirt," he said, quietly.

She bit her lip and then steeled herself. She tucked her fingers around the blouse, closing it. She turned around.

He stood, his voice low, "drop your hands."

She dropped them and his fingers grazed over the top of her bra before reaching to button her shirt for her. She let out her breath.

"Honestly," he chided, "You do need to relax."

She swallowed down the lump in her throat, "So…"

"Dolohov," he said, quietly.

Her eyes widened, "He's good."

"Yes, I know."

"And sinister."

"Yes, little one. He is."

"What am I going to do?"

"Everyone has weaknesses, Sarah. You are going to find them and exploit them."

"Can you pick someone else?" She reached out to touch his arm, surprising them both. She dropped her hand.

"This choice the others won't question and I have specific reasons of why I want it to be him," he said. He put his hand on her face, "You will succeed. I have no doubt." He flicked his wand and her robes came flying to him. "Allow me."

He helped her put her robes on and fastened the buttons. "There you are, little one. Don't disappoint me." He turned her around and swatted her arse, the motion pushing her in the direction of the door.

* * *

Sarah twisted her wand in her hands, trying to feign a look of causal boredom as Voldemort discussed with his inner circle who would be dueling against her.

"My Lord," Carrow stepped forward and Sarah could feel his eyes on her, sizing her up, "as her instructor in the Dark Arts, I feel that it is only appropriate for it to be me who duels against her."

Voldemort titled his head from side to side, "but I need you to watch and evaluate, Amycus," he said, quietly. "That is your role here today…along with Severus, of course."

"My Lord," Lucius's voice was silky, "since I am a board member, than perhaps it is only fitting…" he paused, "that _I_ duel the girl."

Voldemort shook his head again, "I don't think so, my friend, but thank you for the offer."

"My Lord, why do you not even consider it?" Lucius protested, put out that he was dismissed so readily.

Voldemort grunted, "Do not get insulted, Lucius. It has nothing to do with you," he said.

He glanced over pointedly at her and Sarah immediately stopped fiddling with her wand, placing it on her lap. She sensed a subtle change. Voldemort was annoyed by Lucius questioning him. But the others had yet to pick up on it. _Except Snape_. She met his eyes and he gave her a small almost imperceptible shake.

"Then perhaps, I should," Wormtail stepped forward.

Voldemort laughed, "Well, we already know what the outcome would be before it even gets started, my friend. I need an even match."

"You think a mere girl has a match in any one of your death eaters?" Wormtail was aghast.

"She's not a mere girl any longer. She is a woman now, a woman who is about to graduate…she is in the same position as many of you were once upon a time…many of you whom I took into my fold at the very same age that she is now. It isn't about _age_ , Wormtail, my friend, it's about _power…_ about magical ability…and unfortunately, you have already proved you cannot handle her power. That was made perfectly clear last time."

Sarah swallowed hard and then looked again at Snape, who frowned. Wormtail stepped quickly back, but Sarah could see his eyes narrow and his hands fist in anger. It was perhaps an unfair assessment of their previous duel. Sarah had disarmed but it had been only after some time had passed. She knew his pride had been hurt, but now at the dressing down Voldemort gave him, she was afraid that he had poured salt into an open wound and that there would be an eventual retaliation.

"No, no," Voldemort held up his hand, "Amycus must evaluate, Lucius has too much history with the girl. I want emotions to be pulled out of this. That eliminates Draco as well. And Yaxley and Nott, you have already shared your disdain for her," He looked among the others, his hand swiping across the room, "Antonin, you shall duel the girl. Is that agreeable to you?"

"I always wish to be of service to you, my Lord," he stepped forward, bowing. Sarah studied him. He looked to be perhaps her father's age or Snape's. His hair was dark, his eyes the same. His features weren't ugly by any means…in fact, some might say he was good looking. He had stubble as if he hadn't shaved in a few days. And he was looking at her, knowingly. He had caught her examining him.

"Very good," Voldemort gestured to Sarah, "Sarah, come." He extended his hand towards her. Sarah took a nervous breath and then stood, stepping forward.

"I do not need to remind you that the killing curse is off limits, as well as any curse that might hinder her fertility," he said, sternly, "Will that be a problem?"

Dolohov shook his head, "Of course not, my Lord."

"Good," he reached for Sarah's arms pulling her in front of him, her back to him. He rubbed her arms slightly, "Sarah, have you met Antonin?"

"Not officially," she said, "It's…um," she cleared her throat, "nice to meet you," she forced a smile. "though I suppose I should wait to see how badly you curse me to say that. I've heard stories."

He smirked at her, "I'm sure you have." He looked at Voldemort, "Shall we do this up formally?"

"Of course," Voldemort pushed her towards Dolohov. "Amycus, you will give the signal."

They bowed at each other and then waited for Carrow to give the signal.

Carrow raised his hand and Sarah steeled herself. And she knew that she must employ all that she had learned…from Snape, from Voldemort…and do what she must do.

The signal was given and right away the spells came flying between them…an exhausting exchange of curses and deflections…back and forth, back and forth. Sarah had known that this would be a struggle, but she was surprised at how exhausting it was. She supposed it was because she was already exhausted to begin with- a disadvantage that as time went on, she knew Dolohov would exploit. But, what of his weaknesses? She couldn't find any…not yet at least. He was good. Very good. No curse had actually made contact, which in itself was impressive, but then Dolohov changed up the nature of his curses, startling her.

She let out a screech as the fiendfyre curse came roaring at her, but she, like Dumbledore when faced with Voldemort in the Department of Mysteries, put up her own wall of enchanted water, it rushing to meet it, overcoming it in such an impressive display that caused shouts of approval among the death eaters. The water still remained even after it quenched the fire, the wall headed straight for Dolohov before she heard Voldemort reprimand her.

"Don't flood my manor, Sarah!" he shouted, laughing appreciatively. She quickly stopped the motion and the water was deflected to Voldemort who managed to reverse the spell. Carrow called a break and Dolohov and her circled each other, them both breathless.

Sarah juggled her wand in her hand and took her hair tie from her pocket, quickly plopping her damp hair up off her neck into a messy ponytail while Dolohov drank some water.

Voldemort handed her a cup of water, "Go on. He's drinking." He pursed his lips, in disapproval. "You are shaking."

"I'm fine," she said, her voice short, aware the others were watching their exchange. She stilled her hands and handed him back the water without a tremble. "Perfect. Thanks." She shot him a look. She was not happy he pointed out her weakness in front of the others, in a move that could cost her the match.

"I meant no offense," he said, smoothly. "Only that you look tired. Antonin looks tired as well." His eyes held hers, a message of his own for her, reminding her of the way she must conduct herself towards him in his inner circle.

"And I didn't mean to be impertinent," she said, her voice contrite. "I apologize, my Lord."

"No matter," Voldemort clasped her arm, "You were worried I was pointing out a weakness that Antonin would exploit. You are always thinking and planning, little one, aren't you?"

She nodded, "I was taught to do so at a very young age."

"An admirable trait that Severus instilled in you," Voldemort said. "One I think we shall instill in our children, don't you think, Sarah?"

She didn't falter, "If you wish, of course, my Lord," she responded.

"Now, I think we are ready to continue. No more breaks," Voldemort commanded, loudly, his hand still on her arm. "And no flooding of my manor, Sarah Grace."

"No promises, my Lord," she said, "if Dolohov uses the fiendfyre again."

"He won't. Only a fool would and Antonin is not a fool," He nodded and Carrow signaled the match.

The curses and deflections started again, after their respite, the fervor of them had increased significantly.

"Ahh," Sarah yelped as Dolohov's curse hit her arm, snapping it. Thankfully it wasn't her wand arm, but the pain was a hindrance. More curses and deflections, the cruciatus coming so close to hitting her before she deflected it, last minute. She cast her own, but he was able to deflect it.

She began to take a more defensive strategy, relying on her shields and other defensive spells that she was so gifted at. She knew that this wasn't the way to win, but she was hoping it would buy her time to regroup and casting dark spell after dark spell was draining her, especially after the rigor of the writing exam and practical portion. After deflecting a powerful cutting curse, she began to notice a pattern. When Dolohov cast his curses, he would take a step to the left, and the result caused her curses that she would quickly cast in response to be slightly off mark.

But as she was noticing that, her mind was distracted and a rather powerful curse hit her, one whose incantation she didn't recognize, but immediately, her head felt stuffy, her chest full of congestion, and her muscles began to absolutely ache. Some sort of influenza inducing curse…and she knew that it was going to exhaust her further. She must act and now…

He cast another curse, which she deflected and then she cast a cruciatus, which she overcompensated to his left, thus hitting the mark, since it made his deflection miss.

And while her cruciatus incapacitated him, she disarmed him quickly, catching his wand easily.

She was shaking uncontrollably now…from chills, from fever, from pure exhaustion…she didn't know.

Voldemort gestured to her and she went over on shaky legs to Dolohov to hand him back his wand. The others were talking among themselves…Severus and Carrow conferring and the others discussing the duel they just witnessed…and debating on whether or not she was truly worthy of the Dark Lord's affection.

"What curse was that?" she asked, curiously as she extended his wand. "I feel like shit."

"I derived it myself," Dolohov took his wand. "Influenza inducing one. You should be fine with potions in a few days." He nodded his respect, "I thought I had you."

"You almost did," she admitted, "then I realized your movement."

"Ah," Dolohov grinned at her, his dark eyes on her. He leaned forward to whisper in her ear, "I thought the Dark Lord was crazy to pick you to replace Bellatrix, but now I think he is right about you. You are thoroughly enchanting. It was a pleasure."

"Thank you," Sarah said, a shiver going down her spine. Dolohov had cursed so many muggles without a thought and now he clearly taken with her. It didn't sit right. What was wrong with her? "And thank you for not killing me."

He winked at her.

"Sarah, come to me," Voldemort called to her, "And silence everyone."

She made her way to Voldemort's side, hoping she wouldn't pass out. She did feel horribly ill. Voldemort held his hand out and she placed her wand in it.

"Now, I think you have earned the right to sit," he said, pushing her down in a chair in front of him, "while Severus and Amycus evaluate your work."

Her eyes widened for she hadn't expected results right away.

"My Lord," Severus stepped forward, "Professor Carrow and I have a disagreement over the scoring of her duel."

Voldemort raised his eyebrow, "Which is?"

"In the mid of her duel, the girl became passive," Amycus spoke up, his eyes narrowing in on her, "relying on solely defensive techniques deserved a lowering of her score. For that, I would merely give the duel an acceptable score."

"I strongly disagree," Snape drawled, "may we question her?"

"It's unconventional for this level of her education," Voldemort said, "but in higher education, she would be called to defend her work, so proceed, Severus."

"Miss Black," Severus said, his voice smooth, "Why did you revert to using solely defensive spells?"

Sarah cleared her throat, glancing at Voldemort who nodded his permission to speak freely, "To succeed against a wizard of Dolohov's caliber, Headmaster, the decisions you make in a course of a duel have to be calculated. I knew my weaknesses well. He had broken my arm and for some reason my curses were just missing him. I am confident in my defensive spells…they are almost like second nature to me."

Carrow snorted and Sarah glared at him, "Naturally, I have had lots of practice with them,"

Voldemort cleared his throat and Sarah forced her temper under control, "so it doesn't expend as much energy as dark magic does for me. So, instead, I used that time to observe Dolohov and see if I could figure out why my curses were missing."

"And did you?" Severus asked.

She nodded, "That is when I got hit with the influenza inducing curse. I knew that was the time to act quickly so I deflected his cruciatus and cast my own, aiming a bit for his left, since he makes a slight movement to the left every time he casts a curse."

"She's right," Dolohov spoke up, "it's a bloody awful habit, but usually it is to my advantage as no one ever notices."

Voldemort turned to Dolohov, "how would you score her, Antonin?"

"Ah, she is gifted, my Lord," he said, "perhaps she needs more polish, but you can't really expect a witch of her age to have that. I would give her an outstanding myself…her crutiatus by itself is wicked…all with a broken arm and influenza…but besides that, she had me with her response to the fiendfyre curse…I'd say she is no ordinary witch to do that."

"Think of what you are saying," Lucius said, silkily, "this is the best friend of Harry Potter."

"And she happens to be a bloody powerful witch," Dolohov said, "Feel free to duel her yourself Lucius and you'll see."

Lucius snorted, "Unlikely."

"Afraid?" Dolohov chuckled at her, "She is a fiery thing. It was hopeless for your son to be able to handle her. But if the Dark Lord has her in hand, which I think he does, then she will be an asset to our side in spite of who her friends were. I would torture muggles with her any day. And it would be a pleasure," he said.

"Like that's possible!" Lucius shook his head, sorrowfully.

"That's not the discussion at hand…" Voldemort pointed out. "If I command her to do so, she will. She tortured the house elves at my command and today was not the first time."

"And then insisted them be healed," Wormtail pointed out.

"I suspect she may need some more persuasion," Dolohov retorted, "but you are just still put out by the fact she bested you that you aren't thinking logically. Just like Lucius can't see past the fact she got into his son's pants and is now regretting he didn't take her for himself."

"Unlikely," Lucius drawled.

Sarah glanced at Voldemort, but he had no reaction.

"Don't you care that she beat you? Made you look like a fool? A girl?" Wormtail frowned.

"Open your eyes" Dolohov retorted, "she's a woman. An enticing one at that. I don't care that she won the match. I could just as easily win the next one. I enjoy a well matched duel. It forces us to hone our skills better and can be quite the rush. It's all in good fun, but you have always been a spoil sport, Wormtail and that is what makes you look like the fool."

"Antonin is right, a well matched duel is always stimulating" Voldemort finally intervened, before Wormtail could respond, "but we are going off topic again. Severus, what do you think of her score?" he asked, prompting him to continue with the evaluation.

"My Lord, I think it was an outstanding worthy duel myself."

"He's biased," Wormtail spoke up, "being the fact he is her father."

"My Lord," Draco intervened, "if you ask any of our school mates, Headmaster Snape has the reputation of being harder on Sarah than anyone else so nobody could say that she is getting unfair treatment based on his blood ties with her."

"That was when he had the pretense of hating her," Wormtail argued.

"You are awfully opinionated today, Wormtail," Voldemort frowned, "Lucius," he turned his head towards him, "What do you say?"

Lucius thought for a few moments, "He's fair," he admitted, begrudgingly, "and has the reputation of being, if anything, overly harsh in terms of grading. There has never been an indication of impropriety."

"Then, we shall cease questioning Severus's ability to be fair," Voldemort said, adamantly.

"My Lord," Wormtail protested.

"Enough, Wormtail," he growled. "Now, Carrow?"

"I will amend my recommendation to exceeds expectations based on the interview."

"Generous of you," Severus said, "it really doesn't matter, my Lord, because her written exam was outstanding as well as her spell work. Her overall score will be an outstanding."

"How does her work compare to that of her classmates?"

"The others didn't have to duel a death eater," Severus said, "thus, we can only compare to her written and spell work and given that, she is top of her class."

Voldemort's smile was wide, "Very well done, Sarah Grace!" he praised.

Her teeth had started to chatter as she shook with chills. She really did feel bloody awful. She started coughing.

"Severus, confer on her the degree," Voldemort said. "Stand, Sarah."

She stood.

Snape waved his wand and a piece of parchment appeared. "Sarah Grace Snape- Black, I declare you are now an esteemed graduate of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, graduating with an advanced degree and with the highest honors afforded to graduates of our institution."

She absently took the diploma from his hand, " _Snape_?" she asked under her breath, confused, though it was so clearly written on the diploma, "When did that happen?"

Voldemort cleared his throat, "Let's get you in bed," he said, "Severus will you help her to my room, please, while I handle business here. I will be there momentarily."

"Of course, my Lord," Severus bowed and then reached for her arm, pulling her up.

"I'll hold on to your diploma, Sarah," Voldemort said, "I'll keep it safe for you."

Sarah handed it over to him, too tired to even think.

Severus put his arm around her waist and guided her out the door and down the hall before lifting her up in his arms and apparating with her upstairs.

"How do you feel?" Severus asked.

"Like bloody hell," Sarah told him, swaying. "Do you have potions for me?"

"I have to retrieve them, but we have to wait for permission," he pushed her down on the end of the bed. "Take your shoes off."

She sighed, closing her eyes, "I can't move. And my arm is broken."

Severus didn't say a word, but knelt down and she felt her shoes slip off her feet.

"When did I take your name?" she murmured.

"Is that objectionable to you?"

She shook her head, "Of course not. I'm your daughter."

"The adoption papers…now that the spell has been rescinded, the effects of the adoption are made known. You are now declared my heir and take my name."

"What does he think of it?"

Snape shrugged, "It happened way before. It doesn't change anything. You are a graduate now and have fully reached adulthood."

"Seven years," she said, with a sigh.

"It's an accomplishment," Severus said, "now you can officially be under my apprenticeship."

"And now, I can officially be his mistress."

"I'd say influenza gives you a bit of a reprieve," Snape said, "Thank you, Dolohov," he drawled, sarcastically.

Sarah opened her eyes, "I thought he would kill me."

"He is sinister, but controlled in it. It was a fair choice, considering no other student had to duel with a death eater," Snape said. "And I think it served in creating a certain fondness, which perhaps was calculated on the Dark Lord's part."

She closed her eyes again, "Meaning…?"

"You have another admirer," Severus said, "how fortunate you are, little girl."

"You do know that your humor gives me a headache tonight," Sarah shot back.

"You need allies on the inner circle, Sarah. I think the Dark Lord knows that and his choice was calculated to pull Dolohov to your side. He's my age and he has always preferred pretty woman and you happen to be beautiful. The Dark Lord knew that he would find you attractive…and even more so by your power. You won Dolohov over."

"It doesn't matter. I am under the Dark Lord's protection."

"I do think it matters," Snape said. "The more allies the better. The inner circle can be rather contentious. Your friends are also your enemies, vying for the Dark Lord's favor over you… and you clearly have his favor beyond us all, especially when you become the mother of his children. A well placed ally can be useful at times."

"But why does Dolohov not hate me like Wormtail does? He thought it was all great fun" she whispered, reaching up her good arm to rub her temple.

"Dolohov isn't insecure…in his…um…" Snape paused, "manhood…and he appreciates a good match, which you proved to be. Wormtail is hopeless in his insecurity…always been that way. You bested him in a duel that could have gone either way, but in his mind, you emasculated him. The Dark Lord didn't help tonight either by dismissing him so readily."

He fell silent when they heard the door swing open.

"How is she?" Voldemort asked, striding in.

"I feel like shit," Sarah said.

"Language!" they both snapped.

"Ah, my head!" she groaned, dramatically.

Voldemort clucked, in a show of disapproval, but he couldn't hide his amusement. Her success had put him in quite a good mood.

"Severus, can you go procure the potions we need for Sarah?"

"Of course, my Lord, but the dark magic has to run its course. We can control her symptoms though."

"I know," Voldemort nodded, "Leave them with the house elves and they will bring them up here."

"As you wish," Snape stood but didn't move away from her instead opting to give Sarah an affectionate pat on the cheek, "Congratulations on graduating, Sarah Grace."

"Thanks Dad," she smiled up at him and then coughed into the sleeve of her robe.

"Get well, soon."

"I'll try."

"And do be agreeable," he entreated.

"Yes, Dad," she coughed more.

Severus turned and bowed to Voldemort.

"Goodnight, my Lord," he straightened.

"Goodnight, Severus."

Snape left them alone, the door clicking behind him.

"Now, Sarah Grace," he moved to her side and swiped his wand, healing her arm.

"Oh much better," she sniffled hard, "I hate being bloody sick. I need a tissue," she grunted, annoyed.

"Yes you do," he said, "you are such a disagreeable patient." He conjured the box of tissues and she took a few, blowing her nose.

"I'm hot, but cold, but hot, but cold," she moaned, crumpling up the tissue. "This is awful."

"This could have been so much worse," Voldemort said. He swiped his wand again and pajamas appeared, this time cozy cotton ones…a long sleeved shirt and pants. "I'll help you change and no arguments."

She blushed, but didn't protest. He gently eased her up off the bed and unfastened her robes, them dropping to the floor.

"Hold onto me," he said. "You look like you could faint."

"Do you think my magical levels are drained?"

"Perhaps, but they will rebound once you recover," he said, sliding off her skirt and sending it away. He helped her put her pants on and then began to unbutton her shirt and slide it off.

"I want us to go shopping," he said, quietly, look at her bra.

"I'm sure you do," she said, wearily.

"It could be fun," Voldemort said.

"For whom?" she asked, aghast as he reached around to unhook her bra. She held her breath.

"Look at me," he said.

She did and his eyes never left hers.. "Now don't hold your breath," he chided her, "Let it out. I'm not going to look tonight. There must be some sort of anticipation," He untangled it from her arms. He summoned her shirt and pulled it over her, "Honestly, I can use restraint, especially when you are so ill."

"I know you can, I'm just wasn't sure you would," she admitted, her face flushing more.

"I've waited for months, Sarah Grace," he said, his voice low. "And I'm feeling generous with you tonight, which is why I averted my eyes to yours. You can keep your modesty for a few days longer."

He patted her hips.

She groaned, "Oh Merlin, I feel really downright awful."

"In bed then, little one," he swiped his wand and the covers flew to the end.

"Won't I get you sick?" she asked.

"Your concern for my health is touching," Voldemort said, dryly, but he shook his head, "it's magically induced and from the spell Dolohov used, it's not contagious. Others are, of course."

She climbed in bed and laid her head on the pillow, "This feels good," she murmured as the covers flew back up.

He sat on the bed next to her, "to answer your question about shopping," he began.

She rolled onto her back to look at him, "yes?"

"I'm attracted to your body and I'm also attracted to a woman who dresses well…Narcissa for instance."

"You are attracted to the idea of my body," she murmured, the utter exhaustion eliminating the filter to her response.

"I have no doubt that I will be attracted to every curve," he said, "but more than that, I'm attracted to you, Sarah. Today…you have pleased me more than I could ever thought imaginable. They don't doubt your worth anymore…well, most of them...even if they refuse to admit it, they know you are capable beyond any other witch _or_ wizard your age. Even if they don't like you, they are still impressed by what you did… As am I…you are beautiful when you display your talent in such dark ways."

She looked at him, "How am I supposed to respond to that?"

"Don't," he flicked her cheek, "I am in a good mood now. Don't ruin it."

She nodded and then began to cough, turning her head away. The spasm lasted for a minute. "I need those potions."

"Yes, you do," he rose, "rest until they come. You need food in you as well."

He turned to walk towards the door before Sarah called out, "my Lord?"

He turned around, "Yes, dear one?"

"How long do you think I will be sick?"

"Three days maybe…" he said.

"And then…" she swallowed hard, "will it be then?"

"Soon after, most likely," he said, "but I'm not going to pounce on you the minute you are well. You are mentally and physically exhausted. You deserve a…bit…of a respite. But only a bit, dear one, understand?"

"Yes, my Lord," she said. She looked conflicted.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I ran into Draco in the library earlier…I thought you should know."

He nodded, "I know. Draco told me. Is that all?"

"We…held hands for a bit."

"He told me. Don't do that again," he told her, but his tone wasn't harsh.

"I thought you would go crazy on me."

"I had Draco here for a reason, Sarah. And I put him in the library for a reason. I knew you would search for a book to calm your mind. I anticipated there would be contact…and I thought that would help bolster you so you would succeed. All of this was manufactured by me. Why would I get upset by that? Now if you snogged or shagged or whatever, I would have killed Draco and tortured you…did you do that?"

"Of course not."

"Which I knew you wouldn't. You are a good girl, Sarah Grace," he said, "now is that it?"

She sighed, "Yes, my Lord."

"Rest," he ordered, "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Thank you," she said and he turned and left her. And when he did, she closed her eyes. The Dark Lord was right…she was exhausted…mentally, physically, emotionally.

And she knew that this was the end of a chapter…the end of her school years. It was hard to believe she was done with that chapter of her life, but she also knew that this was just the start of many more chapters to come.

 **A/N:** Thanks to HPuni101 for the idea of Dolohov to duel. :) And please, please review! I love hearing thoughts!


	18. The Sealing

**A/N/Warning** : This chapter is a very strong t...the language is really not  really explicit or graphic, but there _is_ sex described and I didn't really fade it like I usually do...I thought it was important to gain her perspective on such a life-altering event. So, please read with caution. I really think T is still an appropriate rating since I didn't make it overly overly explicit, but am willing to up it if any one has a problem. :)

 **Chapter 18: The Sealing**

"May I?"

Sarah looked up from where she was lying on the couch in the library, a blanket covering her legs. She was reading a novel, enjoying the peace and quiet of the evening.

"Of course," she nodded, swinging over her legs to sit up.

"No, no," he held up his hand. "You look comfortable."

"Are you sure?" she frowned, "it's not proper and I know what a stickler you are for proper decorum."

"Quite sure. Nobody is here but us. Put your legs back up, but make room for me."

She curled her legs so he could sit next to her but her legs remained on the couch. She shifted the blanket, tucking it in the area between the cushion and the back of the sofa. Her back was against the arm of the couch.

She was comfortable physically, yet him joining her had ruined the comfortableness of her solitude. She forced her eyes back on her book as he summoned his own, opening it and reading in silence. His arm had shifted to rest on her legs as they read.

They sat like that for twenty minutes before Voldemort broke the silence.

"You don't seem to be reading," Voldemort said, looking over at her. "You have turned the page twice in twenty minutes and I happen to know you are an exceptional reader."

She fingered the words in the book, "I am having a hard time focusing."

"You were quite engrossed before I came in," he told her. "I have to conclude, that it is me who has distracted you though I can't imagine what I have done."

She finally looked over at him, meeting his eyes, "You can't expect me to become magically comfortable in your presence when…when I know at anytime…" she paused, "I'm hopelessly on edge now whenever I am around you."

"And you weren't before?" he asked.

"Of course I was…given who you are…I mean…for seven years I have lived in…fear…of your very name."

"Come now," He laughed, "You never really feared my name, Sarah. If you did, you would never have been so defiant for those seven years."

"I did!" she exclaimed, "After…after," she licked her dry lips, "that night at the ministry when you almost killed me."

He frowned, "I did, didn't I?" He reached over to fiddle with the ends of her hair, "That's before I saw you for you…not just your defiance. But you have to admit, these past few weeks…and even before that…in Malfoy Manor when you were married to Draco…you weren't hopelessly on edge then. Granted, you weren't entirely comfortable, but you seemed to know that I wasn't going to harm you unnecessarily."

"But…now…things have changed," she said, quietly. "I am afraid of your…power and you as the leader of our wizarding world…but also you…you as a man."

"Of my manhood?" he asked, amused.

"It's not funny," she shot back. "You…are you. And you are a lot older than me…and you have all the power…and then there are all those complications of the magic you used…and yes, I am on edge when you are around. Forgive me."

"I see," Voldemort frowned, "you _do_ rather look like you are waiting for your execution these days."

"Sometimes it seems like that," she murmured, dropping her eyes to her book again.

"You have built this up in your head to ridiculous levels," he told her, matter-of-factually. "I already told you this multiple times. I won't harm you. I will even aspire to be as patient with you as humanly possible, which both in themselves is quite generous of me."

She forced her eyes up and a smile, "I must be incredibly trying for you, my Lord."

"At times," he admitted.

"I thought so," she swallowed hard at his look.

"But then at times, you are so incredibly charming that I am even more resolved in my plans for you."

She closed the book, "This is hopeless."

"Sarah," he reached out to touch her chin, tipping it up.

"Yes, sir?" she met his eyes.

"I'm tired of going over to see Narcissa. It seems rather foolish when you are well, of age, and quite able to take on the duties of my mistress."

She frowned, "I didn't realize you were still seeing Narcissa."

"Of course," he said, quietly. "Surely, you didn't think I would be celibate for this long."

"I guess I really didn't think that through," she admitted.

"Or you didn't care as long as it wasn't you," he retorted.

She didn't have a response for that one, so she opted for, "What does Lucius think of you seeing his wife?" she raised her eyebrow.

He shrugged, "I rather think it is what _your father_ thinks on the matter is what really matters."

She stilled, "My father?"

"Yes," his voice was short. "Didn't you know?"

"Obviously not," she frowned. "I know they are friends…"

"Friends?" Voldemort laughed, "Your father is having an _affair_ with Narcissa Malfoy."

Her frown deepened, "I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?" Voldemort asked. "Severus is quite entranced by her."

"But…" she shook her head, wearily. "She's _married._ "

"Hence why I am calling it an _affair_ ," Voldmoert countered lightly. "You have built Severus up to be far more virtuous than he actually is."

"I know…he is complicated," Sarah shot back, her voice turning heated in Sev's defense, "but he…"

"Is a death eater. He is loyal to me. He has done unspeakable things at my command. I won't deny that he has love and affection for you…but he isn't the hero that you are making him out to be. And that is the truth of the matter. Why should you expect him to be any different than my other followers? This is not unusual in our circles."

She narrowed her eyes, "Why are you telling me all of this?"

"I want you to be loyal to me…not to him. And I'm annoyed that after all this time I have to explain this to you."

"I'm sorry you are annoyed," she grunted.

"Are you?"

"Of course not," she snapped.

"You are treading on thin ice, little one."

"I know that."

"Then, do adjust your tone," he patted her legs, firmly.

She swallowed hard and then moderated her tone, "Why can't I be loyal to both of you?" She asked.

"I want to be first in your eyes. I need your loyalty to me to supersede your loyalty to Snape. Otherwise this is not going to work. And I'm not giving _you_ up. Do you understand my meaning?" his look bore into hers.

She licked her dry lips, "I understand," her stomach flip-flopped.

"Do you?" his look was pointed. "This is too important for you to not. I happen to be fond of your father, but if you will remember the battle at Hogwarts, fondness doesn't mean that you aren't expendable."

Sarah shifted at the implication that he would harm Snape."I really am trying. Look at how well I did at my exam. That was for _you_ …not for Snape."

"I know," he nodded, "and I'm so pleased with you…still, I think it is time for us to move forward, dear one, especially if you are this distressed by our delaying it," he reached around to grip the back of her neck, squeezing it gently. "Now, your strength has returned and I want your company instead of Narcissa's."

"When?" she asked, trying to keep calm.

"Now."

He allowed the words to sink in and to her credit she managed to keep most of her composure though he could tell that she was fighting her panic.

"I would need to shower," her voice was shaky.

"Then go do that," he continued to massage her neck, "And while you do, use them time to get your emotions under control, too. I will not tolerate a display like last time we tried," he held up his hand when she opened her mouth to defend herself, "though I know the emotional stress of finding out about the curse I used contributed to that."

"I really am trying to react in a way that is pleasing to you…but all these emotions," her voice caught.

"A witch of your age needs to learn control over these unseemly emotions," Voldemort scolded, but his voice didn't contain harshness.

"I agree," Sarah said, lightly, "but I do believe it is a journey to be able to accomplish the control you have."

He nodded, "I concur, which is why I'm holding tight to my patience as I promised earlier."

She nodded and willed her next words to come out steady. She took a breath, "What would you like me to wear, my Lord?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" she blushed.

"You're blushing."

"I'm trying not to," she said, wincing at his disapproving look. "Are you sure?"

"Quite."

"I really don't think I can just come in completely starkers…"

"Not enough bravery for my Gryffindor Lioness?" he asked, amused at her embarrassment.

Before she could help herself, she glared at him.

"That look of yours is my favorite, Sarah Grace. And actually does quite a bit to work in your favor because it is just so amusing that a woman who is just starting out in her journey of adulthood thinks she can take on a wizard such as me. But it's that boldness that we can use for our advantage in other areas," He chuckled as the look faded immediately. He rubbed the side of her leg, "I was actually just teasing you."

She frowned, biting her lip, "Please don't make fun of me tonight."

He rubbed her leg some more, "I apologize, little one. I know you are sensitive to these things. Present your request and I'll consider it."

She grunted and then swallowed hard again, "For this first time…may I have a bit of modesty? I did do exceptionally well on my exams. Perhaps, I have earned a nightgown and some underthings."

"Cover yourself with your dressing gown, Sarah," he swatted at her leg, "And that will suffice for a bit of modesty."

"May I use my shields tonight?"

"Absolutely not," he snapped, but then paused, "Perhaps for part of the time," he amended. "It may be easier for just this one time."

She swallowed again, her throat incredibly dry. "Can we just make it…?" she paused, not sure how to communicate it without him getting irritated at her.

"What, Sarah?" he frowned.

"Nothing," she swallowed.

"Ahh, you want to limit foreplay. You want it over and done quickly."

Her face reddened. "I should have cleared my mind right then."

"I told you no to your shields though…perhaps, you shouldn't have had the thought to begin with."

"Perhaps," she admitted.

"Enough with the negotiations," he swatted her leg. "And I'll choose the way we do this, Sarah Grace. Your role in this is to be as accommodating and open as possible to what we are doing. It's for my enjoyment, though I hope in time, it will be for yours as well. Now, _go._ "

"Yes, sir," she swing over her legs and stood. She made for the door and his voice stopped her.

"Oh and Sarah?"

"Yes?"

"When your fear is necessary, you will know."

"I'm sure I will, my Lord," she turned back towards him, "but you hold all the power and my life in your hands. If that doesn't lead to fear then what does it lead to?"

"Respect over fear. And trust that I am only concerned with your best interests…to make you the best witch you can be. Now go on and don't take forever."

She left without another word.

* * *

She bit her lip on her side of the door, shuffling her feet. She hugged her dressing gown tighter around her.

"Gryffindor. Gryffindor. I'm a Gryffindor. I can be brave," she closed her eyes, squeezing them tightly shut, "I can do this. I won't make him mad. I'll do what he wants. I won't fight him. I won't cry. I won't cry. I won't cry," she whispered and then lifted her hand to knock on the door.

"Enter."

She took a deep breath and then entered and walked to stand in the middle of the room at the end of the bed.

"Come and sit here," Voldemort patted the spot beside him on the bed.

She immediately went around to "her side" and slipped her slippers off and then climbed onto the bed, sitting on her knees, arranging the dressing gown so he couldn't see anything…yet.

"You are so pale," he chided.

"I gave myself a bit of a pep talk before I came in, but I am afraid it's not working effectively."

"What was your pep talk?" he asked, his eyes on her. He lazily waved his hand and dried her hair for her.

"Thank you," she coughed a bit, "I told myself that I was a Gyrffindor and I can be brave. That I wouldn't make you mad. I wouldn't fight you and above all, I wouldn't cry."

He reached for the bookmark that was lying on the bed and put it to hold his spot, then snapped shut the book he was reading, sending it to his nightstand.

Then he reached over to put his fingers on her cheek, gently rubbing it, "Why the stress, little one?"

"This feels hopeless from the start."

"Why do you think that?" he frowned.

"Why do you care?" she retorted, challenging him, her lip trembling.

"Don't," his voice was firm, tapping her thigh firmly. "That's not the direction you want to head in. Apologize."

She put her hand on her forehead. "I'm sorry," she sniffled. She was trying to hold the tears at bay, but at admitting she gave herself a pep talk not to cry had the opposite effect, the result making her on the verge of tears.

"Now why do you think that?" he prompted.

"I'm not what you want," tears threatened to erupt. "I'm going to fail before we even start."

"That's not true," he told her, his voice turning stern, "Control," he rested his hand on her thigh. "No tears. I will not tolerate hysterics from you tonight."

She struggled, fighting off the tears, trying to compose herself. She managed to keep the tears away.

"Now, why do you think that?" his hand moved to her chin, moving it from side to side.

"I'm not…forward."

"You can learn to be," he countered.

"I really don't think I have it in me."

"You do," Voldemort said. "You didn't think you had the ability to succeed in the dark arts inside of you…but it came forth with a little prompting. Your sensuality will do the same."

"But…I'm not…as graceful or poised as Narcissa or as dark as Bellatrix. I'm just…me."

"There is nothing wrong with you."

"But there is. I feel like I'm going to disappoint you and then you will just curse me tonight. I'm going to end up under the cruciatus or beat with your belt. It all feels quite hopeless to me."

"I do understand your concern. And I'm glad that you are motivated not to disappoint me. But there is a learning curve here, Sarah. I'm going to teach you what I need you to know. And with time, you will learn without me having to instruct. I am a patient lover, but you also must show that you are willing to learn. If not, there will be consequences. If you fight me, there will be consequences. If you obey and try with me, then in turn, I'll be gracious with your limitations…actual or perceived. Do you understand?"

"I think," she took a breath.

"Now," he reached to grasp her hips and pull her towards him so her knees were against his leg. "You were too far away."

She attempted not to squirm at his proximity. He reached for the sash to her dressing gown, "Let's see what we have here."

Mortified at that announcement, she dipped her head as he untied her dressing gown. He opened it up and then moved his hands to her shoulders, pushing the dressing gown off her shoulders, it dropping to pool at her waist and at his prompting, she moved so he could pull it out from under her.

"Sit up straighter," he prompted. "Good," he nodded.

Her face flushed and she dipped her head again so he wouldn't see.

He tipped her chin up and studied the color on her face.

"Don't be embarrassed," he chided as his hands reached up to massage her shoulders. "I'm not going to disparage you."

He ran his hands down her shoulders to her arms, then down her sides to settle and massage her hips. His eyes traveled all over her, taking her in…though he didn't say anything and his silence totally threatening to unravel her.

"I feel like you are completely evaluating me."

"As is my right," he said, patting her hips again. "You must learn to embrace your body and your sexuality. And you must be confident in it."

"I have never been confident in it," she admitted, turning her head away.

"Stop turning away," he moved his hand to move her face back towards him. "I know you are embarrassed, but do try to work through it instead of hiding it."

She swallowed hard, "I'll try."

"Now, why do you lack such confidence?"

"My age," she offered, quietly.

"I don't think so," his eyes were on her. "You had plenty of confidence when you were dueling Dolohov. And you speak to me usually with a great -albeit somewhat reckless- confidence. What is the real reason?"

She paused and then answered honestly, "I wasn't as thin as the other girls at school."

"Who told you that thin is the standard of beauty, little one?"

"I didn't have to be told that. Look around. That's what society values."

"I don't deny it, but your curves are pleasing to me," he rubbed his hand down her sides again…and then up again and over to cup her breast. "This is stunning."

She stiffened almost immediately. "It's too small." She tried not to shudder and shrink away.

"Did Draco tell you that?"

"No, of course not."

"Weasley?"

"No."

"Then whom?"

"Some Slytherin girls…" she held her breath as he began to apply pressure, him playing with her.

"You have to relax when I touch you," his voice was low. "relax your body now."

"How?" her voice shook.

"Let out your breath."

She did.

"You really shouldn't pay attention to girls who are just jealous. _Relax_. You are practically using your shoulders to shrink away."

"I'm trying not to."

"I know, that's why I'm not yelling."

"I will never be comfortable with this."

"You must try to have greater control over your mind," he dropped his hand and then reached over to his nightstand…where his wand was lying.

"NO!" she quickly reached out and grabbed his hand, holding it.

He looked at her, not hiding his surprise that she would reach out to touch him. "I wasn't reaching for my wand, little one."

"Oh" Heat flooded her face, but he didn't attempt to pull his hand away and totally upended, Sarah didn't drop it.

"However, I am glad that you understand my power. Is holding my hand helping?"

"Haven't you ever been afraid of anything?" she blurted out.

"What?" he frowned at the question.

"When you were my age, were you never afraid?"

"Of course not," he grunted and then at her skeptical look, "I learned to control my weaker impulses from a young age."

"So you never felt fear… none at all?"

"I felt it…when I was very young…and that was when I realized that I must control it to have my power so I did."

"Don't you remember how it felt…though? To do this for the first time?"

He raised an eyebrow, "But Sarah, dear one, this is not your first time."

"True, though considering the circumstances, it is very similar- physically definitely…and even emotionally," she frowned, "Can you really not understand my perspective?"

He looked at their joined hands, "Of course, I am emphatic to your nerves. That is why I was going to pour us a drink to relax you."

"A drink."

"Yes, dear one, if you would just let go of my hand again."

She dropped his hand immediately, "I'm sorry."

"I'm not usually one for hand holding," he admitted, with a wry smile. "Your sweet innocence always astounds me." He poured her a drink, "Have you tried brandy?"

She shook her head.

"It's good. Try it," he handed it to her.

She swallowed the liquid and then sputtered. "It burns."

"Not as bad as fire-whiskey," he said, wryly. "But I don't have any of that on hand." He took sips of his drink, finishing it and then reached for her glass and sent both of them to the nightstand. "Now, lay on your side towards me…and I will tell you all about my first time."

"You don't have to," she said, her face flushing. "I shouldn't have said anything. I don't know why I did."

"Go on and obey," he instructed, "While nobody has ever asked me about that, I don't find your curiosity off-putting. And I do believe that you like to talk because the silence at the moment is disconcerting for you. Am I right?"

"Yes." She took another breath and then scooted down the bed to lie on her side. He lay on his and pulled her closer and then began to touch her again. "It was at Hogwarts. A slytherin seventh year. I was in my fifth."

"At Hogwarts?" she frowned, "Where?"

"Broom closet. And to answer your question. Yes, I remember it. I fumbled through it."

"I see." she tried not to squirm and pull away from his touch. "When did it not become awkward?"

"It wasn't between you and Draco after time."

"That's because I was with Draco. But it doesn't seem to matter who you are having sex with and for me, it very much matters who I am with."

"That will change when you learn to become confident in your sexual nature and learn to take love out of the equation," He sat up abruptly. "Take off my shirt now. You need to be doing something with your hands."

She swallowed hard and then sat up on her knees again. "But how did you learn to do that?"

"You are full of questions."

"I'm sorry," she frowned and then fumbled with unbuttoning the top button to his black buttoned down shirt.

"Steady your hands," he instructed, his voice firm. "You are fumbling over the buttons and there is no reason for that."

She stilled, regrouped herself and then continued. "How did you learn what you know?" she managed to steady her hands as she undid the buttons.

"I studied these arts from a wise older woman," he told her, quietly. "She instructed me much as I will you. And then I had lots of practice throughout the years. You finished the buttons now pull it off."

She took off his shirt.

"Good. Now look at me."

She forced her eyes on him, startled by what she saw, but she forced herself not to speak. "Take your hands and put them on my shoulders. Good. Now move them down my arms. Apply more pressure." She forced herself to focus on the task and ignore the scars which were numerous on his chest. Her eyes wandered to his forearm. She turned it around.

"Curious, are we?"

"A bit," she murmured. "Why don't you have it?"

"I don't need it," he said. "my followers can still summon me through their mark as I can as well."

"I don't understand how it all works."

"It doesn't matter. Go ahead and touch my chest. You are avoiding looking at it. Don't deny it. We both know it is true. Rub your hand against it. It won't hurt you or me. It is really looks worse than it is…well, now at least."

She hesitated as her eyes traveled to the wicked scars on his chest.

"Don't hesitate. That's going to drive me to insanity if you do," he growled at her, his voice stern.

She moved her hand to his chest, rubbing her fingers against the scars. "What happened to you?" she frowned.

"I got my body back, but there were consequences. The pain was searing for a while. There were wounds…scars."

"Was it worth it?" her eyes were now fixed on them.

"Oh yes," he nodded. "It's all been worth it."

She bit her lip.

"Stop that," he flicked at her lip and she stopped biting it.

"Good. Now," he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her flesh against him. "You are cold."

"Yes. A little."

"I'll warm you…and this time I'm not using a charm."

She struggled not to react, but instead buried her head in his shoulder, trying to fight her fear, her nerves, her frustration that she was forced into this relationship.

"I can read your mind. You feel forced now. You won't always feel like this is forced. I'll get you there. Do you not believe me?" there was a hint of frustration in his voice at her skepticism.

"Don't be angry," she muttered, her head still on his shoulder.

"Shhh, I'm not truly angry" he hushed her as he reached up to massage her scalp, running his long fingers through her dark hair. "Your hair is so much like your mother's. And then there is time that you remind me of the Blacks. Of Andromeda. Of Bellatrix."

"My hair isn't like hers."

"No, yours is much straighter and smoother like your mother's. I wasn't referring to that. I think sometimes, your expressions are similar."

She lifted up her head, her eyes sparking with anger, "I do not have similar expressions to her. She looked crazed."

"Not always," he smacked her arse. "Don't contradict me."

She still looked defiant…and he massaged her scalp further.

She didn't respond and he continued, "Don't fight me tonight, Sarah." he looked into her eyes."I want you to submit to me without a fight tonight..without a struggle…without tears."

"I know I can't fight you," she said, her defiance fading, her look turning into resolve.

"Let's get under the covers. You are shivering," he pulled her close to him again and whispered in her ear, "Nothing is as unseemly as the wounds on my chest. Everything else is fine…and in good working order."

He shifted her and helped her get under the covers and then stood and unbuckled his belt. Sarah turned onto her back, staring at the ceiling, trying not to think about what he was doing. He grabbed her hip and rolled her back onto her side.

He looked into her eyes. "This is going to be quite basic. We can experiment after tonight. Tonight is strictly by the book."

She paused, "Bellatrix's book?"

He chuckled, "No, my cheeky one. Not tonight at least. Now, come closer."

He pulled her to him once again.

The minutes that followed weren't as she expected. It pushed her boundaries of what was comfortable, but the harshness, the roughness, the little concern for her welfare...it was surprisingly missing. It wasn't pleasant or arousing for her by any means, but it wasn't the nightmare she expected it to be. He was specific in his instructions and as long as she didn't hesitate for too long, he was patient with her. But then he turned her on her back and she felt like she wanted to die knowing what was to come-thinking of the description of the curse in the book.

"You are too tense" he scolded, but took care to keep his voice only mildly chastising. "Your whole body is clenching. I just spent a half an hour trying to get your relaxed enough so this wouldn't be as bad for you."

"I'm trying to keep myself from shaking" she said, her face strained with the anticipation of what was to come next, "because I know how much _you_ hate that. I don't want you upset with me."

"I see" his breath was on her cheek as his hand ran down her side. "Would you like me to help you?"

She nodded.

"Then I need to be honest with you now. It's going to be painful. It will be much worse than your time with Draco. But I will help you. You must let me. Do you understand me?"

She nodded again.

"Good. Now, close your eyes." he whispered in her ear, "Go on and clear your mind. Don't think about anything except focusing on clearing your mind and forcibly putting up your shields. Protect your mind. Guard your emotions," he rubbed his hand down her side.

She forced her mind clear, years of training coming in handy in that moment.

"That's such an improvement. Good job. You are really quite skilled at this."

She didn't have time to react because he pinched her hard causing her to yelp but then the excruciating pain hit and her mind was flooded by its weight. She struggled against it- to maintain her shields, but it was no use. The pain was too powerful and permeated through her. Keenly aware of it now, she struggled against it…feeling she was being smothered under its weight. She knew she had to get away from it…from him. She began to struggle, trying to scoot away from him on the bed.

"That's enough of that." He flicked his hand and her hips and bottom were glued to the bed.

"Please don't," she grunted out. "that's too much to not be able to move away."

"It's for your good. We have to do this now. We have come too far. I will have it finished."

"At what cost?" she shot back. "You are destroying me. I can feel it. I'll never be able to have your baby because you are breaking me."

"You are panicking and aren't thinking clearly."

"I'm in too much pain to think clearly. It's so much worse than it was with Draco. And it's not letting up. I have to stop it. Please let me."

"Shh," he hushed her. "It won't stop it until it's finished. That's the nature of the curse. It will be worse if we don't."

"What do I do then?" she cried out.

"Stop fighting the pain."

"I can't!" she exclaimed.

"Yes, you can," his voice was calm but firm, "You endured the cruciatus better and that is far worse."

"You were across the room, not so close. I feel like I can't breathe…like you are crushing me" her voice broke. "Damn that curse. You have no idea. It feels like you are ripping my insides in two."

"We knew it was going to be bad. Here," He grunted and then reached for her hand. "Hold my hand."

She took it.

"I promised I would get you through this first time, but you have to listen to me. And stop fighting this. We are finishing this between us. And after this time, it will get better. But if you keep fighting, I will remember and take great pains to subdue you in the future. Understood?"

"Understood," she managed to grunt out.

"Good," his tone softened significantly. "That's good, little one." He squeezed her hand, "Now, close your eyes again. And focus on clearing your mind. Now, breathe. In and out. That's it," his voice was low and its tone could only be described as comforting. "How do you feel now?"

She shook her head.

He frowned and grunted and then very gingerly shifted.

"I think you should just…go on," her voice was weak. "It's a tad better, but it is going to be miserable."

"There's my Gryffindor lioness rising to the occasion," he murmured in her ear.

"Do not tease me now. I'm so mortified by this whole thing."

"You have just as much pride as any Slytherin," he said, quietly. "It's when your pride is shaken, you come into yourself and become as fiery and bold as any woman I know."

"Please don't hold this against me," she murmured, her hand still tight in his. "And let's never mention this night again. Please."

"Hush now, dear one."

And when he did proceed...and even then he was gentle with her, mindful of her pain...which was surprising to her...and confusing to her.

When he was done, he pulled the blanket up to cover her to her waist, not before casting a charm to clean her up and then a spell that eased the painful soreness that she was left with.

"Better?"

"Not much," she admitted. "It's really rather agonizing still."

"Did it take the edge off?"

She nodded.

"Tell me again when it becomes worse" he said, quietly, "I expect it will difficult for you for another day or two"

"I'm sure" she shivered.

"Will you tell me if it gets worse?"

"Yes sir"

"Good" He gave her a small smile and then traced the side of her face, "you did so well, Sarah."

She laughed in disbelief. "Hardly. You had to stick me to the bed."

"No, no," his fingers massaged her cheek. "Don't belittle yourself. It was only your waist. And it was a natural reaction to shrink from the source of your pain."

She sighed, her mind racing with the events of the past hour.

"All things considered, you _did_ do well. Much better than the pictures of the women in the book."

She shuddered. "This magic is nothing to trifle with, my Lord."

"I always say that," he answered solemnly. "I think I may have bruised you. I'm sorry for that"

She shrugged, trying to appear indifferent, "It was unavoidable, right?"

"Yes"

"It will be fine then. I can be tough if I need to be."

"You are, yet still so vulnerable...part of your many charms"

"I don't feel charming," she retorted.

"How do you feel?"

She shrugged.

"Sarah," he fiddled with her hair. "You don't have to be so embarrassed. I told you I would teach you. This was bound to be agonizing for you. It couldn't have been avoided."

"Are you happy?" she turned her head. "I mean…don't you see how…crazy this is?"

"I'm happy this could result in your having my child. And I am pleased by your body. I find you incredibly enticing. I knew I would have to train you and that's fine. This night was one we just had to get you through. The nights that follow will be more enjoyable for both of us."

He then rolled onto his side to lazily watch her as she stared at the ceiling. He didn't push her to say anything else or to look at him. At one point she could feel him accessing her mind, but when she blocked him with a fervor reminiscent of olden days, he didn't say anything or battle with her to gain access. He just let her be until she turned and calmly asked,

"May I either use your loo or go back to my room?"

"You may. Use mine" he said, watching her carefully.

"Thank you." She reached down and retrieved her dressing gown, throwing it over her before shutting the door behind it.

It was then and only then that she dissolved into a puddle of tears.

* * *

Ten minutes later there was a knock on the lavatory door and Voldemort swept in, a glass in his hand.

"That is quite enough," he announced loudly. He had put on black pajama pants but left his shirt off.

"I can't help it," she hiccuped and then buried her head in the side of the tub. "Can't I even have solitude for a minute?"

"I gave you ten," he said, "but it didn't sound like you were working through it."

She closed her eyes tightly as silent sobs wracked her body.

"Was this really that traumatizing for you?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the tub.

She sniffled, "It could have been a lot worse."

"Yes, it could have," Voldemort said, adamantly.

"And it was because of you it wasn't."

He stilled and then sighed, "Drink this." He shoved the glass at her.

She drank the warm liquid, her pain easing further.

"Now," he reached down to plop her up on the edge of the tub with him. "What is the matter?"

"Besides the obvious?"

"I thought it went quite well," Voldemort countered, "I was ultimately satisfied."

"Fabulous," she countered. "I don't like that you were so nice to me tonight."

He looked at her in disbelief, "What in Merlin's name are you getting at?"

"You killed my best friend!" she shuddered, the tears still flowing, "You destroyed my village. You tried to kill my father. You have tortured and beat me…and you bloody held my hand when it hurt too badly. Why would you do that?"

"I want you to soften towards me. Did you really want me to be a rough bastard with you? Did you want me to tie you down to my bed and rape you while you fight me? I don't want that and neither do you."

"You did rape me!" Sarah exclaimed.

Voldemort stood up, "Don't you dare! Don't you dare!" he waved his finger at her.

"I do dare," she countered.

He pointed his finger at her, "You could have said no. You came into my room willingly. You didn't fight me."

She stood too, "In what world could I have said no?"

"In the world that all you love die," Voldemort countered. "It's your choice."

"It's not a choice!" she exclaimed.

"Considering that you received the _highest_ marks in your class in _Dark Arts_ , I really feel like you have relinquished any moral high ground that you may have claimed at one point."

She sniffled and reached over for some toilet paper, blowing her nose. She crumpled it up, "I feel empty inside."

"You should feel quite filled," he countered.

"Merlin," she turned around and then banged her head against the wall to the lavatory.

"Sarah," he strode across the length of the lavatory to her and then turned her around. "I want you to listen to me."

She forced her eyes on him.

"You are at an impasse here. And I wish to guide you in the direction that is beneficial for both of us."

"Which is?"

"I see that you have two options here. You can continue to be morally outraged at the position I have put you in and alienate me to the point that I want to make this between us as miserable as possible just to torture you with it…Or," he inclined his head, "you can attempt to embrace your new role in my life. And I will patiently guide you and mold you. I don't love, Sarah, but I do have affection for some people in my life. And if I like you, that will get you far. You are sealed to me. You are mine either way. Do you really want to choose the first option? Or do you want to have some hope that you won't be utterly miserable for the rest of your life?"

"If I do that, then I completely lose myself to you…" she murmured.

"You are already lost, little one," he said, putting his hand on her face.

"You said…that I have to learn to be confident in my sensuality…to take love out of the equation of sex. That's not me."

"You have to choose for it to be you." He rubbed her arms, "if you let go of your inhibitions, you would eventually enjoy this too."

"I think…" she sniffled and then looked at him again, "I just needed to mourn the woman that I was. I lost my virginity with Draco, my Lord, but you took away my innocence. And it started long before tonight."

He drew her close to him, "That's insightful, dear one."

She pulled away, "May I just be sad for a little longer?"

He nodded, "The sealing can have an emotional effect. Many women go insane. I'm glad you are stronger than that."

She laughed, "At least that is what _you_ think."

"I have your wand so there isn't much you can do," Voldemort countered. "But yes, you can have your time of mourning tonight. As long as you attempt to move pass it in due time."

"I doubt you will give me a choice."

"Certainly not," he said, seriously, "our relationship only started tonight. I have more plans for you."

She sighed again. "I can only imagine."

"Come to bed now. The house elves have changed the sheets. You need rest to recover from tonight."

She nodded.

He led her back to the bed and helped her in, "You do know that I see great potential in this area. And I look forward to helping you build your confidence." He got in and then pulled her against him. "Rest now."

She closed her eyes and found that she succumbed to sleep much sooner than she anticipated.

* * *

"Sev," Narcissa turned over. "What is it?"

"A missive slid under our door," Sev said.

"At this hour?" she asked, frowning.

Severus unfolded the parchment, reading it. He crumpled up the paper and threw it into the fire. "I must go."

She sat up, "Where are you going?" she demanded. "It's late."

Severus reached for his pants, pulling them on.

"Severus!" Narcissa exclaimed. "What did the note say?"

"It is done." His tone was perfectly composed, emotionless. He was the Severus of previous years…perfectly schooled in his control. But she knew that it had to have made a significant impact. His daughter had become the Dark Lord's mistress, sealed to him until his death.

Narcissa quickly got out of bed, "What are you doing? Don't do anything rash!"

"I'm not doing anything rash," Severus said.

"I know this is hard," Narcissa put her hand on his shoulder, "But Sev, I need you."

"I told you. I'm not doing anything rash," Severus said, his tone clipped, "Do not concern yourself with it."

"I am concerned," Narcissa said.

"You still have Lucius if it all falls apart," Severus countered. "But it will not. I'm not doing anything rash."

"I don't have Lucius anymore!" she exclaimed.

"Why not?"

"I'm pregnant," she said, quietly. "The baby is yours. The Dark Lord and I ensured that I would not have his baby. And the tests confirmed it. The baby is yours."

Severus leaned forward and kissed her cheek, "Don't wait up."

"Severus!" Narcissa exclaimed, "You can't just leave."

"Goodbye, Cissy. I will be back, soon."

He left Narcissa, his robes billowing behind him.

* * *

"Healer Matthews, I'm sorry for the lateness of the hour," Snape said, smoothly. "But I need to see him."

He nodded, "I doubt he can hear anything though, Severus."

"I know, but I have to try. There is news. News that would be great incentive for him to wake."

"The trauma to his head was significant. I'm not sure he will."

"Sarah has become The Dark Lord's mistress. Regardless, he will want to know her fate…somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he would want to know."

Nathan winced, "She's so young."

Severus nodded. "Yes, she is. And he is the only one that can save her now."

Nathan frowned, "I just fear with is injuries, salvation won't come for years."

"So we wait. But I still must tell him this."

"Very well," Nathan led him into a small room, deep in the mountains of Switzerland.

Severus approached the bed and then reached out to smooth down the dark black hair. When he spoke, his voice was low but firm,

" _Potter, I have some distressing news."_

A/N : please review :)


	19. More Lessons

**A/N** : A BIG thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter. I love your thoughts and excitement! Yes, Harry is alive, but Snape and Matthews are the only two people that know for obvious reasons. More on that later, but first...

 **Chapter 19** : _More Lessons  
_

"My Lord," Sarah popped her head into the study.

"Come in," he beckoned to her. "You are finally up, little one."

"I'm sorry," she shifted awkwardly and then winced, moving more gingerly, "You should have woken me."

"You needed rest," he told her, "last night was taxing for you."

She winced again, "Yes."

"Come in, Sarah," he beckoned at her again, "You are still awkwardly standing at the door."

"I'm sorry," her face flushed as she gracefully moved in, her skirt flowing as she did.

"You are blushing again," his eyes narrowed. "Explain."

"I can't explain," she let out her breath. "Last night was embarrassing. And as you said, taxing…both physically and emotionally."

"Your shyness is something that we have to contend with," Voldemort said, frowning.

"I…" she swallowed hard, "don't know what to tell you. I won't deny that it is there. But to be fair to me, I'm eighteen years old…you're…well," she hugged her arms across her chest, "um, I'm not sure how old you are…and I'm not sure I want to know, actually."

"Those years I was gone didn't age me," Voldemort said, "so it's not as unseemly as you are making it out to be."

"Sure," she nodded. "if you say."

He titled his head but didn't say anything more on that subject. "Did you take the potions?"

"Yes, sir," she confirmed, "thank you."

"Good. Now," he planted his hands on the desk and rose, "I think since you and I can't engage in relations at the moment to give your body time to heal from the trauma of the curse, I think we should use this time wisely."

"Meaning?"

"We are going out of the country."

"Out of the country?" Sarah frowned. "Where?"

"Paris."

"Paris," she repeated. "Why?"

"I want to go shopping with you. I'm completely redoing your wardrobe. And I need to meet with Lucius anyway. Antonin will be joining us."

He gestured towards the couch and Sarah jumped.

"Oh Merlin!" she exclaimed, "I…I…" she stammered, "I…I didn't see you there."

Dolohov stood, "That was rather obvious."

She struggled not to blush, but the heat had already flooded her face. She thought of all she and Voldemort had discussed in front of Dolohov.

Dolohov winked at her. "You didn't reveal anything I didn't already know," he leaned forward to tell her.

She turned to Voldemort, "does your whole inner circle know that I'm now your…?" she swallowed hard again, knowing very well that the heat was not receding from her face.

"Mistress?" Voldemort asked, "Yes," he nodded, "In fact they do."

"Snape as well?" Sarah bit her lip.

"As he is part of my inner circle, yes."

Sarah's eyes widened and then glanced at Dolohov who gave her a small shake of the head, a silent message cautioning her. She held her tongue.

"He stopped by this morning, but as you were sleeping I thought it was better not to wake you. You may see him when we return."

"If you wish, my Lord," Sarah said smoothly.

"Good, that's better," Voldemort nodded at her, blessedly not taking her to task over her flushed features, "Let us go, then."

Sarah knew that this was shaping up to be an interesting day.

* * *

Voldemort was quite particular in his tastes to the point that Sarah didn't even know why she was there, except to try on what he chose to make sure he liked it the way it was on her body. And then they got to the lingerie shop and he had picked out bras and knickers and lingerie…some that made Sarah cringe and others that were more for daily use. She was just headed to the dressing room when Voldemort stopped her. "I have to go. Antonin will stay with you. He can determine whether it looks good or not."

Sarah's mouth dropped in horror at the prospect, "No! It's bad enough having to do this with you, but…"

"Do not argue with me," he pushed her into the dressing room.

"You can't dangle me in front of your death eaters like this," Sarah told him turning around, practically bumping into him as she did. "You are going to give him ideas."

"What kind of ideas?" Voldemort asked.

"You know what kind," Sarah snapped back. "You can't just do this."

"I can very well just do this," he raised his eyebrows, "As I'm teaching you a lesson today."

"What kind of lesson?" her eyes narrowed.

"We can discuss that when it is complete. I trust you will figure it out in due time. You are a smart girl."

"But you are practically asking him to r…"

"Stop it right there," Voldemort raised his hand, "I have control of this situation and of my death eaters. Antonin can be trusted to be discreet, objective and keep his hands off of you. It's no worse than him looking through an adult rag, which there are plenty of them. It doesn't make him want to go and find the woman and shag her. I trust him. And you should trust my judgment explicitly," he paused, "plus, he has excellent taste in women."

She frowned, "I don't need a lesson."

"You absolutely do," Voldemort said, waving his finger. He paused and then reached out to smooth down her hair, "how are you feeling, little one?"

"Really sore," she said, "I think the potion is wearing off."

"I suspect it is," He nodded. "He has the potion for you that will ease your discomfort, but only If you obey like a good girl."

"And if I don't?"

"I trust him to handle you," Voldemort said, firmly. "But whatever he does to you, I will do tenfold when I return, understood?"

"Understood," she grunted and then swung around.

Antonin stepped into the dressing room with her and Voldemort leaned over to whisper an instruction in his ear. Dolohov nodded and the Dark Lord left.

Sarah crossed her eyes and stared him down.

Antonin titled his head, amused. "You _are_ quite the contradiction."

"So I have been told."

"We have a lesson to learn today."

"Apparently, we do," she grunted. "By the way, what should I call you?"

He looked amused, "Whatever. Dolohov or Antonin. It does not matter to me. I'm not pretentious."

"Is Dolohov Russian in origin?" Sarah asked, hugging her arms against herself.

Antonin sat down on the bench in the large dressing room. "It is. My father was Russian. My mother French."

"Antonin is French, then?"

He nodded. "Yes, mon petit chou"

She shifted on her feet. "What is that?"

"It's French for… _my little cabbage_ …but it is really a term of endearment- a lot of times used for the little ones in France and since we are in France, it seems fitting for you."

She frowned, "You do know you should hate me like the rest of them."

He shrugged, "I rather like you, mon petit chou."

"Why is that?" she asked, incredulously.

"Because I see what the Dark Lord sees. You have a vast potential inside you, but Snape coddled you."

She looked at him, "No, he actually didn't."

"I believe he disciplined you, but he also encouraged you to think for yourself."

"And is that so bad?"

"It is when your thinking contradicts the very core of the Dark Lord's and he is in power. You are so idealistic that you can't adapt and sway from those core beliefs and you believe that you should still have a choice to believe what you want to believe…because as I said, you can reason and think for yourself."

"Won't that be an asset for the Dark Lord?"

"If your core beliefs matched with his, which I don't think they do," Dolohov shrugged. "But you are talented. And intelligent. Powerful. And beautiful. Very beautiful. So I do like you. The others will come around."

"I'm not actually beautiful," she retorted.

"But, you are," he said.

She blushed.

"None of that," he said, his dark eyes meeting hers, "Take the compliment. Thank me for it. And own it, whether or not you believe it is true or not."

She swallowed hard, "Thank you then."

He nodded, "You're welcome."

"What lesson am I supposed to learn today?"

Dolohov stood and summoned the everyday pile of lingerie. "We'll start easy. Turn your back to me if you wish."

"And you promise you won't touch me?"

He nodded, "On my honor as a death eater."

"Somehow that is not comforting," she said, wryly.

He chuckled, "He says you are amusing. I see what he means. Try the blue one first. Take your bra off but leave your knickers on. I can control my impulses but I'm not a saint."

"I rather hate him now," Sarah grunted.

"I rather like him now," Dolohov countered.

She turned around and glared again.

Dolohov laughed heartedly, "I won't look until I have to. Promise, mon petit chou."

"Fine," she swung back around and quickly changed. "How old are you anyway?"

"Same age as your father."

"Hum, did you know my mum?"

"I did. You are quite similar to her."

She turned around, the blue long silky nightgown swaying as she did.

"What do you think?" her face reddened as she hugged her arms against her.

"Drop your arms and let me see," he said. "Don't be shy."

"This is unbearable,"

"Pretend you are modeling it for me."

"I would be a horrendous model."

"Why is that?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Drop your arms, Sarah. Now." Dolohov ordered.

She did so.

He frowned, "Your breasts are not accentuated by it."

She bit her lip.

"You look a bit hippy."

She grimaced and turned away.

"Sarah," Dolohov's voice was low.

"That was blunt," she grunted, looking at herself in the mirror.

"It wasn't a slight against you…more the style of clothing. Try the other blue one."

She quickly changed again and then turned.

He stood, "Turn around and face the mirror."

She turned and he stood behind her, but as he promised didn't touch.

"Do you see? There is nothing wrong with your breasts or hips. You look good in this one."

"He's objectifying me."

"You are his mistress and from time to time, he's going to want to show you off."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, not showing you off in lingerie, but a low cut tasteful dress that shows off your cleavage. A dress that is somewhat sheer but as I said before tasteful. He sees you as a beautiful woman that is purely his…and he is going to want to show that to the rest of us."

She bit her lip, "I don't like it."

"It's not for you to like or not," Dolohov said, gruffly, "try this one."

She pulled on a red silky nightgown.

"Red is not your color," he grunted. "Pink is too little girl."

"I love pink."

"Fine, try it." He threw it to her and she tried on a pink sheer nightgown.

"This is for everyday use?" she asked, frowning.

"Keep that one," he said, gruffly. "It hints at all the right things."

They tried on the entire pile of everyday lingerie, him putting aside the ones he liked. Then, he shoved a piece of lingerie at her that was quite revealing.

"No," she crossed her arms. "The other ones were nightgowns. Fine, okay, you can see those. This…well, this is only for one purpose."

"And what's that?" Dolohov asked.

"To entice."

"And what is so wrong in that?"

"Everything," she shot back.

"I'm your ally here, mon petit chou," Antonin said. "And I like you. I don't want to curse you, but I am under orders to."

"Tell me what he wants me to learn."

"Try this on and I will."

She shook her head, "It's mortifying."

"And I heard you were mortified a lot last night," Dolohov raised his eyebrow.

"Is that what this is about?" she asked, aghast. "He wants me to be more comfortable with my body and my sexuality so he is parading me in front of you like a who…"

"Careful," Dolohov growled.

"Others call me it," she retorted.

"Trust me," Dolohov reached out to rub her arms and she let him, "if any one of us said that, they would be tortured severely for slandering you like that."

"By whom?"

"The Dark Lord himself…though I doubt Severus wouldn't be much far behind him."

She turned, "I can't. Don't you understand?"

"I have known many women, Sarah. And what makes an alluring woman is one that is control of their sensuality. Comfortable with it. Understanding of their body and how to use it. Not shy. Do you understand?"

"What if I don't want to be alluring?" she asked.

"He wants you to be," Dolohov answered, gravely. "And I have a wand, but you do not, so try this one on for me."

She took it from his outstretched hand and took a breath, stripping and then trying it on.

He studied her and then reached for her arms again, turning her around towards the mirror. "You aren't a girl any longer, mon petit chou. You are a woman. A women who is quite alluring. Look at yourself."

She shook her head.

"I've already seen you so now you look," he told her, firmly.

"That's scandalous," she murmured, frowning.

"And is scandalous a bad thing?" he asked. "You are his lover now. And it is a position of great honor. He likes his women to have confidence…Bellatrix, Narcissa," he turned her around… "you will bear his children and then what?"

"He'll get tired of me and move on…"

"If you continue to act like the shy school girl. But if you allow him to mold you into the lover…the partner he is actually craving…then he never will never let you go."

"And…what if I want him to let me go?"

"Then you are a greater fool than I have thought possible," Dolohov said. "You are bound to him for the rest of his life. He can move on to other lovers, you may not. It is to your advantage to make him happy."

She looked at him in the mirror, "What if I can't?"

"I've dueled you before. You have strength and passion. It flows through you when you duel. If you put half of much effort into this, then you will succeed." He rubbed her arms again, "You have to try." He turned her around and tipped her chin up.

"You have your convictions. I think they are rubbish, but I know you care for your friends. I have friends too. And if I was in the position to help them, I would. You can help your friends. But you have to try with him. You have to take your lessons with gratitude that he is willing to invest in you. And you have to stop being so bloody embarrassed by the fact that you are now having sex with him. He's giving you a little latitude, but he is going to soon get frustrated with you. But if you show him that you are trying with him, he'll extend patience and be more amendable to your requests- when they are wisely made."

"They say you are sinister," she murmured to him.

"And I am," he turned her around and put his chin on her shoulder. "Come on a mission with me and you'll see what I am made of."

"Did you let me win?" she asked, looking at him in the mirror.

"Absolutely not," Dolohov said, "but you did win…and you earned my allegiance. You are beautiful, mon petit chou. Very beautiful."

She nodded. "Should I try on more?"

He shook his head, "I'm going to call the Dark Lord back. He should be done by now. Finish trying on the rest for him. Without blushing. With confidence."

She swallowed hard, "Okay."

"And," he straighten and patted her arms, "Take the potion and…he's going to see you in this and want to take you. Let him without argument."

She backed away, but didn't argue. He handed her the potion and she downed it.

He left, saluting her as he did, and the Dark Lord reappeared a few moments later.

"Did your business go well?" she asked, swallowing hard.

"Indeed," he motioned for her to turn, "we are buying this one. Most definitely. Try on this," he handed her one of the most revealing pieces in the pile. Her hand brushed his and she struggled to not react. "And take your knickers off."

"Very well," she said, her voice quiet. She quickly changed and then put the new piece on. She turned around, "What do you think?"

He looked at her, up and down. "You aren't blushing," he said, "Antonin is most persuasive, isn't he? He can talk anybody into anything."

She pursed her lips, "I'm so angry at you right now."

"Are you?" he beckoned to her, "Come here, little one."

"Why?"

"Because you _are_ alluring. And you are all mine." He pulled her onto his lap.

"I'm really sore," she murmured. "I can't imagine us doing this now."

"I'll be mindful of it."

"There people here."

"That's part of your lesson," he put his fingers to her lips. "Confidence. Unashamed."

And she knew she had no words to protest further, him pushing her of his lap and back onto the dressing room bench. He ran his hands up and down her sides and then slid his hand up her leg.

* * *

"I can barely walk," she muttered to him when he apparated back to his manor with her.

"We'll abstain for longer until you are fully healed. But you have to go back to your own room tonight. I can't have you beside me."

"If that is what you need," she said. "How much money did we spend today?"

"A lot," Voldemort replied, "But I am happy with your purchases."

"My Lord?" there was a knock on the door.

"Severus, do come in," Voldemort said. "Sit, Sarah."

She could barely look at Severus. Voldemort eyes moved between the two of them. "Sarah, sit now," he barked, "And do you need another lesson like today? Antonin is one thing. He genuinely likes you. Any other of my death eaters is another matter entirely."

She sat down immediately and then turned to Snape. "Okay, just so you know, he and I had sex twice already. I'm fine. Well, it still bloody hurts like you wouldn't believe and then he made me try on lingerie in front of Dolohov, because he wants to make me some sort of sexual goddess…"

Severus coughed into his sleeve and Voldemort gave her a warning look, "but that is besides the point. We don't have to talk about this again. This is my life now and I accept it. And I suppose I will have good days and bad days but it is so much easier for me not to talk to you about it because it is still bloody embarrassing, but don't tell that to him or he'll likely make me strip starkers in front of the whole inner circle."

"That's quite enough," VoIdemort growled.

"I'm done," she waved him off, "I also know about you and Narcissa and the affair you are having. He told me that yesterday. And while I think you could do better than her, if she makes you happy then that's fine. Though you should really tell Draco so he wasn't blindsided like I was…considering it is his mum and all," she ran her hand through her hair and then turned to Voldemort, "May we call for tea?"

To his credit, Sev maintained quite the façade through her whole speech.

"I see today's lesson didn't put a damper on your spirit, little one," he went to sit beside her. "You go call for tea."

She nodded and gingerly got up off the couch. "Damn this, this really hurts!" she grunted at him.

"Go on with you," Voldemort said, "And do what your language."

She shot him a look and then left the room, clicking the door behind her.

"Her spunk has seemed to return under Dolohov's influence," Voldemort told him, sitting at his desk and twining his hands.

"Do you really think fostering a friendship between those two is a good idea?" Severus frowned.

"I do. She does need allies besides you and Draco, Severus. And Antonin seemed a safe option to help pull out her self confidence as a woman."

"I feel like you might be taking a gamble, my Lord," Severus murmured, his voice low.

"You have enough to worry about with Narcissa and the baby," Voldemort said, frankly, "Lucius is fit to be tied over the whole ordeal."

"Did he agree to the divorce?"

"I can be quite persuasive," Voldemort said, "but there is time to settle matters."

"Does Sarah know about the baby?"

"No and I think it unwise to tell her at the moment. She has enough to deal with."

"Is she really fine?" Severus's frown deepened. "Emotionally?"

"Honestly, Severus, I have the situation under control. I am not going to allow her to have a mental breakdown over this," he paused, tapping his fingers on the desk, "I'm being gentle with her."

He nodded, "Very well. I want to discuss a timetable for starting her apprenticeship."

"Next month," Voldemort said, "shall suffice to begin."

"May I give her some reading?"

"By all means," Voldemort said, "her mind needs to be occupied."

Sarah came back in the room then, "They are bringing the tea in a few minutes." She sat next to Severus, squirming down to try to get comfortable.

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes before the tea came.

"My Lord, may I speak freely to Snape?" Sarah finally asked.

"And was before not you speaking freely?" Voldemort asked, inclining his head.

"Well, now I am asking your permission."

"It's granted," he said, folding his hands.

Sarah reached over to pat Sev's hand, "I will be fine, Dad. Please don't worry. I don't want you to get in trouble unnecessarily on my behalf. Please, that is the last thing I want as a consequence of this."

Snape glanced at the Dark Lord, who nodded. "Are you sure you are handling this?"

"As best I can," Sarah tried to assure him, bravely. "And he's," she gestured her head, "has been kind in this regard."

Snape reached to squeeze her hand, "Thank you for telling me, Sarah Grace."

The tea arrived, "Good," she forced a smile, "I'm thirsty. My Lord, shall I pour?"

"Please do," Voldemort said, his look approving.

Sarah stood to complete her duties, them enjoying tea. Snape left soon after that, leaving her with some reading to summarize. Voldemort and her ate dinner and then had a quiet night reading in the library before they both retired to their respective bedrooms, Sarah gratefully for the reprieve of sleeping with him. Yet she couldn't have anticipated what was to come as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 _Sarah felt herself being drawn into the dark room, pulled into it by a force outside her. There was magical energy here. She could feel it all around her. Her eyes adjusted to the small lantern lit on the dresser. It was a similar to her room in Voldemort's manor, but instead of a bed there was a crib and a rocker…_

 _She walked over and sat down on the rocker, putting both her hands on either side and push down the arm rests to start rocking. And that is when she heard it._

 _A cry._

 _Orion._

 _Her sweet baby boy. Draco and her child._

 _She stood up and walked over to the crib, staring down at his sweet face as he sucked on his fist. Her heart overflowing she reached to pick him up, cuddling him to her chest. Wrapping the blanket around him, she sat on the rocker with him. And then she rocked him…for hours…spending the wee hours of the night with him until she could barely move from exhaustion. She eased the baby back into the crib and then forced herself to walk towards the door. She had to find her bed before she collapsed in a heap. She twisted the door knob, it feeling hot to the touch, but with much force, she opened it and stepped through._

She woke with a start. The sun was filtering through crack in the heavy black drapes. It felt like she hadn't slept at all, but how was that possible? Her hand to her head, she rubbed the ache in her forehead and then moved to the pressure in her temples. She eyed the clock. She was going to be late for breakfast. She reached for the clothes that were laid out on her dresser and wearily attempted to make herself presentable.

* * *

"You look exhausted," Voldemort frowned.

"I'm fine," she said, reaching for the butter.

"Are you sure?" his eyes studied her.

"Of course."

"What time did you fall asleep?" he inquired, his eyes still on her.

"Ten."

"And when did you wake?"

"Ten minutes ago. I just haven't quite woken up yet," she said. "I really am fine, my Lord."

He frowned.

"May I have a cup of coffee?" Sarah said, "that will help me wake up."

"By all means," he poured her a cup. "Did you sleep well, Sarah?"

"Of course," she said.

"You weren't distressed about yesterday and it kept you up?" he inquired, handing her the cup.

"I'm sore, but it didn't prevent me from sleeping," she made a face at him, "What is with all these questions?"

"I have every right to inquire after you."

"I didn't say you didn't have the right," she grunted, "it's just…" she paused, "well…never mind."

"You are testy this morning, Sarah Grace," he said, "Drink your coffee."

She took a sip, "Yes, sir."

* * *

That night, she had the same dream, rocking Orion over and over again for hours. Again, when she couldn't rock anymore due to sheer exhaustion, she turned the doorknob, but this time it was even hotter and more difficult to turn.

Again, she woke up with a start. She sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes. There was something wrong with the dream. Yes, it was comforting and she never wanted it to end because she was with her baby…yet, she couldn't deny the magical pull she felt when she entered the room. And how the more and more she rocked the baby, the more she felt her energy drain. And it wasn't just her physical stamina. It was her magical energy. Something was amiss. She groaned and rubbed her pounding temples. She should tell him. He would know what to do. Yet, then he would make it stop…and she would never see Orion again.

Later that night after dinner, Voldemort sat her down on the couch in the study.

"Is there something you aren't telling me?" he asked, frowning at her.

"What would that be?" she asked, aghast.

"You are shattered. You are practically falling asleep at seven o'clock at night. Do I need to bring you back to my bed to ensure that you are being responsible about your sleep habits?"

"I am responsible," She yawned.

"But you can barely hold your head up," Voldemort frowned, "must I use legilimancy?"

"If that is what you feel you must do," Sarah said.

"No," he swiped his hands, "at your state, I'd likely send you into a coma. But I want us to resume our sexual endeavors"

"I'm still a little sore."

"One more day then," he declared. "I want you."

"That sounds…" she collapsed her head against the back of the sofa, "simply exhausting."

"Go to bed," he ordered, gesturing to the door. "And if I found out that you have not followed my orders…" he let the threat hang in the air.

"I understand," she nodded, solemnly.

"Good," he grunted.

* * *

" _Oh, my sweet Orion," she murmured, "how can something so wonderful take so much from me? I would give up every portion of my magical ability to be with you, my sweet son," she cuddled him closer, "but if I don't get rest soon, I fear I might drop you. And that wouldn't be good, would it?" she cooed at him. "I want to take in every part of you. You are too sweet."_

 _She sighed, cuddling him to her chest one last time before laying him in the crib. She stood, stretched and then reached for the doorknob. "Owww!" she yelped as she jumped back. It was so hot. And she was so tired. She tried again to turn it but it burned her hand, the imprint simmering on it._

 _She didn't think she could do it again. All she wanted to do was rest. She took a step back towards the rocker, but a voice stopped her._

" _Sarah!" It was Voldemort's voice. "Open the door now."_

" _I can't…I tried. It's too hot. I'm too tired." She went back over to the door leaned against it, "I can stay with Orion. Please don't deny me that."_

" _Orion? Who do you mean?" he asked._

" _He's my son."_

" _Your son?" His voice became understanding, "ahh, the child you had with Draco. Did you name him?"_

" _Yes. I've been rocking him for the past three nights."_

 _There was a long pause._

" _He isn't real, Sarah," Voldemort's voice was low, "this is a bloody curse and a good one at that. If you don't come out of this now, you'll be stuck here forever. But in a coma…in a between life state. Is that what you want?"_

" _He is real!" she exclaimed. "He is right here. I have been rocking him every night. Aren't you listening to me?"_

" _Little one," his voice was soothing, "go to the crib now. Is he there?"_

 _She went over to the crib, looking down. "Where is he?" she panicked. She went to turn the door knob again, but again, she yelped back. "What is happening?"_

" _I told you. This is an illusion. A curse. I'm in your mind, but you aren't letting me through."_

" _Blast the door then."_

" _I can't. It's your mind. I'll do irreparable damage. If you open the door, I can lead you out."_

" _I can't…I'm not strong enough," she groaned._

" _You must try," he ordered, sternly. "You are one of the strongest witches I know at eighteen years of age. So you…use your magic to open the door."_

" _But the more I rocked him, the more my magic drained."_

" _That was stupid of you," Voldemort barked. "Why would you keep doing that?!"_

" _Because he is my son!" she exclaimed._

" _Let's not argue now," Voldemort lowered his voice, "Use a charm. Open the door. Gather your strength. Now."_

 _She closed her eyes and then shuddered, "I can't!_

" _Yes, you can," he paused, "do you know who is responsible for this? The woman who has taken everything from you…the woman who wants to destroy you and you are letting her win! Shame on you, Sarah Grace. I thought you had more fortitude than that."_

 _She opened her eyes, "Bellatrix."_

 _The maniacal laugh rang through the air. It echoed off of every wall. It filled the room with her presence. She shuddered but the laughter continued, torturing her._

" _Orion is not here. She is. And she will torment you for all of your days as your body wastes away and your mind is trapped in this illusion. Don't let her win," Voldemort ordered, "You are stronger than she thinks you are. You have bested her once. Best her again. Now, Sarah. Before it is too late!"_

 _She drew her strength and the door flung open. She ran out to him and he took her by the arms. "Good, little one. Very good. I'm pulling you out of here now."_

She jolted awake, on her bed, Voldemort's arms still around her. Snape and Dolohov were standing by the bed.

"What happened?"

"We almost lost you," he said, matter of factually. "I felt the magical energy from the moment I stepped into your room."

She frowned, "I don't understand."

"Either do I," He stood. "I need Severus to help sort through all this. And you need rest. No wonder you were exhausted."

"Here?"

"Certainly not!" he snapped, then his tone softened, "the curse seems to be concentrated in your room. You almost didn't escape. One more sleep and you will be lost to us. Here but not here." He turned to Antonin, "Take her to my room and put her to bed. Watch over her. Severus, will you help me with this task?"

"Of course, my Lord," Snape said, his eyes filled with concern.

"Good," he looked down as Sarah was flexing her hand, "Let me see, little one."

There was a burnt mark in the shape of the door knob.

She bit her lip. "My Lord? I…"

"Don't," he interrupted her, studying her hand. "I can't discuss this with you now. Later when I know more of what is going on," he swiped his wand and her hand healed. "Better?"

She nodded.

"Very good," He beckoned to Antonin, "Antonin."

Dolohov came to the bed and helped her up. He practically dragged her to the Dark Lord's room and pushed her down on the bed, pulling up the covers.

She looked at him. "Is he mad at me?" she asked, her voice weary.

His eyes were sympathetic. "Not truly at you, mon petit chou. But you should have told him. You are too smart not to have known that your dream was magical in nature. I fear he will have a lot to say in that regard. But you are young. And he knows mistakes will be made as you try to sort out this new life. Trusting in him is a lesson that you have yet to learn, but it is imperative to leading this life. There are too many dangers that lurk in every corner."

"That's not comforting."

"Ah, mon petit chou, but I will watch over you until he returns. No dangers here," He rubbed her head, "Sleep now."

She felt into an immediate sleep…and this time, her sleep was dreamless. But she knew Dolohov was right…the Dark Lord would have a lot to say about this.

A/N: please review


	20. The Upper Hand

**A/N:** Strong T for sexual themes...thanks for all who continue to read and review

 **Chapter 20: The U** **pper hand**

Sarah groaned and then stretched, rolling over onto her other side, bumping into the Dark Lord's side. He opened his eyes.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I thought you would be up." She struggled not to react in embarrassment, "What time is it?"

"Nine, I think."

"Nine?" Sarah asked, aghast. "That late?"

"Yes, I thought I deserved a lie in especially after what you put me through last night," he said, wryly. "And I don't mind you bumping into me. You do so often in your sleep. You cuddle right against my side."

"I do not," she said, huffily. "I _would_ not."

"You do though. It happens often even though you are unaware of it," his eyes were on her. "It's usually when you are cold or are in the middle of a nightmare or maybe just when you want to stretch out and be a nuisance."

"And what do you do? Push me to my side of the bed?"

"On the contrary," Voldemort said, lightly, "I allow you to take up half of _my_ bed. And I do believe that after the poor judgment on your part for the past few days, that contriteness would be a better course for you today than giving me an attitude."

She frowned and then looked at him, "Are you terribly angry with me?"

He waited for a few moments, giving her time to anticipate and dread his answer, "Angry isn't the word I would use."

"Livid then?" she asked, wincing.

He chuckled and then reached out to rub a finger across her cheek, "No, little one."

"Apathetic?" her look turned hopeful.

"Certainly not!" he scolded, "You almost were lost to me. I take that very seriously. I have invested much into you. If you must know, I have many feelings on this subject, some conflicting, but one is predominant."

"And which one would that be?"

"I'm concerned that you, still after all these months, don't trust me even _after_ how understanding I have been with you. And it makes me think that perhaps I should change my strategy with you and be less understanding. It makes me wonder if perhaps I should be stricter to make you tow the line better."

"You have been strict with me," she pointed out, "I have no choices here. You choose my clothes and my schedule. You tell me how to act and how to behave. And if I don't comply, your hand comes down hard on me or on innocent people."

"Not always," Voldemort said, "sometimes I give you leeway and now look at the result. I have been too kind to you, Sarah Grace. Clearly that strategy is not working to gain your trust."

She grimaced, "You ordered Nagini to kill Snape, who was one of your most loyal followers. You killed my best friend."

"Are we to that again?" he asked, frowning. "Can't you just move past it?"

"You took a piece of my soul," she said, quietly, "when you killed Harry. And Bellatrix took another one when she killed my baby…and you taught her how to act that way, condoned that behavior so it's just is going to take a little more time before I trust you," Her tone was neutral, so matter of fact, that it caused him to pause.

He studied her, "Do you at the very least believe I would have helped you?"

She started to roll back over, but he grabbed her hip, pinning her in her position.

"Not so fast," he grunted. "Answer my question."

"Yes, I do."

He let out his breath and then released her hip, "At least that is a small victory however reluctantly acknowledged." He thought for a moment, "So, why didn't you come to me?"

She sighed and then pushed herself up to lean against the headboard. She adjusted the sheets over her lap and plucked up the strap of her silky pink nightgown which had fallen down off her shoulder.

She looked up at the ceiling, "I knew you would make it stop."

He sat up, "Of course I would have. And that is what I very much should have done."

"Yes," she said, quietly. "And I knew that is what you should have done."

"If you knew that, then why didn't you?"

"For those three nights, as weak as this will make you see me, I had my child. And even though it was draining my strength, I had my child," her lip trembled and she bit it to stop it. She took a soothing breath, "I still want my child."

"I will give you other children, little one."

" _That_ point is quite irrelevant. A child cannot be replaced."

"That philosophy _does_ make you weak," he said, "to let go of your better judgment for a few moments of feeling. It was idiotic at best. Reckless for certain. And to do so purposely is certainly deserving of harsh punishment."

"I suspected you would say something like that," she looked back at the ceiling, "So what will you do about it?"

"Oh there is the crux of it, dear one. I don't have to do anything. Bella has already taken care of your punishment."

She frowned as she looked over at him, "What does that mean?" she asked, incredulously, "What has she done now to torment me?"

"Do you remember the olden fairy tales that involve sleeping curses?"

"Yes. Snow White. Sleeping Beauty."

"True love's kiss. What nonsensical rubbish."

"I didn't think you would think otherwise," Sarah retorted. "I'm not sure how this applies. You aren't my true love and regardless, all of that doesn't quite sound like Bellatrix's cup of tea."

Voldemort laughed, "Hardly, dear one." He summoned a book from his nightstand. "Bella's version of true love's kiss markedly more sinister in nature. One, it doesn't have to be true love, but instead, the one who forces you into submission."

"Well, that description certainly fits you," Sarah retorted, heatedly. "What is that?" she was eyeing what he had summoned.

"Do you remember this?" He held up the book so she could see it better.

Her intake of break was sharp when she saw what it was. Bella had given to her that book during her engagement to Draco. The graphic book caused her panic on her wedding night.

She inclined her head, "Of course. What about it?"

"This," he patted the book, "Will break the curse."

She looked at him, confused. "But how will it do that? It's just a book."

He laughed again, "Come now, you cannot be that naïve."

Understanding dawned on her as she slid out of bed, away from him, "No. No. NO!"

"Yes, yes, yes," Voldemort patted the book again sending it to her and she caught it. "Three nights in a row to be precise since that is how long you let the dreams go on. Now don't you wish you had come to me after the first night?"

"I'm not doing any of this with you. And definitely not three times. I simply am not." She threw the book back on the bed, defiantly.

"Watch it," he growled, still sitting on the bed. "You are precariously straddling that line you should most definitely not cross."

"You are the most powerful wizard of our times. Figure out another way."

"I don't wish to figure out another way," He stood, sweeping over to her, his presence towering over her, "Didn't you think eventually I would want to recreate some of this with you anyway?"

She backed away from him, her back bumping into the closed lavatory door, "It's revolting," she choked out.

"It's actually not," he said, quietly. "But Bella knew that it would be torturous for you to do any of this with me and she has been proved correct by your reaction."

"I won't do it."

"You don't have a choice," he put his hands on her arms, applying rough pressure, causing her to wince. "You know you don't have a choice, so why are you being such a brat now?"

"That hurts," she tried to shrug away from him, but he was too strong.

"It's supposed to!" he snapped.

"You don't understand what it was like…not knowing hardly anything about sex and having to read that book. You don't think my age matters, but it does. I don't have experience in most of what is in that book and I feel completely upended by the very thought."

"You have to trust me to instruct you."

She licked her dry lips, "And you have to realize that I am eighteen years old and don't have the maturity of Narcissa or Bellatrix."

"I do understand that," he loosened the pressure on her arm. "but I'm not having a cursed room in my house, not to mention there are nights when I don't want you bumping against me in my bed."

"I can use a guest room."

"Or you could grow up now," he retorted, "and take these challenges head on like you are apt to do in other areas."

She swallowed hard. "Please don't make me do this."

"Don't beg," he chided. "It's beneath you."

"I'm not. I'm _asking_. Please."

"Sarah," he growled, "I'm about two seconds away from unleashing my temper at you."

"I need the loo," she said, pulling away from him. "May I?"

"Do you really?" he said, quietly.

"Yes, I do. I haven't gone all night."

"Very well," he frowned, "Go. And take this time to pull yourself together. I will not tolerate hysterics and as you know, I'm at the end of my patience with you."

She went into the lavatory and used the loo, then flushed and washed her hands. She reached for the face soap to wash her face. She was just splashing the soap off when he pushed open the door.

He summoned her a small towel. She took it and patted her face dry. She studied herself in the mirror. "I look ghastly."

"Hum," he went to stand behind her, "It's going to take you a few nights to catch up on your sleep. And your magical levels are drained which is affecting your look."

She looked at him in the mirror, " _I hate her! I simply hate her!"_ she groaned, exasperated.

"You have made your feelings about her abundantly clear."

"What in the world did I ever do to her that she was such a bitch to me?"

"Besides killing her?" Voldemort crossed his arms.

"She didn't know _that_ when she did _this_!" Sarah exclaimed.

"Fine then, besides defying me at every opportunity?"

"That is a problem between us," Sarah turned around swiftly, "not her."

"And there is your answer, little one," he said, his voice low.

"What do you mean?" she asked, incredulously. "I don't follow."

"It is the fact I allowed a relationship between us to form. You shouldn't even warrant a moment of my time, but I took interest in you. And then, on top of that, I gave favor to you…the one who is so undeserving of it…a blood traitor…Harry Potter's best friend…not to mention the daughter of a hated cousin who had sullied the name of the family she was so proud to be a part of it…the fact that I would allow you to even speak to me…not to mention seek you out…of course, she targeted you…there was no hope that she wouldn't."

"But why this curse in particular? Did she know what you wanted from me?"

"I tried to shield her from it, but she anticipated that you would become my mistress. She did not however anticipate her death. She thought she would be here to witness your torment and gloat at your misfortune. It was really quite ingenious of her. I think she had planned it long before…giving you the book was the start of her plan."

"But you didn't even want me then, right?"

He put his hands on her arms, squeezing them, "I had my eye on you since that summer when I first questioned you. You handled everything so well…and there was something about you that I found appealing…charming."

"As I vomited on the rug at Malfoy Manor," she made a face. "Really?"

He chuckled, "You have spunk. You are strong. And you are beautiful. She knew all of that. That was part of her going after you so hard. I underestimated her. I thought I could tell her to refrain from harming you and she would. And maybe if it was just me taking you to my bed once or twice, she would have. But I wanted more with you and she couldn't stand that. Her love made her weak as well and it cost her life."

"And yet you want me that devoted to you?"

"I want you to be smarter than she was. And you are. Or I thought you were before all of this."

She tugged at the ends of her hair. "What would you have me do?"

"Three nights and then we'll go back to normal until you are ready to be more adventurous. Regardless of what you think, I do understand your lack of sexual maturity. And I don't want to traumatize you right off. I want to build your maturity myself and relish in how far you have come. These things take time."

"And there really is no other way."

"No, there is not."

"Why could I sleep in the room before without being effected?"

"Why do you think?" he asked, patiently.

She thought for a minute, "When we had sex, it triggered the curse."

"Precisely."

She wiggled, "I'm hungry," she announced.

"Are you?" he was amused by her attempts at distraction, "I called for breakfast. It should be here. We'll eat in bed."

He led her out of the lavatory and she climbed back in bed with her.

He poured her coffee and she gratefully took the cup and then the bowl of cereal.

"Can I have one of those muffins too?"

He frowned, "A half of one perhaps. We can't have you gaining too much weight right before you get pregnant…"

"Because then I'll be hopelessly tubby?" she frowned. "thanks alot!"

"You are so sensitive," he reached across the bed to flick at her cheek, "you should also just be eating healthier since we want you to conceive. And now that you gained back all your weight, you can resume your regular diet, which doesn't include muffins in the morning."

"How about on the weekends?" she bargained, taking a bite.

"Perhaps," he acknowledged, taking a sip of coffee.

"Dolohov kept saying I looked hippy in certain clothes."

"well," he took a bite of his toast, "I'm not entirely surprised. He is brutally honest at times. And your hips are rounder since you were pregnant the first time. It changed your shape."

She blanched and put the muffin down.

He laughed, "you are more womanly and that is not a negative."

"If you say," she sighed, "but I have lost my appetite for this."

He laughed harder. "Just eat your cereal. You have enough to worry over than your hips."

She grunted, but did as he said. He took the paper off the tray and flipped it open. He read for a few minutes before Sarah interrupted.

"Anything interesting?" Sarah asked, taking a spoonful of cereal.

"Hush," he admonished, but then handed her another paper. "I requested two copies today. You might as well deepen your understanding of this world we live in. We can discuss it later."

She opened the Daily Prophet. She read a story and then turned to him, "My Lord?"

"I said later," he grunted.

"I just want to know one thing."

He lowered the paper and waited expectantly.

"Which one of your death eaters do you have in charge of the Daily Prophet?"

He raised the paper again, "Nott is now in charge of press relations."

"I thought as much," she wrinkled her nose and placed aside the paper.

"I saw that," he grunted but didn't look up.

"Surely, you can do better than Nott," she said. "He is such a brute."

The paper lowered again, "Do you have my mark?" he questioned, his voice low.

"No, sir," she groaned.

"Would you like it?"

"Not really."

"Then you would do well to keep your comments to yourself."

"That's quite impossible," she countered.

"Why is that?"

"You read my mind," she retorted, "and I am supposed to let you. So even if I don't say it, but think it, then it's still not keeping it to myself."

He stared at her for a few moments, "Then you would do better simply not to think it."

"But isn't the whole point of getting the paper is so I can think? Say what you will, but you don't want _me_ to be an unintelligent brute."

He put a finger to his lips, silencing her. Then he folded his paper and took hers.

"I have a meeting in twenty minutes."

"Enjoy," she said, reaching for her coffee again, but he summoned it out of her hands.

"For the love of Merlin, I need that!" she protested.

He crooked his finger towards him. "You need something far more, dear one. And I'm more than happy to oblige you."

"Wait," she wiggled down on the bed, "We have to… you know…tonight. Apparently, in rather sketchy ways…"

"Not sketchy…"

"Entirely sketchy."

"That's a debate you and I will have later today when we have more time."

"Still, we have to have that kind of sex tonight, right?"

"Yes," He gestured impatiently at her, "What _is_ your point?"

"Well," she shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't know if we should considering we need tonight. You know…twice in one day…" she frowned. And then leaned over to whisper dramatically, "Come now, my Lord, you can't be that naïve."

He turned her over and swatted her, causing her to grunt and then grabbed her by the hips and forcibly pulled her onto his lap, "Careful, little one. I know just what you are getting at. And believe me, it will not be a problem. I have just as much stamina as any twenty year old."

"Only if you are sure. I'm trying to protect your interests. Dolohov said I should…"

"Did he?"

"Yes, and then he told me that I should be enticing. I got an entire lecture on it the other day."

"You mean you are trying to flirt with me now?" he asked, laughing loudly then. "Is that what this is?"

"No!" Sarah said, aghast. "At least, I wasn't…" she paused, disconcerted, "I was more teasing you."

He pulled her back abruptly, "I am the most powerful wizard of our time, the leader of our wizarding world, and you think it is appropriate to tease me?"

"No, of course not," she said, quickly, "I value my limbs…and so do you actually, so no. I was just…" she paused, "I thought you wanted me to be confident…"

"By questioning my manhood?" he raised another eyebrow.

"Of course not. I was just being snarky. I was raised by Snape. Blame him."

"So this is your natural personality…to be a tease? Do you tease Draco? Dolohov? The random lad at the grocery?" He continued to glare at her and she tried not to panic, worrying she had crossed a line with him.

"Of course not."

"So, I am special," he grunted, "is that what you are saying?"

She tried not to break out into a sweat, but she could feel her neck underneath her hair getting clammy in spite of her best efforts. "No!

His glare got fiercer if that was even possible.

"Um, yes!" she quickly amended, "Oh, bloody hell, I don't know."

He took her face in his hands again, holding her face steady as he stared at her, his look hard. Sarah held her breath, wondering of his next move…dreading his next move.

Suddenly, he dropped his hand and shifted her up to swat her bottom hard again.

"Ouch!" she grimaced, her hand going to rub her arse.

He crooked his finger back towards her, his look unreadable. She had no other choice but to lean forward, so he could whisper in her ear. "Now _that_ was teasing, Sarah Grace."

"Oh Merlin," she let out her breath. "It is if you are bloody sadistic!"

He chuckled under his breath, "Don't take me head on. You still have a lot of growing to do to accomplish that."

She shifted as his fingers slid over her breasts.

"I'm sorry, but," she struggled to catch her breath from the fright he gave her, "just where did we leave the issue of tonight?"

"For Merlin's sake, just shut your mouth already before I have to use a silencing charm," he said, pulling down the strap of her nightgown with a swift movement. "Does that answer your question?"

She nodded.

He discarded her nightgown and put his thumb under her knickers pulling them off as well, "Still confused?"

She shook her head, "No, you are being pretty clear right now."

"I thought so," he looked smug, "Now, lay down. We don't have much time."

* * *

"You are awfully quiet," he commented, as he buttoned his shirt. "You were so animated earlier. What is it?"

"Do you really wish to know?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't."

She clutched at the sheet, "It was still uncomfortable."

"Physically or mentally?"

"Both," she admitted, frowning.

"You need to be more engaged in the activity and then your body will respond better."

"You said you didn't have much time," she argued.

"And even if we did, I doubt it would change it," he pulled on his pants.

"What am I supposed to do today?" she asked, changing the subject because they both knew he was right on point.

Voldemort reached for his belt and began pulling it through the loops. He gestured to the book, "You know what are supposed to do…"

She grimaced, "Oh, must I?"

"You must," he retorted, adamantly, buckling the belt.

"But…it's…" she hugged the sheet closer to her body, "I panic about it all. It's uncomfortable now…and then…ahhh." She groaned, dramatically, running her hand, anxiously through her hair.

He sighed heavily and then sat on the bed with her. "Hand me the book, Sarah."

"Aren't you going to be late?"

"Yes, but they know I have just taken you as my mistress. They'll know why," he took the book from her hand and flipped through it. He flicked his wand and a pile of notes came over to him. He silently put 10 notes on different pages of the book, "Read all 10. Pick three. You can discuss those three in depth with me and I'll try to prepare you for the next three nights. But you have to prepare to argue with me why you didn't choose the other seven."

"We have to actually discuss this?" she asked, aghast.

He poked a finger at her chest, "This is continuing your lesson that we started the other day. You must be comfortable with all of this. You are far too sheltered, little one."

"I was raised by Snape. I was taught that sex was forbidden outside of marriage."

"And yet, he is having good romps with Narcissa Malfoy, enjoying all the benefits of the act, while you are wallowing in your thought that sex is inappropriate outside of marriage," he patted her hip, "He just told you that so his sixteen year old daughter would stay innocent. I don't blame him. It was a strategic move and putting that fear into you worked for a while."

" _This_ seems so forbidden though…" she frowned at the book. "Scandalous. Just wrong. I was mortified by it all."

"And we must work to broaden your horizons then…" Voldemort said, "your sex education begins and ends with me. Draco was a hopeless teacher, but I will take things in hand."

"I'm sure you will," she looked at the book, wearily, before announcing, "I'm having the rest of the muffin."

He took it from the tray, "Stress-eating is never a good idea." He swiped his wand over her coffee cup that was sitting cooled on the tray. He sent it to her. "Have this instead. You'll need some comfort. I'll see you in a few hours. Good luck," he went to the door and then turned, "Oh, and I expect notes. Parchment on the desk. You can use my desk and quill. Stay in here for the morning."

"What should I wear?"

He shrugged, "Stay in your nightgown for the morning. You aren't leaving this room."

"Am I on restriction?" she asked, frowning.

"After last night and throwing a book at me this morning?" he gave her a stern look, "Most definitely."

"It wasn't at you!" She rolled her eyes as he turned his back.

"I saw that too," he said, closing the door firmly behind him.

"Thank Merlin for coffee," Sarah murmured, wrapping her hands around the warm cup. She knew it was going to be a day.

* * *

"Stop wiggling," he admonished, firmly, "You can have a conversation with me without getting so uncomfortable."

"Just…" she shoved the parchment in his direction, "read my notes. I was thorough. My reasoning and everything else is explained there."

He wagged his finger, "You think you are so clever, little one."

"I have the strongest desire to hide under these covers."

"Do you?" he asked, beginning to read her parchment.

"May I?"

"No, you may not," he answered, swatting her with the parchment before continuing to read. "Still yourself or I will stick your arse to the bed."

She groaned but managed to remain still.

He paused and looked up at her, " _Gross_ was the only adjective you could think of to describe this?"

"I could have used _nasty_ or _obscene,_ but I was so grossed out, that I could only think of gross, _"_ she said, matter of factually.

"I see," he said. "Did you actually choose anything?"

She shrugged.

"My orders were for you to make the choice."

"It all sounds bloody awful to me."

He frowned and then banished the parchment to his desk. He stared at her for a few minutes, his silent displeasure obviously disconcerting for her.

"Choose," he finally said. "Three."

She sighed and reached for the book. "This seems pretty tame comparatively," she pointed to one of the notes.

"I concur," he said, "tonight."

She nodded, "And…" she flipped through the book again and swallowed hard, "perhaps…I could try…this," she flushed. "Will it hurt?"

"Pleasure and pain are often tied together, which is the point of the book. We'll experiment with the spell if you'd like."

"If I must," she said.

"You must," he said, "tomorrow."

She nodded, "And…" she looked through the rest, grimacing, "Um…"

He took the book from her, "This," he showed her a page. "How would you feel about this?"

She bit her lip, "You said you wouldn't."

"It is different if it is consensual."

"You have completely control over me then."

"I already do."

"Please don't hurt me," she whispered to him.

"I won't," he looked in her eyes, "You must believe me."

"You have hurt me before."

"I have punished your bad behavior but you fail to make that distinction."

She shifted, knowing he wouldn't listen to her arguments as valid as they might be. "I'm so scared of this."

"And yet again, you are letting her win," Voldemort stood. "Think that one over. You have let her have this power over you…you still do. Even from the grave, she is taunting you. And you let her."

"What would you have me do?"

"Take it in stride. With the maturity and bravery that I know you have…and with an open mind. You never know. You might enjoy it. Actually, one day, I think you definitely will."

He left her then, sweeping through the door, it clicking firmly behind him.

* * *

The third night, he placed her in her bath, the lavender bubbles soothing her weary muscles. She was exhausted.

"Do we have to sleep in here tonight?" she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the end of the tub.

"I want to make sure the spell has truly left. It feels like it has. I could tell the difference right away."

"I was a little distracted by…" she paused, "everything. What did your charms indicate?"

"My charms indicate that it broke."

"But, what if it hasn't?"

"That is why I'll watch over you tonight. I am not leaving you until we are sure. Is the water too warm?"

"No, it's perfect," she shifted and groaned.

"How are your wrists?" he asked, reaching for one to examine it. "You fought it too much."

"I'm sorry," she said, frowning, but still keeping her eyes closed.

"You don't do submission well, dearest one."

She opened her eyes and then laughed and then cried. "And yet this is the life you require of me..."

"You will learn the art of submission…of giving yourself to me…and then you will reap all the benefits that comes with this life."

He left her in the bath for twenty minutes before coming back in. "Your skin will be hopelessly wrinkled if you don't get out."

"I'm not sure I can move," she admitted, wryly.

He picked her up out of the bath and wrapped a huge towel around her. "Overall, these past three nights, you have done well. You have pleased me, Sarah." He dried her off and then pulled her nightgown over her. He carried her to the bed and tucked her in. "Sleep, little one. You have earned it."

She rolled over onto her side, but as he left the room, she asked, "Where are you going?"

"Just to change and prepare for bed. I'll bring my reading. It is early still."

She nodded and then fell asleep.

* * *

 _Two weeks later:_

"Sarah," Voldemort stood as she entered her study.

"Did you summon me, my Lord?" she asked.

"What were you doing?"

"Studying," she said. "I'm trying to summarize the articles Snape gave me. I want to do a good job especially since we'll start brewing next week."

"I think we may need to wait on that."

"But why?" Sarah asked, aghast. "Did I do something wrong?"

He gestured to her, "Come, dear one. Come here. I want to show you something."

She walked over to where he was sitting at the desk.

"See here. Today's date."

She frowned. "What about it, my Lord? It's October."

"And…" he pointed to where the date was circled two days ago. "your cycle is late."

"No," she shook her head, "I don't think. It's irregular because of the curse."

"Your breasts have been tender."

She flushed, "You have been rougher than normal."

"No, I haven't," he countered. "Shall we run the diagnostic?"

"If you wish," she answered, smoothly, but her insides were churning with dread. He waved her wand over her stomach.

"Just as I thought…" he mused, "that is fascinating."

"What is it?"

"We conceived two weeks ago…on the night the Bella's curse was broken. You did achieve the upper hand, after all, little one." He smiled at her, his pleasure evident, " _You_ are having my heir… _you_ are carrying my legacy. Well done, Sarah. We done, indeed."

"I can still brew," her frown deepened at his praise. She could barely comprehend what he was saying, but she knew that she had to be in contact with Snape…especially since she was pregnant.

"Not until your first trimester is done and then we will reevaluate. The potions at this level of study will be potent. I'm not talking any risks when it comes to my child."

And by the look he was giving her, she knew that she would be a fool to argue.

"You can still pursue the academics of your study. You'll have plenty of time with Snape if that is what you are worrying about."

"No, I wasn't worried," she lied, convincingly. She forced a smile at him and asked to take her leave.

When she got to her room, she buried her head in her hands and cried. She was pregnant with his child. And when they conceived, it was done using a scenario from Bella's blasted book. It was a bad omen. She was sure of it. And in spite of how much she wanted her son, when it came to this pregnancy…she shuddered. This child was conceived out of darkness and would be borne into darkness…how was it possible for her to save him or her from it all?

And that knowledge filled her with despair as she wept. Because in spite of it all…in spite of the fact that this child's father was the darkest, most sinister and powerful wizard of their age…evil incarnate…she knew that she would love this child …because this child was _her_ child as well.

And she knew that would only lead to heartbreak.

 **A/N2** : Things go from bad to worse for Sarah as Voldemort celebrates his birthday with a smashing party on New Year's Eve and one of his death eaters gets his revenge on Sarah to devastating consequences.


	21. Revenge

**Warning:** A very strong T for violence and sexual themes. Nothing explicit as usual.

 **A/N:** as always, a huge thank you to all who take the time to read and review.

 **Chapter 21: Revenge**

"I can't wear this tonight," Sarah said, her hand on her slightly protruding figure. She was on about twelve weeks along but already showing. The past two months had been accompanied by nausea, vomiting and fatigue- often falling asleep at random times during the day. Voldemort helped keep some of the symptoms at bay (often for his own strategic purposes) so it wasn't quite the reprieve from sex that she was looking for. Though, she had to admit, she was grateful that intervened at all and she wasn't vomiting non-stop. He was beyond pleased that she was carrying his son and in a genuinely good mood most days, so much that he had decided to celebrate his birthday this year with a big bash at his manor and to ring in the New Year in style.

"What is wrong with it?" he asked, fiddling with his tie.

She turned around, "It's way too low cut. My breasts are huge these days. And I can't wear a bra."

"It's tasteful," Voldemort said, "You look stunning."

"But…" she turned back around and frowned. He was somewhat right. It was tasteful. It was a black v necked sleevless dress, the material cutting across her chest from the shoulders to gather into a jewel. The skirt was long and flowing and it was clear that she was expecting. But, on the other hand, she felt entirely exposed.

"You look like a woman, which is what you are," he said, "And the material isn't see through- designed to be worn without a bra."

"I don't know if this is a good idea," she said, frowning.

"I want you there," he came up behind her and turned her towards him, "This is the end of this discussion."

"I can't even drink champagne," she said. "It helps me in these social situations."

"If you feel overwhelmed you can take a break to the library or come to sit beside me," he said. "Otherwise, mingle. Make friends."

She gave a small laugh, "They still hate me."

"You are carrying my child _and_ it's my birthday. They'll be on their best behavior."

"I do hope you are right," Sarah said.

"I always am."

* * *

"Sarah, dear," Narcissa gave her a small kiss on the cheek, "You are looking well. Pregnancy must agree with you."

She gave Snape a weary look, "I suppose. So good of you to come Narcissa."

"Of course. Where else would I be?" And then she stepped back to look at her dress, "Did he pick out your dress? I suppose some woman can pull it off…" she let the rest of the sentence hang in the air, but it was clear she didn't think Sarah was one of them.

Sarah turned to Snape, "Are Draco and Ginny here?"

He nodded and then gestured towards the opposite corner of the room.

"Is Draco still upset by the divorce?" she asked, but her tone was quiet pointed as well.

"Let's not talk of such unpleasantries," Narcissa said, "I'm going to get something to eat. No, no, Sev, you stay here and talk to Sarah. I know you well enough to know you want to." She went off without another word.

Severus frowned at her and Sarah raised up her hands, "I tried to be nice, but then she made a comment about the dress and I couldn't help myself. I don't know why you are in love with her."

"She is different with me."

"Clearly," Sarah said, dryly, "She would have to be."

"I don't want to quarrel with you," Snape said, leaning over to give her a fatherly kiss on the head. "How are you feeling?"

"Completely exposed and miserable," she said, "I hate these functions."

"I know you do."

"I can't even drink champagne."

"I know it is a trial, but how are you physically feeling?"

"Overall, much better," she said, looping her arm through Snape's. "I have read those articles you left- they are fascinating. I wish I could get back into the potions lab."

"I know," Snape said, quietly, "I wish you could too. After the baby, you can return to brewing."

"Is the dress really that awful?" Sarah asked, under her breath.

"As a father, I hate that dress," Severus murmured, "But you do look lovely. You shouldn't feel embarrassed."

"I do though," she said, "I feel that he chose it just to put me on display in front of his death eaters."

"Undoubtably he did, but that only means that he thinks you are someone worthy of showing off."

She nodded, knowing he was right on point.

"Do you want to go and say hello to Draco?" Snape asked, his voice gentle.

She shook her head, "I will later."

Snape patted her hand, knowing that where Draco was concerned, the separation between the two would always cause pain for both of them…but it was better to ignore it, rather than embrace it.

* * *

She needed a break. After an hour of mingling, she was feeling caged in. And it didn't help that she caught Draco and Ginny laughing at several points. They seemed to be getting along slightly better. And she should be happy for him, but still it hurt.

People were being so not genuine with her too. They were polite, but in that fake way. And she had to admit, she was forcing those pleasantries in her responses too. She would much rather be curled up in the library with a good book, _reading_ in the New Year. She slipped away to the library, hoping to find peace and quiet.

She was fingering the titles along the shelf, looking for a book that interested her, when she felt her body being slammed against the bookshelf and thrust around, her arms pinned to her side.

It was all so shocking, but even more so when she came face to face with Wormtail.

"What are you doing, Wormtail?" She asked, her voice shaking. He had been looking at her for months now in ways that made her so uncomfortable. She knew he was angry at her for besting him so many months ago. She knew he was still in a frenzy at how the Dark Lord treated him at her exam. She knew that he blamed her. And she knew that she was completely and utterly helpless without her wand, who was still as always held in Voldemort's pocket.

"He refuses to see you for who you are," Wormtail said, his eyes angry. "He treats you better than any of us. You- _the traitor-_ has become so favored…"

"He doesn't favor me."

"He does!" He slammed her back against the bookshelf again, the pain in her back significant. "he treats you as some sort of…wife…when really what you are is a whore."

Her stomach twisted as her mind raced to what he could do to her- when she was so defenseless without her wand.

"You think you have the upper hand, you always do, but not tonight. You will not win against me tonight. I have you right where I want you." She began to fight him, but his grasp was too tight.

"Be still!" he shook her violently and Sarah fearing for what the motion might do to the baby, stilled.

"Your mother, Merlin rest her soul, she thought she was too good for me too." he shifted his grasp so he could brush the hair out of her face and then she suspected where this was heading, "And your father…well, we don't have to talk about him…and here you are, their pride and joy, carrying the Dark Lord's baby. But you do not deserve the honor of that. You never have."

"What are you going to do?" she tried to shrink away.

"Oh, poor little dear," Wormtail mocked, "Are you afraid?" He put her hands above her and using his wand to make her unable to move them. He ripped her dress and then his grubby fingers were on her breasts…fondling her in the most unbearable way.

"He is going to kill you if you do this to me!" she cried out, her mind racing trying to figure out how to get out of this. "He doesn't share! He told me that!"

"You aren't going to tell him," Wormtail whispered in her ear, "because when it comes down to it, you are too afraid he wouldn't believe you over his death eater- the same trusted one who arranged for his return."

"I will tell him," Sarah cried, as his hands grew rougher. "I will. And he _will_ believe me." She knew she should scream, but she also knew there was no way that anyone would hear her over the noise of the party.

"You won't tell him. He'll treat you as damaged goods. He'll discard you just like the rubbish."

"No, he won't. But he will kill you."

"Poor naive little girl," he mocked, "I asked him for you and would you believe it? He thought I couldn't handle you. If only he could see us now! I have you so thoroughly under my grasp. Look at you trembling."

He ripped the bottom part of the dress and cast a silencing charm to stop her from crying out when he violated her.

"And if you do tell..I'm going to say…I'm going to say that you asked for it. And how can I resist your charms? You lured me in here…for revenge for your father's imprisionment…and doesn't this revenge feel so sweet?" he grunted, pressing her against the bookcase, smothering her with his weight against her.

She could barely breathe from the pain of it all. She didn't have her wand. She was completely defenseless against him. And it hurt so badly, he was being so rough with her. Or maybe it was the dark curse Voldemort used that bound her to him working against all of this. She didn't know. All she knew is that she had to make him stop.

She gathered her magical energy and managed to cast a nonverbal, wandless choking charm causing him to pull away from her, but with a flick of his wand she was slammed back against the bookcases, them rattling, books falling off.

"Very clever," he said, coughing.

She reversed the silencing spell so she could speak again.

He pointed his wand at her stomach, "This is your insurance policy, this is what earns you his favor, but what if this is gone? What will you do then?"

"Stop!" she screamed but the blow against her stomach was fierce, toppling her forward in pain. But not for long as he pulled back up by her hair, the pins toppling out of them as it fell down her back and then his hands were on her neck, choking her. And once again he was doing the unthinkable to her as the pain flooded her. But her hands were free and she pushed against him, but he was too strong. It was then she saw his mark exposed on his arm when his sleeve pushed up. It was her only chance. She needed _him_ to come. And for a moment, she thought about just letting Wormtail end it. But she knew that she couldn't allow him to best her like this. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Summoning her magical energy once again, she dropped her hand enough to touch the mark, the magic coursing through her as she summoned the Dark Lord.

"What have you done, you bitch?" he shrieked but before he could make a move, the Dark Lord appeared, followed by Snape, Dolohov and Draco.

"Wormtail, step away from her," he ordered, his voice echoing throughout the library.

At the sound of the Dark Lord's voice, he pulled away from her, Sarah twisting her dress around.

Sarah leaned over, her chest was still completely exposed, but she was so relieved to see help she didn't care. She was breathing heavily, gasping for air.

Wormtail turned slowly around.

"Wormtail, do explain what is going on here," Voldemort said, his voice low, but his anger evident.

"My Lord, how can I deny her charms? She lured me into here. When you take a whore as your mistress, what can you expect, my Lord?"

Snape rushed forward and grabbed him by the collar, trusting him against the bookcase and putting his wand to his temple, "Lies!"

Draco was wide-eyed, but she saw his hand trembling with anger. He took a step towards her, but Voldemort put out his hand stopping him.

"Severus, that's enough!" Voldemort barked.

"Surely you do not believe this pathetic excuse for a man!" Snape said, his wand still at Wormtail's temple, "Surely you do not condone this behavior. She is under your protection."

"I said _enough_." Voldemort's voice was firm. "Let him go."

Snape looked conflicted for a moment before releasing him and going to Sarah's side.

"Did he…" Severus paused and then took a breath, "did he violate you?" his voice was low as he spoke to her.

"Yes," she choked, a sob coming out. Severus took off his jacket and put it around her shoulders. His arms were securely around her and Sarah put her head on his shoulder only for a moment, needing Snape's comfort desperately at the moment. It was all too unbearable.

There was silence in the room before Snape looked to Voldemort, "Her dress is torn my Lord. Her neck is red. We saw him choking her. Clearly, this was not consensual."

"Wormtail?" Voldemort's voice was low.

"You said yourself how much she liked it rough. I was just giving it to her the way she wanted it."

Sarah gasped and Severus was once again lunging for Wormtail, but Dolohov had beaten him too it.

"Why would she want a rat like you?" Dolohov pinned him against the wall. "She has more magical strength in her little finger than you have in your whole body."

"For revenge."

Sarah's eyes grew wide. "I wouldn't do that!"

"No?" Wormtail asked, "The same woman who killed Bellatrix? The same woman who chose me to duel the night in April because of revenge? The same woman who has been trained by you, my Lord? This is what you wanted from her all along and you have achieved it. Because she did lure me in here."

"My Lord," Severus intervened quickly, "the curse would prohibit her from doing this."

"We don't know exactly how it reacts. If it was something causing her to stray from me besides attraction…"

"Which clearly it would have to be," Dolohov's mouth curled in disgust.

"You know how much she dislikes me," Wormtail said, "I caused her father's incarceration for so many years. She never got to know him well. Of course, she wanted revenge on me. And you, my Lord, put her in the position where she could get that revenge. She has betrayed you once again tonight...just like that night in May when she whored herself to Potter and his cause."

Sarah looked to Voldemort, incredulously, but still he said nothing.

"My Lord, this is ludicrous that you are even considering this!" Snape thundered, his arm still around Sarah, holding her against him, supporting her wobbly knees.

"I quite agree with Severus," Dolohov said. "Look at her, my Lord. He has done the unthinkable to her. And there is no way she would want to have sex with him...even out of revenge."

"You are just jealous," Wormtail spat at him, but Dolohov's grip tightened.

"Enough!" Voldemort snapped. "We will get to the bottom of this," he gestured to her, "Sarah, come."

She knew she couldn't hesitate, but still, she was safe with Snape.

Voldemort cleared his throat, "Look at me, Sarah."

She forced her eyes on him.

"Obey me. Come. Now. Let her go, Severus."

Snape released her and gave her a gentle push in the Dark Lord's direction. Her knees wobbled and she was clearly in pain still as she managed to not so gracefully walk towards him.

She glanced at Draco, their eyes meeting- both tortured. But Voldemort's hand was on her arm, squeezing it.

"Are you strong enough to walk to my room?" he leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"No," her throat was dry.

He wrapped his arm around her waist then and turned to the others. "Draco, go find Nott and Yaxley and bring them here. Dolohov, you and Snape watch Wormtail. In ten minutes, Severus, go find Narcissa and you and her come to my room." He paused, "Draco, you come too. Send your wife home."

And with those instructions, he apparated with her to his room.

"My Lord," Sarah's voice shook, "surely…Wormtail disgusts me. You know that."

"I need to enter your mind, little one. It will be painful. It is all so raw at the moment. But I must see for myself. Do you understand?"

"Do you not believe me?"

"I do believe you. But he has my mark. You do not. And he is right. You have betrayed me before. I must see if for myself."

She bit her lip and his voice was low, "Grip my forearms to steady yourself. And you must attempt not to fight me. The pain will be unbearable if you do because I will be aggressive to see what I need to. Do you understand?"

She nodded.

"Go on and hold on to me."

She didn't hesitate then and he entered her mind with a fury, strategically finding her memories. And when he saw the full of what he needed to, he left, leaving Sarah groaning from a pounding headache. He gently pulled his arms away and she released her grip on them. He moved his hands to her temples, massaging his healing powers into them, her headache easing.

And then his fingers were underneath her eyes, wiping the moisture from her and it was only then she realized she was crying.

He took Severus's jacket from her shoulder and tossed it onto the chair.

She quickly tried to adjust her dress, but he tipped her chin up, gripping it, "You know how I feel about you hiding yourself from me."

She sniffled again and he pulled her tightly into his embrace. "A wandless, nonverbal choking spell… that was brilliant little one."

"I couldn't fight him off," she stiffened in his embrace, but he still held her against him, his long fingers through her hair which had fallen out.

"And to think to use Wormtail's mark to summon me. That was very good thinking indeed."

"I shouldn't have strayed so far from you tonight. I'm sorry. I just wanted some peace."

"It was I who suggested the library as your place of retreat. And, little one, it is I who am sorry. I underestimated the vileness of my followers at your expense. It is not something I will do again," his voice was grave as he pulled away, "Let me see the damage."

She winced as his fingers moved to her neck, examining the redness and then her breasts. "He was quite rough with you, was he not?"

"He was," she said, "It hurt so badly. Was it because of the curse?"

"Partly so," he said, his frown deepening, "And he wanted to be rough so he was. I choose to be gentle with you and not so much of a bloody fiend. Those darker impulses should be controlled."

"Why?"

"You ask because I don't control my darker impulses on other occasions…with muggles, with my followers who betray me…"

She bit her lip. "Yes."

"You are a respectable witch from a good family. You are a lady and should be treated as such…unless, of course, on the occasion, you want to use techniques from Bellatrix's book."

"He said if you found out, you would throw me out like the rubbish."

"I heard," Voldemort said, dryly, "but clearly, Wormtail is not in his right mind at the moment."

"Do you think the baby is okay?"

He swiped his wand. "There is a heartbeat but it is still too early to tell."

She shifted, "I feel like I might be bleeding."

He frowned, "Let me look." He shifted the torn fabric and bent down.

"It's not blood," he said, grimly. "Apparently, Wormtail's fortitude has been greatly exaggerated."

She grimaced and then began to panic at the thought, "Please, get him off of me!"

"Shh," he flipped his wand to begin to run the bath and then picked her up in his arms. He led her to his lavatory, "This dress is ruined." He slipped it off of her.

"I was never comfortable in it any way."

"But you were beautiful in it."

He summouned a wash cloth and wet it.

"No, don't," she said, when she saw that he intended to wash her. She went as far as to push his arm away from her, to both of their shock that she would be so bold.

"Sarah," his voice was low.

"It's too intimate."

"And you are my mistress. It is appropriate."

"Use a spell like you always do."

"I don't wish to. I know you are in pain and I'll be gentle."

"Hand it to me," she said, her voice panicked.

"You are my responsibility. And this is partly my fault."

"It is beneath you."

"Yes, but I want to wash you. Let go of my arm."

She did immediately at the firmness of his tone.

He was true to his word. He was gentle with her.

"Do you need the loo?" he asked.

She grimaced and he gently pushed her down on it and turned his back, crossing his arms.

"I think I'm bleeding now," her voice was strained.

He turned towards her then. "Show me."

She showed him the bit of loo paper wanting to die on the spot from all the intimate things she was having to share with him now.

"Throw it away and wash your hands," he ordered.

"Aren't you going to say anything else?"

"Not at the moment," he responded and he gently lifted her into the bubble bath.

"Am I going to lose the baby?" she sunk down in the bath. He reached for her hair and summoned a hair tie, tying it up into a ponytail so it wouldn't get wet.

"I simply cannot anticipate what might happen. Women sometimes spot after intercourse and if he was especially rough with you, then that could be the cause," Voldemort said. "Or considering, he punched your stomach, there could be damage and you will lose the baby. But if you do, we will have another one. You got pregnant easily before. It shouldn't be a problem."

"This is a nightmare."

He sat on the edge of the tub. "I will ask Narcissa to take care of your bruises. She should be able to heal the ones easily…however, the curse…you'll be in pain for a while. Is it unbearable?"

"No, but it does really still hurt. Can you do anything?"

"Yes," Voldemort said, quietly. "but I am too angry right now to do what needs to be done. I would much rather take that anger and channel it towards Wormtail than risk it coming out with you. I am feeling violent, Sarah. And I am one who knows my limitations."

There was a knock on the door. "One moment," he said to her, "Stay here and I will get your things and help you out of the bath tub."

She leaned her head back, not daring to move.

He came in a few moments later with her nightgown and a robe. He reached for the towel and her hand, helping her up, Sarah wincing at the movement.

Voldemort frowned but didn't comment, only taking the towel and rubbing it against her to dry her off.

He helped slip her nightgown over her. "We'll put a towel on the bed in case you bleed more."

"Okay,"

He helped her with her robe and then led her out of the room to where Snape, Narcissa and Draco were there.

Sarah's eyes met Snape and she longed to run to him and launch herself in the safety and comfort of his embrace. The past hour had been unbearable in so many ways. And she was mortified by it all.

His arm still on her, Voldemort led her to his bed and she climbed in it on the towel that was already laid out. He put the covers over her.

"Narcissa, I would like you to work on making things comfortable for her. Draco, you are stand outside this door and guard it. Narcissa, if it looks like Sarah is going to miscarry, I want you to tell Draco and inform me at once. Severus, you will come with me to deal with Wormtail."

Sarah frowned, "Wait!" she swallowed hard. "What will you do?"

Voldemort turned slowly towards her. "How is that even a question for you?"

Her bile caught in her throat and then she swallowed it down, "I don't want him tortured and killed on my behalf."

"He chose to violate you in the most unforgivable way…against my order that not one of them will touch you sexually. Not only did he go against my orders, but he compromised the life of my child growing inside of you. And you would show him mercy?"

"I don't know," her voice cracked. She glanced at Snape- a look that didn't go unnoticed by Voldemort.

"I see," Voldemort twined his hands together, "You don't want Snape involved. It ruins this idealistic notion that you have of your daddy dearest."

"I just…" Sarah grimaced at Voldemort's angry look. "If Snape doesn't want to torture and kill Wormtail, then should you force him to?"

Voldemort turned towards Snape, "Am I forcing you to do anything against your will?"

"Of course not, my Lord. I want to see him suffer-a long and slow death…it is what he deserves and more."

"I thought so," Voldemort turned back to Sarah, "Satisfied?"

"No!"

"He nearly killed you, Sarah," Snape said, his voice low, "Are you really advocating to free him so he can succeed next time?"

"Lock him up."

"And how many of my death eaters have escaped Azkaban?" Voldemort asked. "No, I will set an example with him. If I spare him, it will show the others they can take advantage of you when and wherever they want- against my orders and without consequences. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not."

"And furthermore, if you dare question me further, there will be consequences for you. Severe ones. Show him mercy, indeed. Have you learned nothing?"

She glanced at Draco, who shook his head.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, "It's been a distressing evening."

He nodded, "I know that, little one." He reached out and patted her hand before turning, sweeping away, Snape following behind.

* * *

The bleeding and severe pains started in earnest an hour later. Narcissa went out to talk to Draco, who came back into the room, whispering quietly with Narcissa.

"I need to go get more towels," Narcissa said, "I think there is more in your room. Is that so?"

She nodded.

"Draco, will you stay with her?"

"Of course," he said, quietly.

Narcissa left them the adjoining doors between Voldemort's room and hers closing with a click.

Draco stood, his hands folded in front of him.

Sarah grimaced as more pain engulfed her and Draco moved instantly to her side.

"Is your pain terrible, Black?" he said, his hand on her head.

"It just mirrors the pain in my heart," she reached up to squeeze his hand. "What is going on down there?" she asked when the pain lifted.

"It's not pleasant," Draco said, honestly, standing beside her, his hand still in hers. "It's quite gruesome actually."

"What did he say to you?"

"He said to tell you that not fight the miscarriage and to let it happen. That the child is likely damaged by the blows he rendered which the Dark Lord thinks was infused with magic. And in that case, it is better to…" Draco cleared his throat, "cut your losses and try again later."

"Leave it to him to say the most awful things," her lip trembled. "He'll never love our children, Draco. What hope do I have for giving them a normal life?"

He squeezed her hand, "I'm sorry, Sarah. So very sorry."

She reached up her arms for him and he sat on the bed and took her in his arms, Sarah sobbing into his chest, him rubbing her back.

"I didn't want him to kill Wormtail. Even for what he has done. I don't know…the thought it disturbs me so much."

"I know it does."

"And then he can be so tender with me…and that almost disturbs me more because in those moments, I feel…I don't know…safe with him. And I know he can protect me. He is the only one who can now."

"I don't know what to tell you," he whispered, "there is nothing I can do or say to make this better. I did think he would protect you. And I think he sees this torture and murder of Wormtail as a way to protect you."

She groaned, more pain hitting her, "Oh Merlin, Draco, help me!"

His grip tightened around her, "Take a breath. That's it, Black. Now another one. There you go. Don't fight it."

"It's the damn curse! It's making the pains so unbearable."

"I can go tell him…"

"No," Sarah pulled away. "Hand me your wand."

Draco looked at her wearily. "You really want to get me in trouble, don't you?"

"Then you do it!" she said, "You can block the pain with a spell."

"But that is dangerous if I do it wrong," Draco said, "He or Snape are the only two I would trust with that spell, especially if it is pointed at your spine."

"He won't come to me even if you ask. I pissed him off earlier."

A throat cleared. "Do you think?"

Sarah and Draco both looked over, shocked.

"I need to return in a few minutes."

"My Lord," Draco stood, "I was just…"

"Helping me," Sarah said, groaning again. "Like _you_ asked."

"I am wound up, Sarah," Voldemort said, "from torturing Wormtail and we have only just started. I would tread carefully at the moment."

"How long are you going to drag it out?"

"Until I deem it long enough," he said, "leave us, Draco. Stand guard by the door."

"Where is Narcissa?" Sarah asked when Draco left.

"She came and got me…impressed into me the need for me to see you at this moment. And to give you relief from your burden."

"It's the curse." she mumbled.

"Unfortunately, yes. Magnified by the fact that this is happening in addition to you having intercourse with someone who is not me. It is rather unbearable, is it not?"

She nodded.

"Turn on your side then," he said, "And I will try to block the pain. But do not wiggle. You must stay still so I get the position just right."

She followed his orders and he lifted her nightgown.

"I didn't think you would come."

"Apparently," He ran his wand up and down her spine, using a spell to access the right spot. "because I am pissed off at you."

"Aren't you?"

"Hush for a moment," he said. A few seconds later, he asked, "Can you feel anything?"

"No," she said.

"Good," he turned her back over. "I need to get back to it."

"My Lord," Sarah's throat was hoarse, "Why did you come?"

"You needed me to take care of you. And you are my responsibility. Try to rest."

"So you are not angry?"

"I'm not happy that you chose to question me in front of the others, but I'm quite sure, all things considered, you have been punished enough." He reached to squeeze her shoulders, "I will see you in the morning."

"My Lord!" Sarah called as he reached the door.

"Yes, little one?"

"Thank you." Her voice caught. "I know you didn't have to come, but I am grateful."

He inclined his head at her, his look unreadable, "You are welcome."

* * *

"Severus," Voldemort beckoned to him hours later, "Will you go sit with Sarah?"

"Of course my Lord."

"I need Narcissa now."

Severus paused. "My Lord, surely…"

"I need to unwind. It was right to end it then, but I am still wound up from using the dark magic. Narcissa can help me release the energy. You said you would be willing to share."

"She is carrying my daughter."

Voldemort stilled, "When did you learn of the gender?"

"A few days ago. I wasn't sure you would be interested."

"Congratulations, my friend," Voldemort clasped his shoulder. "Do not concern yourself so. I will not harm your child, Severus. I will not harm Narcissa. Surely, you know me better than that."

Severus's look was grim, "Very well. If that is what you require from us."

He nodded, "Good. And…one more thing. Tell your daughter about Narcissa's condition. She should know that she is going to be a sister."

Snape couldn't help his intake of breath, "The timing for that is all wrong."

"On the contrary, Severus, I think it is the perfect time," Voldemort said, lightly, walking away from him with another pat on the shoulder, his mood suddenly lighter.

A/N: Does Voldemort sense an opportunity?


	22. Snape's Secret

**A/N:** Just a short update. Sorry for the delay. Thanks to all who continue to r&r.

 **Chapter 22: Snape's Secret**

Sarah slowly opened her eyes. Her body ached. More than that, it hurt. Her pain radiated deep within her. And her heart. Well, her heart was completely twisted over the events of last night- events her mind could barely process.

Groaning, she gingerly shifted, the stir causing Severus to move to her side and into her sight line.

"Sarah, good, you are awake," He said, reaching to put a cool hand on her head, "How are you feeling?"

"Downright awful," She cleared her throat, "May I have some water?"

"Of course," he answered, conjuring the glass of water then carefully helping her sit up, propping pillows behind her back. She took a sip, then another, the lump in her throat easing. "I believe you will be in pain for the foreseeable future."

"I thought Narcissa managed to heal me from the miscarriage."

"Like it never happened," Severus affirmed, "but more happened than just the miscarriage."

"Wormtail and the bloody curse. Of course, that explains it," Sarah's lip trembled as she handed him back the glass. "I'm glad to see you, Dad."

"I'm glad to be here."

"I have to say I am surprised though."

"Because you expected the Dark Lord to be here."

"Well, yes, he is usually…it's not that I mind. I just assumed he would be here," she frowned and bit her trembling lip, "Where is he?"

Severus awkwardly shifted. "He is otherwise occupied at the moment."

Sarah's eyes narrowed at Snape's obvious reluctance to answer her question truthfully. "What is he doing?"

Snape remained silent and Sarah pressed, "Dad?"

"At the moment, he's with Narcissa."

"With Narcissa?" Sarah pursed her lips, "What do you mean?"

"I mean just what I said. He is with Narcissa."

"Doing what?" Sarah demanded.

"For the love of Merlin, do not make me explain it to you."

She stilled. "But she is with you!"

"That doesn't matter to him. You are indisposed and he needed someone to help unwind his energy."

"Unwind his energy?" her eyebrow widened.

"From all the dark magic and torture," Severus explained.

The clock struck eleven, Sarah mentally counting the number of strikes.

"It's eleven in the morning," Sarah crossed her arms.

"I only assume that he is resting now."

"With Narcissa?" she pursed her lips.

"I'm the one that is supposed to be jealous here, not you," Snape said, dryly.

Her heart twisted, "Of course, I'm not jealous. If I am upset, it is because of _you._ "

"My feeling on the subject do not matter."

"Or course, they matter!" Sarah exclaimed. "What if she gets pregnant?"

The lead in was all too convenient for Severus not to take advantage of. But as easy as the opening was, the next words were still incredibly difficult to say.

"She can't get pregnant if she is already with child, Sarah," he said, his voice low.

Her hand reached to tug at the end of her hair. "Are you the…I mean…" she licked her dry lips. "Who's the father?"

"I am the father, of course" Severus said, evenly.

She gasped, unable to control her emotions.

"And he has shagging her even though she is pregnant with your child?!" Sarah asked, horrified. She clenched the blanket. "How can he do that? It's revolting. Completely and utterly revolting!"

Severus's hand was on her arm. "Calm down."

"I will not calm down," Sarah snapped at him, "He is having sex with her! He is doing the same thing to her that Wormtail did to me! Who is going to torture and murder him on Narcissa's behalf? He is so bloody hypocritical, I just want to punch him!"

"Stop it!" Severus snapped back at her, "The situation is already hard for me. You are making it worse."

"How am _I_ making it worse?" she grunted.

"Because now I have to worry about you running your mouth off at him and then getting tortured for your righteous indignation on my behalf."

She froze and then slumped forward, defeated, "I'm sorry."

"I have to settle for inaction and seething in private, Sarah Grace. And to know that I am hopelessly incapable of helping _both_ the women I love."

Her heart lurched, "I know your hands are tied."

"Yes, they are."

"He won't be violent with her," Sarah said, bleakly, her eyes on the comforter. "He finds the sort of thing that Wormtail did to be revolting…being all bloody rough. He is so above it all."

"I do not believe he will harm my child," he paused, "how rough was Wormtail with you?"

She stilled and then shuddered at the memory, "Very. Narcissa healed me of some of the bruises- on my neck and breast, but…she tried to help with the others, but with the curse, she was unable."

"At the end, I almost felt pity for him," Severus said, his voice low, "but I did not see your memories like the Dark Lord did. I am truly sorry, Sarah Grace, that you have to bear yet another burden."

She traced more circles upon the comforter and they fell silent again until finally, Sarah raised her eyes.

"So you are to be a father? For real this time?"

"For real?" Severus asked. "I am _for real_ a father now."

She shook her head, "Not like this. This is good, Uncle Sev. Really good."

He was taken aback by her change of address. And he couldn't help his look of pain. "This doesn't change anything between you and I."

She reached to touch his arm, "And it so much better this way…for you."

He frowned, deeply. "What are you getting at?"

Her lip trembled, "You get to do it right this time. The way you always wanted. Is the baby a…" she paused, her lip trembling more as tears flooded her eyes. "Do you know the gender yet? How far along is she?"

"About four months. And it's a girl," Snape said, his voice even.

"Oh that's good," Sarah nodded and sniffled. "Very good."

There was silence for what seemed liked ages before Sarah spoke again, her voice cracking, but passionate, almost desperate to get her message across.

"Take her away. Just go. Take Narcissa and go. He has what he wants. Give her the life you wanted for me. Please."

"You are too emotional right now after what happened last night. You do not know what you are saying."

The tears fell. "You have to protect her from this life, Dad. She has to have a life that I can't. Do it right. You are the best father in the world. I will figure out a way to make him accept you leaving. I'll bargain with him. He'll agree. He wants you out of the picture anyway. He thinks I am too dependent on you emotionally, so he'll agree to you leaving the country. This is what you have to do."

"I'm not leaving you," Severus looked at her, aghast. "How could I just leave you?"

"I am eighteen years old. I'm not a child. Your obligation to me is over."

"I will always be your father."

"I'll give it up for her…for my cousin."

"For your _sister_ as you are and will always be _my daughter._ "

She shook her head, "You aren't listening to me."

"You aren't listening to me," Severus shot back, in his typical Snape drawl. "I am under no circumstances, abandoning you to this life."

"I will be fine."

"Last night indicated that we have much more work to do to ensure your protection. You have enemies from the very ones that we call friends. He needs my help protecting you. I will not leave you!"

"You said…" she took a breath, though she was silently sobbing, deep within her chest, "you said yourself, Uncle Sev, that you would have taken me away if you had the choice and that you should have. So take _her_ away."

"I will not leave you!" Severus's voice rose. "You will cease with this line of discussion…now!"

"She can have the life I always wanted…with a father from the beginning. And you can have the life I never can have…having a baby with the person you love. Go. Protect your child from all of this darkness. Be happy! You deserve that."

"You deserve that too."

She fisted her hand and rubbed it against her forehead, "Clearly, I don't."

"Do not push me away, Sarah Grace. I know you have gone through an ordeal and this is your emotions…and the hormones of you losing the baby talking. You don't mean what you say."

She pushed the covers aside, "An ordeal? Wormtail raped me and I lost my child…yet again…but…I can't stop thinking…of how different Wortmail's rape is different than his. And how maybe…maybe his isn't rape to begin with. Maybe it is consensual. I do agree. Every single time. I agree. Without a fight. And he is kind to me. Patient. Instructive. There is a difference. So, there you go. I am quite the lost cause. Start over with Narcissa and your daughter. And leave me to this life."

"What about your children? Who will protect them?"

She bit her lip, "I don't know. I will. They are not your responsibility. I am not your responsibility."

"You are not simply a responsibility for me. He wants to drive a wedge between us and you are letting him. I can help you. We can figure out how to keep you safe from the others and how to help you live with him. How to help you raise your children to protect them from the influence of their father. But you need my guidance. Do not sacrifice yourself for me or this child. I do not want that. I will not allow that!"

"You don't have a choice. He is not allowing us to have a choice. But you do have a choice with your daughter."

"You are my daughter as well."

"Not as much as she will be."

"How can you say that?"

"Because she will have you from the start. You relationship with her will be stronger. It must be stronger. You will have memories from every moment of her life. But you can not guarantee her safety…not unless you let go of me. And she is your blood, not I."

Severus leaned forward and grabbed her wrist, "You are the child of my heart. I _chose_ you. You are irreplaceable in my eyes and in my heart. Surely, you understand this."

The sobs intensified, "I do understand that. But I want you to have the life you always wanted. I want your freedom. I will always be his prisoner, but this is your chance to escape. And it is because I love you is why I want you to do this…"

"And I am asking you…not to ask me to make a choice between the two of you. Not to force me to do something that is against my very nature to do."

"This is too hard!" She stood on her wobbly legs, stepping towards the loo.

"Let me help you," Severus said, reaching for her, but she held up her hand.

"I have to stand on my own now," she propelled herself towards the door and shut it firmly behind her. But then she slid to the floor, sobbing into her knees. She was happy for Snape…but so very sad for herself.

Because everyone is moving on with their life excep for her.

"Sarah, please open up the door," Snape's voice was stern, but there was a hint of desperation.

"It's so better this way," She sobbed.

"No, it's not. It's not better for me. For every single day of my life, I will regret leaving you. I will be burdened by not knowing what is happening with you. I will worry to the point of being consumed by it. I will protect my daughter. Both of them."

"It's so hopeless, Snape. It's just so hopeless." She cried. "Leave me be."

"Open up the door."

"No."

He continued to knock but she refused to allow him entrance and then though he could hear her cries, she refused to talk to him. And though every part of him wanted to force entry, he knew that he couldn't do that. Not in this house. For Sarah was right in one regard. Their very closeness put both of them in danger.

It was in that moment of complete helplessness hearing the wretched crying and sobs coming from the opposite side of the door that he forced himself to do what he did next.

He put his hand to his mark, calling the Dark Lord home.

* * *

Sarah cried until she felt there were no more tears. The floor was hard and caused her to shift uncomfortably. The bloody, bloody curse.

There was another knock on the door.

"Go away."

The door flew open. "I think not."

She buried her head in the tub. "I don't need you here nor do I want you here."

"From the look of things, I'd say that you very much do need me here whether you want me here or not," Voldemort countered, stepping into the lavatory. He crossed his arms, "How does the floor feel?"

"Bloody hard. Stupid, fucking curse," Sarah shot back.

He raised an eyebrow at her language, "I see how this is going to go."

"If you don't like my attitude," Sarah lifted her had off the edge of the tub, "then go back to the ever proper, ever dignified Narcissa. By all means. But I think it is disgusting!"

"Do you really now?"

"I do," she nodded, adamantly, "Narcissa is pregnant with Snape's child! It's the same thing that Wormtail did to me…you are doing to her! Do you even realize it? Surely, you can't be that twisted that you can't see it!"

He reached out and forcibly picked her up off the floor, shaking her. She fought him but his grip was tight, smothering, "Listen to me now, Sarah Grace. Do not go down that road with me. I understand you are distressed by the events of last night, but I would never treat a woman as Wormtail did. Narcissa agrees to this. I do not force her."

"She feels forced."

"How do you know?" Voldemort asked her, holding her face in his hand, "Did you ask her?"

"No," she admitted.

"Then cease projecting your feelings onto the situation with Narcissa," Voldemort said, firmly. "Or I am going to project my feelings upon your arse, do you understand?"

"Perfectly," she responded, "now can you please let me go. I feel smothered."

He released her. "Then, Severus told you of his impending fatherhood."

"Yes," she nodded.

"And?"

She shrugged.

"Surely, it is more than indifference. He had to call me home. You refused to come out of the lavatory."

"I'm happy for him."

"Are you now?"

"Of course," Sarah said, titling her head. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because he now get a child of his blood. As close as the bonds are between you and Severus, he is not your father."

She shrugged again. "He says this will have no affect on our relationship."

"But you know that it surely will."

"I do," Sarah said, nodding.

"Why did you lock yourself in the lavatory?" Voldemort asked. "Why could I hear your sobs from the hallway before I even entered my chambers?"

Sarah sniffled, "I don't know."

"Yes, you do," he pressed. "And I asked you a question, so I expect an answer besides I don't know."

"Everyone is moving on except me," Sarah said.

"You are moving on too," Voldemort countered, "with me."

She hugged herself, "Yes, I suppose." She shifted gingerly and then winced. "For the love of Merlin," she grunted.

"How is your pain?" he asked, his eyes on her.

She winced as she shifted again. "Is there nothing we can do? It wasn't even my fault!"

He reached out to put a finger on her cheek, rubbing it across her cheek bone. "Yes, there is something we can do."

Her stomach twisted at his look and his touch, "Well, tell me."

"I have to seal you and I together again."

She frowned, "through sex?"

"Yes," he nodded, "and a spell." He didn't miss her tremble. "Is that objectionable for you?"

"I just lost the baby. I'm not sure I can."

"Narcissa healed you from that. Are you bleeding?"

She shook her head, "No."

"Would you like me to cast a diagnostic just to ensure you can?"

She nodded. He pulled out his wand and swiped it over her, her body tingling.

"You are healed from that, like it never even happened," he put his wand back in his pocket. "Come now."

"My Lord," Sarah reached out to stop him. "it did happen."

He froze and turned his head back towards her, "I understand that, Sarah."

"And what Wormtail did…that happened too. I have feelings. I have fears. Do you understand?"

"Of course, I do," he answered, gruffly, "Why do you think I came home when Severus summoned. I told him to summon me if you needed me. And I didn't mean physically…I meant if he wasn't able to handle your emotions."

"Good, I'm glad you understand," Sarah bit her lip, "but then to force me to do this…"

"I'm not forcing you to do anything," he retorted, "I'm trying to heal you physically so your emotional wounds can be healed next," Voldemort said, "It won't be easy for you, but it is what we must do. So we are going to have sex now. Do you understand me?"

She swallowed hard, "Yes."

"Good," his voice softened, "Now, tell me, have I ever hurt you in my bed?"

She shook her head, slowly.

"Was I ever too rough with you?"

"No."

"Am I inconsiderate to your needs in this regard?"

"No."

And her words were ironically true in this regard.

"Then you must trust me. I am not Wormtail. Now come," he held out his hand and led her through the door to sit on his bed.

He sat next to her, "Did Draco ever bond your mind to his during intercourse?"

She shook her head.

He reached over to squeeze her shoulder with his long fingers. "I do think that will help with the pain."

"Pain?"

"Both physical and emotional," he explained.

Sarah bit her lip again and remarkably he didn't admonish her.

"Okay," she swallowed hard.

"The house elf just cleaned the sheets again."

"Yes, good."

Still she made no effort to move.

"Come, dear one," he patted the spot by the head of the bed. "We will make it quick."

It was a generous offer. "Yes, please," she murmurred as she crawled over the bed to sit at the spot he patted and allowed him to do what they must.

* * *

She swallowed down the bile that had risen to her throat.

"Sarah?" his eyes were on her. "Is your pain better?"

"Yes, my Lord," she said, distracted, "thank you."

"Your anxiety is written all over your face," he chided, "it's over with. You can heal now."

She sniffled, "I need the loo."

He gestured her away and she retreated to the sanctuary of the lavatory.

She took a breath and then another and then slid down the side of the tub to rest on the floor.

"Merlin, help me," she put her hand on her chest, anxiously.

It was such a peculiar feeling, having him invade her mind during intercourse. It was so intimate and he took great care to lead her away from the pain that flooded her. But at the same time, for the first time, he managed to lead her towards the prickling of pleasure that come from the act. Not entirely, there was too much pain for that, but she knew she couldn't deny it: she felt her body respond to him, even if it was only a little bit before she squashed it down. He allowed her to sequester those feelings, but as he was in her mind, he knew.

And she knew it was an opening that he would exploit, even if it destroyed her. Though, she didn't know if it would destroy her. Because in her mind, there was such undeniable difference between Voldemort and Wormtail and their forced relations on her. And in spite of herself, she felt that Voldemort was the only person who could protect her…and she felt the tiniest crumbling of her defenses towards him. And that scared her completely.


	23. Negotiations

**A/N:** So sorry for the long delay. We have moved, applied for jobs, had sick kids and now am working on potty training my littlest one. Ahh, life has taken over. But I was feeling stressed yesterday and decided to write this chapter. So here you go. Thanks as always for reading and reviewing!

 **Chapter 23: Negotiations** :

Later that night, she shifted her spot on the couch in the sitting room. She opted to stay out of the library for the time being, the pain so raw that her stomach rebelled at the very thought of entering the room where Wormtail raped her. She sighed and turned the page of her book. She stared at the words for minutes, before finally giving up. She put the book aside and looked around the room. Everything was so formal in this room and she had to admit that she felt quite alone at the moment. A shuffling noise caused her to squeal and jump off the sofa.

"Damn him," She grunted, "I'll never feel protected unless I have my wand."

She eased back down onto the sofa and put her hand to her chest. She leaned over slightly, her mind flashing back to the night before with Wormtail. She cringed and squeezed her eyes shut, but all she saw was him, his grubby hands rubbing over her chest and then on her throat, cutting off her ability to breathe. The fire crackled and she jumped again.

"This is ridiculous," She stood abruptly and tucked the book under her arm, gracefully exiting the sitting room, turning down the hallway to pause in front of the Dark Lord's study. Impulsively, she put her ear against the door, trying to determine if he was alone.

"I need an extendable ear," she murmured. She paused, her heart twisting at the thought of Fred. Poor, sweet Fred. What would he say to see her now? She placed her hands on the door and murmured an incantation, allowing her to hear the noises in the room.

The door swung open and the Dark Lord glowered down at her. "What in Merlin's name do you think you are doing, little one?"

She bit her lip and his scowl increased, "Don't do that." he smacked at her lip.

She cleared her throat, willing herself to sound more composed than she felt, "I wanted to see if you were alone. If you weren't, I didn't want to disturb you, but if you were…then…I didn't think…I didn't think you would care if…" she paused, flustered and then blurted out, "how did you know I was here?"

" _You_ know my study is heavily warded," Voldemort frowned, "Is your mind completely gone from your head?"

She took a breath, "Maybe."

There was a long pause, the air thick between them.

Finally, he placed his hand firmly on her arm and guided her inside the study and pushed her down on the leather sofa.

"Now," His hands rested on his knees, "explain yourself." His tone was strict, allowing no room for argument.

"It really sounds silly," Sarah glanced at his stony face, worried that she had gotten herself into trouble with him, "now that I think of it."

"Go on," his eyes narrowed.

She took a breath and restrained from biting her lip, "I only thought that if you were alone…" she swallowed hard, "well, I didn't think you would mind the company terribly much. But I didn't want to disturb you if you were not alone," she quickly added.

"You mean you didn't want my death eaters to see that you wished for my company," he countered, his voice turning light, but she didn't miss the edge.

"I just…" she cleared her throat, wishing to tread carefully, "I never had…I don't know the protocol for…"

"For coming to me without me asking you to?" he finished for her.

"Yes."

"Well," he rubbed his hands against his pant legs, "I suppose that is a predicament for you. Under the circumstances, I am willing to excuse the inexcusable behavior of sneaking around outside my study."

She frowned, "How is that inexcusable?"

"You could be trying to gather information to spy on me," he said, matter of factually.

"Spy for whom?" she asked, aghast. "You have kept me completely isolated except from your death eaters."

"And Longbottom," Voldemort countered. "He was a part of your Dumbledore's Army, was he not?"

"It was not _my_ Dumbledore's Army."

"You and the mudblood were the brains behind Potter. Without you, I doubt he could have lived as long as he did."

"He was a whole hell of a lot smarter than you are making him out to be," Sarah grunted, crossing her arms. "And I was a member of Dumbledore's Army, yes."

"A member?" he crossed his own arms, "you and Potter _co-led_ that organization. And if I am not mistaken, Dumbledore's Army was the student equivalent to the Order of the Phoenix, whose main purpose was to defeat _me_ , was it not?"

"What are you getting at, _my Lord_?" she drawled his name as she hugged her arms closer to her.

"I am only reminding you that with your previous offenses, you need to be careful to remain above reproach. Using a spell to eavesdrop, albeit innocently meant can be easily misconstrued."

She pursed her lips, "I am _not_ spying. You _know_ I'm not spying."

He turned his head to stare into her eyes, not speaking for a time, his face hard. Sarah's heart began to pound.

Her voice was hoarse, "My Lord, don't you?"

Then all of the sudden, his features softened, "I know you aren't. Though I am surprised the thought has not entered your mind considering how rebellious you were in the past."

"Merlin, the hell that would break lose if I even attempted to do something that stupid," Sarah shuddered, "do you think I want to start something like that?"

He reached over to flick her cheek, "Smart girl," he praised. He paused as he saw her weary face and the dark circles under her eyes, "I thought you were asleep. Clearly, I must keep better tabs on you if you were wandering around the manor unsupervised and without my knowledge. I have become lax with you."

"You really haven't," Sarah reassured him quickly, "And I did try to go to sleep, but I found that I'm not tired."

"Is that so?" he raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You are clearly shattered and rightly so."

"Yes," Sarah sighed, "yet sleep alludes me," she drawled again.

He gave her a small smile at the way she phrased her answer.

"What is it?" she asked, quizzically.

Voldemort rubbed his chin, "You are sounding and acting more like your father every day."

"Snape?" she asked, astonished.

"Certainly not the traitor mutt," Voldemort muttered, "I would beat him out of you if you were beginning to demonstrate attributes of _his_ character. Yes, I was referring to Snape."

"Does it upset you that I act like Snape?"

"Of course not. Why in Merlin's name would you think that?" he laughed at her confused look.

She shrugged, "No matter," she strategically changed the conversation, "I had gone to the sitting room to read for a bit," she held up her book to show him, "to try to get sleepy, but…" she made a face.

"Is the sitting room not to your liking?"

"It's drafty even with the fire…and there are…" she paused, "noises…and I keep…hearing things…and seeing things…"

"I see," he frowned, "next time, tell a house elf when you are going to wander around the manor without my permission. I want to know where you are at all times."

"I should have. I wasn't trying to be disobedient."

"Very well," he nodded his acceptance, "I was just reading myself. We can read together until you get tired."

"I don't particularly feel like reading," She admitted, tossing her book to the coffee table, "But I'll be quiet while you read."

"Very well," he nodded.

He opened his book and Sarah shifted on the couch, reaching for the blanket and wrapping it around her legs. She leaned her head against the back and stared at the ceiling. Her mind wandered to the events of last night…to Wormtail…she shivered…to her baby…her breath caught. Her heart twisted in pain, her mind reliving all the trauma of the past day. Her body tensed and she desperately wanted to curl up and lay her head down…to get whatever comfort she could…even if it meant taking it from the man sitting next to her.

"Sarah."

"Yes, sir?" her voice shook against her will.

"You cannot be comfortable in that position," Voldemort chided.

"Not particularly," she took a breath.

"Wouldn't you like to get more comfortable?"

"I'll be fine," she said, her voice strained for she was scared to pieces to give him an emotional opening that he could later exploit.

"Look at me," His long fingers reached over to grasp her chin, turning it towards him. He looked into her eyes and then made an unintelligible noise and she knew he had read her mind yet again.

Her face flushed, feeling vulnerable, and he gave her an almost imperceptible nod.

She swung her feet up to lay down on the couch, placing her head in the DarK Lord's lap.

"There we are, that's better," His hand rested on her head and began to rub it causing her to let out the tense breath that she was holding.

She closed her eyes and he continued,

"I know, dear one, that you think me to me hard and unfeeling. But if you desire comfort, which is an entirely natural feeling after the events of yesterday, then I want to be the one to give you that instead of you looking for it other places."

"Like with Snape?"

"Yes, like Snape," Voldemort affirmed, turning a page with a nonverbal spell. "I want to be first in your mind…and in your heart."

"Snape will always be important to me," she murmured, clutching the blanket. "and I have been unsuccessful at pushing him away."

"Yes, I'm aware," Voldemort said, dryly, patting her head before dropping his hand to her shoulder. "You can have a relationship with Snape. He is a good influence on you, but I don't want you to be more loyal to him than me."

"I thought you wanted him out of the picture."

"Out of the picture?" Voldemort questioned, "Why would I want that? He is my death eater. It would hurt me for him to leave us…I care for him too…greatly."

She struggled to push away her thoughts knowing he could read them, not even honoring her skepticism on that topic.

"This conservation is making my head pound," she said, letting out a long breath.

"Rest now," Voldemort ordered.

"Yes, sir," she responded and then forced herself to relax. He lifted his hand again to began to run his finger through her hair, massaging her scalp absently as he read. The gesture was surprisingly calming.

A few minutes later, she asked quietly, "Considering what happened was only yesterday, may I have dreamless sleep tonight?"

"Yes," he patted her head, "for tonight only. Tomorrow, you are on your own."

"Thank you, my Lord," she said, sincerely.

"You are most welcome, dear one. Now, do be quiet. I am trying to read."

They spent the next hour in quiet silence, but Sarah noticed that the Dark Lord's hand did not move from its resting spot on her head. And much to her dismay, she found herself liking that fact.

* * *

She rolled over again in bed, her hand on her head. She simply could not fall asleep, her mind was going in too many directions. He had a declared another early night for and this time made it clear that she was to not wander around the manor if she was restless. But as hard as she tried to follow orders and rest, she couldn't allow herself to fall asleep. True to his word, the following night, he had forbidden dreamless sleep though she tried to convince him otherwise. He explained rather patiently (for him) that he did not want her to become addicted and it was best to deal with it now rather than later. She knew it was wise, but to be honest with herself, she just didn't feel safe here any longer. And to be more honest with herself, she knew that they only way she would feel safe tonight and allow herself to relax enough to succumb to much needed sleep would be resting next to the most powerful wizard in the world, the only person that could protect her.

She had impulsively gone to him the night before. But going into his study wasn't as intimate and it couldn't easily be misconstrued for wanting more than just company. This, on the other hand, could backfire on her as he might decide that there were other ways to exhaust both of them into sleep, ways that he would find infinitely more pleasurable than her for sure.

Yet still, she eyed the light streaming from the door that connected their rooms. He was awake. She glanced at the clock. It was still early- 11 pm. She eased herself up and swallowed hard, reaching for her silky robe, covering the black lacy gown that he had picked out for her to wear. He still, all these months later, had a tight control over her wardrobe.

She eased herself off the bed and took another soothing breath, before knocking on the door.

"Enter."

She pushed opened the door and entered his quarters. If he was surprised, he didn't show it. He was resting in the bed, a book on his lap.

"I'm sorry to bother you, my Lord." Her voice was soft.

He looked up from his reading, "I sent you to bed two hours ago. You were practically falling asleep at dinner."

"I know," she shifted, twisting the sleeve of her robe, "but…" she took a breath, finding her boldness, "Do you think it would be possible for me to sleep with you tonight?"

He raised an eyebrow, "I sense a pattern in your behavior, Sarah Grace."

"Please don't berate me for this," she took a breath, "this is embarrassing as it is."

"I'm not trying to. But do you truly want to sleep in here tonight? Usually, you are eager to sleep on your own and only cower on your side of the bed when I insist you sleep with me. And then there is always the possibility that when you crawl in bed with me, I will want more than just sleep with you. Have you thought about that?"

"Yes, I did," her voice was hoarse.

"And you still wish to lie in my bed with me?"

"Yes, please," she swallowed the lump down in her throat.

"Come then," He flicked his wand, turning over the covers for her and she climbed in bed with him. "Take off your robe." He said, quietly.

She took it off and tossed it to the bottom of the bed before settling down and pulling up the covers, covering herself. She was facing him, which that in itself was uncharacteristic for her.

"Sarah," he continued to read his book, "you know techniques to shut down your mind if it is going to places you don't want it to go."

"It wasn't working."

"Perhaps, you were not applying yourself properly." Voldemort suggested, his eyes never leaving his book.

"It's more than that, though," she said, quietly, "it's that my fears are grounded in reality."

"The house is highly warded. You are safe here." He turned the page to his book.

"With all due respect, my Lord, the wards are prevent _your_ enemies from attacking you. Your enemies wouldn't attack me. The wards don't prevent your inner circle from entering and those are the very ones that I need protecting from."

It was then he reached for his book mark, placing the brass object in the book to hold his page. He laid aside the book and reached out his hand for his water. He took a sip and then turned his head to her. "Sit up and talk to me."

"We are talking," Sarah protested.

"Yes, but I don't feel like lying down or straining my neck to talk to you and I want to look at you now."

She obeyed almost immediately, but still pulled the covers to her neck.

He cleared his throat and she dropped the covers with a sigh, them plopping down to rest around her waist.

"You have my protection, Sarah," he said, quietly, his finger on her cheek, stroking it, "I have told you that not one of them will hurt you anymore. Wormtail was severely tortured and then killed in a most horrific way. I had to do that so the others would get the message. You are safe. You will be safe."

She paused, not knowing what to say. Regardless of his words, she didn't want to be left alone tonight. And moreover, she wanted him. He had a presence and in spite of herself, that presence was comforting to her.

"But tonight," Sarah's voice was strained, "tonight, I don't feel safe unless I am next to you."

"Next to me?" he questioned, "Or next to anyone?"

She paused, reluctantly, before admitting the truth, "To _you_."

There was silence…a long deafening silence between them. This was perhaps the most open she had been to him about their relationship and he was just staring at her, his eyes penetrating into hers, reading her mind, finding her soul. He sensed that she was finally losing herself to him…suspected it from the way she reacted to him when he entered her mind during sex… and those suspicions were confirmed by her openly seeking his company not once but twice since that fateful night. There was no way he was closing that opening.

He finally said, "then next to me you shall remain."

"Thank you," she responded.

He nodded, "Lay down now. I'll turn off the lights."

She scooted down again and he waved his hand and the lights turned off. She could feel him settle down next to her, yet still she held her breath in the dark.

She suddenly found herself intertwined in his embrace, his legs tangled in hers as he securely put his arms around her, pressing her into his side. She felt his warmth and his presence was undeniable. She let out her breath.

"Is your fear of the dark returning?"

"Yes, sir."

"You shouldn't admit to your fear so readily," he scolded lightly, "your enemies will use it against you."

There was another long pause as Sarah struggled within herself.

He could feel her tremble against him. "What is it, little one?"

"I'm not sure…" she swallowed hard, "the truth of the matter is I'm not sure I see you as my enemy anymore."

Another long silence.

"How do you see me?" he patted her bottom, "stop shaking." He added, sternly.

"I'm cold."

His hands shifted and they were suddenly all over her body, warming her, but also stirring in her the most briefest sensations…the start of a response to his efforts…a glimpse of pleasure at his touch… that she felt compelled to push down and push down quickly.

His hands stilled suddenly and he smacked her again, prompting her, "I require an answer to my question."

She took a breath, "I don't have an answer to your question." Her voice shook.

"I see," he said, rubbing the small of her back. "Or is it that you are afraid of your answer?"

"I don't know," she said, softly, "All I know is that I feel safe with you. You are perhaps the only one you can truly keep me safe. Does that make me your ally?" her stomach twisted, "I'm not there yet…and…this conversation perhaps hurts more than you using the cruciatus on me."

"Why?"

"I always prided myself on being… _different_ …than all of this."

"The light in the darkness."

"Something like that."

"That's foolish."

"It's all I have."

"That philosophy is e _specially_ foolish. You are too smart to prescribe to that line of thinking for long, especially with confronted with the truth."

"And what truth is that?"

"To survive and to ensure the survival of those you hold dear, you have and will continue to sell yourself to me."

"I haven't sold myself to you."

"Haven't you?" he asked, lightly.

She paused, "I don't know," her voice shook in the dark.

"If I am not your ally and not your enemy…then what am I?"

"I don't know," she repeated. "Isn't it enough for you?" she asked, rather desperately.

At her distress, he found her mind, sorting through the thoughts she could not express. After a few minutes he grunted. "For now, it is enough. Sleep, little one."

She began to pull away, but his arms tightened and she allowed herself to relax against him. And he only untangled her from him when he felt her finally succumb to sleep. He turned on a dim light for reading, but every so often he would look over to where she slept and contemplate where to go from here.

* * *

"I have reached a decision," The Dark Lord announced the following morning.

Sarah yawned and then flipped over, "What time is it?" she said, groggily.

"Time for you to get up," he swatted at her.

"Five more minutes," she closed her eyes again.

"I have a meeting with my inner circle this morning, but before that I must talk to you," he swatted at her again, this time with more force, the smack stinging, causing her to yelp and then curse. "Such language from you," he chided, "Sit up. I will not ask you again."

She groaned, then opened her eyes and sat up in bed, leaning against the headrest. "What is it, my Lord?"

"A peace offering for waking you so early," He handed her the cup of coffee he was holding. "For you, my dear one."

She stared at the dark liquid, "Oh, Merlin, is this a conversation I will need coffee for?" she asked, with dread.

"Indeed, perhaps more than one cup," he said, dryly. "Go on. I need you to have a clear mind for this and an agreeable mood."

"That sounds ominous," she grunted, but then took a sip and then another one. "What is it?"

"I have made a decision about your predicament."

"What predicament?" she asked, frowning.

"You don't feel safe in my home or around my followers. You are my mistress. This is unacceptable."

She took another sip, "That isn't exactly a new development."

"No," he conceded, "but last night, you were correct in one regard. Your fear is grounded in reality. I tell you I can control my followers and you trusted me there, but I did not control Wormtail and he harmed you.

"Yes," she stared down into her coffee cup.

"And you are also right. I am the only one who can keep you safe. And I will keep you safe. But to do so, we must fortify the connection between us."

She looked up quickly, "What do you mean?"

He paused and then announced firmly, "You shall take my mark."

She jolted up out of bed, putting the coffee cup down as she did. She began to pace around the room her thumb in her mouth. She stilled, fisted her hands and then turned to him, "you promised you would not compel me to…that you would not force me or anyone else for that matter to take your mark."

"You will do so willingly," Voldemort stood as well, "as a way to ensure your safety. I will be easily summoned to you if you are in danger…Wormtail would have never been able to force himself on me if you had my mark and summoned me to your side the moment he was threatening you."

"But," Sarah swallowed hard, "I'm not a death eater."

"You will become one. And it also ensures your place as one of my inner circle, a place of honor…devoted to my mistress and the mother of my children. You will become their equal."

"I am not a death eater," she repeated, adamantly. "I have no desire to become one. You promised me that me having sex with you and having your children and not openingly thwarting you would be enough…and I have. I have done that. I have done what you asked me to do."

"And now our situation has changed."

"My Lord," Sarah turned to him. "We can figure out a different way."

"I have thought about it," the Dark Lord declared, "and this is the best course forward for us. What is your objection?"

She licked her lips, "It's so…ghastly."

He threw back his head and laughed, "The mark is not aesthetically pleasing to you, little one?"

"No, it's not. And it's permanent."

"You will get used to it. And lest you forget, this between you and I is permanent as well."

"But…" her stomach sank, "Draco said it was painful."

"For a moment," he said, "I _am_ branding you. But it's only a moment's pain for much gain."

"Will you require me to go on missions for you?" She reached for her robe that was on the bottom of the bed and flung it around her, tying it tightly.

"Only if you wish."

She looked up at the ceiling, crossing her arms against her. Her mind raced and then she thought about what Snape would do in her situation. And while she wanted to cry and rail at him and insist that he find another way…an action that would only lead to her being cursed and having to take the mark anyway, she decided for once to push aside her emotion and think the way Snape taught her to think…with a calculating logic and coolness that he drilled into her in all the years of his guardianship.

She lowered her eyes and turned to him, "My Lord," she said, taking a deep breath.

"Yes?"

"Before I agree to this, I would like your permission to negotiate with you."

"Negotiate with me?" he looked amused.

"Yes," she said, evenly. "You promised never to compel me to take your mark but if you force me to do so willingly, I should have some things in the bargain."

"Your safety isn't one of them?" he inclined his head.

"There would be other ways to keep me safe," she countered, "you see this as an opportunity to force me to openly pledge my allegiance to you and have a mark that will be a sign of that allegiance for all to see. And you take great pride in that. So, may I negotiate terms with you?"

"Go on," he said, slowly. "But take care to tread carefully, dear one. You are on uncharted waters with me."

"Yes sir."

"Now, what do you desire of me?"

"My wand," she looked at him, evenly, "If I am to become your death eater, I want my wand. If I had my wand in the first place, I could have cursed Wormtail into oblivion."

"How can I trust you with your wand?" he asked. "You have not proven to me that you can be trusted with it."

"As you said before, our situation has changed. I will have your mark. Even if I wanted to leave you, that's a ticket to Azkaban if anything ever happens to you. I'll need you alive and in power now."

He gave her an approving smile, "You have become quite cunning, Sarah. I always knew this was in you…this calculating logic. It's so very Snape."

"And you like that?"

"I don't understand why that surprises you so. I told you so the other night. I like Severus. He is my death eater. And I think part of what drew me to you is that the characteristics that make Snape one of my most trusted advisors is also _in_ you. You just needed a little coaxing for that cool, calculated mind of yours to start working to our advantage."

"The boys used to tease me at times that I acted like Snape, but it was always a negative," she rubbed her hand against her mouth.

"To them it would be for they are scared of your strength, but I, on the other hand, find it incredibly alluring in a woman as beautiful as you."

She struggled slightly but managed to keep her cool and not respond further and he continued, "Very well; your wand in exchange for you taking the mark _and_ making the unbreakable vow with me never to raise your wand in true rebellion against me."

She flinched, knowing that would trap her forever as his. She steeled herself and looked over to meet his eyes, "And your unbreakable vow never to raise your wand in rebellion against Snape or any member associated with his family including his soon to be stepson."

"But excluding you?" he strolled over to you and gripped her arms.

"Yes but that includes not ordering others to do so in your stead."

"I don't typically make unbreakable vows," he said, titling his head.

"We are making one together," she argued. "And it's a fairly advantageous one for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…now you can make me as powerful as you want…the best friend of Harry Potter…one that was so completely devoted to the light. You can revel in my descent into darkness," she said, dramatically, causing him to raise an eyebrow, "and I can't do a bloody thing about to save us all from you even if the opportunity does arise. You could make me as powerful as you…"

He looked aghast and then amused, "Not likely."

"Bloody close to being likely," she argued, "and you know it."

His eyes reached hers, "Careful."

"Isn't it why you wanted me on your side when I am young and not fully developed as a witch?"

She could see his jaw twitch.

"And isn't it why you want me for the mother of your children?" she pressed. "And why you want my pledge to never raise my wand against you? You are taking precautions just in case you do too good of a job training me up to be what you want me to be. So I have more to lose here to make that unbreakable vow to you. Yet, in the meantime, you are providing protection to Snape and Draco, both who have already pledged and proven allegiance to you. So what is the harm in that?"

"They have, so I should have no cause to harm them, thus I should have no reason to make that vow with you…"

"I want them to cease being a way for you to threaten me into compliance. I am giving you my vow of compliance and in return, I want to ensure their safety and that of my..." she paused for a moment, "sister...and..." she swallowed down her emotion, "any children Draco might have. I want to ensure that safety beyond a shadow of doubt. If it is somehow beneath you or insulting for you, I'm sorry, but then again, my word should be enough for you if I am one of your followers, shouldn't it? Yet, you are still wanting me to take an unbreakable vow. There is a reason for that…and that reason goes both ways between us."

He grunted, but then flicked a finger in her direction, "The way your mind is working," he gave her an appreciative look. "Is that all?" he asked, turning clearly impatient.

"I'm sorry," Sarah said, innocently, "are you late for your meeting?"

"Not yet, but I still have to bed you after we take care of these logistics and our window is closing."

She raised her eyebrows. "I wasn't aware that is what you wanted this morning."

"I wasn't either," he said, his voice low, "until you started acting like _this_. So, are you finished yet?"

"Not quite," She swallowed, "I want to wait to conceive children."

He paused, "No. Absolutely not."

"I just lost your child. I need time to heal. And this is the second child I have lost in the past year. I'm eighteen years old. I have years to bear your children. You can give me a reprieve to focus on my education."

He stared at her, his hand still squeezing her arms. "One year," he said, finally. "But you and I will be still be having sex."

"Okay."

"However, that is a very big concession," Voldemort told her, his voice low. "And I am making it _for you_. The terms don't seem even now. And it shouldn't be even. _I_ am the one in power here. So _I must_ tip the scales in my favor, yes?"

"What do you want?" her voice turned hoarse, dreading what he could concoct.

"It isn't anything bad," he squeezed her arms again, "in fact, most would say it is for your advantage, but it is something that I desire and you desire to control."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," sarah frowned at his cryptic response.

"I want your body."

She gave a small laugh, "You have my body."

"I want the _response_ of your body."

She backed away from him, "What do you mean?"

"Don't be coy. You know _exactly_ what I mean."

"I…I can't."

"Of course you can if you choose to. And frankly, I'm growing tired of you being so disengaged from the act."

"Then go have sex with someone else!"

"I don't think so," he shot back, "not when you are perfectly capable of giving me what I want and more."

"I do everything you want," she protested.

"No you don't," he pointed his finger at her, "And I have been patient enough with you. I can teach you the logistic of pleasure, but I want your passion…your devotion…I want you to respond to me the way you responded to Draco."

"But why?" she looked panicked, "You have your pleasure."

"I want to know that I can control you in this way. I want your body to be submissive to mine."

"I can't just force myself to do that," she said, aghast.

"You have felt things these past few times, have you not? Inklings of pleasure?"

She turned away from him but he forcibly turned her back, "Answer me," he insisted.

"Yes," she grunted, "Are you happy?"

"Indeed," he said, dryly, "Give in to it…and be open to it. That is what I desire and you shall give it to me or this deal is off and you will take my mark whether you like it or not."

"It's not going to happen," she said, crossing her arms. "Even if I agree to it, what you want, it's not going to happen."

He reached out to trace his finger along her cheekbone, "You have such little faith in my abilities to satisfy you. Rest assured, Bellatrix never had any issues. Narcissa either for that matter."

Her stomach revolted, "Too much information," she said, holding up her hand.

He laughed at her look, "Well?" he prompted.

She stared at him, thinking over their agreement. She was trapped. She knew he would make her take the mark regardless and this way she had her wand and the guarantee of Snape's protection and the protection of his child. And for that, she knew that she would sell her soul to him.

She held out her hand, "You have a deal."

"Not with a handshake," He took her hand and squeezed it before bringing it strategically against him. "Take off your clothes and come to bed," he ordered.

She looked weary, "When do these terms begin?"

"When we arrange for you to take the mark," he told her, impatiently, "until then you can continue to be repressed if that is what you desire," he released her hand to tug down the straps of her nightgown, "But for now, we will seal the details of our bargain in a different way," he reached to grab her by the hips and toss her back onto the bed.

"A handshake…" he shook his head, in mock sorrow, from his position above her, "what were you thinking?"

"Of course," she muttered, taking a breath as he descended upon her, "that would be far too conventional."

"Indeed," he said, but she saw the amusement in his eyes.

And later, after he got dressed and left her alone to go off with his death eaters, she rolled back over in bed, not wishing to move…wishing to succumb to the oblivion that sleep brought her. Only sleep didn't bring her oblivion any longer.

So instead, she laid in _his_ bed, staring up at _his_ ceiling, clutching _his_ sheets and wondered what on earth she had gotten herself into and how in Merlin's name she would be able to follow through with her end of the bargain.

The mark. The unbreakable vow. And finding her passion with him. How was that even possible?

And what would Snape say when he found out what she gave up to protect him?

 **A/N2** : What will Snape say?


	24. The Mark

**A/N:** Oh goodness...6 months! Where to start? Moving, new job, working mom, days are busy, nights are chaotic. Not much time for much of anything besides surviving. But...I had some downtime over holidays, so a bit of writing here and there produced this...hope you enjoy and forgive the long absence. Would love to know what you think...

ANd...Happy New Year...and happy birthday, Lord Voldemort. :)

 **Chapter 24: The Mark**

Sarah stared at her forearm, trying to imagine the dark imprint twisted on her arm. Her heart twisted again, the panic welling deep within her. She knew that he had already marked her in irreversible ways, but those ways were private. But the prospect of taking the dark mark…this was an outward symbol of his deep control over her. The mark symbolized so much…and while she had tried to be mature and nonchalant about it, the thought of his sign on her, and all the darkness it represented, bothered her immensely. She took a breath, and then let it out…in a long stream of air.

Voldemort looked up from his perch at his desk. "What are you doing, dear one?" he frowned.

She quickly adjusted her sleeve back to cover her arm, "Nothing," she mumbled. She avoided his eyes, "May I go to the loo?"

She could feel his penetrating stare on her and the throb of him trying to access her mind, which she quickly shielded. He pushed harder and she reached out to stabilize herself as she swayed,

"Don't," She gasped, the pressure in her head intense, "Stop."

"I only allow you to have your shields. My legilimancy is far stronger than your ability to occlude your mind."

Those words caused her resolve to deepen and she pushed him back out of her mind and then even though her head was still pounding, she very rebelliously raised her eyebrow at him. While to her credit, she wisely kept her mouth shut, they both know she had very successfully bested him in this area and often…her keeping secrets from him due to that very ability to occlude her mind, even against the master of legilimancy.

He stared at her, his fingers twitching as he reached for his wand, then stopped himself.

"Why?" he asked simply.

She swallowed, feeling trapped. "You don't want to know," she gave a small chuckle, "trust me. You'll just get angry."

He crooked his finger at her, beckoning her to him.

She moved towards him, because even though she knew that she could shield her mind from him, her magic was no where near up to par with his.

When she became in arms length of him, he reached for her, and tugged her gently towards him. "Now, what is it?" he asked again.

"I…I feel…" she took a breath and then force herself to look up at him, "I feel panicked at the thought of taking your mark."

He began to laugh.

"It's not funny."

He laughed harder, "I'm sorry, dear one, I am just so amused that you tried to occlude your mind for that. It's been written all over your face for the past day."

"I'm sorry I'm so transparent," She snapped.

"I tell you not to be," Voldemort's gripped tightened on her wrist, "tone, little one. I was being generous with you not to point it out hours ago. You know how I feel about you wearing your emotions so openly."

"I'm sorry I haven't had years of killing and committing atrocities to desensitize myself. I feel things. Just because you don't, doesn't make me in the wrong. It makes you…you…you…" she paused.

He dropped her wrist and crossed his arms, "thinking of the word?"

"I know the word."

"Clearly not," Voldemort retorted, "I am not sadistic."

"That's not the word I was going to use," she shot back.

"I'm waiting then."

She shrugged.

"We do need to expand your vocabulary. Would you like a thesaurus?"

"You are mocking me," Sarah grunted.

"Yes, I am," it was his turn to raise his eyebrow at her, "And it is better for you than my first inclination to curse you for your disrespect. I am the leader of this wizarding world and you are…" he paused.

"I am nobody!" she exclaimed. "Even you must see that!"

"I see no such thing," his voice was low as he reached for her again. "I chose you. And I am making you who you are."

"And who is that?" she asked, her voice strangled.

"Mine," his answer was immediate.

"I can't take your mark," she whispered. "it makes me…"

"What is it?" his breath was on her neck.

"Yours," she choked out.

"You are already mine."

"My Lord, please." The tears sprung up before she could control them.

"This is your identity now. You aren't theirs, you are mine." He turned her around and pulled him against her, her back to him. "There. Now your tears won't bother me."

She took another breath, trying to compose herself, knowing that he would be angry at her wayward emotions.

"Go on," he coaxed. "We are dealing with whatever is torturing now lest I have to torture you later for lack of decorum when taking my mark."

"I wouldn't dare."

"You are showing an appalling lack of control over those emotions. I know Snape raised you better than this." His grip tightened around her waist, "You are bound to me in more personal ways than taking my mark, so I ask you: what difference does it make?"

"Yes, exactly! So why make me?"

He paused, "I told you why."

"There has to be another way," she breathed.

"Not one I want. I want you protected as the mother of my child."

"There is no child…not anymore. Perhaps there will never be one."

"Why would you say that?" he asked, abruptly turning around, causing her head to spin.

"Two," She held up two fingers, "Two children in the past year." Her face flushed with emotion, literally feeling her body temperature rise in her angst.

"Sarah," he reached out and lightly touched her cheek, "You are allowing your reason to spiral with your emotions. Control your emotions."

She closed her eyes and then threw up her hands, blocking him from her, "I can't! I can't do this. Don't you see? This is everything…everything they didn't want for me. This is everything I fought against for years! It will be a mark on me forever. What if this all falls apart? I will have your mark. What will happen to me?"

He chuckled, "They will probably just put you in Azkaban, but rest assured, dearest, if I met my demise, I can ensure yours as well before they can take such action against you."

"Stop," she grunted, "you are teasing me and it isn't funny"

"It is…because I won. I am in control. I have ensured my legacy. Do not worry about such things," He fiddled with the ends of her hair. "You are too sensitive to the memory of your parents. They are both gone. Why should what they think matter?"

She didn't respond.

He pinched her arm, "I asked you a question."

She sniffled.

"Do not cry," his pinch intensified and then he dropped his hand and stepped away from her. "This isn't about your parents. It's about _Potter._ "

She still didn't respond, but her hand moved to pound a fist against her forehead.

"Sarah Grace," his tone was severe. "You will answer me. Is your hesitance about Potter?"

She lowered her hand and the responded with equal severity, "Of course! You killed my best friend! And now you want me to take your bloody mark and you think it shouldn't affect me. Well it does! It affects me."

"Are we back to this again?" he sighed, his look showing his distaste at the direction of this conversation.

"Again?" She stepped towards him and took a swipe at his arm. "We never finished with it! You punish me severely for killing your…your…"

"Careful. Be very careful right now," He growled at her, taking her hand and holding it between his. "Touch be again in anger and I will cut it off. Have I made myself clear?"

"You would't dare!"

"And why not?" his voice was low.

"You wouldn't want a cripple for a lover," she challenged.

He squeezed her hand so hard, she thought the bones would break. She gasped, her shoulders hunching up with the pain, and then he eased his grip and raised her hand to his lips, kissing it, causing her to shudder.

"You are right in that regard, dearest," he said, lightly, "Tell me," he kissed it again, "Shh," he soothed at her whimper. "Tell me…why were you and Potter never involved?"

"I don't know what you mean," she fought the urge to shrink away as he rubbed her hand again.

"I'm asking," he said, his tone moderated, "You and Potter…for as close as you were…for as connected as you were….you never were romantically entangled with him…I do not understand it."

"I don't know. I'm not his type."

"His type?" Voldemort raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"I wasn't spunky enough for him."

Voldemort chuckled, "Ginny Weasley doesn't have any more spunk than you do. You have it in spades, darling girl. Ginny Weasley cowers in my sight and you, you barely flinch."

"I flinched at first."

"A bit, perhaps. But not as much as most young people. No, it can't be that. You stood up to me when no one else did. If spunk as you call it was the determining factor, Potter would have chosen you to get all love sick about."

"Not adventurous enough then…"

He laughed harder, "He called on you to be by his side for those 7 years, Sarah Grace, not Ginny Weasley."

"I don't know…it's just never came up. I never felt that way. He never felt that way"

"Yet, you would give up you life for him…over and over again. The way you are memorializing him seems more fitting for a lover to do than a friend."

"Then you don't understand about friendship," she said, quietly, she shuddered, "please don't do that."

"I don't disagree with you there. What am I doing?" he asked as he kissed her hand again.

"Kissing my hand…"

"Do you not like that?" he asked, innocently.

"It's intimate."

"You _are_ my lover."

She took a breath, but didn't offer a retort.

"So what separated you from Ginny Weasley in his regard?"

"She liked quidditch."

Voldemort's laugher rang through the study. "Then he was more of an imbecile than I thought."

"Why are we talking about this?" Sarah's voice rose in pitch, clearly uncomfortable.

"I want to know why the thought of taking my mark, tortures you," he squeezed her hand, "You said it was because of Potter. I'm trying to understand why."

"How did you feel when I killed Bellatrix?"

"Livid," he tipped her chin up, "but I understood."

"You understood?" Sarah frowned.

"Of course, I did."

"You tortured me for it."

"That wasn't about killing Bellatrix. Not truly. You know what _that_ was for. Defying me. Hiding all those secrets from me. Making a spectacle of yourself and myself in front of so many of my followers." He cleared his throat, "When I think of it, Sarah Grace, I won't deny, I wish to torture you over and over again…and then bring you to my bed and subdue you there…It both angers me and arouses me."

She swallowed hard, "Back to the issue at hand…" She knew she was treading in dangerous waters…and she didn't wish to have a night of torture.

"Oh yes," he traced his hands lightly against her neck. "I think you should understand why I killed Potter."

"He tried to unarm you…"

"That was stupid of him, don't you think?"

She took a breath.

"He knew of the prophecy, Sarah. He knew that one of us couldn't live while the other did. He knew that our fates were entertained. To save myself, I had to pursue him. And kill him. And I did. The fact that you are not mature enough to realize that truth makes me wonder why I am even trying to reason with you as an equal."

She stilled, "An equal."

"No, not that type of equal," he chuckled at her look, "but treat you as I would one of my advisors."

She didn't hide her shock, "What kind of advice can I give you?"

"Sage advice, I hope."

"I don't want to know anything of the inner workings of all of this!"

"I won't make you complete missions, but I want to talk to you about things."

"Why?"

"You have a keen mind, Sarah Grace. And I'm attracted to it."

"My mind is not sinister enough to advise you."

"I have plenty of that in my other followers. What I need from you…is similar of what I need from Snape. A balance to all of it."

She paused.

He reached over and pushed up the sleeve to her arm, tracing the outline of a mark with his fingers. "What my mark will give you is a voice at my table. A voice in my bed. Tell me you don't wish me to hear you…to _really_ hear you."

Her heart pounded harder. "I don't have anything to say."

"Yes, you do. Whether it is to intervene on the behalf of your bloody friends or whether it involves our children, you _will_ want to be heard. Having my mark…yielding yourself to me in this most outward way is the last step in allowing you full bargaining power as my mistress."

"But…you'll never listen to anything I say."

His fingers continued to trace over her arm, tickling it, "Don't you want some favor, dear one, even if it is to use it for those who don't deserve it?"

"I…" she paused.

"Or is your pride to much to handle it?"

"This isn't about my pride."

"Of course it is…you wanted to be better than me…than my death eaters…to have a moral superiority…and that _is_ your pride. But it is time to give me that too."

She looked to where his hand was on her arm, then she steeled herself, looking back up at him, "Prepare me then."

"What do you mean?"

"You have to explain to me what exactly will happen tomorrow night and how I should act," she paused, "and how bloody awful it will be. Draco was sick for days."

"It's dark magic, Sarah."

"I'm aware of that, my Lord. So, unless you want me to disappoint you, you have to make sure I am ready."

"I haven't experienced the taking." He patted her arm and then dropped it, "but don't worry, I know who can help."

"Who is that?"

"Your father, of course."

Sarah's forehead creased with worry, "Don't tell him of this…of all these particulars."

"Dearest," Voldemort put his thumb on her forehead, "stop that. Your father is mature enough to handle this. And you will be mature enough to allow him. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," She mumbled.

"Good girl," he dropped his thumb from her forehead and moved away from her to call Snape.

* * *

Severus clutched the piece of parchment in his hand, it crumpling under the weight of his grasp.

Sarah looked over at him, startled at the lack of reserve, especially in the presence of the Dark Lord.

"You look perturbed, Severus," Voldemort commented, his arms crossed.

Sarah swiftly reached over and snatched the paper out of his grasp, it tearing in two.

"Sarah Grace!" the admonishment came from both men in the room, simultaneously.

She looked resolved and then stood and quietly but confidently walked over to Voldemort. She laid the paper down on his desk in front of him. "There is no need to involve Snape in these…" she paused, "personal matters between us."

"I involve him because he is my most trusted advisor," Voldemort twined his hands, "And you are not to question me or dictate the wisdom of my choices."

"You are upsetting my father," Sarah lost her composure, snapping at him. "And I don't like it."

"You will moderate your tone," he swiveled in his leather chair, reaching for her arm, twisting it.

"Let go of me," she twisted and fought against him.

"What is your problem?" his grip tightened.

"You are embarrassing me."

"You are embarrassing yourself," he shook her arm, "stop this."

"Mak…"

"My Lord," Severus bolted up out of his chair, before Sarah could completely voice her defiance. "It was my fault. I should have moderated my reaction."

Voldemort released Sarah's arm. He raised a finger when she opened her mouth to speak. "You will be silent now."

"But…" Sarah protested.

"That display lost you the right to have any input into the discussion between your father and myself." He reached for her arm again and pulled her down to sit in his chair. "I will use a sticking charm if you move your arse and a silencing charm if you open your mouth again."

The look she gave him showed him that she didn't need words to voice her displeasure.

"You are spunky today," he reached down to smooth her hair, "but very good obeying orders."

She shifted and shot him another look, but didn't speak.

Voldemort walked around the desk to where Severus was standing.

"Why didn't you moderate your reaction?" he put a hand on Severus's shoulder. "I have never known you not to…in fact, it is your greatest strength…the ability to never give away your hand."

Severus paused and then admitted, "Even I have my weaknesses, my Lord."

"And she is your weakness."

"No, she is my strength," Severus countered. "but I am a father. And as a father, I am…" he paused again, searching for his words.

"Shocked?" Voldemort asked.

"No…" Severus drawled, "concerned."

Voldemort let go over his shoulder and then gestured him to sit on the couch. Severus took a seat and Voldemort sat next to him.

"Go on, Severus. I"m listening," Voldemort said seriously.

"She is young, my Lord. I'm not sure she understands the implications of this contract between her and you."

"Meaning…"

"Meaning, that," Severus pointed in the direction of the desk, "is entirely advantageous to you."

"As it should be," Voldemort looked at him, evenly, "I am the leader here."

"Of course," Severus said, smoothly, "but it doesn't mean that it should be disadvantageous to her…that she had to give so many concessions. And many of them are vague. I doubt she thought through it."

"Undoubtately, the only concern she had was towards you and your safety and the safety of your daughter," Voldemort twined his hands, "Touching, isn't it?"

"Quite so," Severus responded, his voice impassive again, "But, my Lord, what prompted this?"

"I wish her to take my mark and she decided that should mean she should get more out of this bargain…your safety and her wand, mainly."

"I see," Snape twined his hands, "Very well then. Perhaps, we should renegotiate the particulars, my Lord."

"I don't need you to," Sarah said, rising and going over to him. "I'm quite capable."

"No, you aren't, Sarah," Snape's voice drawled. "you proved that the minute you put my welfare and my child's welfare in front of your own."

"She's my sister!"

"She isn't your responsibility!" Snape's voice rose. "I will not allow you to martyr yourself for any of us. I will ensure her safety myself. You don't have to have a half cocked, imbecile plan to do so yourself."

"Severus, that is quiet enough!" Voldemort stepped between the two of them, "you will moderate your tone with her."

"My Lord," Snape's head bowed.

Sarah bit her thumb, perturbed. Voldemort was censuring Snape on her behalf. He had never done that. She wisely kept her mouth shut.

He put his hand on Snape's shoulder, "You are being overly harsh with her, Severus. You wouldn't want her to think you don't want her to be a part of your child' s life."

Sarah's stomach dropped and her knees shook at the thought. She knew she said as much to him, but she never truly dreamt that it would actually be true.

Voldemort's hand dropped from Snape's shoulder to wrap around her waist. "What is it?" he asked, his face drawn in concern, "Do you feel ill?"

Sarah could see Snape's expression grow taunt, his face pale. She met his eyes.

"I'll be fine," Sarah choked out, her eyes not leaving Snape's.

"My Lord," Snape tore her eyes away from Sarah's. "May I speak to you in private?"

"Of course," he turned to her and pointed to the couch, "Stay here. We will return in a few moments."

She felt like she had no choice but to do what he said. A few minutes later, Snape came back alone.

"Where is he?" she asked.

"He has a meeting at the ministry," Snape said, standing in the doorway.

"What did you say to him?" she asked.

"That is none of your business."

"You know it is," She dropped her elbows to her knees, leaning over, her hands covering her face for a few minutes before turning her head to look at him, "Do you not want me near your child?" she blurted out. "Is it because I am having sex with him or because I am taking his mark?"

Snape pushed the door closed behind him.

"That's precisely what he wanted you to ask me. He is manipulating you."

"I know!" she heaved in distress, "but I would have thought it anyway…he is only tapping into my insecurity."

"Why?" Snape demanded, "What I have ever done to make you doubt me?" he paused, "besides all that…that I have done."

"It's not about you. It's about me! And who I am in now!"

"I have his mark, Sarah!" Snape retorted, "Why would I see you differently?"

"Your child is innocent."

"Yes, she is. But she still has me for a father…and Draco for a brother. She will be brought into our world, Sarah. There is no escaping that truth. And I know I will have to protect her. But I will not fail her…not like I failed you."

"You didn't fail me," she retorted, tears springing to her eyes.

"I beg to differ."

Sarah jumped up and walked across the room to him, who was still standing by the door. "No, you didn't fail me." She put her hands on his forearms, "I just wish…"

"What?"

"I want her to look up to me. I'm her sister."

"She will."

"She shouldn't though not with who I am now."

Snape reached pulled her again him, his grip hard as he pushed her against his chest, trying to protect her from all of it…all the pain of the past and what was to come. "I took it out of free will. He is coercing you into this."

"You and I know that now…but eventually…no one will believe that…and one day, I may not believe it myself. He is changing me."

"You are still you, Sarah." Snape stroked her hair.

"Who am I?" she cried against him, in anguish.

Snape took a moment and then responded, firmly, "My talented, beautiful, smart, and oh so very _strong_ daughter. He may shatter your resolve, he may cause you to doubt yourself, but never doubt this. I love you. I am proud of you. You are irreplaceable. And you will succeed in this life, not because of the darkness within, but because…because of the strengths of your convictions. Don't let him win, Sarah. I beg of you. Don't draw away from me."

"But you know of our bargain."

He nodded, "We are negotiating the terms. He will have to take advantage of you, but we must be reasonable about it."

"It doesn't make you look differently at me."

Snape shrugged. "I wasn't upset with the bargain to begin with- I think it was well conceived, just ill-executed. You will learn from this and the next time, you will be more deft in your negotiations with him. And you will be able to negotiate, Sarah. Don't miss opportunities- you'll be in the perfect position to influence him."

She nodded, but didn't say more. Snape continued, "When you take his mark, he will attempt to test you. This is natural. You must rise above it. Show him the strength of your mind."

"How will he test me?" her forehead creased in concern.

"I am not sure. Antonin wanted me to warn you, but couldn't give me particulars."

"Dolohov is concerned," Sarah frowned.

Snape nodded, "Due to your past allegiances, his test must be stringent…it must prove to the others that you are worthy to enter our fellowship."

"What does Dolohov think?"

"He told me to tell you that he knows you will be successful if you put your mind towards it."

"And do you concur?" Sarah looked into Snape's eyes.

"Without a doubt," Snape retorted, "Whatever he tries, you will succeed."

"How do you know?"

"You don't have a choice," Snape responded, gravely, and Sarah knew that his words rang true. She didn't have a choice, but to succeed.

* * *

The whole hall was completely quiet as Sarah walked over to where Voldemort was seated save the click of her heals over the marble floor and the gentle wrestle of her dress robes.

"My Lord," Sarah courtesied and kept her head bowed as she dropped down to kneel before him.

Voldemort stood and walked in front of her. He reached for both her hands and helped her up to her feet, his hands strongly gripping hers. "Welcome, my dear one."

She raised her chin to look him in the eye, "I am honored to be here," she said, smoothly.

There was an unmistakable glint in his eye, "I'm very glad to hear that. This is a momentous occasion for you."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Momentous…almost a rite of passage for you to take my mark," he squeezed her hand, "You should have family here with you, supporting you in this venture."

"There's Snape."

"Of course," Voldemort nodded, "but it's unfortunate that you don't have any one else. I have made an arrangement for you."

Sarah forced her expression to remain steady and quiet as Voldemort dropped her hands to gesture Antonin who went outside the room to pull in two guests.

"You should at least have your friends here," he said, his voice low.

Her spine stiffened as Ron and Hermione were dragged in.

She fought to find her stoicism as she stepped forward but then caught Antonin's eye. She stopped in her tracks.

"It is breaking with protocol to have them here, as well as the other ministry officials and the papers, but for you my dear, I can make an exception."

She inwardly grimaced. He was making this very public indeed by having non-death eaters attend this gathering. He wanted the world to know. And she very much did not.

Aware of her silence, he prompted, "Well, what do you have to say?"

She cleared her throat, "You are exceedingly…" she searched for the proper word, " _generous_ with me, my Lord," she said, her voice clear, not a tremble to be heard.

"Very good," he gave her a small smile of praise and approval, before saying,

"Come," he extended his hand towards her and she took it, "I have something else to show you. I'm quite eager to do so. We all are."

She looked over to her friends as he led her to the raised platform in the middle of the hall at Voldemort's manor. She saw the strain in Ron & Hermione's faces- the weariness, the anguish, the despair of uncertainty. Her heart tore and for a moment she faltered, tripping slightly against the platform.

"Watch your step," he said, his eye on her and his grip becoming noticeably stronger- the pressure sending a message. He had seen her moment and she was to be careful. He let go of her hand and then gestured Antonin to come forward.

Dolohov came forward and pulled out a small drawstring bag from his robes. "My Lord," he offered the bag, but Voldemort gestured for Antonin to give it to Sarah.

"A gift," Voldemort said, "for you…on the occasion of entering our fellowship."

She took the bag from Dolohov, locking eyes with his for a moment, a bolster of encouragement in his eyes for her.

"Open it," Voldemort directed and Sarah pulled loose the strings and peered inside.

She fought a gasp…"Where did you find this, my Lord?"

"Your memories led me to it…are you not pleased?" he moved closer to her. "Take it. Take it and call him, Sarah Grace."

Sarah looked across the room to Snape who had moved closer to Ron and Hermione.

"Call whom, my Lord?"

Voldemort's voice echoed through the hall, "Summon Harry Potter to this meeting…have him here to witness you take my mark."

There was quite a lot of noise among the death eaters at that pronouncement and Voldemort held up his hand for silence. "Go on now," he coaxed.

Her hands trembled as she dropped her gaze to stare back inside the bag. "Merlin help me, he is asking me to do the impossible" she thought. She closed her eyes for a moment, but then snapped them open to look across the room at Snape again. He gave a nod of encouragement. She must do this. This was her test.

"You won't be able to see what I do."

"It matters not. Just knowing he is here is enough for me," Voldemort said. His voice lowered, "Focus on Potter, not your parents, Sarah. It must be Potter."

"Very well," She reached her hand into the bag and grasped the resurrection stone, pulling it out.

" _Hello, Paddy_."

Right away she noticed that something was different. It looked like Harry. It sounded like Harry. But the eyes…the eyes gave him away.

"Don't react," James instructed. "I know you have questions, but that will be something that you will have to figure out later. You have to make him think that it is Harry here."

"Sarah."

Sarah turned her attention to the other man standing next to James Potter.

"Professor Dumbledore," she said it before she could control her reaction.

His laugh echoed through the hall, "This is perfect!" Voldemort swept up beside her and put his arm around her waist, "What a welcome surprise. You do spoil me, little one."

She swallowed hard, but didn't respond.

"Do tell the old fool I said hello. Tell the young fool that he has so completely lost you to me."

"Go on, Miss Black," Dumbledore said, gravely. "We don't have much time."

"I think they can hear you, sir," Sarah said, quietly, turning her head slightly in Voldemort's direction.

"Good, now, what are they saying in response?" Voldemort urged.

"Listen, Paddy," James said, gravely, "Your mum and dad want you to know to trust your instincts. And to do all to fight for yourself. Survive, Sarah. They want you to survive."

Sarah nodded and turned her gaze to Dumbledore, "And Professor Dumbledore?"

"The light in you, Sarah, can't so easily be distinguished by this mark. It's deeply entrenched in your being. Find those moments, Miss Black. Find them and hold onto them. And don't be afraid. Love will win. It cannot fail. He will continue to underestimate it, but the only think that can counter his fractured soul is love. All hope is not lost. Do not despair."

She fought the tremble of her knees at they knocked quietly against each other. She wasn't sure what to say to Voldemort in front of his death eaters, ministry officials, the papers. She had to give him what she thinks they would say.

"Harry says he misses me," Sarah said, slowly. "And that you are still an awful bloody bastard to do this to me."

There was a stir amongst the death eaters.

"Silence," Voldemort barked. "Did you tell him you are willing?"

"No…" Sarah said slowly. She turned to James, "I know you don't understand this, but he has changed me."

"Tell him…that I don't believe you," James coached.

"He doesn't believe me."

Voldemort rolled his eyes, "And the old fool?"

"He says…hello back. And to get on with it…and something about lemon drops…and an endless supply that he wants to get back to…and how you shouldn't be so afraid of death…I'm not quite sure what he was getting at…you know how Professor can ramble," Sarah said, dryly, then eyed Dumbledore, "Sorry, sir," she apologized, but Dumbledore winked at her.

"Never mind all that...I have won, friends," Voldemort announced, "and now these two will witness the results of their failure. She symbolized them…the best friend of the chosen one…one who had helped him thwart me so many times is now…completely…fully…willingly mine. Aren't you?"

He reached to grip her arm and Sarah tightened her hand around the stone.

"Tell me. Tell them all. You are mine. You are ours. Willingly ours."

"Yes. I am yours."

He extended it and pushed up the sleeve of her arm. "Are you ready?"

She stared at the elder wand hovering over her arm and she was afraid…so completely afraid.

"Look at me, Paddy," James urged, and Sarah's eyes moved to James's, "You have this. Uncle Prongs is here. I'm here for us all…for your mum, for your dad, for Lily. We are all here with you."

"Take his mark," Albus coaxed, "but do not despair. this cannot define you. This _will not_ define you…"

Sarah screamed as he uttered the words, branding her as his…

The stone slipped out of her hand and burst into a fireball as chaos erupted.

* * *

She shrugged off her robes and then shook them gently, her wand and a hair tie dropping to the ground as she did. She knelt down on the carpet of Voldemort's study, and reached for her wand. He must have slipped it in her outside pocket when he had stepped close to her. She gripped it and then pointed it towards the fireplace. She was cold. So cold. The fire started to roar. She moved closer to her, scooping down to retrieve her hair tie and pull her hair up, out of her face. She tossed the robe on the couch and then pointed the wand towards the fireplace, it roaring to life.

She sighed and then went over to the desk and popped open the decanter top, pouring brandy into a tumbler and taking a sip. She grimaced and tried not to sputter.

"Still haven't acquired the taste for it?" Voldemort's voice startled her, her jumping and spilling some on her black dress.

"Clearly not," Sarah swished it around in the glass, before taking another sip.

He eyed her quietly, staring at her.

"Sorry for helping myself."

"I'll forgive it this time."

"Thank you for my wand."

He nodded. "As promised."

They were silent for another moment before Sarah blurted out, "What the hell happened?"

"I haven't figured it out yet."

"And the others are gone?"

He nodded. "Just you and I."

"Where is Hermione?"

"After all that has happened…you focus on the mudblood?"

She practically slammed the glass down on his desk. "You made a promise to me."

"I know."

"What you did tonight…it was sick. It was twisted. You were torturing me…even when I did exactly what you asked of me. Tell me: why should I try?"

He crossed his arms, "I had to test you. I had to prove the fitness of you mind."

"My mind is perfectly fit. It's all of them…" she swung her arm around the room, "They are the ones who aren't fit."

"Careful…" Voldemort took a step closer to her.

She held up her arm, "This gives me the right to talk to you…right?"

"Respectfully so…" Voldemort bridged the gap and pinned her arms at her side, "You will show me the due course of respect."

"Respect?" Sarah looked him in the eyes, "It is all these bloody mind games…I know you want more than your followers. You want the respect of the wizarding world. You'll never earn that without cutting out this crazy sh…"

He shook her, "Stop."

"No, you tried to torture me tonight. You knew…you knew my weakness was Harry. And you brought him to me…from the dead. How could you?"

"I'm trying to teach you…"

"It doesn't matter! Because to everyone else…it looks like you are mental. And they saw. I saw ministry officials there. The paper."

"They will write what I want them to write. They will do what I want them to do…"

"But they will still think what they think and so will everyone else when they read what happened tonight."

"You are being dramatic again."

"If you say so…let Hermione go though. Otherwise, it just looks like you are vindictive."

"She doesn't deserve it…"

"She can't help who her parents are. She has magical ability. She is the brightest witch of our generation."

"No!" he grunted, "that's you, my dear. That will _always_ be you."

"Please let her go!" she grunted back.

"Why?"

"Because if you ever want me to trust anything you say, you will do this for me. Because you promised. You promised _me_. Forget the wizarding world, I'll never trust you if you break this trust we had between us."

He backed away from her. He was silent for a few minutes- what felt like an eternity, staring at her.

He finally moved, sideswiping her again to pour himself some brandy and hand her back her tumbler, "Another sip- a nice long one."

She eyed the dark liquid. "Why?"

"I'm shagging you in two minutes. You need the fortitude."

She took a gulp, it burning down her throat as she did. She put down her tumbler, "Fine as soon as you tell me that you are releasing Hermione."

"You would deny me," he raised an eyebrow.

"No, you are stronger than me, you would just take me by force. As long as I don't fight you, you see this as consensual. But tonight, you will have to force me. I will fight you with all the strength I have left...you do find rape distasteful…and even you can't logic that away."

He took her glass and put it down on his desk, "Turn around now." he growled.

She did so without hesitation. He unzipped her dress, it falling to the ground. He reached to grip her pony tail, twisting it around. He pulled her by the ponytail to whisper in her ear, "When you talk to me like that…without fear, with boldness…all the others, they cater to me. But not you"

"I thought you want me submissive."

He yanked her hair tie down, her hair flowing down her back. "In the end…but the journey to get there…is half the fun."

He turned her around and gripped her chin, "I released Granger earlier. Your precious mudblood is safe…as promised. I will keep my promises to you, little one."

She felt relief only for a moment before he picked her up and pushed her to the ground. "And you think I am bonkers. No woman in their right mind would talk to me like that..."

"Maybe you are rubbing off on me."

"Bite your tongue, little one," he growled, "now, let's work on that submissive part."

* * *

"I don't feel good," Sarah rolled away from him, her hand on her forehead. "Was it because…I…I didn't…"

"No," he said, reaching for his wand, "It has nothing to do with that. Tonight was for me, not you."

The desk drawer opened and a vial came towards them.

"Drink."

She sniffed it and then nodded, "Sleep. I need sleep."

"It will help your body recover."

She drank it and then shivered, her teeth chattering.

A cool washcloth came floating towards them. He grasped it and then put it on her forehead which was clammy. A fur blanket came next, which he covered over her.

"My arm hurts…really hurts…burning. I can feel it burning. Is it burning my flesh?"

"Shh," he hushed her and then pulled her into his side. "You are fine."

"You didn't answer my question."

"You are fine," He repeated.

"Why didn't I feel it before?"

"The adrenaline," he said. "It has caught up with you."

"I can't do this…" She wiggled her arm out of the blanket to look at the dark mark, red and irritated, inflamed. "Oh Merlin, help me. I am going to lose my arm."

"It will diminish with time."

"Are you sure nothing went wrong?"

"I'm sure," he pinned her against him, "Stay still. You need to rest."

"My mind…"

"Let it go. I promise you, all is well."

"Bloody awful. You do this to all of them…and then they love you for it? Are they sadists?"

He chuckled. "Let your mind go, dear one. Don't fight the potion."

"I'm not finished discussing this without," she laid her head down. "But…I…just…can't…seem to…get…my…thoughts…bloody hell"

She was asleep before she could finish her statement.

* * *

She woke a few hours later still on the floor of the study. It was dark, the middle of the night. The fire was flickering and he was seated on the couch, drinking more brandy.

"Aren't you tired?"

He shrugged. "How do you feel?"

"I'm running a fever, aren't I?"

"Yes."

She reached for her wand, which was lying on the floor beside her. She summoned a blanket to wrap around her before awkwardly rising and moving to the couch to sit next to him.

"What is wrong that you can't sleep?" she asked, curiously.

"I was thinking of what you said earlier."

"I was angry," Sarah bit her lip and then wiped her clammy brow with the back of her hand. "You know how I respond to dark magic."

"You would have said it even not under its effects."

"Yes."

"Your assessment was accurate. My people will respect me, but his will never unless I tone down some of the darkness. And I do want them all to respect me."

"So what will you do?"

He took another long drink and then put it down. "Here is the thing, Sarah. You can bear my children, but they will be illegitimate."

"I'm not following."

"We have to make this between us…respectable to the rest of them."

"I'm not sure it will ever be…" she started but he cut her off.

"I understand about our age difference, but that will be accepted in time especially if you… if you…" he paused.

She frowned, not use to seeing him unsure.

"If I what?"

He met her eyes, "If you become… my _wife_."


	25. Marriage

**A/N:** Spring break is over...but I managed a short update on this story. More to come...

Warning: strong T for adult themes.

 **Chapter 25: Marriage**

"Your wife?" she asked, surprised tinging her tone.

"My wife," he said, taking another drink.

She sat for a full five minutes in silence after that pronouncement, he rising to pour himself some more brandy.

"Do you have nothing at all to say to that?" he asked.

She reached to take the drink out of his hand, and drink a long sip herself.

"Leave some for me," he chided, taking it back, "and slow down…between the dark magic and your low tolerance for alcohol, you'll get hopelessly plastered…"

"That wouldn't be unwelcome at this point," she said, "I want to drink myself into oblivion."

"That bad?" he asked.

"You think it is that bad," she said, "that's why you are sitting here drinking yourself in the middle of the night."

"I'm wrapping my mind around the thought," he confessed. "I have never been too keen on taking a wife."

"Hum," she said. "What would be my name?"

"That's all you can think about?"

"At the moment," she said, reaching for the tumbler back, but he swatted her hand.

"No more."

"I feel wretched, just a little."

"You will feel more wretched if possible in the morning," he said.

"I doubt that is possible," she dropped her head on his shoulder.

He reached up to caress the side of her head, "I was proud of you tonight, little one. Enormously proud…" he dropped his hand to untangle her arm from the blanket, surveying her mark, "You're beautiful, do you know that?" He leaned down and kissed the mark, causing her to shiver more.

"I think I would need to keep my name."

"Lady Evil Incarnate doesn't appeal to you?" he kissed her arm again.

She giggled…in spite of the fever and the alcohol….and the fact that she was facing a marriage to…well, evil incarnate.

He laughed at her too, "You have too much to drink, my dear."

"Perhaps," she said, her head still on his shoulder, "I know you don't want to marry me though."

"Not particularly," he said, honestly, "but it isn't totally objectionable to me. Is it to you?"

She thought for a few moments, "I have your mark…I'm a death eater. I'm your mistress. My fate is sealed to you…I'm too tired to object. Whatever you think is best, my Lord."

He took her hand in his and then kissed each one of her fingers. "Then we will settle the particulars at a later date. I want it to be sooner rather than later."

"That's fine."

"You should sleep," he said.

"I don't think I can at the moment," she admitted. "I do feel wretched."

"Just close your eyes," he said, "And quiet yourself now. Goodnight, dear one."

"Goodnight, evil incarnate."

* * *

 _One month later_

Her white long sleeved gown and veil shimmered ethereally as she walked towards him in the garden of Voldemort's Manor, her on Snape's arm. Draco was sitting next to Narcissa, whose stomach was becoming more of a presence, and Ginny. He was stone faced, but as she walked passed him, she caught his eye and for a moment, they connected…the force between them had always been so strong. Her heart stirred as she thought of what had been and what was to be. She almost tripped, but Snape's grip tightened on her. She caught herself and move on, trying to focus herself.

When they reached the Dark Lord, Snape's hand transferred hers into his and stepped away.

Voldemort leaned over to whisper in her ear, "I saw that."

She forced to not have a reaction and he continued, "You look lovely, as always, little one."

"Thank you," she murmured.

"Let's get on with it," Voldemort instructed.

She knew he was upset with her and she felt almost light-headed as she said her vows to him, bounding herself to him as his wife…something she thought he would never consider…something she had never ever considered.

And then the official pronounced them man and wife, and he lifted her veil.

She froze and for a moment, he stumbled as well, before squeezing her hand tightly, too tightly. He was angry.

"My wife is so shy," he laughed and then kiss her cheek.

The reception was long and drawn on. Voldemort was dancing with about every woman except her, when she saw Dolohov conferring with him, before approaching her and giving her a large formal bow.

"My lady, will you be so kind as to dance this with me?" he asked, formally.

She nodded and took his outstretched hand.

"What the hell did you do, mon petit chou?"

"There may have been a look between Malfoy and me, as I was walking down the aisle," she admitted, him spinning her around and then pulling her back into his arms.

Dolohov winced, "You are in for it tonight."

"What should I do?"

"Don't deny it," he advised.

"It was one second before I looked away," she argued, "and it wasn't intentional, I swear."

"Shh, shh," he said, spinning her again, "Laugh."

She forced herself to laugh.

"Now smile and pretend we are having a jovial conversation," he held her against him.

She forced a smile, "I'm doing everything he wants me to do."

"Not everything from what I have gathered," he said, his voice low.

"It's not like I can force myself to…" she paused, framing her words, "have a passionate response towards him."

"You must tread carefully, mon petit chou," Dolohov advised, "you are married to him now. You have a seat at our table, but he mustn't ever feel trapped by you or burdened by you. It is more enjoyable for a man if they woman is…how should we say it?…into him."

"I didn't trap him into this. I was his idea. He wanted the press opp and he hasn't even approached me once at this tiresome reception."

"Then you approach him," Dolohov advised, spinning her again, "You look stunning in this dress, glowing."

"It's the magic that makes the dress sparkle," she said.

"Your taste?"

"Yes."

"He is giving you choices," Dolohov countered, "from the orchids in your hair to the style of your dress. Don't let go of the advantages he is giving you," he spun her one more time before gently pushing her in the Dark Lord's direction, "confidence, my lady."

"Don't call me that," she grunted back.

He only laughed at her and Sarah approached her husband, "My Lord," she curtseyed.

He gestured for her to approach him, and she leaned over to whisper in his ear, "I married you…you are missing the opportunity for the press to see you tender with me if you are glowering over here at me."

He reached for her hand and kissed it. "When did you become so calculating? Or know such the art of diversion?"

"Probably from your influence," she countered, her cheeks blushing, "Will you not dance with me?"

"Do you think it will erase what I saw?"

"No…no," she swallowed hard, "But maybe counter your harshness."

He kissed her hand again and then took her to the dance floor for a waltz, providing the perfect opportunity for the press, before he took her upstairs into the privacy of his bedroom.

She stood there as he stormed into the room behind her.

"You are still angry," she frowned.

"Yes," he snapped turning her around and working on the buttons of her dress.

"That look with Malfoy…all the longing that was wrapped up in the look between both of you."

"You misread the look!"

"Did I?"

"Yes!"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

"And then you can't even force yourself to kiss me."

"You always said that it was objectionable to you! I never thought that we would have to!"

"And you still haven't given yourself to me…not truly."

"I have tried…I am bound to try. If I haven't been able to…then it is not solely on me!" she shot back.

"Silence," He gripped her arm and pulled her to him, kissing her roughly.

She gasped and tried to pull away but he wrestled with her, holding to him.

Finally, he let her go and she rubbed her sore mouth.

"Now," Voldemort asked, untying his tie, "Was that so bad, wife?"

She licked her lips, "What are you going to do?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Anything I damn well want to you. You are my death eater, my lover and now my wife. You are mine…and you damn well will submit to me tonight."

"Why are you so hostile towards me all the sudden?" She asked as he reached for her hands, tying them together with his tie.

"That look," he growled. "The look of longing. I didn't misread it. It was there."

"It was a gut reaction," she argued, "the last time I wore a white dress, I was marrying Draco. I do love him still…you know I do. But I'm committed to you."

"Then prove it."

"How?"

"Dolohov will take you on a mission tomorrow night."

"Fine!" she exclaimed, "Whatever you want."

His eyes darkened, this time filled with passion…for her…"That's what I thought."

* * *

Sarah stood a the little cottage in the countryside, frowning.

"What is it mon petit chou?"

"I feel like I have been here before."

"To a muggle cottage?" Dolohov asked, incredulously, "unlikely."

"What are we doing here?"

"Well," Dolohov stood behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders, "Do you remember the woman whom Voldemort killed last year- the one pregnant?"

"Of course."

"Her husband is an MP…really up in coming…but the Dark Lord thinks he is becoming too strong of an influence in the muggle world."

"Why would he care?"

Dolohov shrugged, "There is a balance of power that must be maintained."

"But he is a muggle, yes?"

"Yes."

"Then shouldn't he just stay out of it?"

"He chooses what he wants to involve himself in and not. Let's go."

"What are we doing again? Threatening?"

"Assassinating."

"Oh no!" She whipped around on him. "I'm not assassinating anybody, Antonin!"

"It's a quick curse, mon petit chou."

She stood very still, "And he wants me to be the one to do so?"

"Yes, that was the order."

"Why didn't he tell me all of this?"

"He probably thinks you would have given him trouble about it."

"Damn right I would have."

"It is technically proving your loyalty to him," Dolohov said, "after that…moment with Malfoy."

"It was a look, not sex or anything."

"And he is only asking for the killing curse, not torture or anything. Very reasonable if you ask me."

"How many times do I have to prove my loyalty to him? I took his mark. I became his wife!"

"As long as it takes."

She grunted, her heart and mind racing, before very calmly retorting, "Very well. Let's get this over with."

They broke through the door storming into the cottage, catching the MP by surprise.

But instead of turning her wand on the muggle, Sarah looked to Antonin, "I'm sorry, truly I am," and her curse shot him back, knocking him against the ground. He looked surprised for a moment, but her angle was slightly off and didn't quite stun him as effectively as she should have.

"This is how you are going to play it?" Dolohov asked. They began to duel each other, but Dolohov used the cruciatus pretty soon into the battle and Sarah lost the grip on her wand, it flying out of her hand. She lunged for it back but he was too quick for her. They wrestled for her wand before he pinned her to the ground.

"Stop!" he grunted.

"I can't do it!" she fought against him.

"You don't even know him!"

"It doesn't matter."

"What will you do?"

"I don't know," she gasped, still fighting.

"You are spirited, aren't you?" he finally pinned her to where he was over her and her arms were pinned against her, "What's the plan?"

"I don't have one. What's yours?"

"You left me no choice- I will call him and he will deal with your insubordination," Dolohov released her when he sensed the fight go out of her. He put his hands on her face, "Why are you so foolish?"

"Instinct," she sniffled, "I can't kill him. I just can't."

He helped her sit and then stand, her legs shaky. He steadied her.

"How mad do you think he will be?"

"You should have thought about that before, mon petit chou," he tapped her temples, "You are smarter than this. Use that instinct for survival."

"That's what I am trying to do. There is more to survival than just living. Don't you understand?"

He shook his head, "You must release your idealistic notions of things."

"I can't do that," She looked around, "Where is the muggle?"

They heard footsteps on the stairs.

Sarah groaned, "I'll go. Can I have my wand back?"

He laughed at her, "I don't think so," he pocketed her wand. "Use wandless magic if he gets feisty."

"You are putting a lot of faith in my wandless magic considering you just beat me pretty solidly with my wand."

"You weren't completely convinced what to do," Dolohov traced her cheek. "Otherwise, you would have used an unforgivable on me."

"That's pretty much true."

"I am awfully fond of you, did you know?"

"This wasn't me turning on you," she said, quietly. "It had nothing to do with you."

"I know that. Find the muggle and drag him down here. I'll call the Dark Lord."

As she walked up the stairs to the bedroom, she knew precisely what she had to do. She had cost the muggle man his wife and child. She couldn't take his life as well…or watch as Dolohov or Voldemort did so.

She took a breath and then entered the bedroom where the muggle was waiting with her with a heavy brass lamp, which she quickly threw out of his hands with her wandless magic.

She put a finger on her lips.

She looked at him, his eyes wide and his curly hair tossled.

"Do I know you?" she asked, getting a funny feeling in her core.

"I'm pretty sure not," Collin replied. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Have you heard of Voldemort?"

"I've heard of him."

"Your wife was a witch, yes?"

He nodded.

"He has ordered your death."

"But you tried to save me," he looked, shocked, "Who are you?"

She extended her hand, "Sarah Black…" she paused, "Voldemort." She winced at the way it sounded.

He took her hand, both of them trembling. "You are married to him? How old are you?"

"Old enough to procreate apparently."

"My God," Collin still gripped her hand. "Is this what it has become to?"

"None of that matters, my fate is my fate, but your fate is still yet to be determined…what matters is that he is coming for you and we need a plan," she said, urgently, "Did your wife have a wand?"

Collin went over to the nightstand and pulled it out and handed it to her.

"Okay, here is what we are going to do." she whispered, "You are going to climb down the window."

"And what will you do?"

"Burn your cottage to the ground."

"Okay, then." he paused, "You should come with me," he extended his hand again.

She reached for his hand, squeezing it, "I can't. Find Hermione Granger. She'll help you."

"How will I do that?"

"I'm assuming there are officials within the muggle parliament that know about us. Find them…but make sure they are _his_. And make sure that you have loads of security. Go underground for a while…until he forgets about you."

"Why are you doing this?"

She bit her lip, "Your wife died and baby died and it was supposed to be me. This is the least I can do."

She waved the wand and the upstairs burst into flames. The fire was stronger than she thought, more intense…the wand responded powerfully to her as its new user…like she was somehow connected to it. She was standing there so shocked, she didn't see the beam coming for her until it was too late.

* * *

She woke, feeling disoriented. She looked around…not knowing where she was.

"There you are," Voldemort said, "welcome back."

"What happened?" she asked, straining to sit up but he had put his hand on her shoulder, pinning her down against the bed.

"You decided to play hero once again and thwart my wishes. Darling one, this is simply becoming tiresome."

"I don't have it in me to kill."

He laughed, "Yes, you do. Bellatrix…remember her?"

She paused, "You are quite right…I do when the situation warrants it. But I couldn't kill him."

"I ordered you to kill him. How did the situation not warrant it?"

She was very quiet and then took several breaths, "I owed him."

"I don't follow you," he frowned, "Whatever are you talking about?"

"I took two lives from him. I owed him."

"Merlin, is that what it was about?" his mouth dropped in disbelief, "Your sense of justice truly astounds me."

"How did I get out of there?"

"I rescued you, of course," he traced his fingers against her cheek. "You still owe _me_ lives. Don't you remember?"

"Oh, I remember. How can I forget?"

"What can I do that I haven't done already?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

"I am rough with you. I am gentle with you. I am short tempered with you. I am patient with you. And still yet…you don't respond."

"I do try," she bit her lip. "I am your death eater."

"Bloody good that is," Voldemort laughed, "You don't even have the compunction to follow a simple order. It was simple, tidy. It should have been easy for you."

"I am also your wife."

"That you are."

"I didn't ask for it. It was your idea and I agreed. I didn't put up a fight about it."

"Don't mistake me. I see your efforts despite of tonight's setback."

"I was ready to do whatever you wanted me to do…" she said, "but I just…I couldn't."

"Perhaps I am trying to hard to make you into something you are not," Voldemort said, reaching to rub his finger against her cheek, "I had promised you that you would not have to go on missions. Perhaps, it is enough to know your capabilities and to have you offer advise to me…take more of the strategic role in my circle."

"I can do that."

"But there is one thing that I cannot compromise on. I want your passion and your devotion. And you cannot deny that you tolerate our relationship."

"What are you saying exactly?"

"I need you to see sex as something not related to love. I have tried to change your perspective, but it is not working."

She stilled, wondering where this was going,"I'm trying with that. Honestly, I am."

"I'm not saying you aren't trying," Voldemort waved her off, "I am saying that my strategy is not working."

She couldn't deny it. It wasn't working.

"I have been so patient with you," Voldemort mused, "perhaps it is time of more strategic action in this area."

"What does that mean?"

He paused, "I thought about giving you to Carrow for some fun, but Dolohov advised me against that. He said that I would never get you back if I allowed Carrow liberties with you."

Her stomach sunk, as she tried to wrap her mind around what he was getting at. Her head started pounding, " But with the curse, how would that even be possible?"

He shrugged, "As you know with Wormtail, it doesn't prevent you…if it is against your will…it just makes it agonizing until we right things between us."

She bit her lip, rubbing her temples, "I really don't think that is the answer."

"Of course you wouldn't," he said, "A simple order, Sarah. Just a simple order to prove your devotion. But you don't have any."

"That's not entirely true!" she argued.

"I'm giving you to Dolohov, Sarah," he said, bluntly. "It is what I should have done all along instead of allowing Malfoy to bed you."

"I am your wife," she said, aghast, "how can you just choose to share me with Dolohov?"

"You wronged him tonight. You will make it right with him. You will be compliant and do as he says. And he will teach you that this has nothing to do with love."

"You teach me that all the time!"

"And yet you have some sort of block against allowing yourself to feel passion with me."

"I made the unbreakable vow to not do so!"

"And you haven't met your demise yet…or found your passion, so I have to conclude that you have some sort of psychological malady that is causing this. Dolohov might snap you out of it and if he can, then I would be all the better for it."

"So you are just letting Dolohov do what he wants to me? And then what?"

"Then we will wait a week and you and I will resume our relationship."

"A full week?" she asked, wincing at the thought of her state after that week.

"A _full_ week," he said, darkly, "I have no doubt it will cause you to want to kill yourself, but at the end of it, you will take your place at my table and in my bed. You will be fulfilled by me. And you will show me the same adoration and passion that I saw you give Malfoy on our wedding day. Do you understand?"

She bit her lip, "No, I don't understand. You said you would never share me with any of them."

"I am fond of Dolohov as I am fond of you. You will be a better wife and lover for one night away from me."

"You'll resent me for it…and Dolohov for it too."

"No," Voldemort shook his head, "I think not. I think this is the only thing that will work as incentive to put your devotion to me above any sort of devotion to justice. Because it may be Dolohov today, who genuinely likes you verses Carrow, who genuinely does not."

"I am not your whore that you can give away at a whim!" she said, indignant.

"No," Voldemort stood, "you are not. I have never treated you as such, but you, my lovely wife, treat yourself as one all the time."

She threw a nearby pillow at him, "I would be a shabby one at that."

He laughed, catching the pillow and throwing back on the bed, "You need to grow into yourself. Again, perhaps that will be a by product of tonight…something I can only benefit from."

"That and excruciating pain."

"That is also a benefit…I have to admit, I am quite put out by you right now. Thinking of you in pain gives me some sort of fulfillment."

"That's awful!"

He whipped back around, "Even so, I am fond of you, Sarah Grace. Do you not understand? You have my favor more than any other. And your repayment is to throw that favor in my face."

She managed to get herself out of bed even though her muscles ached. She yanked up the sleeve of her soot filled shirt, "I have this." She threw up her hand to show her ring, "and this. How many more marks do you want to put on me? How much further do you want me to become just a shadow of who I was?"

There was a knock on the door and Dolohov entered.

Sarah instinctively took step back. "This is not happening!"

"I told him to do whatever it takes to ensure it does."

"Why are you doing this?"

He shook his head, sorrowfully. "Goodbye, Sarah. I will see you tomorrow…at which time I want an apology for your atrocious behavior. I trust Antonin will be able to elicit it from you."

"I hate you for doing this!" she blurted out.

He looked at her evenly, "It could have been Carrow. Think that over. He will at least make sure you enjoy it before the pain comes."

"You are so twisted. I can't even logic with you anymore."

He gave her a small smile, "I will be enjoying the delights of your mother in law tonight. She looks detectable carrying a child…all maternal and womanly."

"Don't touch her!"

"Narcissa at least knows how to enjoy herself," Voldemort commented, "Goodnight, dear one."

Sarah lunged for him before Dolohov intervene to catch her, restraining her from physically attacking the Dark Lord as she flailed against him.

"She's in a spirited mood tonight, Antonin. I always find that the most fun with her," Voldemort gave another laugh at her before clicking the door shut, Sarah still struggling against Dolohov.

She pushed him away and backed away, panicked.

"I…" she held up her hand, "I need a moment." She fought the feeling that she was going to sick up. "Actually, I need the loo."

"Help yourself," He waved his hand in the direction of a door adjoining to his bedroom. She barely made it to the toilet before vomitting up her dinner.

When she finished, she backed up, putting her head on her knees and rocking herself, falling to pieces on the cold, hard floor, gripping her hair.

 **A/N** : And just when we thought Voldemort was becoming soft...


	26. Alliances

**A/N:** thanks to all who continue to take the time to read  & review!

 **Chapter 26: Alliances**

She don't know how long she sobbed on the cold floor of Dolohov's lavatory. She knew it had been a while when she saw out of the corner of her eye, Dolohov slide down the side of the vanity, his bulky presence filling the small room.

"This is so twisted," she sobbed. "I can't play this game. I just don't know how."

"That's not entirely your fault," Dolohov said, his fingers drumming on his knees. "Snape taught you to survive this life, but not how to maneuver through it… to use your womanhood for your advantage."

"Snape would have locked me away if I tried to use myself sexually for an advantage."

"And now we are here," Dolohov said, "with you in quite the precarious position and not sure how to navigate it."

"I'm not having sex with you tonight," she still lay with her head down, but had turned it to the side, "It's out of the question."

"You and I both know we will follow orders tonight," Dolohov said, "Let's not argue about it."

"He cursed me…do you know what happens to me when I stray? It's agonizing."

"I'm aware. And all you had to do is follow simple orders."

"So, you think I deserve it?" she asked.

"I didn't think you deserved Carrow, no," he said, "but it is not for I to question to Dark Lord's wisdom."

"Yet you did enough to snatch me away from Carrow tonight," she pointed out.

"Do you object to that?" he asked, surprised. "I thought you would have been grateful."

"Don't get me wrong, I am, but I'm not sure I should be," She sniffled, "You do know you have the most awfullest reputation."

"Do I?" Dolohov chuckled, "but I like you, mon petit chou. Sit up now and demonstrate that bravery I have heard so much about."

She moaned but managed to push herself up so she was sitting up facing him.

"You are a mess," he chided, "look at you. Soot and snot everywhere."

"Does it deter you?" she asked reaching for the loo paper to blow her nose, loudly.

He chuckled again, "No," he flicked his wand and a bag came into the lavatory. "The Dark Lord sent some things to make you more comfortable. "

"Really?" she frowned, "What kind of other things?"

"Why don't you look for yourself?"

She tossed the tissue in the waste basket and sifted through the bag- her hairbrush, the toothbrush, her shampoo & conditioner, two pairs of knickers, her pajamas, a blouse and skirt…and two quite revealing pieces of lingerie. She blushed and held them up, "This?"

"He is being exceedingly generous with me."

"Humph," she shoved it back in the bag, "Draco always said it was more for me than him."

"Did he?"

"Yes."

"Well, it isn't entirely inaccurate," Dolohov said. "I have something else for you."

She looked weary, "What's that?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out her wand. He held it out for her. "Come and duel me, mon petit chou."

"Why?" she took her wand back.

"You are feeling out of control, which you are, but you at the very least must regain your confidence."

"What confidence is that?"

He frowned at her, "You scored the highest in your class on your exams. You have dueled death eaters and succeeded. Why are you so hard on yourself?"

"I don't know."

"That's not much of an answer," he chided. He pushed himself off the floor, "Come now. Don't tarry so. You have to face your insecurities."

She grumped but managed to put herself up and follow Dolohov to his bedroom.

"Ready?" he lifted his wand.

"I'm tired."

"You'll find your energy," he said, "Raise your wand now."

She lifted her own.

They exchanged spells, back and forth, neither besting each other before Dolohov cast a curse that caused her to topple over as she felt the wand begin to slip out of her hand, much to her chagrin as she adjusted her hand, trying to maintain her grip.

"Hold on to it!" Dolohov ordered.

Sarah squealed, it tumbling out of her hand. "Damn it. What is wrong with me tonight?" she groaned, breathing hard.

Frustrated, she reached for her wand, scooping it back up, and went to sit on the end of his bed, her shoulders slumped.

Dolohov looked at her critically and then went to sit next to her. "How much has the Dark Lord trained you since your exam?"

She shrugged, "Not any, really."

"Truly?" he looked aghast, "not even after Wormtail's attack?"

She started. "Oh Merlin." She realized what Dolohov was saying- she couldn't feel confident because she was still reeling from Wormtail's abuse of her.

"He gave you his mark and his name, but hasn't continued to equip you with the tools to lead this life. You are just out of practice, mon petit chou. I can talk to him about it if you wish. You need to hone your skills to continue to grow. Sometimes, I think he forgets how your magic hasn't fully matured. You hold your own so well with everyone when it matters."

"And I'm maybe a little out of shape," she admitted, her hand lifting her hair off of her clammy neck.

"That will come too," he said, a small smile at her disheveled look.

"What?" she asked, picking up on his look. "Oh…I must be a mess."

"That you are," he confirmed, "Go take a bath."

"I'll fall asleep," she said, yawning, "I'm so shattered."

"You need something though."

"A spell will do."

"I'm certain it will not," he declared, "take a bath. If you fall asleep, I'll wake you before your skin wrinkles," he said, his voice teasing her.

She pursed her lips, but nodded. He flicked his wand and she could hear the tub filling and smell the aroma of eucalyptus.

"Leave the door open though."

"Why is that?"

"Multiple reasons, but I suppose the most pertinent is that you have deceived me a few times tonight already."

"Oh that. I did say I was sorry, didn't I?"

"But are you?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sorry I refused to murder, but I am sorry I had to deceive you. And I'm especially sorry that the Dark Lord is so pissed off at me now, which is going to make my life miserable for the next week."

"Hum, well at least you have some penitence," Dolohov frowned, "Go on now."

More than a little self conscious, she went into the lavatory and began to strip off her soot filled clothes and sunk into the tub, the bubbles and aroma, instantly relaxing her.

"Does it feel good?" he asked a few minutes later.

She opened her eyes to look at him sitting on the edge of the tub, watching her.

"How long have you been there?" she asked.

"We apparently need to work on your awareness."

"Apparently so."

"Tell me something."

"What's that?"

"What do you desire?"

"What do you mean?" her face flushed slightly, suspecting exactly what he meant.

He ignored her blush, "What made you feel so much satisfaction with Draco?"

"He loved me. I love him."

"You can't have that," Dolohov dismissed, with a wave of his hand, "But it must be something emotional, yes? A connection. Try to go deeper. What could you replace it with?"

She bit her lip, trying to reflect upon her feelings with Draco. "He respected me. He confided in me. He trusted my judgment. He knew me. I knew him."

He nodded. "You can have that."

"No," she shook her head swiftly, "I can't."

"Yes, you can," Dolohov said, "You felt a connection with him even when you were married to Malfoy. Admit it is true. When is the connection between the two of you the strongest?"

"Really?" she frowned, "Why do we have to talk about this?"

"I'm trying to help you. You must let me."

"You are a death eater."

He leaned over swiftly and yanked her arm out of the water, "What is this?"

"Protection! But bloody good that has done me," Sarah shot back. "I can't protect myself from him or from you tonight."

"You do not need protection from me," he declared, passionately.

"Oh yes I do," she replied, her voice heated, "I know what you have done."

"And I know what you have done. You have a great ability to produce dark magic and that cannot be done by someone who does not desire to do so…even if it is one that is in the depth of their being."

His words almost devastated her because they were pretty succinctly true. She knew it. They all knew it.

She swallowed hard, "May I have my arm back now?"

He dropped it back into the water.

"I am loyal to him first, but I am also loyal to you. Do you not know that?"

She sniffled, "What have I done to earn that?"

"I, like him, see your potential. You earned my respect the minute you so handily beat me. And it compound with how you singularly handled Wormtail…"

"I did not handle him! He raped me, Antonin!"

"You were without your wand and still managed to produce a spell that choked him long enough to summon the Dark Lord for help."

She breathed deeply, "I was lucky."

"No, you were brilliant," he countered. "I will not harm you like him or Carrow would."

"I think he is hoping you will rough me up a bit tonight," she grunted.

"I'm capable of it, but he and I both think you need a more measured hand, don't you agree?"

She glared at him, but then began scooping up bubbles from the bath, playing with them.

He watched her amused, "We have a connection too, Sarah…a rapport of sorts. Not romantic, of course, but you feel it, yes?"

She paused, "Yes."

"It's because we are both passionate…and whole heartedly can't conceive that we are wrong, you know?"

"I still believe what I believe."

"That is what I mean."

"Yes, well…what of it?" she continued to play with the bubbles.

"It's what is holding you back from him. You are afraid of his darkness. You are afraid it will accentuate the darkness you already know is there. He appreciates your passion…even if it is misguided. He favors a strong witch, you know…like Bellatrix was. She held her own, but she never crossed that line. Do you understand?"

She let out her breath, "Yes, I understand all about Bella." She dunked her head under the water for a moment, getting her head wet.

Dolohov reached for her bag and pulled out her shampoo. "I know my thinking is rigid, do you?"

"I'm right," she said, reaching for her bottle, but he held it away from her.

"I don't think you are."

"I see the nuances in all of this…that's it is not entirely all good and bad. I see it with Draco & with Dad."

"But it was hard of you to see that they could believe what we do and still be your hero."

"May I have my shampoo?" she reached for it again.

"Be still," he instructed, clicking open the top and squirting it into his hand.

"Antonin, I'm more than capable of-"

"Sh…just relax," he began to massage it into her head, her eyes closing. "Did you know my cell was next to your father's?"

She startled and opened her eyes.

"No, I didn't know. He never said…at least I don't recall him saying. He didn't talk much about it."

"But he certainly talked of you…of your mother…when he was trying not to lose his mind, though I only remember bits and pieces of it myself because I was losing my mind."

"Was it awful?"

"Yes," he reached for the water and began to rinse her hair. "The sorrow, the depression, like happiness would never find you again…do you think I deserved that?"

"You killed Mrs. Weasley's brothers. That's why you were there…and for joining Voldemort."

"There was a war. We were on opposite sides. Soldiers are allowed to go home, are the not?"

"But it wasn't a war. It was treason."

"Against what?"

"The ministry, the magical world."

"We are trying to preserve the magical world. And the ungrateful bastards put me in Azkaban for it."

"But…" she paused, not sure how to reason with him.

"Our cause is just. Don't you see? Can't you see?" He wrung out her hair and then flipped the ends around his finger. "You must try to see things from our perspective."

"You do know could have lied like Lucius."

"Like you, I have my principals. You and I…we are more alike than you know."

He reached for the washcloth, dipped it in the water, and handed it to her, "wipe your face. It smudged with soot and dirt."

She did as he said and then looked at him, seriously.

"Antonin, while we are talking so seriously, I have a question for you…"

"Yes, what is it?"

"What if this all falls apart? I asked the Dark Lord about it."

"And what did he say?"

"He said it wouldn't."

"I can't foresee it will."

"But, I'm married to him. I have his mark. Do you see what I mean?"

"You are afraid of Azkaban."

She nodded.

"What did he say?"

"He would kill me if he anticipated meeting his demise. But here is the thing. I don't think he would know. It would be a surprise. It would have to be. Does that make sense?"

"I think," he nodded, solemnly.

"So, will you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Kill me. If they try to put me in Azkaban. Snape would never. He loves me so. But would you?"

He grasped her chin hard turning her head towards him, "Better yet. I would help you escape."

"Would you?"

He nodded and then winked at her, "I know the way to escape now. We can hide in France."

"Do you think I am being ridiculous?"

He shook his head swiftly, "You have every right to fear Azkaban."

She nodded.

He stood. "You should rinse the suds off of you. I will give you privacy." He flicked his wand and an oversized towel floated to the vanity. The door didn't quite shut, but he had shut it enough to make her feel like she wasn't on display.

Sarah rinsed herself off and then wrapped in the towel, drying herself off before retrieving her knickers and pajamas and tugging them on. She reached for her wand on the counter, flicking her hair dry, brushing it out and then flicked her wand again, braiding her hair into a side french braid, tying it with her hair tie. She grasped her wand and then took a breath, walking out into the bedroom.

Dolohov was in the bed, in a tshirt and pajama pants. She put her wand on the nightstand before sitting on the bed with him, crossing a leg underneath her.

"You never answered my question," he asked, reaching to tug the end of her braid, "this is different."

"He would never let me braid my hair like this."

"Have you asked him?"

"No."

"if you want choices, you must ask for them."

"Point taken. Did I need to ask you?"

"We are equals."

"Not tonight we aren't. Tonight, I am your…" she stopped as he put his hand over her mouth.

He put his finger to his lip with his other hand. "Don't."

"It's true."

"It's coarse and beneath your blood."

She gave him an exasperated look, but said nothing else.

He dropped his hand, "Now, you didn't answer my question."

"What question was that?"

"When do you feel like your connection to the Dark Lord is the strongest?"

"When I am casting Dark spells, of course," she said, sarcastically.

"Be serious," he grunted.

"I am," she retorted.

"You are not," he countered back. "Answer my question."

"I don't have a connection with him…and certainly not when I was married to Draco."

"You are lying to me…or to yourself."

"Antonin!" she let out her breath, "let it go."

"Why are you denying it?"

"I'm exhausted and I know after we…do this thing…"

"Do this thing?" he frowned, "What type of language is that?"

She ignored him, "I won't be getting sleep anyway. Agonizing pain tends to do that to one."

Dolohov looked at the clock. "Get some rest. I will wake you in two hours."

"That will be midnight."

"I'm used to being up late. I don't mind. Plus, you need your endurance."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite."

"Will you stay with me while I do?"

He frowned deeper, "Are you scared, mon petit chou?"

"I know I'm supposedly one of us…" she paused, pushing up the sleeve to her pajamas, "but," she sighed.

"They pretty much leave me alone here…with a few visits here and there."

"But…if they see me here…" she paused. "There is plenty of them that would gladly taking your place in trying to subdue me, but I doubt their methods would be as _measured_ as yours."

"I doubt they would be, but do not fear, I'm not going to let them touch you. You have his protection here as well as mine. Sleep well," he rubbed his finger on her arm, "and when you wake, you will answer my question."

She slid down and sunk her head into the pillow. "We'll see."

"I am quite determined."

"Hum…" but she had already drifted off to sleep.

* * *

She awoke two hours later to a gentle, but persistent nudging on her shoulder.

"Just five more minutes," She groaned.

"You certainly aren't this disagreeable with him, are you?"

She opened one eye, "I'm pretty sure I am."

Dolohov grimaced, "Do have no sense of self preservation?"

Sarah sighed and sat up, leaning against the headboard. "Why would I?"

"You have to chose to live just like I had to chose the same in Azkaban."

"Did you think about ending your life?" she asked, hugging herself, cold.

"Of course I did. But you and I both have fight in us. Will you answer my question now?"

She looked over to him for a few moments, weighing whether to answer or not. Finally, she responded, "I feel the most when he talks to me about things…sometimes serious things, sometimes things about what is going on in the world, sometimes just things he has read and thinks I will appreciate. It has always been that way- those are the times I feel conflicted…like I am betraying myself for feeling…" she paused, "softness…towards him."

"I figured as much," Dolohov said, "You want to me treated as a person."

She nodded.

"Why don't you kiss him?"

"Oh merlin!" She blushed, "Who told you _that_?"

"I saw the mishap at your wedding," Dolohov said, "and he told me about it tonight."

" _He_ said he never wanted to."

"I don't think it is his first inclination, but now he sees it as a way to break down your walls. You didn't have a problem with Draco or your other boyfriends, did you?"

"Of course not," she said.

"Then I fail to see why you have an aversion to it now."

"It's intimate," she bit her lip, "I don't want to go there. I made the unbreakable vow forcing me to do it because to be honest, I can't do it on my own."

"He desires to treat you more than just his mistress. You are his wife now."

"And in our second night of marriage he has offered me to you on a platter."

"It bothers him more than you know, Sarah. Narcissa will be a distraction tonight. He wants you."

"Then why would he even suggest this?" she waved her hand between them.

"He feels like this is the lesson you need. And what you need, he wants to give you."

"You act like he cares for me!" she laughed.

"Why does that surprise you so?"

"Because he is evil!"

"I care for you and by your definition, I am too. Do you not believe I care?"

"I do believe you care," she hugged her arms against her.

"And how about Snape? Do you want me to list all the missions…all the _evil_ things Snape and I have done together?"

"Don't you dare," She hopped off the bed and began to pace, "I don't want to think of that."

Dolohov followed her, grabbing her arm and turning her towards him, "You don't wish to think of it because you know it is true."

"Snape is capable of loving me….he is not. He think it is a weakness."

"But he is capable of caring for you…of nurturing your talents…of showing affection and regard for you."

"He'll turn on me in the next moment."

"Why do you say that?"

"I watched him!" Sarah exclaimed, passionately, "I was outside when he tried to kill Snape-one of his own!"

Dolohov released her arm.

"I heard Nagini attack. It was agonizing. And before you defend him, I know that he thought he had to control the Elder Wand, but damn it all, Antonin, it was horrific," she took a deep breath, tears springing to her eyes, "I lost my mother when was eleven, I never knew my father until I was thirteen and he died when I was sixteen. Snape was all I had since my mum died. Snape and Harry…and speaking of Harry…" she held up her hand, "no, he wasn't really the enemy- fate made him that. Do you know what it is like to hold your best friend's hand and lead him to his death?"

"He thinks you are obsessed still with Potter."

"He doesn't realize how hard that was…that I still see his face that night. Or that for seven years, I had a best friend whom I told everything to and now he is gone. I'm not obsessed with Harry, but I do miss my best friend. He is incapable of friendships so he doesn't understand."

"He has friendships."

"He has power and loyalty because of that power. When you say he cares for me, I have a hard time believing that…I know the only person he truly cares for is himself."

"He'll care about his legacy through you, Sarah.

"How can I trust him ever?"

"You must listen to me, mon petit chou," Antonin pulled her into his side, wrapping his arm around her waist. "The children are your leverage. You must fully embrace this or you will be discarded. No man wants a frigid wife."

"I do everything he says," she countered.

"But he knows it is a chore for you. Eventually he will tire of you…perhaps after the children. But you have the opportunity to take your place, to forge a life for yourself. But you have been teetering in between for months now. It is time."

"He'll turn on me like tonight."

"Only if you give him reason to like tonight," he held her against him. "Come now. See reason."

She groaned and tried to pull away but he held her tight, "Allow me to help you."

"How is that?"

He turned her face towards his and then kissed her. She grunted, but his hands were firmly on her.

She was fighting panic when a knock occurred on the door. Dolohov reluctantly pulled away but put up his finger to indicate that she was to wait and moved to answer the door.

"What is it?"

The house elf leaned over to whisper in Dolohov's ear and then left.

Antonin turned around and held out his hand, "You better come with me." Surprised, she took it as he led her away from the room, wondering what in the world was going on.

* * *

Sarah frowned, "What is wrong with him?"

"Nothing is wrong with me, Black," Snape exaggerated each word, exasperated, swaying slightly.

"I'd say he has had imbibed a little too much."

"But Snape never gets drunk," Sarah looked over at him and then back at Snape, worried.

"He used to…years ago, but I can't say it has happened lately," Dolohov frowned, pushing Severus down, "For Merlin's sake, sit down before you fall."

"Dolohov" he grabbed his arms, steadying himself, "Is it over yet?" Did you finish shagging my daughter?"

"No."

"You cannot be cruel with her," Snape pulled a flask out of his pocket and took a swig. "She's not like the others. She's a good girl. It will be cruel enough what comes after."

"Take that from him," Sarah told Dolohov, wringing her hands at this side of Snape.

He took it out of his hand. "Give me your wand too. You'll likely blow up the house."

"You aren't fun anymore, Dolohov. My wand is at my house…with my wife. And him. Since I got pulled out of my bed so he could have his fun with _my wife_. So much fun."

"Oh Merlin," she sat next to him. "Dad," she swallowed hard. "I'm so sorry. I didn't expect that he would do this."

He reached out and tapped her nose, but missed and ended up poking at her cheek. "You never think. You can't do this to me again."

She let out her breath, but braced herself for his drunken lecture.

"I can't share my wife just because you decide to be self righteous and rebel. You never think of the _consequences_. Blast it. I have always taught you to, but you never have," he wagged his finger at her. "You have to tow the line. He can't come running to Narcissa every time he is pissed off at you. You have to keep him happy. Satisfied so he can keep his hands off _my wife_. Understand, Black?"

She met Dolohov's eyes, unsure of what to say.

"You have had too much to drink," Dolohov grunted.

"Why do I have to share? Why not anyone else?" he lamented, "Because he knows it will piss her off the most. So we all suffer the consequences for her error. I'm tired of it. How many times will I have to deal with this…for years? She's carrying my daughter and she just goes to him like we don't matter."

"She doesn't have a choice," Sarah said, "you know that.".

"But you do, don't you?" Snape countered "You have a _relationship_ with him now."

"That relationship is not my choice!"

"You married him, Black," Snape said, "without even consulting me."

"It was his idea."

"You didn't dissuade him."

"Why should she?" Dolohov asked, aghast. "It is to her every advantage to do so. I would think you would support her."

"He's just distraught over Narcissa," Sarah looked to Dolohov, "please, Antonin, do something."

"He says you enjoy it. You made the unbreakable vow with him. So if you enjoy it Black, why are you making all of us miserable? Do your duty. Or your pleasure. And leave Narcissa and I out of it."

"I'm not trying to involve you," her voice was hoarse.

"You have always been selfish, Black. Self righteous and selfish."

"That's not fair."

"He was just a bloody muggle. You act like they are more important than your family. You are tearing our family apart on a whim."

"You mean the family you are creating with Narcissa."

"Of course," Snape retorted, "When will you grow up?"

"You are being overly harsh with her, Severus," Dolohov said. "She didn't intend any of this and she is being punished as well."

"He is revenge shagging my wife because of her. You have never liked her, Black. Admit it."

Sarah squeezed her eyes shut, her hands over her face, rubbing it, "Is this really how you feel?"

Dolohov reached over to pull Sarah up by the arm, "He is just plastered and acting like a blundering fool. He doesn't mean it."

"He does- he just has to have too much to drink to actually say it to me."

"He needs to sleep it off, that's all," Dolohov said, his hand still on her arm, "And you and I have our business to attend to, remember?"

"Don't go all dark on her tonight. But you best get on with it. Otherwise, I will never see my wife again," he said, forlorn.

"Mind your own affairs, Snape."

Dolohov reached with his other hand for his wand and flicked it, causing Snape to fall over into a deep slumber. "That should keep him for a while. He is going to have quite the hangover though."

Sarah leaned over and pulled Snape's shoes off and reached behind to wrap a blanket around his legs, her mind racing.

She straightened and then turned towards Dolohov.

He opened his mouth,but she held up her hand. "Please don't," she swallowed hard. "He was right. It isn't fair to him," she paused, turning back to look at him sleeping, "and you are right. Snape has always been my hero, but there have always been a side of him that I have a hard time reconciling." She bit her lip and turned back to Dolohov. "And I don't doubt that if the Dark lord tires of me, he will go to Narcissa more, if only to make me pissed at him. Snape is right."

"What will you do?"

She rubbed her hand over her face again, "I have a hard time reconciling the dark in him," she sighed and gestured to Snape, "just like at times, I have a hard time reconciling that there could be any sort of kindness or regard in him…or in any of the lot of you…well, besides Snape and Draco. The minute I reconcile it, I lose myself to his darkness."

"But what choice do you have? We aren't as dark as you like to make us. You don't understand our ways at all. You are judging what you truly don't understand."

She hugged her arm against her, "What would you have me do, Antonin? What would be the strategic thing to do?"

"You can find your rhythm with him. Don't you see? You have the capability to do what not even Bella could do."

"And what's that?"

"Keep him to you. Don't give up your advantage. You have to embrace his regard for you. And show him that you are committed not only as his death eater, his wife, but also his lover. He'll reward you for it."

"Otherwise…"

"Not only have you lost yourself, but you have lost any hold you will have over your future children. More is at stake for you than you can even comprehend now. You are being so short sighted. You have to embrace this now…ensure your future."

She looked at Antonin and then back at Snape, contemplating his words. Finally, she let out a long breath.

"Will you help me then? I do try…I'm obligated to try, but I am afraid that I'm hopeless."

"You aren't hopeless," Dolohov extended his hand to her, "Come with me."

She took a breath and then took his hand.

He led her up the stairs back to the bedroom and clicked the door behind him locking it.

"Don't be nervous," he pulled her against his side. "I'm not going to do anything you aren't going to like."

"Until the very end," she took another breath.

"Don't be scared of that," Dolohov said, "I'm not going to let you lose your mind."

"Is that a possibility?" she asked, worried.

"Of course," Dolohov nodded, seriously, "the curse he used to save your fertility was very, very powerful. But so are you."

He reached to rub her shoulders gently.

"Do you want me to change?"

He shook his head, "You are alluring just the way you are. Did you know?" he paused, seeing her skeptical reaction, "No matter. You will." He kissed her again and this time, she didn't fight him. And after a few moments, she responded.

* * *

"Merlin, I cannot do this for a week," she withered, trying to take deep breaths, as his hand rested on her hip, rubbing it gently.

"That's why it would be called a punishment for your disobedience," Dolohov said, matter of factly.

She let out a low groan and rolled away from him, fumbling for something to give her a shred of modesty. "Can I?" she took a few more breaths not waiting for a response, before she put on his shirt which swam on her and stumbled out of the bed and across the room to the lavatory, Dolohov following quickly, behind her when he released how unsteady she was.

"Let me help you."

"You have helped a lot already," she grimaced. "Oh merlin," she bumped against the vanity hard, causing her to yelp and rub her sore hip. She shook and swayed. "I'm going to lose my mind," she gripped her head. "I can't control it. I have to do something."

"What do you need?"

"I need to get away from it." She swayed more and he reached out to catch her as she fell. Heaving her up in his arms, he carried her back to the bed.

"You have to face the pain."

"I have to get away from it. Let me go."

"You are not making any sense. How would you even do so? You need rest. You are overly tired," He laid her on the bed on her side and laid beside her, facing her. He put both hands on her temples.

He entered her mind then for the second time that night, "I'll take some of it," he said as he navigated through the layers of her mind. "Put it away into the recesses of your mind."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. Control it," he said, more forcibly, causing her to scream and then sighed.

He left her mind then. "Is it better?" he rubbed her temples. "Tolerable?"

"Tolerable," she said, quietly. "Thank you," she breathed heavily.

"Even your breathing," he said, putting his hand on her chest. "In and out. There you are."

"He would not be happy that you helped me."

"Of course he would," Dolohov replied, "I was under orders to make sure you didn't go insane under the weight of the pain, until he could do so himself. Of course, I wouldn't have let you anyway."

"That's gallant of you," she said, a small smile at him. She was quiet a few minutes, his hand still on her chest and and then asked softly, "Are you okay though?"

"Me?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes, you. Are you okay?"

"In what way?"

"I know I'm tiresome."

He chuckled, "Only in the very best way, I assure you, mon petit chou. Do you doubt for a minute after tonight that I find you alluring?"

She let out a breath, "No. I just mean…there was no ill effects for you because of the curse, were there?"

"No," he reached to pull her against him, "you are bearing the burden of this for both of us."

"It was my fault, it is only right," she shifted and then laid her head on his chest. "Is this okay?"

"Do you like snuggling?" he asked, amused.

"Of course."

"You are charming," he smiled a small smile, "beautiful, intelligent, strong, no wonder he is so taken with you."

"Speaking of that…I was thinking."

"of what?"

"If he allows me into the inner circle's dealings, will you support me over the Yaxley, Carrow and the others?"

"Look at you," he laughed outright then.

"What?" she looked up at him, "What's so funny?"

"You are cunning too, Sarah," he laughed again, "you have me exactly in the position that there is no way I would say no to you tonight."

She pursed her lips, "I didn't do anything."

"Um, yes, you did," Dolohov said, "I only wish he entrusted me with you from the beginning. You and I would have been a formidable team."

"It would have been different."

"Because?"

"I'm different than I was when I married Draco."

"I can see that. You were a girl, now you are a woman."

"A woman who can count on your support?" Sarah asked, leaning up again.

He laughed again and then in a surprise move, flipped her over on her back, pinning her arms down. She realized that look.

"No!" she gasped, "Do you have any idea what pain I am still in? Then a double dose of it?"

"I'm nor going to do anything that will increase the effect of the curse, but," he dropped her arms, enough to push up the shirt she was still wearing, "I am going to reassert my power over you right now."

"Merlin, no!" she grunted.

"It's a blow to my ego for you to use your womanly ways to coerce me…" he kissed up her leg, "You must allow me to feel the satisfaction of seeing you give into me again."

"I couldn't possibly…"

"Oh, yes, you can," Dolohov declared, passionately and then decided to make good on his promise.

* * *

Later, He sat on the tub, watching her- the same position they were in hours earlier.

"Pain level?"

She flushed, "Not great."

"I can tell."

"How?"

"You are fighting tears."

"The bath is helping," she said, "what did you put in it?"

"My maman, she likes the healing potions and such."

"Where does she live?"

"In France still."

"Do you see her often?"

"Not often enough."

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, "What does your mum think of all of this?"

"We conveniently do not talk over the particulars of such matters. She doesn't disagree with our stance on purity of blood, but our methods she disapproves of," his eyes were on her flushed face, "I do think you would like her. How is your French?"

Her eyes opened, "Not well at all."

"You should be taught," Dolohov declared, "in school."

"I don't disagree," Sarah countered. "Is she good at potions?"

Dolohov nodded, "That is why I think you would like her. She has a gift, much like you do," he paused, "You look shattered."

"It is rather late isn't it?"

"It is," he agreed, "very late indeed. It is almost sunrise. Do you think you would be able to sleep?"

"I think I'm so tired even with the pain, I will be able to, but I am not sure I can move."

He reached for a towel and then lifted her out of the bath, wrapping her and drying her off. He carried her back into the bed, tucking her in. "the answer is yes, by the way."

She moaned, fighting the sleep that was overcoming her, every bone ached with exhaustion and pain. "What was the question again?"

"Would I side with you over Carrow and Yaxley? You have my support. Just use it wisely."

"Of course," she murmured. "What will you tell him about tonight?"

"Don't you worry about that, mon petit chou. Rest well now."

* * *

Voldemort frowned as he looked at Severus snoring on the couch. "I will take care of him, Antonin."

"He was harsh with her, but it served its purpose. She understands at the implications for Snape and I think she will tow the line better for seeing his distress so evident."

Voldemort gestured to him and they went into the dining room. "You need to eat too, Antonin. You should have rested when she had fallen asleep."

"I'll rest when the cottage is quiet again."

Voldemort sat and poured himself some coffee and the passed it to Dolohov, "What did you learn?"

He paused, choosing his words carefully, "I think sometimes we forget how we were at twenty and assume because Sarah has demonstrated strength, she has the maturity that comes from life experience of one older."

"She is quite mature for her age."

"In some ways," Antonin said, "but her magic hasn't reached it's maturity. She was out of practice tonight and it showed first on the mission and then when I tried to duel her later. She lost her wand both times."

"Did she?" Voldemort frowned, "I should continue to train her then."

Antonin nodded, "It would occupy her mind as well…and stimulate her fierceness. She is feeling…inadequate…after Wormtail's attack. She is relying more on you emotionally, which is well, but if you strengthen her magically, she will be more confident, which will lead to maturity and confidence elsewhere."

"Yes, what else?"

"The emotional connection is important for her…you may not understand the reason why, but to downplay it will only hinder her further. She likes it when you talk things over with her. She admitted that she felt a connection with you while she was still married to Draco and we know that connection then had nothing to do with anything physical."

"She admitted to a connection?"

"After some coaxing for it to come out," Antonin admitted, "she is trying to protect herself. She genuinely does not understand our perspective, but acknowledges the complexity in it. The more she sees those shades of grey, the better it will be. I wouldn't advise not sending her on missions because that will solidify other's perceptions of her worth, but send her with myself or Snape and be strategic in what she sees and then talk her doubts over with her. She wants to be heard and valued. That is the way to her."

"I can see that to be true the past few months," Voldemort admitted, "Sometimes she needs that strong hand, but other times, she softens with I show her a little mercy," he paused and then worded, carefully, "Were you successful?"

Dolohov responded equally carefully, "Of course, my Lord, you ordered it."

"Then how were you, when I wasn't?"

He took another swig of coffee, "It is clear that you are training her in how to elicit her into pleasing you, but that doesn't equate to the opposite being true. In the whole scheme of things she is just starting out…she will mature in this area too, with time, patience and a lot of coaxing, but all again, feeding the emotional connection between the two. She'll eventually melt. Of course, it helps that she doesn't see me quite as sinister as you."

"You didn't kill her best friend, you mean."

"And try to kill her father," Dolohov added, "she is amendable to trying to commit fully to this life. I think she is scared that if she lets you in, you'll turn on her like you did Snape."

"Or discard her?" Voldemort asked, twining his hands, "does she understand that her frigidness pushes her away from me?"

"She does now," Dolohov said, "I think she just didn't understand quite why she had so much trouble being…amorous with you."

"It sounds like you had a therapy session rather than a shag," Voldemort commented, dryly.

"With all due respect, that is why I asked for her instead of Carrow. She needed both. She needs a friendship, my Lord. She craves companionship. She misses her friends. She is quite complex emotionally, but I think that is why she is so compelling."

"I can give her companionship," he commented, "but so can you. Severus has potions covered. Why don't you train her some as well as I? She needs an ally in this life. That is why I strategically had her duel you that first time."

"I'm honored," Dolohov said.

"I can trust you with her, can't i? I need your assurances that I can."

"Of course, my Lord," Dolohov bowed his head. "I am as always your humble servant."

"And faithful friend," Voldemort patted his hand.

A/N: Sarah returns to Voldemort's Manor


	27. Choosing to Live

A/N: SOO sorry about taking so long to update. Between caring for the littles and work, there is not much free time to write! But here is another chapter...

 **Chapter 27: Choosing to Live**

She awoke to a sliver of sunlight streaking through the crack of dark curtains. She moaned and rolled over, opening her eyes, trying to orient herself to her surroundings.

 _She was home and in the Dark Lord's room._

She grimaced as she tried to sit up and then slid herself back down on the bed.

"Merlin help me," she tried to breath as a sharp burning pain filled her insides, feeling like she was being sliced from the inside out.

She rolled again, this time stumbling out of the bed onto her arse with an unladylike thump. She cringed at the assault of landing on the hard floor. She had wanted to get to the lavatory to see if running a bath would help again like earlier with Dolohov, but the pain was so intense at the moment that she just ended up on her knees, curled up on the floor, her head tucked underneath her.

She tried to focus on clearing her mind and compartmentalizing the pain like Snape had taught her to do underneath torture, but it was no good.

The door opened a few minutes later and she could see out of the corner of her eye, the shoes underneath the dark robes of her husband.

"Hi," she moaned.

"Why are you out of bed?" he asked, his tone disapproving, but he knelt down beside her.

"I thought a bath would help, but I couldn't make it." She groaned again, "I'm going to die. I just know it."

"You are being so dramatic," he said, his tone chiding, but put a hand on her back and rubbed it slightly, "I heard you were quite the greedy girl last night. Funny how things can change so suddenly."

"Hysterical." She cringed under the knowledge that Antonin had related all the happenings of the prior night to her husband, who had all the power in the world to torture her.

"Now, I want to die," she added, but then remembering what Antonin had talked to her about her combative attitude at times, she turned her body around to bury her head in his knees. "Sorry," she mumbled.

He grunted in disapproval, though he made no effort to move her away from him and didn't flinch when she cried again and then dug her nails into the side of his legs.

"Did you try to clear your mind away from the pain?"

"Yes!" she groaned again, "Of course I did. I'm not an idiot. I was clearly unsuccessful."

"Temper," he smacked her gently, "I'm only asking because you are usually quite good at that."

"This hurts. You don't understand how this feels- this is awful."

"Think reasonably, dear one. It can't be any worse than the cruciatus," he said, his tone even.

"Is this your way of comforting me?" she asked, aghast.

He chuckled at her, "Clearly _my_ attempts were unsuccessful," he retorted, dryly.

"You are gaining pleasure in my pain," she accused.

"Well, according to you, I am sadistic."

She sniffled.

"Don't cry," he scolded. "I'm just surprised because usually you are much stronger than all of this."

"It is in a more sensitive spot than the pain from the cruciatus," she muttered. "But since you are a man you couldn't possibly understand all of this!"

"I see," He chuckled again, "You are quite amusing today. The pain certaintly isn't breaking your spirit, my wife."

"Should I be put on contriteness or will you just help me?"

"You seem irritated with me."

"I didn't get alot of sleep last night."

"Me either."

"I'm sure you enjoyed the charms of my mother in law- probably much more than me."

"Is that what the attitude is all about?" he put his hand on her neck, massaging it gently, "You don't like the thought of that just as I don't like the thought of you and Antonin. And it's not just because she is your father's wife."

"Merlin, do we have to get into this now? Dolohov said to be contrite, but Merlin help me, I can't do it with you right now."

He was still for a moment before relenting, with a final squeeze to the back of her neck. "Later. Come, allow me to help you."

He gently pulled her head up, gripping her face. "Close your eyes."

He rubbed her temples before quietly instructing her into trying to clear her mind enough to push the pain aside to make it tolerable.

She groaned, "I just can't."

He grunted but entered her mind, helping guide her. When he felt her pain level subside to a more tolerable level, he pulled out of her mind and reached into the pockets of his robes, pulling out a vial.

"This should give you even more relief."

She stared at the vial in his open hands, "Why didn't you give that to me before?"

"I wasn't entirely convinced I would. But I think we are at the point that if you can't lessen the pain through the strength of your mind, which you are well trained to do, then this is necessary."

She frowned, "This is so unexpected."

"Don't take it the wrong way. It is still self serving of me," He cleared his throat, "I was told...respectfully...that you respond more favorably to my kindness over my ability to instill fear into you. Now, take it before I doubt the wisdom of that council and change my mind," he ordered, sternly.

She took the vial and downed it. "Thank you," she looked him in the eyes. "Did you enjoy yourself last night?"

"You are pushing today," Voldemort gave her a small smile, but didn't answer her question, "Do you feel better?"

She nodded before sighing in relief. "Now what?"

He stood and then leaned down to offer her his hand, pulling her up to her feet. He led her over to his bed.

"You will rest. The pain medication might make you groggy until you acclimate to it."

"Yes," she paused, "I don't suppose I can persuade you to shorten the length of my punishment."

He laughed loudly and then leaned down to kiss her lips, "Not a chance, little one."

"So after I rest..."

"We'll go about our week," Voldemort said.

"Would you like me to go back to my room?" Sarah said, her voice low, "especially if I am not feeling well?"

"That is unnecessary. In fact, I instructed the house elves to move your clothes in here."

"You did what?" Her eyes widened, "Why?"

"You are my wife now. You will share my room. You share it more often than naught as it is"

Now that was unexpected. Sarah tried to remain impassive, but couldn't stop herself from say, "But don't you want your privacy?"

"Not particularly," He answered honestly, "Now, as I was saying, we will go about our week." He stood, "we leave tomorrow."

"Leave?" Sarah straightened, curiously, "Where are we going?"

"We are going to Paris for a day or two. I have an inner circle meeting at the end of the week, but we need at least some resemblence to a honeymoon or the papers will talk."

She tilted her head, "What will we do in Paris?"

He stood, "You will learn to enjoy my companionship without the thought of other things muddling your mind."

"And when we get back...will I sit in on your meeting?"

He studied her carefully, "If you wish. Do you wish?"

She looked uncertain, "I am your wife and your death eater so..."

"You are not yet a part of my inner trusted advisors, but I can make an exception for you as my wife."

"I think I would like that."

"Good. Get some rest. I will send a house elf up in a few hours to help you pack."

"Do you have any particular preferences or may I choose what I take?"

"I will acquiesce to your judgement on those matters."

She frowned at him, "Who are you?"

"Now, Sarah," he stared her down, "I am still who I am. I have been generous and yielding with you time and time again, but you were too stuck on yourself to recognize it. I'm glad Antonin persuaded you into reason. He can be quite persuasive, can he not?"

She pursed her lips, but remained quiet.

"Do you need help to the loo or are you alright on your own?"

"I'll be fine."

"Glad to hear it. Now, if you would excuse me, even if we are on our honeymoon, I do have matters to attend to."

"By all means..."

He left her alone and confused.

* * *

She woke up two hours later, sore, but tolerable. After calling the house elf to help her pack, she managed to pull on a pair of black trousers and a flowery blouse. She rebraided her hair into a straight braid and reached for a thin headband and a beaded necklace to accessorize.

She quietly snuck down to the kitchens, which was bustling with house elves, cleaning up from the lunch meal.

Minerva came over to her.

"I don't want to bother you," Sarah held up her hand and went to the refrigerator, swinging it open to rift through its contents. She pulled out some eggs.

"May I borrow the pan?"

Minerva's eyes were wide, "I can fix mistress her eggs."

"Don't bother," Sarah said, "I'd like to make them myself today."

"Is mistress not satisfied with the way her eggs are made?"

"No," Sarah quickly reassured, "I love the way my eggs are made," she giggled at the absurdity of the conversation, "I just want to cook."

Minerva frowned, "My Lord will not like this."

She held up her finger to show her wedding band and large diamond. "I'm mistress of this house and I want to cook. You will allow me to and you will not punish yourself for it," she said firmly, and then leaned over to whisper, conspiratorially, "Don't worry. I'll find the pan myself to save your innocence." She began to look throught the cabinets before find a frying pan, bowl and grater, and then began to rifle through the refrigerator again to find a block of mature cheddar.

She shredded the cheese and then quickly cracked the eggs and scrambled them up before putting them on a plate and eating them, sitting at the table in the kitchen. She was in the middle of drinking a sip of her orange juice and reading the paper when she heard a throat clear. She looked up just in time to see the house elves make a quick exit with the wave of her husband's hand.

"Hi again."

"You have distressed our house elves today," he frowned at her.

"Do you want some cheesy eggs?" she asked, "there is some left there in the frying pan though I suppose you finished lunch earlier. I was famished."

"Did you do all of this without you wand?"

"I don't really need my wand to cook," she said. "I suppose it would have been quicker with it, but I didn't mind."

"What has come over you?"

"I'm not sure what you mean," she took another bite. "Are you going to stand there or sit?"

"In here?" he looked at her like she was mental. He then schooled his features, "Finish your eggs and then meet me in my office. We will have a discussion about proper decorum befitting my wife."

She took another bite, "I can't wait. Will there be torture involved?"

"Five minutes."

"Got it. Are you sure you don't want some?"

She handed him her fork, "Try some. It's much better with cheese."

"It's not as healthy."

"I suppose I am younger than you so I can tolerate less healthy foods," she said, dryly.

He stabbed the fork in the eggs, and then took a bite. "It is good."

"I can make you some in the morning if you'd like."

"Or we can instruct our house elves to do so because that is what they are here for," He tilted his head, "Five minutes."

"Very well," she groaned.

He turned and left her to her eggs and orange juice.

* * *

"May I just say something before we commence with the unpleasantness?" she asked as she came into his office.

Voldemort stood and walked around to the front of his desk. He took her arm and led her to sit on the leather sofa, pushing her down. "Go ahead."

She took a breath, then tucked one leg underneath her and turned to face him. "I'm ready to stop fighting," she announced, calmly.

"You have an interesting way of showing that," he said, dryly. "You have been unusually snarky since you arrived home."

"That's just the thing, my Lord," Sarah twisted her hands, anxiously. "Please listen to me." she pleaded.

His harsh expression softened. "I can assure you that I am listening. What is, little one?" he said, his voice low, sensing her vulnerability.

"I want to feel like this is _home_. I want to be comfortable here. I think that is the first step to me feeling like your wife and your supporter than feeling like your prisoner."

His expression never faltered but she could tell he was taken aback by her blunt words. He was silent for a few minutes before saying, "Could you do so in a way that doesn't bring our house elves to hysterics?"

"Is it really that much of a big deal me trying to cook? Snape and I always cooked. I didn't realize it was so forbidden."

"You don't need to cook."

"I know I don't _need_ to. I don't _need_ to brew potions, but I find enjoyment in it. Likewise, I don't _need_ to cook, but if I _want_ to, may I?"

He paused again for several moments, "I'll tell the houseelves to let you when you feel in the mood."

"Thank you," she said, sincerely, before standing, but he quickly reached out and pulled her back down.

"We are not done." He touched her headband. "New hair style?"

"I know it's a little...not as proper...as you like me to dress, but that's Narcissa's style to be all prim and proper, not mine. I want to please you, but I want to be me. Can I have that?"

He folded his hands, "Do you even know who you are?" he asked pointedly.

She paused and swallowed hard, "Often not."

He nodded. "I can help guide you with that if you'd let me. But you have to listen to me as well."

"I feel sometimes you just want to make me like Bellatrix...or Narcissa."

"I have told you that is not the case before. You are misunderstanding my intentions here. It's not that I want you to model yourself after Narcissa. I understand that you are much more modern in your style then Narcissa. We should hone that style for you into something tasteful and well done, but not as conventional as Narcissa. Paris actually suits you."

"I'm looking forward to visiting there."

"Are you?"

"I am," she shifted again. "May I go shopping?"

He laughed, "Yes, of course. I wouldn't deny you that."

"I can use my money if you'd like."

"You will use my money," he declared, "your Black inheritance is still in a trust. We wouldn't want the papers to gossip that I married you for your wealth."

"Can't have that," she retorted. "What else shall we do in Paris?"

"You shall see," he told her.

"Oh, very well," she made a face.

"That reminds me," he reached into the pockets of his robes and pulled out her wand. "Dolohov gave me this."

She grimaced, taking her wand. "Did he tell you?"

"Yes."

"Are you quite displeased?"

He tilted his head back and forth, before rising, "Come," he ordered as he held out his hand to her. She grabbed it and he pulled her up and lead her to the hall.

"How is your pain?"

"It is tolerable."

"Do you feel as if you can duel me now?"

"Do I ever feel that way?"

He gave her a small smile, "Point taken. If I modify my power to suit your level, then do you think you can duel me?"

"Well, that depends," she countered, "What are the consequences if I lose my wand to you?"

He gave her a pointed look, "Take out your wand now."

"Fine," she took out her wand.

"On three. One, two..."

But before he came to three, Sarah had already cast her first spell, which Voldemort deflected.

"Oh my," he said, in between spars. Sarah was giving it her best effort and yet still there was a moment where her confidence wavered and under a rather tame knee locking hex, her wand quite flew out of her hand, clattering to the floor.

"What the hell?" Voldemort demanded. "What happened?"

She bit her lip and shrugged.

"Do you just give up?" his voice rang throughout the hall.

"I lost my wand," she retorted back.

"That's rubbish. A few months ago, you have attempted to retrieve it before I cast another spell. It was on the floor, not in my hand. What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I'm not as skilled as you thought I was. Perhaps, I am faltering under expectations."

"That's enough of that!" Voldemort said, "I concur with Dolohov."

"What did Dolohov say?"

"That you are out of practice and your magic hasn't fully matured. He will train you. I will check in occasionally to make sure you are living up to your full potential."

"Pawn me off on Dolohov once again."

Before she knew it she was being flown and pin to the nearest wall, him taking long strides to join her. He hovered over her, his breath on her neck. "Your mouth, while ever charming, will be the death of you, wife. I thought you were determined not to fight. Then why the fighting words?"

She remained quiet.

"Sarah!" he admonished.

She began to cry, her chest heaving underneath the sobs.

"Control yourself."

"If it was only that easy!" she sniffed hard. "You asked who I am. I don't know who I am. I thought I was one thing and now, I don't know. But bloody hell, I know I am vulnerable. And I hate how it feels."

She felt herself being released from the wall.

"That is why Dolohov is going to train you. Stop being so defensive. I'm not angry at you. Your vulnerability was my error in judgement. I should have made sure you felt that you could protect yourself once I gave your wand back to you. I made assumptions and I forgot that your magical ability has not reached maturation. It's nothing to be embarassed about. What you should be embarassed about is the constant resistance you give me at every turn. I am the one who cares the most about you."

"What do you mean?"

"Dolohov told me about your father's visit."

"He was distraught."

"I know, which is why I only opted for a rebuke, not more stringent punishsment. But your father has clearly has other priorities now."

"He still cares for me."

"Yes, but his care is divided now, is it not?"

"What of it?"

"I'm saying, I want to bestow on you all my favor, Sarah. Allow me to." He traced her jaw line, "At least think of it."

"Okay, I will," she whispered.

He handed her wand, "Now, again..."

* * *

"What do you think?" Voldemort's breath was upon her neck as he stood behind her, Sarah studying the magical portriat with interest.

"It's quite abstract, isn't it? Grotesque almost," she frowned. "What do you think it represents?"

"The death of our magical world," he offered.

"Then it is tragic, is it not?"

"A tragedy I wish to prevent, my wife."

"I hear you," she said, quietly, before changing the subject, "My Lord."

"Yes?"

"I didn't know there were magical art museums."

"Are you serious?" He laughed, "Hogwarts is filled with paintings, did you not stop to study them?"

She looked at him, incrediously, "No, actually."

"Too busy pranking with the Weasley twins?"

"Not exactly. I was just uninterested I guess."

"You poor uncultured girl."

She shot him a frosty look before headed to the next room filled with impressionist paintings, "this is more my style."

He gave her a small, amused smile, "I can see that." He eyed her dress. The black capped sleeve, tea length dress has sweeping strokes of painted flowers on the hem in a dramatic effect. Paired with a long beaded purple necklace and black heels, she did look quite fashionable.

"It is not my fault if I don't like dark themes," she went to move to a portriat of flowers swirling in the wind, but Voldemort stopped her with a gesture of his hand.

"Come. Show me what you see in it."

"Besides the mix of colors?"

"Yes, besides that. Why does this speak to you over that one over there? What does it make you feel?"

She studied it for several moments, her back straightening, "It reminds me of what it is like to be free," her voice was heavy with emotion.

He put an arm around her waist and drew her into her side, "From me?"

"Or from myself. I do not know. I don't know if there was ever a time that I can remember in the distant past that I did not feel the weight of expectations."

"It is burdesome."

"Indeed."

She pulled away from him, but he shot out his hand, gripping her own.

"What can I do?"

"I'm not sure."

"Try."

She continued to look at the painting carefully, twirling her necklace around her fingers with her free hand, "I think I've gotten distracted from my goals."

"So we must have you seriously pursue your potions career. Will that make you happier?"

"Yes, I think so."

"And then what...?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes."

"I suppose I want to be treated as a person, not as your property. You have smothered me these months to break me and I understand why you did. I was out of control. But I have reconciled myself with this...so...I see glimpses of you trying to ease your grip on me, but I am afraid that..."

"You will get comfortable and I will take it away from you?"

"Yes."

He drew in his breath, "I will make a concerted effort not to do so. What else?"

She gave him a weary look but he nodded for her to continue being frank with him.

"I'm lonely, my Lord. I want you to talk to me like you used to."

"Like I did at Malfoy Manor?"

"Yes."

"I thought those times were bothersome for you."

"Troubling, not bothersome. Troubling because I found you interesting...and engaging." She swallowed hard. Admitting that had not been easy.

"I see," he squeezed her hand, "Come. Let us go back to the hotel. I wish to speak to you about a sensitive matter."

She looked concerned but didn't offer an argument to that. They were silent as they apparated back to the hotel.

Sarah slipped off her heels as she sat on the small couch and he poured her a glass of wine.

"It's the middle of the day," she protested.

"Trust me. You will need this," he sent it to her which she retrieved easily.

"Are you mad at me?" she stared at the wine.

"No. Drink the wine." He poured himself some brandy taking a few long sips. "I need to confide in you."

She tucked a leg underneath her, and took a generous sip of wine. "I'm listening."

"Bellatrix and I..." he stopped and then went to sit next to her on the couch, sitting the brandy down. He took her wine glass and sat it down next to it. "I don't want you to drop it," he explained at her quizzical look.

"Okay. Just tell me, my Lord. You and Bellatrix..." she prompted, again absently twirling her necklace.

"Have a child."

"Merlin," She took a breath and raised her hand for a moment, "Just give me a moment to process this."

"I know it must be a shock."

"May I?" Not waiting for a response, she reached for his brandy and finished the tumbler.

"You will feel that."

"I'm sure," she took another breath, "How is this possible?"

"You know we were intimate often."

"Of course, that's not what I am asking," she retorted, "Clearly, I know the logistics of how a child is made. How was this kept a secret?"

"Concealment charms and the like," he waved her off. "It is not that difficult."

"Concealment charms," she murmurred, "I see." She reached for his tumbler and went over to the decanter, pouring more for him and then fumbled through the cabinet and pulled out firewhiskey. She poured some in small shot glass.

She handed the brandy back to the Dark Lord and eyed the firewhiskey.

"Best take it in quickly," he advised.

She nodded and took a shot of it, sputtering.

He summoned some water which she drank.

She put the water down and then turned to him. "Could you start at the beginning?"

He nodded and than began to tell her the entirety of the tale, she listening intently and asking several questions.

"Why haven't you made the child your heir?"

"I told you before...I don't want that insanity for my heir."

"You have no idea that the child would be so. Nature verses nurture and such."

"Do you think that I would be nurturing as a father?"

"Not particularly, though I think you could be fond of the child," she twisted her hands, "But I would be as her stepmother. Bring her to us. Surely she would be better raised by her family than strangers. I'm her cousin and you are her father."

"Would you raise Bellatrix's child?" he frowned, contemplatively.

"Of course, I would."

He let out his breath, "Sarah...sometimes, you are just so...pure." he reached to twirl a strand of her hair.

"You mistake me."

"How is that?"

"I may feel that way towards the child, but you have given me so much freedom today in regards to her mother."

He studied her flushed face. "Explain."

"There was a part of me that felt so much guilt for killing her. Don't get me wrong, I would do it again, but now, I have no regrets over doing so."

"How is that?" he frowned.

"She knew!" Sarah shifted, passionately, "Don't you understand?"

"I don't follow..."

"I thought she must not have understood that my child was actually a child...because she never knew what it felt like to have a child growing inside of you and the bond. It was expendiable because she couldn't conceptually understand that she was actually killing a child, but she knew, my Lord. Oh, she knew. And she did it anyway. She was morally reprehensible. And she deserved everything she got. And before you scold me, I will not sway from this. And you must allow me to feel all the hate and bitterness I feel for that woman."

"Must I?" he asked, amused.

"Yes."

"I'm not used to taking orders from anyone, let alone my wife."

"I didn't know had prior experience to marriage," she said, innocently, "Any thing else you wish to tell me?"

"No, you are my very first in this regard," he responded, leaning over and kissing her, "I will allow your due of hate and bitternesss towards Bella."

"Thank you," she said, her hand on his knee. "And I will raise her child the way I wish. She is turning in her grave for sure over that fact."

"Merlin, help us, Sarah Grace. I was unware that you could be so conniving in addition to all your other many charms."

"But our child will be legitimate. And will be your heir."

"Yes."

"Good."

"I will make arrangments to bring the child to our manor in the coming weeks."

"I will work on the preparations for her arrival. We need furnishings and clothes and toys and such. But not a nanny..."

"Sarah," he growled, "she must have a nanny."

She waved her hand, "I can care for her with the house elves. She needs a mother and a father, not a nanny. What is her name?"

"Delphi."

"That's pretty," she said, dropping her head on his shoulder, "Oh Merlin, I feel smashed."

"Brandy and firewhisky and your low tolerance for alcohol is not a good combination."

"Thanks for confiding in me though. It actually means alot to me. Is that silly?"

"You're welcome. And no, I don't think it is foolish at all."

* * *

Dolohov greeted her in the hallway, gesturing to her with an incline of his head. She followed him into the library.

"What is it?" she asked, hugging her arms against her.

"Yaxley and Carrow are not happy with your presence in this meeting," Dolohov warned. "You need to send them a message that you aren't to be trifled with or they will never stop trying to undermine you."

"The Dark Lord knows people in his inner circle don't like me. He will defend me, Antonin."

"Regardless, you must assert yourself as his wife and as one of us for the rest of us to respect you. It is imperative, Sarah."

"But..."

"I know he told you about his child and that is a victory for you. But you must not mistake your private closeness to one that will translate publically in his inner circle. You must earn that respect and place at his table."

"How will I possibly do that?" she searched his eyes.

"You'll figure out how," Dolohov gave her a look over, "Is that what you are wearing?" he asked, frowning.

She was wearing a black pair of slacks and a purple top.

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's drab."

"I wasn't aware this was a social event," she retorted.

"It is business, but it is also social."

"Well then what should I wear?"

"Go find a dress," Dolohov advised, "one that you know the Dark Lord likes. Fix your hair and choose a necklace."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because it will please him and that is the first step of making him more amendable to you over them. You have him in your bed, they do not."

"I don' t have him in my bed this week," she shot back.

"Yes," Dolohov gave her a smile, "but you'd be better to show him what he is missing and perhaps you can convince him of a reprieve."

"That's doubtful," Sarah winced, a stab of pain reminding her of the three days left she has.

"How are you feeling, mon petit chou?"

"He's made it tolerable this week when it gets too bad, but still have three days to go," She paused, "Do you really think I need to change?"

"Yes. But hurry, you don't want to be late."

She took a breath, "It will be fine, yes?"

"Keep your wits about you and you'll be fine."

"Thank you, Antonin."

"Hurry, mon petit chou," he waved her off and she left quickly to go change.

* * *

She stood in the doorway of the dining room, her heels clicking against the hardwood floors. The navy dress was capped sleeved, v necked. The top of the dress was magically enhanced to be sheer in certain angles, shimmering in the light. The skirt portion of the dress wrapping around her waist into a bow sash and hitting her below the knees, but she paired it with a stunning gold sculpture like necklace that The Dark Lord had given to her earlier. She pinned her hair in a messy bun and tied it with a thin navy ribbon bow.

"Sarah, come in," Voldemort interrupted her hovering at the doorway. "We are almost all here."

"I do hope I am not too late, my Lord," she responded as she curtsied, her heart thumping in her chest. She hoped her nervousness did not show, but she took great care to moderate her expression.

He met her eyes, giving her a look of approval at her dress, his eyes hovering over the top portion of her dress, long enough for her to know that he had wished she had chosen to forgo her bra, but knew she wasn't quite that bold considering her father was also in this meeting.

However, when he talked, his voice was smooth, "Of course not, right on time, dear one. Have a seat," he gestured to the table where he was sitting at the head.

Sarah took in her surroundings. There was an empty seat in between Draco and Severus, but she opted to walk around the table behind the Dark Lord, to the empty seat next to Dolohov, who was sitting in the coveted position to the right of the Dark Lord. She did so even though she knew that Nott was now on her right.

Voldemort raised his eyebrow at her as she walked past him, but remained silent about her choice. She also saw momentarily the look of study on Snape's face and she could tell that he was actively trying to work out her motive. It would have been all to easy to take the comfortable seat beside her father and ex-husband, two men that she knew would protect her at all costs, but she knew that she must heed Dolohov's advice and to be seen as her own independent force- not simply Snape's daughter.

"Sarah," Dolohov rose and gave her the traditional faire la bisa.

"How are you?" he asked, as he pulled out the chair for her.

"Very well, thank you. How are you?" she answered as she sat.

"Quite well," he pushed in the chair for her.

"I'm so glad to hear it. Thank you."

He nodded and sat down and then commensed to drum at the table impatiently.

She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Carrow had sat up a bit straighter at the friendly exchange between the two of them. Yaxley looked uncomfortable as well at the clear alliance between the two of them.

She leaned over to whisper in Dolohov's ear, causing him to chuckle and whisper back to her, her eyes never leaving Yaxley through the whole exchange.

She laughed softly and then glanced at the Dark Lord, who inclined his head at her. He knew exactly what she and Dolohov were both up to and he was waiting to see how this would all play out- the politics and allegiances between those vying for his favor and wondering if she would have the gumption to assert herself into the mix even when clearly coaxed by the ever persuasive Dolohov.

Avery and Lucius had arrived and now they were set to begin. It was to be noted that now she was the only woman at the table, something that didn't surprise her, but made her even more aware of the distinct favor he was showing her to allow her to be present in this meeting.

Voldemort cleared his thoat, "Let us begin with reports. Severus."

Snape began to droll off a report about the status of curriculum at Hogwarts, followed by a report from Lucius and Draco about the political happenings at the ministry.

"My Lord, if I may," Yaxley interrupted, before he could call on anyone else, "It has been too quiet of late. I think it is another time to stage an attack on the muggles."

Sarah sat up straighter in her chair, but her expression didn't change to her credit. She did realize that as Yaxley announced it, Voldemort's eyes remained on her. She knew she had to tread carefully as she sensed it was a trap.

"There hasn't been an incident of late for us to retaliate," Snape countered, trying to speak before Sarah could interject her thoughts.

"Does there need to be an incident?" Yaxley entreated, "their very existance is a very reason for us to do whatever we want." His eyes weren't on the Dark Lord, but on her from across the table. He was weighing a challenge to her. Moreover everyone at the table knew it was such.

Her mind raced as she tried to work out what to do as she transfered her wand from hand to hand underneath the table. Feeling revitalized from the few days of training that the Dark Lord and Antonin had gave her, she quickly slipped her wand onto Dolohov's lap underneath the table. Although she knew he was surprised by the move, he didn't react.

"My Lord, may I speak?" Sarah asked, her face flushing ever so slightly as all eyes turned to her.

He nodded. "By all means. You have a voice at this table."

She steeled her emotions and took a deep breath, willing her voice to be firm and steady, "My Lord, it's foolhardy for you to initiate an attack just because Yaxley is bored and wants to terrorize muggles."

"Here she goes again- defending them," Carrow drawled.

"I am doing no such thing," she insisted, but her heart started beating rapidly now.

"It is all you have done since you arrived here. I'd say either that or we look into targeting members of the resistance," Yaxley quickly said, "They are traitors. Why aren't we looking for Potter's friends- Granger and Weasley?"

"You touch a hair on Hermione or Ron's head and you will have more of a problem than you would ever believe."

"From you?" Carrow laughed. "Doubtful."

"Not from me," she snapped, "from a public relations perspective."

"Who cares about that?" Yaxley chuckled.

"Well, perhaps you should."

"That sounds like an excuse to protect muggles and members of the Order."

"Rubbish," Sarah dismissed, " I, unlike you two, are thinking of the interests of the Dark Lord, which by the way, happen to be my own, since he is _my_ husband," her voice was forceful.

Yaxley didn't respond to that and she felt emboldened, so she turned to address Voldemort directly, "My Lord, you want to be respected for the leader you are...and I happen to think that you can stand on your own merits, without having to resort to invoking fear to get the respect of the wizarding world. My Lord, I know how Yaxley's plan will play out with the rest of the wizarding world. An unprovoked attack on the muggles will make it look like you rule on a whims. Going after Ron or Hermione when there is no evidence to state that they are trying to stage a rebellion makes you look spiteful."

"And I think, a good reminder of who is in control, solidifies your power, which I think we all want. Unless she doesn't," Yaxley said, his eyes on her once again, "Do you?" he challenged.

"I have the mark just like every one of you. I have pledged my alligance to him."

"You haven't earned a place here. You couldn't even complete a simple mission for him, your heart was so tender toward the muggles."

Sarah fell quiet, trying to contemplate her next move. But then Yaxley inclined his head towards the Dark Lord, "See what I mean? Her weakness is written all over her face. Why would we even listen to her?"

She stood suddenly and waved her hand, the choking spell, knocking him over. He began to gasp for air, her hand still clenching, keeping the spell. "Are you listening now?" she growled at him, squeezing harder.

She forced herself not look anywhere but at Yaxley, knowing she would see the absolutely shocked looks that Draco and Snape didn't bother to hide and afraid she would lose her nerve. She could, however, see out of the corner of her eye, that the Dark Lord had quickly stood, but didn't not move to intervene yet, so she continued. "Have you had enough yet?"

He waved his hand, acquiescing to her, but still she kept up the spell, just to scare him some. Voldemort had stood and moved to her side, taking her hand and unclenching it forcefully. "Enough," his voice was stern.

She dropped her hand and then waved it to send some water in Yaxley's direction. "I'm sorry. I thought we were into torturing people just for the hell of it. Silly me."

Voldemort squeezed her hand, "I think Yaxley has received your point, dear one." He dropped her hand.

"Where is your wand?" Carrow asked, his voice disbelieving.

Dolohov tossed her wand on the table, must to everyone's shock. "She had placed it in my lap once Yaxley started berating her."

"You did that without your wand?" Carrow asked.

"Yes," she shrugged, "The Dark Lord has tasked Dolohov with training up my magic. I know I have quite a ways to go."

"Not as far as you think," Voldemort pulled out her chair for her again, straightening it. "Now sit and let us discuss this reasonably without such unwanted divisions. We are stronger together. We must remember that," he pushed in his chair.

Yaxley coughed, "My apologies, my Lord."

"I understand Sarah's presence here will be an adjustment for all of us, but I chose her. And as you can see, she is most worthy of my mark," he affectionately rubbed her neck, his hand and moving up to the back of her head, underneath her bun, "Isn't she?"

"Indeed," Yaxley took another sip of water, "My apologies..." he paused, "my lady."

She waved her hand, her wand popping back into it, "Think nothing over it. Sorry about your neck. I do hope it will not be too sore." She placed her wand on her lap.

"Very good. Let's move on," Voldemort took his seat back at the head of the table, "Lucius, while I agree with Sarah that Granger and Weasley are not the problem, I'm concerned about the reports of the resistance gaining momentum in certain areas of the country. Could you speak to that for us?"

Lucius began to speak but Sarah's mind was not on the conversation, finally shaken at what she allowed herself to do.

 _What was she becoming?_ Her hand began to tremble under the table.

She could feel Dolohov's hand on her arm, stilling it, worried that the others would pick up on her distress.

Dolohov leaned over to whisper in her ear, "Keep your composure, mon petit chou. It is better this way. Rest assured, you won't be trifled with by Yaxley again."

She swallowed hard, but nodded her agreement.

* * *

"You were brilliant," Dolohov assured her, later, pouring her a drink in the sitting room later.

Her hands shook, "Do you think?"

"Do I think?" Dolohov laughed, "Did you see their faces?"

She took another sip and then winced as she sat on the sofa. "Damn it. I think the potion wore off."

Dolohov frowned, "Are you in great pain?"

"Headed there."

"Stand for a moment," he said, reaching down to help her up. He surveyed her, "You do look lovely. You take instruction well. The Dark Lord should be calling you to him momentarily to discuss what happened. Go to your room and take off your undergarments."

She blushed and groaned.

"Do you want relief or not?" he asked, firmly.

"There is no way he will give in three days early."

"Care to wager on it?" Dolohov said, finishing his drink and then taking hers. "You pleased him tonight by so commandingly taking your place among us. This is your opportunity. Do not let the chance slip by."

She paused, "You are right. It is worth a try."

"That's a good girl. Give it a good go," he leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Have a pleasant evening."

"Thank you again, Antonin."

"You are quite welcome."

* * *

"Did you want to see me, my Lord?" she asked later as she got the summons to see him.

He crooked his finger, beckoning to her to his side. "I'm glad you didn't change," he said, when she approached him. His eye caught her top, "though I do see you discarded some garments since I saw you last."

She took a breath, "Yes." She took another breath, sensing her chance. "Is that an unwelcome change?"

"No indeed," he assured her.

"Good," she kissed him, surprising him, but his arm went around her waist, pinning her against him.

"Hm," he pulled away after a few moments, "I want to know something," he kissed her again.

"What's that?" she reached to pull his hand up to place it strategically on her chest.

"What possessed you in there?" he asked, nuzzling her neck.

"He was challenging me. I thought you would want me to rise to the occasion."

"Rise you did," he said, his fingers dancing across her. "What do you want as your reward?"

"What do _you_ want?"

"You know what I want," he said.

"Then take it, my Lord," she told him. "I'm yours."

He kissed her mark and then her rings. "I know what you are doing."

"Does it matter? Why hold out when I am giving you what you are want? You have still won here. So what if it is mutually beneficial to us both?"

"Your logic is always quite sound."

"Often," She smiled.

"You are making me soft," he growled in her ear.

"I don't believe so," she said, pulling away to give him a look.

"You witty wench," he laughed, before turning her around and making quick work of her dress, pulling her down on the floor with him.

* * *

"Sarah," he rubbed her thigh, "I have a meeting."

She groaned, "Oh very well."

"You look shattered," he mused, a bit smugly.

"Perhaps."

"Why don't you go to bed? Don't wait up."

She wrinkled her nose, "Are you really leaving?"

"I will be back soon," he kissed her fingers. "What's the matter? You look pensive and you aren't even trying to hide your concern. It must be weighing heavily on you."

"It's just...I asserted myself pretty heavily in the mix with your inner circle, my Lord," she shifted gingerly. "I will be here by myself."

"Are you concerned for your safety?" Voldemort frowned, "I don't think Yaxley will be challenging you anytime soon."

"You didn't think Wormtail would either and we know what happened there." She bit her lip hard, tasting blood.

"None of that," he touched her lips, "I'll send Dolohov to wait here until I get back."

She nodded, "Thank you," She rose. "I'm going to go take a shower."

"I'll tell him," Voldemort said, swatting her backside. "Sarah."

She turned. "Yes, my Lord?"

"I was enormously proud of you at the meeting. And then again just now. You are becoming exactly what I have hoped for you. And I am so very pleased."

"I'm so glad," she gave him a small smile, "Have a good meeting, my Lord."

"I will, thank you, little one."

* * *

She knew that she had been in the shower too long, but she chose to let the warm water rush over her, her mind wandering to the previous hour. Merlin help her, she gave into him tonight, first at the meeting and then later. He had been uncharacteristically slow and giving in their intimacy, patiently entering the recesses of her mind, figuring out exactly how to melt her defenses, those she had unknowingly constructed, until he coaxed her into unraveling under the weight of his attention.

She knew it has pleased him immensely, but still she felt like she betrayed herself. She felt so dirty.

She began to cry as she tried to scrape away the feeling of his touch from her skin, making scratch marks all over her, willing him off of her.

She heard Dolohov knock on the door, but still she scratched and rubbed turning her skin raw.

"Merlin," Dolohov shut off the water with his wand, "What have you done to yourself?"

"I feel so dirty. I have to get clean."

"Not this way," He reached for a towel and wrapped it around her, "What have you done, mon petit chou?"

"I'm selling myself to him," she sobbed into his shoulder as he held her against him. "And I hate myself for being so weak to give into him. I hate myself!"

"Shh," he hushed her, "It's a natural reaction for you to respond to him."

"There is nothing natural about this!" she exclaimed. "He is at least three times my age and evil, Antonin."

"And he is your husband. And our leader," Antonin squeezed her and then pulled her away shaking her, "Compose yourself, now."

"I cannot!"

"You must!" he shook her again, "You cannot let him see you like this. He'll torture you or beat you. And all the progress you have made with him in this week will be for naught!"

"Would anyone care?" she challenged, "Would you care?"

"Oh mon petit chou," his harsh expression softened, as he pushed back her wet plastered hair and then gripped her chin. "I'd care."

She paused for several moments, before saying, almost inaudibly, "I'm glad."

"Do not flog yourself over this," he said, his voice low, "You must continue to do exactly what you are doing."

"And what's that?"

"Choosing to live," he said, gripping her arms.

She closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths, knowing that he was right. And she would continue to choose to live. For she had no other choice.

"Fix me. And please never tell him. It would erase all the goodwill he has had towards me."

He kissed her gently on each cheek and then gripped her chin, pushing it up, "Chin up. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are beautiful. But if you ever do this to yourself again, I will tell him. Do you understand?"

She nodded. "I'm grateful to you, Antonin. It was a lapse in judgement. A moment of weakness. It will not happen again."

He released her chin, "See that it does not. However, I doubt you will think my next move will be thanking me."

"Why?"

"I'm calling your father. I'm fairy well adept at healing charms, but he will be able to ensure that there are no traces of scratches or rub burns on you."

"No," Sarah squealed, "you musn't. We haven't talked about what he said when he was...indisposed. And I know he disapproves of how I acted at the inner circle."

"Do you want the Dark Lord to find out or not? Whose displeasure would you rather face?"

She frowned, "Neither," she grumbled.

He chuckled and kissed her hand, "Come, mon petit chou. Let us make you more presentable. Your towel is falling off and you haven't even noticed."

Her face flamed as she noticed that she was sitting there naked in front of him and didn't even care. "It is nothing you haven't seen before."

"Yes," He nodded, "But you are tempting me above tolerance. And for both of our sakes, I need to find your dressing gown. He trusts us. We cannot betray that."

He rose and went out into the bedroom, a robe flying to her. And in that moment, she knew they had to be careful. Because she had let him in just as much as she let the Dark Lord in this past week. And that breech was potentially dangerous for her heart and for Dolohov's life.

A/N2: Please review

 _Up next_ : Snape and Sarah have a heart to heart, and Narcissa and Snape's child is born.


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